Listen

Distance Learning Struggles

First, I want to say that teachers really do deserve a hell of a lot more recognition for what they do. And definitely more money. I have so much respect for teachers and I know that I could not do their jobs. At all. Wrangling 20+ kids, teaching, dealing with parents, and having to answer countless questions every single day. I’d go insane. So yes, it takes a special kind of person to be able to do that job. However, what this whole pandemic has shown me, is that our schools were not prepared for anything like this at all. The game plan had a lot of holes. And unfortunately, it was putting A LOT of stress on parents who couldn’t stay at home with their kids. On families that don’t have access to high-speed internet. On children who do much better with hands-on learning. And well, this was a problem.  

On a normal day, my daughter is in what they like to call a “POD”. This is just another way of saying that she has different teachers throughout the day for each subject. So, when we were given the news that schools would be temporarily closed and all of the work would switch over to online, I assumed that this was something our schools had a plan in place for. An emergency back-up plan, if you will. Turns out, that was not the case. Our teachers had to come up with something within four days and then hope it worked for everyone. Now, I love our schools. They’ve always been pretty great when it comes to problem-solving and working with families. So, I felt confident that everything would work out and any kinks would be ironed out as best as they could be within the first week or two. It wasn’t until after we received the kid’s instructional packet & iPads that I started to feel a bit nervous. “Is this really how they’re wanting this done?” The instructions were confusing and they differed by subject. Online codes were incorrect, and there were partial assignments included for the first week. It’s now been six days of trying to get things going, and man has it been a struggle. 

Our kids were instructed to complete all school work via Google Classroom, which is great. However, each teacher had different methods that they would like the work to be done, shown, and turned in. Live Streams for lessons were scheduled in the middle of the day at times, and then there were THREE different apps that had to be used for communication. The same information was being distributed to both students and parents regardless of who it was meant for too. Then, each teacher had different online “teacher hours” as well. And some of these kids, who don’t have access to high-speed internet during the day, were not able to ask questions or receive answers because those hours would be over by the time we'd get home. Now, I know that this is a very sudden and new territory for ALL of us. And everyone is doing their best. I also get that these issues are something that families with a parent who is able to be at home could probably navigate through a bit easier, but for those of us who still have to work, we were left scrambling. 

With each passing day, my daughter was falling more and more behind. Since she has no access to high-speed internet during the day she wasn’t able to participate in the "Live Stream" lesson overviews which she really needed to be able to watch. So, I finally had to take a half-day off from work in order to help get her caught up. After a few back and forth messages with her teachers on Wednesday, we finally decided to opt-out of doing everything online. Instead, we’ll be doing what I like to call hybrid classes: paper packets during the day with online completion when she has access to the internet in the evenings. This looks and sounds like it will be a lot better for us. And I know that we weren’t the only family having these issues either because by Thursday morning there was a mass email sent out by the superintendent stating that this alternative would be available to ALL families starting today. 

Over the next two weeks, we'll see if this new method works better for us. When I first received all of the different instructions, paperwork, and classroom codes I felt completely overwhelmed. Not only was Emery falling behind after the first three days but she was having a hard time understanding what she had to do for each teacher's assignment to be considered "completed". I had no idea how we were going to manage and I was almost in tears because of how stressed out I felt by all of this. Thankfully, after a lot of communication with her teachers, I'm so grateful to them and our school for coming up with this alternative. For working with us, and understanding that this has all been a very drastic change for ALL of us. There will be a learning curve and it might get a little bumpy. Especially since they're considering keeping our school closed for the rest of this school year. But we're doing our best. And none of this would be possible without them.  

Wordless Wednesday

Listen

Good Luck, Godspeed, & Quarantine

I’m already so over this whole COVID-19 pandemic, y’all. We haven’t been issued any quarantine orders where I live but the chatter going around is that they’ll be issued soon. As of right now, store hours have been scaled back. The schools have been closed and are in the process of switching over to online for the next few weeks. Pending further review & testing. Restaurants are officially on a “to go” basis but bars are still open. Just limited in how many people can be in them. Every morning that I pass through town on my way to work I see lines of people waiting to get into the grocery stores as soon as they open. And y’all, I haven’t been able to find toilet paper anywhere. Thankfully, I have about three jumbo rolls left. By the time I get off from work, anything that’s been restocked is gone. Which really sucks, but what can you do, right?

Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash

Well, how about NOT overstocking on shit you already have stockpiled? That’s probably a pretty good start. Make a list, people. Find out just how much food and supplies you need for two weeks and then stick with that. You don’t need ten bottles of hand sanitizer and soap, Susan. There’s no need to buy three jumbo packs of toilet paper, Karen. And if things are labeled “WIC” or “SNAP” approved, maybe opt to buy a different brand of that item because there are families on government assistance who really need them. Panicking gets you nowhere either, folks. Causing hysteria is stupid too. Just calm the fuck down, and think for a minute. Maybe take a break from your phones and televisions for a bit too, yea? Some things are beyond our control and it doesn’t do you any good to stress over it. And for the love of good health, wash your damn hands. Try not to touch a lot of people either. Get some rest while you can. It helps, I promise. If we’re all just a bit more cautious instead of panicked, we’d get farther along. There would be no shortages and the virus wouldn’t spread so quickly. 

I know many of you are stuck in quarantined areas now. Some of you have also been instructed to work from home. I say use this time to recharge a bit if you can. You don’t have to be overly productive or overworking yourself just because the setting has changed. Create a work area, set some goals for the day, and just do your best. Take some breaks or go for a walk when you start feeling frustrated - or that cabin fever sets in. And if you’re having to do all of this while also parenting and teaching kids, well, I dunno what to tell you other than, “Good luck, and godspeed, y’all. You’re in my prayers for sure.” This is all probably stuff that you’ve heard over and over again by now. I just really needed to throw my version out there. You’re welcome. Now, I’m off to find some canned soup, ramen noodles, some of Emery’s favorite fruit, and hopefully some affordable coconut milk. Maybe snag some toilet paper if I’m lucky. Wish me luck, and stay safe people. Sending our love...💙 

Wordless Wednesday

Listen

Wordless Wednesday

I Just Don't Know

"You're too good for a man who's not sure about you." - Unknown

Last year, right at the end of August, I started to go out on dates. My daughter had insisted that it was time, and even selected the "selfies that you need to put on your profile". I felt totally out of my comfort zone, to say the least. And what I can say about my experience of dating in my 30's is that it is...daunting. Terrifying. Awkward and oh so tiring. Y'all, dating these days is so not what I remembered. Then again, my experience is very minimal. After a few months and a handful of dates, I ended up deleting the app. It just didn't feel like it was the right fit for me. So, I moved on in life.

I prayed about finding someone who wanted the same things I did. I asked for someone to come into my life that would be worthy of all the love I had to give. I craved a partnership that would add to my life. I wanted someone who could see all of my broken pieces and be okay with them. Who would love me, regardless of my baggage. I wanted someone who wanted to do life by my side. Because, even though I had been fine with being single after a year, I also felt very lonely. I wanted someone to laugh with. Someone who I could talk about my day with. Someone who cared. I wanted to love and be loved, again. 

Then, one day, someone unexpectedly entered into my life. And we dated. Things moved quickly, and I felt like I was finally getting to experience a real, healthy, relationship. I know that there's no such thing as perfect, but this guy was coming pretty damn close. A lot of wonderful promises and words of reassurance were constantly being said to me too. Things like, "Even during the bad, I'll be right here with you." or "YOU'RE the person I want to be with - YOU'RE my priority." We talked about getting married in the future and so I began the annulment process. We talked about moving in together at the end of the year and even about the possibility of having kids. I mean, we were so damn sure that we were ready to commit to being with each other. To choose each other, over and over. Even on the really shitty days. I felt like I had finally found someone who wanted all of the same things that I did. And y'all, I was happy. 

But as with all relationships, the honeymoon phase ends. Outside sources can cause strain. And even though we had gotten good at communicating, sometimes people don't want to open their eyes to the truth. Sometimes people are not ready for the changes and commitments that come with choosing to love someone else unconditionally. Making them a priority with no one being placed above them. And after our most recent disagreement, some things were said that gave me pause. Because now, the effort I was putting into our relationship was not being matched. Now, someone was unsure. Now, someone was giving me an ultimatum without even considering to see things from my point of view. Without willing to offer a compromise or be willing to set boundaries. And as I stood there, stunned at what I was hearing, I also felt like such an idiot for giving everything that I had to someone so quickly. How could I have been so damn naive? It was as if I had learned nothing from my marriage and how it ended. So, I stood there, feeling my heart breaking all over again.

I've decided to take a bit of a step back. We've decided to try and talk things out a bit more. Neither of us wants to throw in the towel, but I'm not really sure how to move forward either. Relationships take a lot of hard work, and they're not easy. There will be times when you're on the same page and times when you're in different fucking books. But the important part is being able to communicate, to be open to compromises, and to choose to keep loving your partner even when it's hard. But that's also a two-way street. So, I need to think things through and really examine my feelings because for so long I let my heart lead the way and I'm not sure I could go through a second devastating breakup. I also wanted to seek out advice from my family, and a close friend. I want to pray about it and also ask Mr. Watson for some insight. But y'all, I felt the exact moment that I put up a huge fucking wall. I felt it when I shut down. Then I started to question, "Why am I so unlovable? Why am I being put through so much heartbreak? Why can't I ever be enough for someone?" And then I cried. A LOT. 

I don't know what will happen. Maybe we'll make it through this? Maybe we won't? I would honestly love to find a compromise that we would both be okay with, and put in the work. But I can't be the only one willing to put forth the effort. This means I have to think carefully about what my next steps will be, and at this very moment, I have no idea what those are. I have no idea how to go back to how things were before or if we even can. To pick up where we left off as if nothing was ever said, and just be happy. I have no idea how to take certain things back. I don't know how to go from loving someone one day to just liking them the next. I don't know how to shut those feelings off. I don't know how to go from seeing a future with someone to, "Maybe, we'll see." I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to feel. I don't know what to do. I just...don't know.