Weight Loss - Weigh In - September 2018
Friday, September 28, 2018
September has been a month of adjustments. The little started having homework in the afternoons, and also having reading assignments which she doesn’t always want to stay on top of. We also had to change her pickup schedule because of new rules that the school has in place. I’m not even mad because it’s for their safety. I’ve been trying to work as many hours as I can this month because October is bringing in some added expenses. Em will be having a palatal expander put in her mouth soon, and since we don’t have insurance (much less a dental plan) everything is going to be out of pocket. Such is life though, right? Thankfully, we’ve had help. Without it I wouldn’t be putting in 40 hours per week at work, or able to get Emery to her afternoon lessons on time. I’ve still managed to stick with a workout schedule, but as you’ll see in this month’s stats below it just hasn’t done much for me.
Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs
Current Weight (CW): 184.6 lbs
Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs
This was the last month of me doing intermittent fasting. It just hasn’t worked for me anymore. The first few months I felt great, and lost about 5 lbs in two weeks. But it’s been several months now with no progress whatsoever. I had cut back on a lot of foods, and only indulged on one meal per week. Usually it landed on a Saturday or when we had a meal with my family during the week. However, I didn’t go overboard. I always portioned food out, and made sure to drink a minimum of six cups of water per day. I don’t drink sweet tea unless it’s with the cheat meal. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like any of this is working in my favor. So this week I started incorporating a snack in between coffee for breakfast, and lunch at 12. Starting next Monday I’ll be back to a regular eating schedule that will go something like: Breakfast- Coffee & breakfast bar/yogurt, Lunch- Salad & Fruit, Dinner- Small portion meal or protein shake with fruits & veggies. I’m hoping that this will help me stay full throughout the day so that I don’t have an urge to snack. I’m also wanting to increase my water intake to a minimum of eight cups per day.
My activity level has been consistent. I work out for forty five minutes to an hour 4x’s a week. Sometimes five. I mix it up with cardio and weight lifting, and every week the order changes so that my body doesn’t get used to it. My goal is to leave the gym drenched in sweat at the end of each session. For the most part I achieve this unless its on a day when I just focus on weight lifting. I’ve been able to increase how much I press, and squat by ten pounds this month so I was pretty stoked on that. Still, since the last weigh in I haven’t even lost a full pound. This has been super discouraging, and has left me feeling really fucking frustrated. Because of this I’ve been making it a point to immediately change into my workout clothes as soon as I get home in order to make myself go to the gym. I’ve found that this method helps me to stay on track rather than make excuses. Do you know how hard it is to get in and out of a sports bra when you’re my size? There’s no way I’m putting in that much effort and NOT getting in a workout. This routine has been really helpful on days when I just want to throw in the towel. For the month of October I want to focus on deadlifts, increasing my mileage, and to start using the actual flat bench press rather than the assisted one.
Mentally, I’ve been all over the place which I feel is working against me. My stress level is about the same, but for some reason my anxiety feels a lot worse. And it’s not consistent anymore either. Before there were signs, or little tells. My anxiety would come in waves, but I was able to keep myself from having an anxiety attack. Or at the very least keep it to a minimum. Recently it’s all been surfacing pretty randomly, and without warning. It’s as if I feel fine one minute, and the next thing I know I’m freaking out. Some days I don’t want to get out of bed, or interact with others either. I make myself because I know that a lot of this is just a mental thing. But recently it’s been a struggle to calm myself down when I start to feel the anxiety coming on. And sometimes I have a hard time remembering that everything will be okay; that the panic will dissipate. So, it’s because of this that I’ve been thinking about scheduling a doctor’s visit in the next week or so. It’s been a little over two years since the last time I was put on medication. And like I stated in my CBD oil review I’d really like to find an alternative to antidepressants & anxiety medication. But since I live in Texas, where the majority of these alternatives are considered illegal, I feel like I should talk to my doctor about getting back on my “three month” plan to help balance me out again. After the three months, I’m weaned off, and I usually feel about 80% better. Like I'm regaining some mental stability, if you will? And right now I feel like that’s something that I really need.
Overall, September was a very discouraging month in the weight loss department. When I stepped on the scale yesterday morning and saw that there was no movement I sat on my bathroom floor crying. I know I said that I’d be okay with the slow progress, but I’ll be honest with y’all-- this totally sucks. To spend a whole month busting my ass, giving it 100%, and to come up with nothing? It definitely brings on some deep feelings of failure. Of hopelessness. On a positive note though I was able to stop taking sleep aids. And since I’ve started doing cardio consistently I feel like I sleep better too. My bedtime is between 10-11 pm, and I only wake up about twice throughout the night. With the exception of one night when I didn’t go to bed until 3:45 AM due to severe anxiety I feel like I can claim this one as a win. So, that’s about it for September. My goals for October are to drop five pounds, increase mileage, and to start working on different weight lifting techniques. I'm trying my best to stay focused on what I've accomplished so far too. Technically, since April of this year my total weight loss has been 10 lbs which is better than nothing. I'm trying to stay motivated, and train myself to keep pushing through. Even on the hard days. And I'm optimistic for everything that will come in October. So here’s to the next month, y’all!
Currently - September
Tuesday, September 25, 2018
So, this post was supposed to go up on Friday. However, I got a little side-tracked. Sorry! September is coming to an end, and I'm surprisingly ready for fall. But most importantly for October. We won't really be going anywhere, but we'll be doing plenty. Plus, there's Halloween. We're big fans of this holiday. If you've been reading for awhile you know that my "new year" tends to happen on October 31st rather than January 1st. For some reason this time of year has always felt more like a time for new beginnings to me. Shedding of the past, and moving forward. Maybe it has something to do with Samhain? Whatever the reason it's always been a special time for me. So, we're all pretty much ready for fall and all of the festivities that come along with it. But now, lets get into the currently post for this month.
Playing: If you grew up in the late 90’s early 2000’s then you’ve definitely heard of Eminem. If you’re a fan of rap music then you know Eminem is an OG; an original. He’s the kind of artist that focuses more on lyrics, and word play rather than catchy tunes. And in my opinion he reigns when it comes to diss tracks. Today it seems like all we have are mumble rappers, and artist who use ghostwriters for an entire album. And content? It seems like every other song is about having sex, and doing drugs. It can get repetitive, and boring. Like, yes that’s a catchy beat but what are you actually saying? That’s why, for me, it’s nice to have Eminem around to bring some of that old school rap music back. So, when he dropped a surprise album on August 31st you better believe I was all about it. And he did not disappoint, y’all! "Kamikaze" reminds me of “The Marshall Mathers LP” which he released way back in 2000. And it’s not necessarily because of its content either. Instead it’s the energy he brings. In Kamikaze he’s angry, and ready to call out everyone in the industry. And it made for a pretty spectacular album. It’s also continued a feud between him and Machine Gun Kelly (MGK) which you can read more about here. That aside, if you’re feeling nostalgic, or just tired of listening to the rap music that’s being pushed out by a much younger generation these days then “Kamikaze” is definitely an album you should give a listen to.
Reading: Nothing. The last two books I read were actually kind of disappointing. Both started off great, but then just tanked for me. So, I’m taking a bit of a break in that department. But next up on my “to read” list is a book called “The Simple Wild” by K.A. Tucker. I really enjoyed her book “Chasing River” so I thought I’d give this one a shot. Her books never get juicy enough in the intimacy department, but maybe that’s what I need right now? So, next week I plan to snag it up and see what it has to offer. Fingers crossed it delivers something good.
Watching: A miniseries on Netflix called “Godless”. The synopsis reads In the 1880s American West murderous outlaw gang leader Frank Griffin hunts for ex-protege Roy Goode. Frank's chase leads him to La Belle, New Mexico - a town inhabited, after a mining disaster, almost entirely by women. Y’all, this show is the bee’s knees! I actually started re-watching it last night because I just needed more of it in my life. The scenery was beautiful (even in the desert). The plot is well thought out, and the creators did a really awesome job of giving the main characters their own little story/backstory so that the viewers could understand them a bit better. This isn’t an easy thing to do without making each episode seem too rushed or overdone. Which is why normal shows have 10+ episodes spread across several seasons. But the creators of Godless did it, y’all! And by the time the credits rolled on the final episode I was left feeling a little heartbroken about having to say goodbye to all of the Ladies of LaBelle. They tie up all of the loose ends, and even though I’m totally good with how things ended I couldn’t help but want more. More Alice, and Roy. More Iyovi, and Mary. More of Whitey and the Devlin Twins. And did I mention more Roy Goode? I’ll just go on the record as saying that I wouldn’t be mad if they brought it back for another season. Though, that doesn’t look like it will be happening. So, if your into westerns I'd definitely say to give this one a chance.
And that concludes the currently for this month. If you have any other suggestions be sure to drop me a line either on here, or any of my other social media pages. Links are all at the top. I'm always on the lookout for new artists, films, or books so I'm totally open to recommendations. Until the next post, Happy Tuesday folks!
Book Review - All Your Perfects
Monday, September 17, 2018
All Your Perfects by Colleen HooverMy rating: 3 of 5 stars
This is not my first Colleen Hoover book. However, this is the first time I've walked away from one of her books, and NOT liked it. At all. Go ahead and see my previous CoHo book ratings. And I even skimmed through a few pages there towards the end because I couldn't bring myself to continue with certain chapters. I NEVER DO THIS, Y'ALL. Not even with the crappy one star books that I've read! Once I was halfway through I sat there wondering if I was even reading the right book, and by the time I got to the end I was just...sad. Disappointed? I was definitely surprised at my reaction to this book. I normally love all of Colleen's work so this feeling was definitely something new for me. I will say that it wasn't ALL bad. Those first few chapters had me going, and I was so excited to see what direction it would go in. But it just never recovered. Now, I'm sure you’ve already read the blurb so I’m not about to rehash that. But you’re probably reading this in order to decided on whether you want to snag this book up or not, right? So, let's dive right in, shall we? Oh! And just know, that there will be some small spoilers which I'll do my best to hide.
"The problem is, love and happiness are not concordant. One can exist without the other."
So, Graham and Quinn meet under some interesting circumstances. (view spoiler) There's an attraction right from the start, but due to the events that lead up to their meeting they walk away. Not wanting a reminder of the "worst day" of their lives. But as destiny would have it a few months down the road they cross paths again. With the amount of chemistry that both of our characters felt their relationship quickly progresses into a healthy one, and eventually turns into a great marriage. However, a few years down the road the struggles begin to emerge. Quinn is dealing with depression,(view spoiler) sadness, and refuses to communicate any of what she's feeling to Graham. Graham in turn is trying to hold everything together and be sympathetic to whatever he thinks Quinn is going through. Because he knows something is wrong. But rather than ask, or speak up he just stands by silently trying to give Quinn the space to grieve. To feel whatever she needs to feel. Unfortunately, this doesn't help their situation. Mistakes are made, (view spoiler)and hurtful words are thrown around that seem impossible to forgive. Or forget. And yet, within the last few chapters Colleen attempted to do just that.
“Our marriage hasn’t been perfect. No marriage is perfect. There were times when she gave up on us. There were even more times when I gave up on us. The secret to our longevity is that we never gave up at the same time.”
Now, we were given the "NOW" and "THEN" of Graham, and Quinn's relationship throughout the whole book. It's like a flashback of happier times. And one of the things that really stood out to me was the drastic change that occurred within Quinn that had no cause whatsoever. Yes, she was dealing with some tough, painful, stuff. BUT she had always been able to vocalize her feelings to Graham. And there wasn't anything that prompted her to change that about herself. But it was her treatment of Graham(view spoiler) that became the main reason for why I didn't like her. Then there was Graham himself. I felt like he started off really strong, and there were other ways that this could have gone that I would have been 100x's happier with than what we got. And this next part I'm hiding because it's going to have a lot of spoilers. (view spoiler)Even the excuses that both character's gave for their actions were weak. I honestly don't think I've ever wanted a fictional couple to break up as much as I wanted them to. And I've read Thoughtless by S.C. Stephens-- I even rooted for them to stay together. Now someone would argue that these books are completely different, and the level of mistakes are not comparable. I get that. But Stephen's created enough story, and redeeming qualities for her characters so that I could forgive them. Forgive the betrayal. Colleen didn't give me nearly enough reasons to get passed the small mistakes that Graham and Quinn both made. And to me, that says a lot. In the end, there were three instances where I saw a glimmer of hope. And that's when Quinn called Graham out on his shit when Graham called Quinn out on hers, and then when Graham finally (because he didn't at first) owned up to his mistakes. But it took a lot for me to even make it to that point in the story.
(view spoiler)
So, overall this book fell really short for me. Maybe it's because I've experienced (view spoiler) at this level and beyond in my personal life. Again, I had no issues with Thoughtless though. Or maybe this story just didn't have enough of that Colleen magic for me? Maybe I just didn't connect well with the characters because the story was really depressing? Quinn is handed a really crappy hand and there was no silver lining really, I just felt terrible about it. All I know is that this was so not the story I was hoping for. I haven't even thought about it since I finished it. Until today when I sat down to write this review. Which is weird for me because I'm usually still thinking about her books days/weeks later. They normally leave a bigger impression. So, here's hoping that the next one she comes out with is a story I'll enjoy. Until then, this one is going down as a book I won't ever revisit. Sorry, Colleen...
At the time of posting you can snag this book for $8.99 on Kindle.
Charlotte’s Web #HempOil - An Honest “Review”
Friday, September 14, 2018
Before we get started with the review I wanted to give you three bits of information I think are important to be upfront about. One: CBD oil comes from the marijuana plant. There’s no getting around that. Hemp oil comes from the hemp plant. Yes, there is a difference. Two: No. It’s NOT legal in all fifty states. Depending on where you live you could find yourself with a nice fine or even risk jail time if you’re caught with it. Do your research. And three: Depending on the mg amount, your water consumption, activity level, AND just your body in general there is a possibility you could pop positive on a drug test. Though the majority of the lower mg products contain less than .3% THC there have been reports of people failing drug tests, and getting in trouble with their employers. So, depending on the state that you live in, and the employment policies your workplace has I’d definitely proceed with caution.
Now, I’m still a little confused as to the whole “CBD Oil” vs. “Hemp Oil” label thing. Their are several companies that originally had their products labeled as CBD Oil, but within the passed year they've switched over to Hemp Extract Oil. If you didn’t know there was a difference between marijuana and hemp here’s a great article that breaks it down for you. When I threw out some questions to the CBD community over on Twitter I was given several different answers. But the majority of them talked about a loophole for companies to be able to sell their products to all fifty states if it was labeled as “hemp”. So, do with that what you will. And little of my background history for you before we dive into the effects: I was officially diagnosed with depression at a young age, and then anxiety a few years ago. I’ve been on medication off and on for a handful of years because for the most part I can manage it on my own. I’m also a huge fan of therapy, and counselling. However, as I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed that I’m not fond of the whole “trial & error” process that comes with needing to find my right dosage, and strength when the time comes for me to start my medication again. So, that’s when I started looking into alternatives. A way to possibly not need medication again if I could keep things in check consistently. This is when CBD (Cannabidiol) oil was mentioned to me by a friend who lives in a state where marijuana is legal. I started looking into the benefits, and then I came across an article over on POPSUGAR that talked about how CBD oil basically "demolished" the author's anxiety so I was intrigued to say the least. But with everything going on in my life at the time I wasn’t sure if this was an option for me. I ended up putting the idea off on the back burner for awhile.
Then, one afternoon back in June, I was told that our local health food store had started to sell CBD oil. It turned out to actually be hemp oil. After a particularly rough day I found myself pulling into their parking lot and walked back out with a bottle of bluebird hemp complete. It tasted like crap, y’all. I mean really awful. But I stuck with it. After two weeks of taking 1-2 dropper fulls a day I realized that this was NOT helping at all. I was having a lot of anxiety, and I was still unable to sleep through the night. So, I stopped taking it. As luck would have it though, the following week a friend of mine gave me a bottle of Charlotte’s Web Everyday Plus in Mint Chocolate that they were no longer using. I thanked them for it, and decided to give the oil another go. And that's what brings us to today! This is not my first time hearing about this brand, but it's the first time I had heard that they offered CBD products. Charlotte’s Web by the Stanley Brothers has several different products that they offer which vary from oils, to capsules, to creams. They even have some items for pets too! And as I mentioned before they are one of the many companies that have recently changed the product name as well as their labels. So even though mine says “Everyday Plus” it’s now called “Hemp Extract Oil Plus”, and that’s what I’ll be addressing it as. They state that their products help maintain:
Support for normal, everyday stresses*
Healthy recovery from exercise*
Support a sense of calm for focus*
The Extract Oil Plus in Mint Chocolate tastes pretty good to me. They also offer it in Olive Oil if chocolate isn’t your thing. The oil is smooth, and it’s not bitter or grainy feeling. You can take it on it’s own, in coffee, a smoothie, or a protein shake if you’d like. It comes in a 30 ml or 100 ml size bottle. Depending on the size and strength you get these can cost anywhere between $40-$275. The one I have is in a 30 ml bottle, contains 28 mg of hemp extract per serving, and costs $75. So yes, these do cost a pretty penny. Also, the servings per container says 30, but the recommended dosage is two 1 ml (dropper full) per day. This means that it technically only comes with enough for 15 servings. That's not even enough for thirty days which is a red flag for me. Now, all of that aside, does this product actually work? Well, for me the answer was kind of. I took half a dropper (.5ml) twice a day. During the first week, I started to sleep for longer periods throughout the night. Where once I had been waking up 4+ times a night I was now only waking up once or twice. I also noticed that it helped with muscle soreness. After one pretty strenuous work out I woke up feeling really stiff the next morning. I mean, I was walking around like I had shit my pants or something. I know you know what I’m talking about. It hurt just getting up out of my chair, and walking a few feet to the printer at work. So, on that day I took an extra half dose and my muscles felt so much better by the time I had to hit the track later that afternoon. I was honestly really surprised by that. By week two I could tell that I wasn't feeling so stressed out when it came to little stuff. However, the downside is that by the end of week three my dosage had to be increased. Sometimes my anxiety felt worse if I missed a day too. And if I took my second dose of the day too early I would still have sleep issues. So, I had to start taking it around 9 or 10 pm. The only thing it was still helping me with consistently, regardless of the dosage, was recovery after workouts. And by the fourth week, that was the only benefit I was getting anymore. I continued taking it until I finished the bottle, but I felt like I would have to buy the next level up to get anymore benefits. And with such a high price tag, it just didn’t seem worth it to me at all.
So, overall I would say that this particular product would be great for people who suffer from stress only. And it’s absolutely wonderful for muscle recovery as well so I think athletes would definitely benefit from it. But for those of us who suffer from depression, anxiety, or both I believe this is entirely too weak to do much of anything. Not to mention that it’s really really expensive. After talking to a few people I was told that the Stanley Brothers do produce some great products, but the price tag could have a lot more to do with the name than anything else. Since then, I've sampled a few other products and have found some that I'd like to try in the future. Thankfully, I have a boss who understands why I'm trying to find an alternative so it's not an issue for me work wise. I'm hoping that one day I'll be able to find a healthy balance between exercise, food consumption, and an oil/capsule supplement that will help me stay off of prescription medication for good. And it's not just about disliking medication because I'm totally grateful to have them. They helped me out tremendously during some of my lowest points. It's more about being aware of what I'm putting into my body, how it's affects me long term, and wanting something that will help me get to a place where I can manage my issues on my own full time. Because I want to be in control of my own mind, and I don't want to let my emotions take the lead. That is what I'm ultimately after.
What about you? Do you suffer from anxiety or any other mental health issues? Have you found something that works for you? Any other thoughts, or research for me to look at in regards to CBD oil? Ever thought about giving CBD oil a try? I'm all ears, and totally open to recommendations. You know how to reach me.
September 11th
Tuesday, September 11, 2018
I can still remember walking into my second period, eighth grade, Science class. There were already other students sitting inside watching the small television in the corner. I remember thinking it was weird that the TV was on as I headed to my desk. When I put my books away I looked up, and saw the towers with smoke billowing out. A replay of the first plane hitting the North Tower on the split screen. I sat down as the room got quiet. Then we saw the second plane. And that’s when everything grew still. We all sat there just listening. Was this real? What was going on? Was it an accident? How could this happen? Was it planned? The class bells would ring and we’d shift to a different room, but that day we did nothing else besides watch the events unfold on TV.
I remember seeing everything. The people clinging to windows. People waving for help. The people jumping, and the “POP” sound as they hit the pavement. People screaming. The pentagon getting hit. Clouds of smoke. Everyone running. The towers going down. And then, news of the fourth plane going down in a field. It didn't seem real to me. Everyone was quiet. Our school was on a “semi-lock-down” with parents being given the opportunity to come get their kids if they wanted. However, everyone was on alert because there were reports of nuclear plants being possible targets. For a lot of our parents, leaving us kids at school was considered to be the safest thing to do. Since we lived within a certain mileage of one we were kept inside for the whole school day, and all after school activities were cancelled.
That was the day that I learned what terrorists were. That was the day that the innocent bubble I lived in burst. And that was the day that I knew WAR would be something more than just a word I’d read in books. The rest of that night, and the days that followed were somber ones. I cried when I got home. Because even though these people were so far away, and people we’d never know in person...they were still Americans. They were family. Human beings. People who did not deserve this. And I got angry. WE got angry. We watched as search and rescue teams dug through the rubble, and metal. We saw the pictures of the missing posted across boards near hospitals, police departments, and fire departments. And we watched, day after day, as the death toll climbed.
I have journals from that year stored away somewhere at our old house. I wrote down how I felt that day, and even some from the day that George W. Bush declared war. I remember all of the coverage of the bombings, and night air raids. I remember the first footage we got to see of our soldiers putting boots on the ground in a foreign country. I remember wanting to donate blood, but not being able to because of my age. I remember my dad, who is originally from Mexico, wanting to join the military to go fight for this country; HIS country. But most importantly, I remember how united we all became. Our flags were displayed proudly, enlistment surged, donations soared, we checked on our neighbors, and volunteers from all over the country headed to New York to help in whatever way was needed. There was this overall feeling of comfort, and compassion during those days because we were all coming together as a nation. Looking back, I feel like we need to be reminded of that from time to time these days. Of coming together, helping, and listening. I'm proud of how we Americans reacted to such a tragedy that day, and the months that followed. Seventeen years later, and I'm still so damn proud of how we all stood together.
Today, I remember.
Wheeler Peak - New Mexico Part II
Friday, September 7, 2018
Have you ever seen a movie where a group of people start off on an adventure, and they just look so damn happy? They're all goofing off, and the trust is just so real. But then things take an ugly turn. There are tears, and yelling because obviously someone wasn't fucking listening. Yeaaahhh, this is the part of our hike where shit got real, y'all. We started off at a pretty decent pace, and as we passed these two older women they told us that we’d be up there in no time. “Y’all are doing great!” they hollered after us. We all took turns taking the lead as we hit switchback after switchback through the forest. We stopped to take a few sips of water, and get a breather every now and again. Never for more than two or three minutes though. And I remember that I kept saying, “Why the hell did I let y’all talk me into this?!” Kim and Carlos were quick to comeback at me with some smart ass replies, and I’d just bitch a little louder. At this point, my dad took off ahead of us because we we’re going too slow for his liking. Show off. And once we finally made it above the treeline onto this hillside I stopped. My head had started to hurt a bit, and it’s as if I could feel the liquids in my stomach sloshing around. My brother gave me some water, and a ClifBar to help my stomach settle a bit. I tried to milk that stop for as long as I could, but then my brother said “Alright, Raquel, get your ass up and keep moving. C’mon, one foot in front of the other. You’ve got this.” I was tempted to smack him with one of the trekking poles he had given me. “SHUT. UP.”, I grounded out. Reluctantly, I got back on my feet and pushed forward. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. We hit about two more switchbacks, consoled a crying/tired Emery, and then came across my worst nightmare.
With just two miles left to go we hit a section of rocks. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Raquel, they’re just rocks.” Well, yea, but these suckers were of all shapes and sizes. Some were sturdy, and others could cause you to twist an ankle. Or break something. Or fall. And the air was definitely thinner by this point which made breathing pretty damn hard. My fingers felt swollen, and my arms felt like they were being weighed down. I shook my head. "Nope. I'm not doing this." My brother looked over his shoulder at me, "YES, you are." I kept shaking me head, "No. I'm out. Send Emery back down. I'll wait here." My brother kept walking forward as he said, "She's already way ahead of us, and she's doing fine. C'mon, keep moving." Now, what I really wanted to do in that moment was throw the trekking poles at his head and tell him to shut the hell up. Instead, I gave myself a little pep talk, “Alright, bitch. You’re going to cross this whole section of rock, and then you can rest on the other side.” And you know what? I crossed that whole damn section! Woohoo! As I wobbled my way across the last few feet my brother said, "See? You did it. I just had a talk with Emery about you not giving up so you better not let me down. Don't stop, keep going." By this point my upper body was basically horizontal and I was dragging in ragged breathe after ragged breath. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. I took another break, and looked up to see that Emery was already a good switchback length ahead of me. "Stop looking up," my brother said. I stuck out my tongue. "I can't help it." I managed to say between breaths. I slowly shuffled forward, pausing to lean on the poles for a moment. When I looked up again all I could see was grass which made me think that the hard part was over. I stood there thinking, “C’mon. The rough part is over. There is no way you’re going to let pocket Mexican outdo you on this.” Oh, how naive I was. My sister-in-law waited for me while my brother bounded ahead of us to catch up with Emery. I swear he's like a goddamn billy goat with the way he was balancing, and leaping across several sections. I flipped him off before grabbing a hold of the poles, and swallowing the last bit of ClifBar that I had. I steadied myself and slowly made my way over to Kim. She let me get ahead, and as I rounded one more section I looked up. “What. The. Fuck.”
That’s right ladies and gentlemen the last mile to the summit was not only steep, but also made up of mostly huge sections of rock. And that right there is when I called it. “Nope! Pocket Mexican can have this,” I thought to myself. My head hurt, and my legs were jelly. I felt swollen all over, and nauseated with every movement I made. “Dude. That’s it. I’m done,” I told Kim. And as I sat there overlooking the valley, and the trail we had just come through I was finally able to take it all in. We saw some huge chipmunks, and marmots rolling around. I could see the clouds rolling towards us, and tiny specs that were other hikers making their way up. I took deep breaths and thought about how proud I was of how far we got. Emery got even farther which I'll write about that later -- proud mom over here! I knew I had pushed myself passed my limits. And I know that we only had about a mile left but by body was protesting with every little twitch. Kim signaled to my brother and let him know that I had called it. So, he and Emery headed back down to where we were at. He gave me a hug, and told me he was proud of me for getting that far. "You gave it everything you had. This is all that I wanted. For you to push yourself. And look at how much farther you got than when you originally said you were done." He pointed at a few specs coming up below us to show me where we were when I had last told him I wanted to cry, and head back down the mountain because of the pain I was feeling. And he was right. I was totally okay with the reality of me not making it to the top, and so proud of how far I did get. Since the forecast had called for thunderstorms we pulled our raincoats on, and switched packs with my brother. He took off to go meet up with my dad, and we sat there for a moment longer enjoying the view before we started our way back down.
And man was coming down 10x easier than going up! We did end up getting some rain and hail once we passed Williams Lake. Talk about an experience. My brother and dad ended up catching up with us about a mile before we got to the van. We all piled back into the vehicle, and as tired as we were we all still laughed about some of the more intense moments we had had. "You were acting like you were trapped in the dead zone on Mount Everest," my brother joked. He and my dad then laughed about how fast we made it back down. Like there was a fire lit under our asses. As we all scrambled to grab chips, and water my dad informed us that he had made it to the summit about an hour before we turned back down. Show off. Ha! I'm totally kidding. I was super proud of him for that! How many guys in their fifties can say that without even training, or having previous hiking experience that they were able to summit the highest peak in New Mexico? My dad is a total badass! He also told us that those two older ladies had made it up about an hour after he did. Yup, they totally spanked us. Now, once we made it back to the hotel I made the mistake of not following instructions. I had about 28 oz. of water total, and took a lukewarm shower. Then while everyone else headed out for food I fell asleep which is apparently a no-no. This caused my elevation sickness to get a lot worse, and when I woke up my head felt like it was going to explode. I felt like I was going to throw up every time I moved, and my feet were shaking. When my brother came in to check on me he found me hugging the toilet, and I was forced to go outside. I had to drink a lot of water, and Kim gave me some Emergen-C. Then we walked around for about forty five minutes before I started to feel better. Thankfully by the next morning I was back to feeling 100%, and I was ready for the next part of our trip: Getting to explore Taos, New Mexico.
Wheeler Peak - New Mexico Part I
Monday, September 3, 2018
On August 16th my family and I piled into a 15 passenger van, and headed off to New Mexico for a last minute mini vacation before the little had to start school. The plan was to spend Thursday driving, Friday hiking/summit Wheeler Peak, and Saturday exploring. We’d head back home on Sunday and have one day to recuperate before going back to work on Tuesday. We had talked previously about the route we’d take to hike our way up the mountain, and when I looked up the mileage I wasn’t that concerned. You see, when you think 12 miles round trip it doesn’t seem that bad. Do the math: that’s six miles up, and six miles back down. People RUN 26.2 miles for fun. So, walking roughly the distance of a half marathon doesn’t seem so bad. And I had been previously told, ahem, that my short stature would benefit me as well. “Makes it easier”, they said. But what really sealed the deal was when I was told that one of my brother’s friends had made it to the summit the last time they had visited. So, I was like, “Pffft, if pocket Mexican (nickname for that friend) could do it, so can I.” Well, when we finally arrived in Taos we had a perfect view of the mountains, and my brother pointed at one while saying, “Hey Raquel, you see that one? That’s the one we’re going to hike.” Y’all, my eyes felt like they were going to bug out. I’m not going to lie I started to get nervous, and I believe my exact words were, “Oh. Shit.” We checked into the hotel, drove around the town a bit to get familiar with it, and then grabbed dinner before heading back to turn in early. The entire time Wheeler Peak was in view just trying to intimidate me. The next morning we were up at 6 am, grabbed a light breakfast, and headed out.
Looking back, I should have known that this was going to be the toughest thing I would put myself through to date. When my ears started to pop and we hadn’t even made it to the trail entrance I should have seen it as the red flag that it was. As we made our way through the winding road the temperature started to drop, and I felt like a bundle of nerves and excitement. Also, fear. Not even gunna lie. I was telling myself that this was going to be a great adventure, and I couldn’t wait to get to the top. Once we made it as far as we could by car we all climbed out of the vehicle, attempted one last potty break, and double checked to make sure we had everything in our backpacks. And y’all I just want to take a moment to say that I totally thought I was a “hiker” before that day. How cute, right? When someone asks me what my hobbies are I’m like “Oh, I like to run, read books, watch movies, and go hiking.” HA! Hiking my ass. I didn’t even know what REAL hiking was until after that day, y'all. I threw on my sweater, made sure Emery’s shoes were double knotted, and sent one last text to my mom about us making it to the park. “Are y’all ready?” Carlos asked. And with that, we set off.
There was a lot under construction in this area when we got there. About ¼ of a mile passed the trail signs we finally arrived at the trail entrance. We took a few pictures, and I noticed that my breathing was already a bit off. Nothing horrible, as it felt similar to when I jog, but it was noticeable to me because well...we weren’t jogging. By the time we reached a mile my brother had to give me his trekking poles. I didn’t think it would make a huge difference, but they totally did. So, if you're a first timer I definitely recommend that you snag a pair because they make a world of difference. As we made our way up the trail we talked about the most random stuff, and joked around. We were subjected to some off key singing compliments of my brother, and sister-in-law. Yes, we're that loud group of Mexicans. And as we were getting closer to the two mile mark we started to run into several other hikers who were already on their way down. I couldn't believe that some of these guys had already made it to the summit and it was only 8 am! The temperature was about 48 degrees at this point, and we could see the transpiration (I think that's what it's called) coming off of the trees. And that alone was something pretty cool to witness. But the views were really something else too. Every once in awhile I would take a deep breathe, and look around while trying to commit it all to memory. And also to try and catch my breathe. Still, even the most beautiful of views wasn't going to keep me from complaining once my breathing got harder. Sorry, y'all. I followed along while mumbling under my breath, "Uggh. I can already tell this is going to be rough, why did I let y'all talk me into this?" And to make it worse, at the time, my brother would holler out "HEY! Y'all know what's just up ahead?" We'd answer with, "NO, what?" or "Is it the lake?" And he'd let out this big laugh before responding with, "No. A great place to take a picture!" And this is about the time I told him where I was going to shove his trekking poles if he didn't cut it out.
We finally made it to Williams Lake (2 miles) after a few small curves, and my breathing was definitely more labored. I felt like I had been running those two miles at a little over my normal pace. Again, we were just walking. But y'all, when the lake finally came into view I held my breath for a moment. It was a spectacular view. You almost didn't want to keep walking forward because it would disturb it's perfection. The lake was on the low side, but we had a clear view of the surrounding mountains. The dew was glistening off of every surface, and the warmth of the sunshine felt amazing. I grabbed some water, and checked to see how Emery was doing. We adjusted our packs, and since Carlos told us it would probably get hotter we decided take our sweaters off. As we took in the scenery one last time I realized that this was almost at the halfway point. so I got a little overconfident. Word to the wise: don’t get overconfident as it will just bite you in the ass later. We took a few more pictures, and then with one final "are y'all ready" from my brother we began heading up the actual mountain.
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