The Future Caught Up With Me

I've been a little frustrated lately. This semester is almost over, and even though I said I was taking a break, it looks like I may end up taking a summer class after all. I’ve already signed up for a class, and now I’m just waiting to hear about my financial aid. It looks like I won’t be getting as much help as I did last year so if that holds true till fall when I have to reapply for aid then there’s a chance my whole “transfer plan” might be set back a semester or two. I refuse to take out a student loan because I don’t want to owe money once I finish school so I’m forced to work with what they give me.

Along with that news I also received an email from an advisor at our local university that left me even more confused about my future transfer. So for now I’ve just been trying to focus on getting myself through these last two weeks in order to enjoy a few weeks off before classes start again. That being said, these “set backs” have really thrown me for a loop. I’ve spent these last few days really looking at my life. I feel like I’m seeing it for the first time through a completely different point of view and it hasn’t been pretty.

If you would have told me at 16 or 17 that this is where my life was headed I probably would have laughed at you, and then threw some obscenities in your direction. Not because I didn’t want to be married or have a kid, because those were ALWAYS things that I wanted for my future, but because at that time my future was a long ways away. I had PLENTY of time to think about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had plenty of time to decide what I wanted for my future. And until that time came, I was just going to live life and enjoy my teenage years.

Here I am, 24 years old, with no plan. I’m still just as clueless as to what I want for my life as I was eight years ago. I always imagined myself having it more together than this. I always imagined myself loving my job, having a five member family by 28, and having our own home. I’ve always pictured myself living a life somewhere besides where I grew up. Being more involved, and making a much bigger difference in the world.

But nothing has turned out the way I imagined. Some things are a thousand times better than what I pictured, and some aren’t at all what I expected. But here I am. And the time is getting closer for me to put on my big girl panties and figure this shit out. With such high stakes, and with my actions affecting more than just me now, I can only hope that I make the right decisions. 

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Wordless Wednesday

Falling Behind

Oops! Sorry for skipping on Monday's post. :) It's been a lazy and yet hectic weekend that I'm just now recovering from. Thursday Emery broke out in a rash and started running a fever of 102.5. Yikes! She was covered in red bumps, and she was constantly crying because her skin itched. I checked her mouth for sores because I remember reading these information posters in the doctor’s office about the difference between chickenpox and measles. Sure enough she had sores in her mouth, and this mom almost freaked out. My poor baby girl was exhausted and in pain for the entire day and night. Thankfully, on Friday we were able to see the doctor and it turns out it wasn't measles but instead it was Hand Foot & Mouth, again. Oh, yay.

Our weekend was pretty much spent in bed. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Em sleep so much. Not that I’m complaining because I used most of my time to read, sleep, and catch up on my homework. But every time she’d wake up, she was not at all thrilled. Miss Grumpy Pants was in full blown terror mode. It was not pleasant. On the bright side, her rash is almost all gone and she hasn’t had a fever in 24 hours. Too bad her attitude problem didn’t disappear along with the rash. She’s been testing our limits ever since she started feeling better. :(

Last week I fell a little behind on school. My tutoring hours are in desperate need of some attention, and my English essay’s were way behind. So I caught up as much as I could yesterday, and sent emails to my professors letting them know what’s going on. Thankfully, they were understanding. It’s crazy to think that in 3 weeks this semester will already be over. It went by pretty fast, and it really wasn’t my best semester. I’m a little disappointed with how unorganized I was, and how I turned things in late this time around. So, I’ve decided to take the summer off from school. I’ve been stressing over making sure we have money enough money without having to dip into our savings too much. But having to drive all the way up to Weatherford twice a week has been hell on my gas budget. So a summer break with not having to spend that extra money will be a nice relief to our wallets. Once my husband gets a job, I’ll hit the fall semester head on again. My plan is to finish up my basics in less than a year before having to transfer. :)

Thankfully, my dad is currently in talks with a supervisor on getting my husband hired on at FMC. My dad and brother had to fly out to Georgia this week to work on pumps out of state, so we won’t hear anything in regards to the job until he gets back. And even then, it could still be another month before my husband's working again. Still, I’m staying optimistic! Fingers crossed! I know that the right thing will fall into place when the time is right. I just have to be patient. Which also brings me to our decision of not having me apply for the job in Bakersfield. As awesome as it would have been, realistically it would not have been the best decision for us. It would have been an impulse decision based on wants, not needs.

So that about wraps it up for me. Sorry for lack of pictures, but as you can see I’ve fallen behind. So any that I took this weekend are still in my camera just waiting to be uploaded. I'm hoping after this week things will slow down and I’ll go back to normal. Hope everyone else had a wonderful weekend!

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Happy 420!

Happy 420 to all of the pot heads, and former pot heads out there! As many already know, I'm a supporter for pro-legalization of marijuana in the United States.  :) Although I don't currently smoke anymore, because it's illegal in the state of Texas and I don't believe it's worth losing my daughter over, I did in fact smoke before becoming pregnant. Not on a daily basis, but enough. People who didn't know that I smoked, never knew that I did because I didn't look like your typical "stoner". So, I'm pleased to say that I broke that stereotype. :) But, as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I quit. The consequences of "getting busted", or losing my job just weren't worth it to me anymore.

Do I miss it? Not really. Will I ever smoke again? Maybe. Do I think it's dangerous? No more than alcohol or cigarettes. It's just gotten a bad rap. And just like with anything else, there are people who would/ do abuse it. That's just life though. So in honor of April 20th, I recently integrated my marijuana page with an essay that I had to write at the beginning of the spring semester for my English class. It's updated, with more current facts and statistics. Enjoy. ♥

::::Edit::::

I've taken the page down, and have instead posted the essay below. 

Book Review- Fifty Shades of Grey

Overview

When literature student Anastasia Steele goes to interview young entrepreneur Christian Grey, she encounters a man who is beautiful, brilliant, and intimidating. The unworldly, innocent Ana is startled to realize she wants this man and, despite his enigmatic reserve, finds she is desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Ana’s quiet beauty, wit, and independent spirit, Grey admits he wants her, too—but on his own terms.

Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates. For all the trappings of success—his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his loving family—Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical affair, Ana discovers Christian Grey’s secrets and explores her own dark desires.
Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever.

My Review

*spoilers ahead*

Christian Grey is a cocky man. Good looking, charming, and wealthy. But, he’s a control freak in every aspect of the word. And Miss Steele, being a virgin AND having zero relationship experience, has no idea what she’s getting herself into. The man has a secret BDSM lifestyle complete with a ND clause, and instead of “running for the hills” as he has expected her to she decides that she can handle a little pain in order to keep him. No romance. No vanilla. No flowers. No real relationship. But, things get tricky. As she starts to explore his world there are some things she unexpectedly likes, some that she absolutely hates, and some things that bring her to her knees (literally). All the while, Mr. Grey finds himself changing as well. Being a man that has never let emotion or “feelings” dictate his life, he finds himself breaking his own rules for her. But their “relationship” can only last this way for so long before one of them breaks.

Wow. I’ve heard A LOT about this book recently. Apparently a lot of moms are getting really into the trilogy. It’s even being credited for “spicing” things up in many couples bedroom’s and I can see why. This book is pretty erotic. The main character was actually very relate-able. Though sometimes I found myself wanting her to be more in control. To stand up for herself a bit more. And on occasion to flat out tell the man "NO".  But she apparently loves him, and we all know that people do stupid shit when their in love. So, I accepted it. But, from the get go, you find yourself blushing just by reading the events taking place. I've never had that happen before. Giddy and excited? Yes. But blushing? Not that I can remember. Just reading about the lengths this woman goes to in order to please Mr. Grey, almost make you want to go take a shower after reading it. Either because your slightly turned on or you feel kind of dirty. Either way, this book was quite enjoyable. I found it really hard to put it down. Definitely recommend this book. 

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

Wordless Wednesday

An Offer That I May Have to Refuse...

This morning, my dad showed me a document that was given to him by the company he works for about a job opening. The position is for a Customer Service Representative but it’s in Bakersfield, CA. He asked me if I would want to take it. He told me to think about it, the money was good, and if I decided I wanted it he’d put in a word for me. Now, my dad has a lot of pull when it comes to hiring. He’s not a suit either. He works in the factory, and he’s in there making the parts with all the other works. But when it comes to emergency repairs, hiring new people, and training they always come to him. He’s the go to guy. So for him to “put in a word” more often than not will guarantee me the position.

At first, I was so ecstatic that I almost said yes. We'd finally be back in California!! Maybe not exactly where we had hoped, but still it would be in CALIFORNIA! That idea alone was enticing. But then I realized I can’t just say yes. I have to talk to my husband first. There are so many things to consider before making a big leap like that. I have a job here that I wouldn’t want to just quit without giving at least a two weeks notice to. They've been really good to me and I wouldn’t want to just up and leave them hanging. I’m also currently going to school. Moving would probably cause me to be set back and who knows when I’d get back to my studies or if I’d have the time? And since my husband isn’t currently working, a move like that would deplete our savings entirely. This thought alone leaves a bad feeling in my stomach.

So as much as I’d love to say “Yes, let’s do it!” I have to think about things realistically. We have to think about things realistically. Would we be able to make this move? Is it in our best interest, as a family, right now? Should I postpone my studies? None of these I currently have an answer to. My dad told me to take a week to think about it, let him know, and then we’d go from there if I decided I wanted to apply for it. There seem to be so many obstacles and one major decision. This decision could change our lives, or keep us on our current track. Either way I know that no matter what, my husband and I will make the right decision for our family. 

A Mud Run

Before I get into the main topic of my post today, I’d just like to say that our weekend did not go as planned. My husband and I were planning to have a nice night out on Saturday after the mud run. Then we were planning on going to the Aquarium on Sunday morning followed by lunch with a friend and his family. That didn’t happen. And as bummed as we were, we decided we’d just try again in a few weeks. :)  Silver lining.

Dad (far left), Brother (center)

Anyway, this past Saturday my brother and my dad competed in the “Original Mud Run” of Dallas/ Fort Worth with one of five company teams that FMC had formed. Of course, I went to cheer them on, and encourage them as they went through the course. I’m that person that’s running along side whenever possible. Regardless of what people say, those obstacles looked pretty tough. To add to the level of difficulty competitors had to wear pants and combat boots. At first it sounded like it would be pretty fun. Then, I found out that they had signed up for the 10k run not the 5k. Yup, they were insane.

We followed them along and met up at certain obstacles and check points. Emery came along too and she had so much fun. She wanted to keep running with me but after about a mile of us running to meet the guys my mom came and got her because she was thirsty and she looked pretty tired. But she cheered on her grandpa and uncle when she recognized them. It was pretty awesome. I was so proud of my dad and my brother for both kicking a lot of ass on Saturday. One of the conditions placed on teams is that they all had to cross either together or within 15 seconds of each other. And you’re only as strong as your weakest member. So even though they didn’t win a prize or a medal, I’m pretty sure their time was average and they all crossed together. I’m anxiously waiting for the site to post the results.

Unfortunately, a tragedy did take place at the event. A young man went missing and was found in the river on Sunday morning along the course route. Also, a women on one of our coed teams had to be transported out by ambulance during the race. So even though these events are supposed to be fun and challenging, they can be very dangerous. This a result of poor planning, and lack of vigilant personnel. According to the website (and at the event itself) they stated that you didn’t need to know how to swim, there would be lifeguards at each crossing of the Trinity River, alternate routes, plenty of volunteers would be present at the obstacles, and they would have paramedics on site. 

I was there, and none of these were even close to accurate. Ambulances had to be called to the site. I watched at each of the river crossings and there were no lifeguards. Only one alternate route that I could see, and due to only one entry point at each crossing people would all just jump in at once. This caused the rope to be pulled under while people were trying to hold on. Also, many contestants were being accidently pushed off into the river or kicked in the face. There were many “almost” drowning's. There were no volunteers directing the groups, or at every obstacle like there should have been. In fact, one of the 5k “waves” that had gone earlier that day ended up taking the 10k route because many of them didn’t know the route. It was such a jumbled mess. I would think that with such a well known event they would have had better coordinating teams, trained volunteers, and decent safety precautions in place. But I saw none.

My brother saved two people from drowning on Saturday. One of them came up to him after the race and thanked him. He told me that he himself had almost drowned. Now, my brother’s a really good swimmer so this was a shock to me. But he said it was chaotic. He had the air knocked out of him while trying to push a contestant that was struggling to stay afloat out of the water. Had his team mate not turned around and saw him sink, he says he very well could have died. This is such a scary thing for me. To know that someone actually died, in the same “wave” as my brother and father, while crossing the same river hits so close to home. No one saw the man go under. No one on land was paying attention. This very well could have been my dad or my brother. And that’s terrifying. It’s such an awful thing that could have been avoided and I feel awful for the family and friends of this man. It’s also really sad that it took something like this to bring to light the many flaws involved with this event. 

Thankfully, none of our guys were hurt. Thankfully, they all did really well. And thankfully, they all crossed together, as a team. I'm so proud of all of them. They did such a great job.

p.s. With the lack of safety precautions at this event, 

my brother has said that he probably won't participate 

in this specific mud run again unless they coordinate it better. 

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Easter Weekend Photo Dump!

I was finally able to upload my pictures from last weekend. I'm so embarrassed by my appearance in those last two. I look like a damn whale. The only thing that comforts me is knowing that I'm actively changing this. :) 

So here's the photo dump from last weekend, enjoy:  

Progress and Setbacks

Back in February I weighed 170 lbs. I lost 3 lbs., and then in March I went back up. I still haven’t worked up the courage to take another picture of myself (again) to show my progress though. I feel like I have a lot more to go, physically and mentally, before I can do that again. But on the bright side, I have lost weight since I started getting back into my routine. I’ve since lost 5 lbs. in a little over a month. This wasn’t as much as I had hoped, but enough to keep my motivation at “full speed”. I keep having to remind myself that I have to have control if this is going to work. And yet, at the same time, I need to know it’s ok if I go over my calories, or miss a work out so long as I make it up. We all have bad days, and I’m no exception.

For the most part, I’m feeling better. I’m preparing my snacks for the day early in the morning before work. I’ve tried to cut back on my meat intake. I limit myself to either turkey, angus, or chicken breast ONCE a day if at all. The angus is very (very) limited, but sometimes I want need a burger. But the majority of my diet is pretty much veggies and fruits. I also started taking the “back way” to work, which is just a two lane road that cuts through the country. I do this so I won't pass ANY fast food or convenience stores on my way to and from work. This has helped out my wallet, and I don’t make any impulse stops. I still drink my sweet tea BUT I also limit that too. I’ve been doing this for almost two weeks now, and I can feel a change in the way my body feels (inside). I’m not so tired, and my migraines aren’t as frequent. That alone tells me I'm going in the right direction.

But how my body feels (outside) is another matter altogether. I still haven’t gone to see a chiropractor because we really can’t afford to spend the money on a visit right now. So my back continues to be an annoyance. It comes and goes which really irritates me. I can be mid-run when all of a sudden my back feels like it’s about to give out. Have you ever had that sensation where a bone feels like it needs to be popped, but if you bend to much it hurts? Well that’s how my back feels. I’ve tried pushing through the pain in hopes that it would indeed pop, but it never does. It's gotten to the point where I can’t even put Emery in her crib because I can’t bend below the waist without it hurting. I’m hoping as soon as my husband gets his next job, I’ll be able to go have someone “readjust” me and pop my body back in place. Fingers crossed.

Then, I have the issue of shin splints. Or what I think are shin splints. When I was younger and played basketball, I had these two bumps/knots that would appear on my shins. They caused a lot of pain. When I talked to my coach and a doctor (who didn’t actually look me over) they said I had “shin splints”. I iced and I rested, but they didn't go anywhere. The pain subsided. Sometimes, they didn’t hurt at all and the bumps were hardly noticeable. But they never really went away. Even on days that I had no pain at all I could still feel tiny bumps where the bigger ones would usually come in. They haven’t been very bad, and before two weeks ago they hardly ever flared up. But last week, after hitting the one mile mark on Wednesday, I was in pain. My legs would barely carry me and they wobbled a lot. I had to cut my run short.

Now, every time I go for a run, my shins start to really hurt around 1.5 miles. I push through it because I know these bumps are the cause. If they weren’t in existence I would be going much farther and probably a bit faster. I know this because I’m never really tired or out of breath when I stop running. I just can’t handle the shooting pain going up my legs anymore, so I stop. And even afterwards, when I’m just walking to cool down, I get a cramping feeling in them. Not sure if that’s even possible, but it sure does feel like cramping. I’m hoping with some icing that they’ll go back down soon. Or at least stop hurting. I’m also looking into getting new running shoes so maybe that will help? In the end I may just need to go see a doctor to get some meds for them. Either way, I need to figure out something for all of these aches and pains because I’m only 24, and they’re really putting a cramp in my fitness game. And we all know dieting will only get me so far.

Wordless Wednesday

A Three Day Weekend

Do you know what sucks about a three day weekend? Having to go back to work on Monday. Having to hear the alarm go off at 5:30, again, and dragging my ass out of bed to get the day started. Oh, that’s the worst. Why must we have jobs to survive? Why most money rule the world? I could use a whole lot more time at home with my family instead of working to make ends meet. But that’s just me.

So as you might have guessed, I enjoyed my three day weekend. It was lazy, slow, and filled with friends. On Friday, I was able to work in the garden. My grandmother came out to help me, which was nice. We got to talk and she "showed me how it's done" in regards to sowing the ground. I was also able to fit in a run which felt really nice. Lately I’ve been having back issues and leg issues, bending over in the garden has not helped the situation, but I still made my way out there. Then, I finally went down to the storage building and brought out my ladies. Well, with the exception of one that is in need of some new tubes, brakes, and handle bar tape. But soon, she will be up and running with the rest. :) Also on Friday, Emery went on her first boat ride!! I’m a little butt hurt that I wasn’t there for it, but there isn’t anything I can do about it. In the end I’m just glad she had fun.

On Saturday Emery and I spent our time inside and in the garden. After a nice long nap, we painted our toe nails, and I gave myself a little extra “pampering”. By that I mean that I was able to use a facial scrub, tweeze, and lather myself up in nice smelling lotion. That afternoon we celebrated Easter with the Hogan’s. As religious as my family is, they never really plan any types of family gatherings or celebrations anymore. Everyone lives so far off that it’s become more of a hassle to try and get everyone together in one place. So as far as I had planned, I fully expected to be spending the rest of the weekend without even doing an Easter egg hunt for Emery. Then, Olivia called and plans were thrown together very quickly. In less than twenty-four hours, and by Saturday evening, we were all (my family included) gathered at their house.

I always enjoy spending time with them. Over the years we’ve all become like family. Kim and Olivia have been like sisters to me. Once I had to retire my brother from his “sister-that-I-never-had” duties these ladies gladly stepped in, and became the voices of reason in many cases. They’ve heard it all. They’ve been there for me through a lot. And even though Olivia lives hours away we still maintain a friendship. Kim only lives 30 minutes away (with my brother), so I get to see her more often, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy getting to see her any less. Sometimes you just need certain people in your life, and I’m so happy that I have them. We did an Easter egg hunt for Emery, and towards the end of the evening we gathered around the table/bar to talk. It was a perfect evening. I'll have to post pictures of it later because they are still currently in my camera. :)

Sunday, we did absolutely nothing. Emery and I spent a good amount of time eating strawberries, and drinking tea. We had sandwiches for lunch and I actually made burgers for dinner. Whoa, bet you didn’t think I could cook, huh? Well, your right. Unless it has instructions, I’m pretty useless. Then, Em insisted we go out for a walk before the evening was over. By the end of the night, I was dreading Monday morning. And when the alarm went off, I was almost tempted to call in just so I could sleep in for just one more day. But my conscience got the best of me. And because of this, I was dragging the entire day. Hence why I did not post.

Anyway, I hope everyone else had a wonderful Easter weekend!

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Words

Last year I came across this blog that really made me happy. Her writing was simply amazing, her photography was beautiful, and her stories were so vivid. It’s as if you could sit back and see these events she talked about come to life as you read them. Truly amazing. She had such a way with words. I found myself wishing that I could be more like her. She was very free spirited, and filled with a lot of love. She was always so honest about her life, how she felt, her family, and what she did. She really made me feel like I needed to be more like that. Take things in stride; spend more time with my family. Enjoy just being. After reading a few of her posts I found myself wanting to go all the way back to the very beginning of her blog just to catch up on everything I had missed out on. And I did.

Six months ago, she quit writing. She had her reasons, which again she was honest about, and even though I understood them I still felt really sad. Here was this person, who through her blog had inspired me to take a step back and enjoy my life, and she was quitting. I’m sure she has no clue just how much she helped me out, but she really did. She talked about image, motherhood, and life in general. Her posts made me feel like I wasn’t completely alone. I wasn’t the only person feeling that way. Sometimes I miss how her words could make me feel a bit lighter after having a bad day.

Now, I’m not saying that I was obsessed (ok, maybe just little bit), or that I can’t live without that blog in my life. Obviously it’s just a blog. But have you ever found those writers who you wished you could just sit down and have a conversation with? How you know that if you ever met in person, you’d probably be friends with them? Well, that’s how I felt about this lovely writer. Last week, she posted an update and said goodbye again. And it made me happy. I was glad to know that this complete stranger was doing well, and that her family was happy and healthy. And I’ll gladly wait another 6 months to see if she’ll update us again. Because her stories are truly worth waiting for.

Aura,

Thank you so much for your words.

And for you guys out there reading this I've placed the link to Aura’s blog below in case you’d like to go check it out for yourselves! Today I have the day off and I'll be spending it in my garden. Hope everyone else is having a wonderful day!

:)

Happy Friday everyone! 

aura joon 

(click picture for source)

A Garden

Last weekend, we started a garden. The idea had been on my mind since last spring but when we missed out on that opportunity I swore we’d be prepared for it this year. That. Never. Happened. But even though we're not very prepared, I realized we were still “in season” to plant things. So last Saturday, I woke up bright and early, got us dressed, and made a grocery list. As we were leaving, I looked back at this overgrown pen we used to keep Sampson in, and made up my mind.

I picked up some vegetable seeds, and some herbs at the store. I am by no means finished with our selection. After we were done shopping I headed home, and asked my husband if he could mow some of the grass down for me. Once he was done I asked my dad for a rake, a garden hoe, and a shovel. I opened up the gate, and instantly realized just how BIG this “little” lot was.

I went to work on it. After a few minutes my husband came out to help me. He asked why, of all weekends, I chose to start a garden on the one with a forecast claiming the temperature would rise well over 85 degrees? When I told him I was fine with doing it all by myself, he said I’d be there all day if I didn’t have help. He was right. Thankfully by noon, and a few blisters later we had almost all of the weeds pulled up. By Sunday afternoon, the lot was finally ready! Unfortunately, it would have to wait till Monday though. I needed some soil for the herbs, and being a newbie I forgot to get some on Saturday.

Sunday afternoon, my grandmother had come home from visiting family and she asked to see my garden. When I showed her, she immediately looked over at my tools. She smiled, and told me that those were the tools grandpa had made her a long time ago when she wanted to garden. Her face, that hug, and that moment truly made my heart happy.

       

 

Finally, Monday came around and I was able to get my soil! I planted the herbs and took out more weeds. Then yesterday, I planted the vegetables! I'm not done yet either. I really want to get some huge “elephant ear” plants, I still have to dig up some more roots on one side, and I want to make a flower bed on the opposite end too. :)

Before I started this project, I never realized how much time I spent inside. How much TV we watched, and how the only activity I really got was when I worked out. Now that we've started this garden, we've all been outside a lot more. Emery's getting to spend more time running around, and playing with the dogs which she's more than thrilled about. And before this I hadn't really done any hard physical labor since high school. So, I'm pretty sore and finding muscles I hadn't used in awhile. My husband also commented about how he hadn't worked that hard (outside) in awhile. So this really makes me feel like we're doing something good. We're doing something together as a family, and it doesn't involve sitting in front of the TV. And that to me, is pretty awesome. 

Wordless Wednesday

We Have A Binky Situation

Emery is attached to her binky (aka pacifier). Like really really attached. As some of you know she just turned two. So, my husband and I decided that it was time to get rid of the binky. We don't want to be the parents with a child still attached to her binky as she enters kindergarten. At first, it seemed like she was doing okay. The babysitter helped us out and stopped giving it to her during the day. At home she would only asks for it when she was ready for a nap. At night she usually falls asleep and takes it out herself so I figured it was okay to allow her to have it at bedtime too. We went a few weeks like this so she would slowly get used to the idea of not having it around as much before we tried taking it away completely.

 Well, it finally came time for us to take it away at night. And it’s not working out exactly as planned. To say she gets mad is a HUGE understatement. She starts crying, screaming, and kicking if we don’t give it to her. And to be quite honest, there’s only so much of the tantrum that we can take before we end up giving the binky back to her. Now you might think that we “give in” too easily, or we’re just a big pair of "push overs". But we don’t and we aren’t. We had originally set out thinking that she would just end up crying herself to sleep. A few tears, a little bit of a tantrum, and then she’d be out. And then we assumed that she’d eventually just learn that she wasn’t going to get it back. Ha! We were so very very wrong. Her last episode lasted 45 minutes, before she started gasping for air. Did you read that?? 45 MINUTES! Her hair was soaked in tears; her face was all red and blotchy. She had been screaming/crying with only a few breaks in between. And that was one of her short fits. 

I do have to hand it to her though. She’s a persistent little one, that’s for sure. Takes after her dad mom in the stubborn department. So now, I have to figure out another approach. Any one out there have any ideas? I’m running out of them pretty fast. I’ve tried snipping the ends, hiding them, and pretending like I threw them away. Nothing seems to work. And this mom needs wants sleep. So having to listen to her cry and scream for over thirty minutes after lights out is completely out of the question. Call me selfish.

Please Pray for Piper

This family needs some major prayers. Or good vibes, if your not into prayer. Please? 

Thank you.

Here We Go Again

Before we took our vacation in January, my husband was having problems at work. His old supervisor had quit around October of last year and his new supervisor did not like him. Maybe it was my husband’s tattoos? Maybe it was my husband’s “California style”? Or maybe he just didn’t click with my husband? Either way, it showed. It reflected in his treatment of my husband.

After coming back from our vacation we found some things out. Some things in regard to wages and positions. We didn’t ask to be let in on what had happened, someone just thought it was unfair, and that we should know. It bothered my husband, but after talking about it we decided to just let it go. Fast-foreword to four weeks ago, and my husband asked about a raise. He’s been there for over a year, and he wanted to know if there would be evaluations of some kind, or if he would be entitled to some kind of a raise. He was told, by his supervisor, that he’d get a 10¢ raise. My husband told him to not worry about it because that would hardly effect his pay check. The supervisor became offended.

Since then, some major drama has unfolded. There have been random drug tests, docks in pay, terminations, searching of employee's vehicles without permission, drastic hour cuts, and some people have been demoted. A whole group were dropped back down to minimum wage, my husband included. So last Friday, after much discussion, we finally came to a decision. He quit his job.

I spent the entire weekend in shock. Here we go again, down to being a one income family. I remember how this used to feel. Living pay check to pay check. Barely having enough money to get by. It wasn’t fun. It was hard, and I spent a lot of time feeling like a failure for not being able to get things for my daughter without help. Thankfully, this time my father has offered to get my husband hired on at his workplace as soon as they start opening up for positions. The downside to this is that it could be anywhere from 3-10 weeks before he can do this. Still, I’m counting my blessing. Last time we went through this, we had no money saved up. This time we do. It will at least hold us over until he can find another job. So for that, I am thankful.

But now, comes the part where we buckle down, and budget right down to the penny. No movies, no books, no eating out, no weekend outings, and no extra trips to the grocery store. I've also decided to cut down our TV programing, and a lot of other things we don’t really need, in order to trim off some of our monthly expenses. 

So, here we go...again.