Wordless Wednesday

 

Begin Anew | We Moved

At the beginning of March, we made the decision to move. We had spent months weighing the pros and cons. We prayed about it. I cried over it. And while I had finally mentally accepted this change, I didn't realize just how much of a whirlwind it would turn out to be. 

As soon as we said, "Yes." So many doors opened for us all at once. Thanks to my husband's grandfather, we were blessed with an affordable home. Closing date of mid-April. Then, I found a job that worked with me on a start date that was further out than we had anticipated. Start date in mid-May. Timeline-wise, everything was close enough that my son could have his ear surgery and my daughter could finish out her school year with her friends. Then, my husband was guaranteed work for a year, and help with start-up costs to continue a business that had already been set in motion at the beginning of the year. 

On May 4, we packed up 3/4 of our home and started the journey south. This move would take place in multiple rounds, so it wasn't until recently that saying goodbye to our old house felt very definitive. But it's been over a month for me now, and I'm surprised by how quickly we've established routines. How quickly I've been able to navigate parts of this new city without the GPS. Though I still keep it on, just in case. And there's something to be said about fresh starts. Being somewhere you've never been before. Getting to explore new places. Finding out who you are when you take all of the creature comforts you've been accustomed to away... 

Anyway, more on all of this soon. Where are we now? How's our teenager taking it? What's the daycare situation? How's the new job? How am I feeling? Plenty more posts to come soon, I promise. But for now, I just wanted to pop in and say a quick hello! I'm still here - just a little busy trying to navigate this new life. Until the next post. ✌

Wordless Wednesday

Some Recent Things

The time change brought some much-needed sunshine in the evenings. However, the “earlier” mornings have been a bit of a struggle to get used to this year. Most days, I am dragging. But I actually love this shift that we get. Having more sunshine in the afternoons is my jam. Anyway, things have been a little heavy here on the blog lately. So, I want to share a few positive life updates.

Emery is currently at the end of track season. She just completed cheer tryouts and was named the Junior Cheer Captain. She’s been doing really well in her classes, minus Algebra 2. But that’s looking more like a teacher problem rather than a student problem. While I take my teenager seriously, I also know her very well. She’s not perfect, and sometimes she’s a bit dramatic. So no, it’s not just her feedback that’s causing me to make that claim. Other factors are also playing into my opinion. And don’t come at me about teachers, I have a lot of respect for them and feel they should be paid way more. Moving along. Emery has started to show interest in driving again, BUT there is A LOT of anxiety with it. And not just from her, but me as well. So much so that I’m considering enrolling her in driving school over the summer if we haven’t made any progress by then. Other than that, we are in the home stretch to the end of Sophomore year. And that passed by so freaking fast.

Little man is healthy, growing, and walking! Can you believe it? We still co-sleep, and I am still breastfeeding. He still wakes up throughout the night. So, on a good day, we get about 7 hours of interrupted sleep. That doesn’t stop him from waking up with a smile on his face and outstretched arms most mornings, though. He has had some issues with ear infections and was scheduled to have tubes placed in his ears recently. Unfortunately, his procedure had to be rescheduled due to RSV - better safe than sorry. He has been learning more words, but his favorites are “No” and “Stop.” Can you guess where he’s hearing those the most at? He loves hanging out in his sister’s room, though that sentiment is very one-sided. And some mornings, he wakes up talking about his dad. A little sad, but also cute that he’s thinking of him. We had his first Easter egg “hunt” last week at daycare. It was so cute getting to see all of the kids wobble and crawl around picking up eggs.

Overall, everyone is doing well! Life is chugging right along, and we’ve got some upcoming decisions/changes to walk through. It’s been a bit stressful for me, but I know everything will work itself out. Until the next one, ✌.

Wordless Wednesday

Broken Nights

While things have been going well for my husband, the downside has been that he’s away from home. A lot. He only comes back every other weekend, and then we try to make a trip in between. Sometimes we just get a Saturday before one of us has to leave. And even that depends on schedules. Overall, this has been very hard on me. It’s been hard on Emery and little man, too.

Because my husband is gone for long stretches at a time, I have to rely on Emery’s help way more than I did before. Which she’s not a fan of, and I don’t blame her. I will say that my sister-in-law, from my previous marriage, has been a huge help to me during these past few months. Sometimes she brings over dinner, a packed lunch, or offers to watch the little man so I can take a shower. But she has her own life, and I don’t want to intrude on it. My parents have also made a handful of trips up here to help me get some things done. But it’s a long drive to make, so I don’t ask for them to do this often. So, a lot of times, I feel like I just can’t keep up with the demands of everyday life.

My brain is constantly on. Lists, reminders, and did that get done? While my son is sleeping better, I have developed a really bad snoring problem. Weight gain induced. Sometimes I wonder if this is also why he can’t sleep for long stretches either. So, we're both still getting crap sleep every night. And each week, we are navigating something new. There are personal appointments and work meetings. Illness and track schedules. Pickups and drop-offs. Bedtime routines and work projects. Laundry and committees. Calendars and school events. And y’all, I feel like I’m floundering. Trying to work full-time, be there for my teenager, take care of my baby, keep all of our animals alive, AND maintain a clean home has left me with very little time to do anything besides survive.

On top of that, it’s been said that I’m not ambitious enough. That I’m lazy. I’ve been told that I don’t want to put effort into my career to help my family. “Why did you go get a degree if you aren’t going to use it to make things better for yourself and your family?” But if I really pursued a better-paying job that required more of me, I’d be accused of being selfish. "She must not want to be around her family. She’s allowing strangers to raise her kids." So, when comments about my “lack of effort” get made, it piss me off. And then I get a bit defensive. Because what the heck do you mean I'm not doing enough? I don’t know when I would have the time, at least right now, to give any more of myself in any area of my life. Home or career. There’s just nothing left in my tank right now.

December 2025

I feel like I’m failing at everything. Nothing can receive my full attention. I feel like a married single mom, and there are times when I resent that. I was promised help. I was told I would not have to parent alone. I was told that I’d still have time for self-care. And I was told that I wouldn’t have to carry the mental load on my own. Yet, here we are. And I know that this is just a hard season in life right now - I know. But having to go such long periods without my partner's help has been rough. Feeling like I’m not contributing enough has left me doubting myself. Feeling like a terrible wife and mother has left me broken on some nights. And I know that at some point, things will ease up. I'll be wishing for these days again. Even if only to relive the moments with my kids. So, even on the broken nights, after the tears are shed, I tell myself that there are so many things to be grateful for. And I continue to count my blessings.

Wordless Wednesday

Open Doors

I’ve drafted two full posts in the past hour and then deleted each one. They each felt like I was trying to pack a lot into one post, and well, no one needs that amount of word vomit in one sitting. So, let’s start with the first major event, shall we?

May 2025

At the beginning of 2025, my husband was presented with a new work opportunity. He would be learning a new skill and completely stepping out of the construction world. This opportunity would come with a “buy-in” partnership and inspection license. It would mean creating his own hours and less physical stress on his body. It was a win-win. So, he accepted.

Well, halfway through the year, he was informed that a partnership was no longer on the table. Instead, he would receive an increase in salary and be the supervisor for any new hires. But becoming a part-owner would not be possible. While this was disheartening news, he said he was okay as long as he was able to apprentice until he could get his own license. The pay bump was also very welcome, as we were struggling. So, he pushed on.

Then, as August rolled around, there was news that the owner might sell the company off completely. And if not, he would significantly decrease the areas in which he would place work bids. My husband’s area was one of those possibly being axed. Based on several discussions, some of which took place in front of me while others did not, he was told that he had nothing to worry about. If our area was not bid, he could work in the neighboring one. It would require a bit more travel, but his job was secure.

And then November came along. My husband was informed that his employer had decided not to bid for our area again. And while we were expecting this, the major disappointment came when he found himself unemployed. With no way of completing an apprenticeship to gain his license. It felt like he had just wasted a year. And everything that he had been told was just…bullshit. As you can imagine, that set us back even further financially.

After his last day, he took a few weeks to get some things done around our home. He did some odd jobs here and there. But every night, he’d ask if he should go back to what he knew - construction. I honestly had no idea what to say. Did he enjoy that line of work? Sometimes. Did it beat up his body every day? Definitely. But was he good at it? Absolutely. And that’s when he started to toss around the idea of being his own boss. And well, after some discussion, that’s the route he decided would be best. Go big or go home, right?

At the beginning of 2026, he decided to pursue it with everything he had. He would take guidance from his grandfather, who owns his own company, on creating this new business. Then, we put whatever we could into investing in tools. He started talking to some businesses about referrals for jobs that might be too small for them or that they didn't have time for. And finally, he started his first big build.

So far, things have been going pretty well, and he has steady work, which we are grateful for. He’s put in a lot of hard work, and he’s even been able to pay for a work hand, which has helped tremendously. But I would be lying if I said we didn’t have our doubts. Especially when he received a call from a local company, willing to pay him a really good amount, to run their construction crew. He politely declined, but it made us so nervous. That said, I have faith that he’ll be able to make this happen. I have faith that he’s working towards his dream so he can better himself and his family. Now, I just pray that God guides him in the work he needs to do, and that doors open for him when we need them.

Wordless Wednesday

(Bitter) Sweet 16

Last week, we celebrated Emery’s 16th birthday. Cue the tears and “How did we get here?” comments. The weekend before that, we spent time in Waco with my family. Her little cousins made her a cake and chocolate-covered strawberries. They bought her a tiara, too. It was all very low-key, which we enjoyed.

While we started the day of her birthday with laughter, something felt a little off when I got home. Later that night, she mentioned that she felt a little underwhelmed by everything. And it had nothing to do with the celebration or the gifts, but more because of how she was feeling. She’s been struggling with the reality of mortality since the car accident we had back in March 2025. And it’s almost as if it’s sucked the joy out of all the happy moments since then. As the day came to an end, and we were sitting on the couch, she quietly said, “Today felt weird. I miss the me at 14. Birthdays just aren’t as exciting as they used to be.” And that made me sad.

This year, our financial situation limited what we could do for her. And having a baby has also limited what I have the energy for. Before, I would have taken that opportunity to give her a pep talk and make a late-night run for ice cream to cheer her up. Blasting her music and singing at the top of our lungs. Instead, I was staring at a very low-balance bank account, running on little sleep, and trying to calm a fussy baby who kept wailing every time I put him down. And so, I felt like I was letting her down by not being able to be there for her. Not being able to focus on her. I went to bed feeling like a failure.

I wish I could have done more. I wish she and I had been able to have a day, just the two of us. I think it’s desperately needed. I wish she hadn’t been with me the evening of our car accident. That man has caused more damage than he can even imagine. And I wish that my little girl could feel the joy in all of the happy moments like she used to. I miss the excitement she had for being with her friends. For school trips. For time spent at home, but also getting to go out and explore - being a teenager. That 14-year-old was ready to take on the world. The 16-year-old today is cautious and views everything with shades of grey.

All of that said, I’m so proud of her. It’s been a very bittersweet time, but I don’t want the tinge of sadness to dampen how grateful we are. It hits me every once in a while, out of the blue, that she’s closer to 18 than 10. She’s determined, and she’s smart. She's putting in the work with her counselor to sort through/cope with her feelings. She talks to me about everything, which I love. Even when the subject matter gets a bit awkward. We laugh a lot, which I love to hear. And I am constantly praying that the fear she’s had placed on her heart will one day fade away. That is my wish for her this year. So, here's to another year around the sun, Little. I love you. 💖

Wordless Wednesday

 

Letting Go of a Place

Photo by Pin Adventure Map on Unsplash

Written on 12.17.25 

When I was a teenager, I had these big dreams of living in a big city. I wanted to see other parts of the world, too. Now, as an adult, while I would love to see other parts of the world, I’m most comfortable in the country. My entire life has been spent here in this area. Minus that one year I lived in California. My family was here. It was a small town with a strong community. Everyone knew everyone else. Crime was very low. And honestly, I have enjoyed being here. It’s familiar. It’s safe. It’s HOME.

Then, a few months ago, our landlord had a mental health crisis. Not their first. And while I won’t get into too much detail, the police did get involved. It was recommended that we stay elsewhere for a few nights and then return later once they had gotten some help. We were lucky to have a place to stay for the week, and we spent those days living out of a duffel bag. The whole ordeal was super disruptive to say the least. But this forced us to start looking into the long term. My husband and I took the week to talk about our lives. What was our goal? Did we still see a future here? What did we really have left in this town? If we did move, where would we go? How would a move impact the kids? How would this impact us, financially and in our lives overall?

In the end, we came to the conclusion that nothing was holding us here. The cost of living has almost doubled, and it’s still climbing. The job market has not kept up, and while I make a decent amount, I could be making more elsewhere. My parents moved 1 ½ hours away. His dad and stepmom live 3 ½ hours away. This community is no longer small, and it’s projected to grow quite a bit in the next 5 years. While it is relatively safe, drugs and alcohol are everywhere. Though I doubt that’s different anywhere else. And as we sat there listing the pros and cons of whether to stay or go, I realized that the only thing holding us here was nostalgia. And a healthy dose of fear that comes from having to start all over. Nineteen-year-old me would have probably been packed and ready to go. Thirty-eight-year-old, mother of two, me is looking around in panic. Because what do you mean, I have to uproot everything and try to figure out life in a very unfamiliar place?

Now, by the time we returned to our house, we were all in agreement that it would be best for us to move. Where? We haven’t determined that yet. It will honestly depend on jobs. Though we have about 3 locations in mind. Ideally, we’d like to get our financial situation sorted out first. And I’d like to have some time to job hunt before going anywhere. I’d also like to wait until Emery finishes the school year. All of that said, we haven’t ruled out staying in this area completely. Maybe going a few towns over, or so. But we do want to leave our current location. We want to have a fresh start somewhere. Preferably still close to our families. Though a job offer was extended to my husband in South Texas, we haven't completely declined. In the end, we’ll do what’s best for our family. But HERE is no longer a place we’re tied to. And while there’s grief in that, there’s also excitement.