Currently - May
Tuesday, May 21, 2019
What can I say about May really? Well, if I had to sum it up with one word it would be: OUCH. We got off to a rocky start, y’all. There were a few work related things that kind of came out of nowhere. Felt like a nice, hard, reality slap. There were a lot of boundaries having to be established, and others needing to be reinforced. There were several eye-opening events and I felt a bit lost outside of my own little family bubble for awhile there. I started seeing my counselor again and started listening to podcasts on the regular. I mean, who the hell am I, right? If it had anything to do with religion, families, divorce, attachment styles, removing negativity, anxiety, culture, or depression, then I was listening to it. It’s as if I’ve become this sponge that just can’t get enough. I’ve also picked up a few books, and I’ve skimmed over some that I already had on the topics of life, love, and depression. I won’t start on the new ones until this weekend though. So yea, that about sums it up. Let's get into the "currently" post for the month, yea?
Playing: A few weeks ago I saw an InstaStory by someone I followed that had a picture of this young man with a caption that said something along the lines of “a wonderful storyteller”. I clicked through, and the link sent me to a YouTube video titled “Dermot Kennedy - Moments Passed”. Y’all, after the first minute, I was completely captivated by his voice. I quickly searched for more songs and immediately subscribed to his channel. Video after video, I sat there thinking, “How the hell am I just now hearing of this man??” And just like that, I became a huge fan. Dermot Kennedy has this raw, powerful, and raspy voice when singing that you can almost feel the emotions yourself. I watched a few live videos in order to see how he did without all of the magic that goes into music videos, and I was not disappointed. It seems as though his performances are really heartfelt and emotional. His hand movements, and his facial expression during the majority of his songs let you know that he’s felt exactly what he’s written. And damn if there aren’t some moments when you want to cry. When you want to smile and reflect on the past. Or like I told my sister-in-law one day, “I just want to hug him.” This year he released an album which was a compilation of 12 previously released songs. I know he’s already toured the US this year, but it was a limited one. Here’s hoping I can catch him live the next time he comes through. Anyway, if you haven’t heard of Dermot before I definitely recommend that you check him out. And in case you needed any more of an incentive, did I mention he’s from Ireland?
Reading: I don’t even want to talk about it.
Watching: So, about a year or so ago I saw that the first book in the All Souls trilogy was going to be made into a TV series. Of course, this book had been on my “to read” list for quite some time, and I swore that I’d get to it before the series came out. Well, then we got the news that this would be aired exclusively overseas with no immediate plans to show stateside. I was super bummed, and then about six months ago I finally bought the first book. Still, haven’t read it though. Well, guess what y’all?? Turns out that it was such a success in the UK that AMC decided to pick it up and what do you know? I decided I needed to watch it. Yes, before reading the book. And so far, it’s everything that I wanted it to be. I will admit that I have a bit of a soft spot for Matthew Goode though. From way back in the Chasing Liberty days. So, my opinion may be a bit biased. Still, this show takes on the whole vampire, witches, and demons storyline to a different level. Not necessarily, “other level” status, but it’s unique enough for me to keep wanting more. Plus, Matthew and his co-star Teresa Palmer have some pretty amazing onscreen chemistry. Now, I’m only on episode five but if it keeps up the momentum the way that I think it will then I hope we get more seasons. So, if the supernatural is your jam then I definitely recommend that you catch this series if you can.
And that concludes the currently for this month. If you have any other suggestions be sure to drop me a line either on here or any of my other social media pages. Links are all at the top. I'm always on the lookout for new artists, films, or books so I'm totally open to recommendations. Until the next post, Happy Tuesday folks!
You Matter; Always
Monday, May 13, 2019
Before I get into this post, let me just say that this is a WARNING as the subject matter could be considered triggering. I’ll briefly mention things like suicide, self-harm, and drug use. If any of this is uncomfortable or you find it to be a trigger please just skip it.
Sock Hop 2019
Monday, May 6, 2019
Last month my daughter's school had a sock hop. They had games, music, food, and of course a small dance. It was probably the cutest thing I had ever been to. All of the kids dressed up in "50's" attire, were dancing in little groups and then going around giggling. This was essentially their very first school dance. Beau was able to meet us at the school in order to attend this function so Emery was really happy about that. The majority of the parents either sat up in the bleachers or walked around trying to keep up with their kids. As soon as we walked in Emery found her two best friends and we definitely got our cardio in trying to keep up with all three. I honestly don't remember much from my first school dance. I think we had to dress up in the same style, but I don't think I had as much fun. I didn't even get up to dance. I've always been self-conscious of my body, even back then, and I think it kind of put a damper on a lot of things for me. Thankfully, this was not the case for Emery at all.
As we sat up in the bleachers during a momentary break I sat back and watched her run around. She was beaming and laughing the entire time. She zoomed across the room to do a hula hoop contest and once that was done she was back at it with her friends dancing to the songs the DJ was playing. She played several games, and there were a lot of pictures being taken. Peace signs being thrown, and boys being chased. I was so happy watching her enjoy herself. She was surrounded by her friends, and actually getting out there in front of everyone too. She gets that from her dad, and I am so grateful. I leaned over to Beau and said, "She looks so grown up, doesn't she?" I'm pretty sure that I was tearing up as I watched her run around. "So, grown up," he replied. And we just sat there taking it all in. It's as if we were getting a little glimpse into the future. Somehow we blinked and our baby was no more. I reached over and squeezed his arm. He placed his hand on mine for a moment, and we just smiled as we watched her together. "MOM! DAD! WE HAVE TO GO TO THE OTHER BUILDING! THEY HAVE NACHOS AND COOKIES!! HURRY, LET'S GO!" Emery shouted over the music. "WHAT?? NACHOS?!?! WELL WHAT ARE WE STILL DOING HERE?? LET'S GO!" Beau shouted back. We let go with a laugh, and off we went in search of their favorite food.
We left about ten minutes before the entire thing was over. Emery held onto her dad, and they skipped out into the parking lot. We said goodbye to a few people we knew as we made our way to the car. We gave hugs all around and said goodbye to Beau. On our way home, Emery said that she was happy we all got to go with her. She was sad that the night had to end, but not even halfway out of town she fell asleep in the back seat. Her little cat glasses thrown off to one side, one shoe off, and her scarf untied. A slight smile on her face, and a smudge of nacho cheese still on her chin. And there she was, my little baby again.
Writing Prompt // Good Morning
Friday, May 3, 2019
Write about the first thing you see in the morning.
The first thing I see when I wake up is nothing. I’m practically blind without my contacts/glasses. So, I take a few heartbeats to just lay there and breathe. Emery is usually nestled into my side. I often complain that she needs to start sleeping in her own bed because she rolls so much. She’s also nine. I get smacked or kicked at least three times during the night. And even though I have a king size bed I always end up with only 10” of space. But if I’m being honest, I’ll probably cry when she finally agrees with me on sleeping in her own room. I already have a hard time sleeping as it is, and it just gets worse when I’m alone in my bed. As crazy as it may seem, there’s a lot of comfort in knowing that she’s right next to me. She runs hot so I can usually feel her body heat. I can hear her breathing. Sometimes she lets out these little snores, or she talks in her sleep. Softly, almost a whisper. I take that feeling of security, safety, and hold onto it for a few minutes.
I can normally tell that the room isn’t as dark as a few hours before, and I can hear Violet whining to be let out of her crate. I reach over onto my side drawer to grab my glasses. With a yawn, I put them on. I can see the soft glow of the hall nightlight. I hear Draco snoring loudly in the living room. My curtains are a light grey, and even though the sun hasn’t come up very far I can tell that it will be soon. “Alright little, it’s time to get up,” I say out loud. “Five more minutes,” she mumbles back as she rolls over. Taking the comforter with her. I sit up and swing my legs off the bed. Sighing I close my eyes. There’s a battle going on inside of my head. A part of me wants to get back into bed, snuggle up, and go back to sleep. The other part of me says there are bills to pay and mouths to feed. So, I open up my eyes again, and after a few blinks, I read the canvas on my wall. I re-read it. Violet’s whining gets louder, and I can hear Draco finally waking up. Stretching, and then his nails on the floor. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick Tick.
I look back over my shoulder at Emery. Wishing I could be that little again. When the only thing on your mind at 6 AM was whether or not your mom was going to give you that extra five minutes. Ten if you were really lucky. And then I lift myself up, a greyish tint is covering the room, and I shuffle to find my sliders. I slowly make my way to Violet, and let her out. Opening the back door I shuffle the dogs out. “C’ mon guys. Outside.” I can see the dark green grass as I lean against the door. One neighbor has their kitchen light on and the other is being picked up by their co-worker. It smells like morning and wet earth. Everything outside is still relatively quiet and our neighborhood hasn't fully woken up yet. And this is probably my favorite time of the day. Normally, I rush through all of this. Always running late; always in a hurry. But then there are days when I pay attention. When I take it all in and soak it up. I give thanks for another morning. Then I close the door on that stillness and open the one full of chaos.
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