Weight Loss - Weigh In - July 2018

So, back in June I talked a little about my feelings in regards to my weight. And a bit on body positivity. I’ve done a little bit of “research” lately to kind of try, and pinpoint what my “issues” are. Because I wish I could say that things have gotten better, but they haven't. And before we get too into this let me just say that I’m not anorexic or bulimic. I don’t binge eat either. But I do feel like I have a slight combination of body dysmorphia and disordered eating. Not on the extreme spectrum where I feel like I constantly look in the mirror at all of my flaws. But more on the, no matter how hard I work I’m not happy with how I look. So, I avoid going out and I hate my picture being taken. On the disordered eating side of things I’m still having a hard time not associating food with exercise. I often get anxiety over this too. For example: If I eat a whole candy bar, that’s not on my cheat day, as soon as I’m done I start thinking about how much extra time I have to add to my workout in order to burn those extra calories. Now the reason why I don’t think it’s THAT bad is because some days I go through with adding the extra time, and others I just say “fuck it” and don’t even worry about it. That's a win, right? Still, it’s taken some time to get my mind to not go there as often as it did before. And it’s taken some work to counter the negative thoughts with more positive ones.

Now, here’s why it can get frustrating for me. Three weeks ago I started to decrease my coffee/caffeine intake. I also started to drink a minimum of eight cups of water per day. Then the next two weeks I started a workout schedule of 30-60 minutes a day for a minimum of four days a week. I continued with intermittent fasting (5 days on/two days off), and incorporated more fruits/veggies with every meal. On days when I would allow myself to indulge (once a week) I would only choose one item. So for instance, if I wanted to eat at Burger King, I would only allow myself to have a burger. No fries. Or if I wanted a candy bar I would split it in two, and give someone else the other half. This allowed me to feel like I wasn’t depriving myself of anything. And while I felt great about what I was putting into my body, and how I felt after my workouts the scale did not budge. That’s right, after two weeks of putting in some hard work the scale read the exact same. And technically, it went up a pound the first week & then dropped back down a pound by this morning when I weighed myself. Which logged me in at the exact same weight I had been sitting at three weeks ago. Do you see how discouraging that is for me?

I know that this could be me losing inches, and gaining muscle. I know that this could be water weight. I know that this could just be my body’s way of telling me that I need to switch some things up. But it’s hard to keep a positive attitude when you look at all of the hard work that you put into something, and then have no visual progress. It’s down right maddening! And for about an hour after that last weigh-in I almost gave up. I almost told myself to quit because it doesn’t feel worth it to give up a lot of the stuff you like; only to have no weight loss. But I had to talk myself down from that ledge. I had to remind myself that I was working on fueling myself with better foods rather than sugar and caffeine. I told myself I needed to look at non-scale victories before throwing in the towel. That if I just stuck with this, eventually, the changes would come. 

So, I’ve decided to start a monthly log-in here on my blog. Starting with today. At the end of each month I’ll write a bit about how I’m feeling, what my current weight is, a current photograph, some non-scale related progress, and any changes that I’ve noticed. If any at all. I feel like this will be a great way for me to stay focused. To stay accountable. And to help me keep a positive attitude. Now, they won't normally be this long. I'm sorry.  But here goes: 

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs 

Current Weight (CW): 189 lbs

Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

I'm down to one cup of coffee per day during the work week. My cutoff time for my caffeine consumption is 2 pm. I've also been aiming to be in bed by 9 pm every night, and asleep by 10 pm. Right now my average fall asleep time is between 10:30-11 pm. Last week I started taking some CBD oil to help with my anxiety, and sleep schedule. I plan on reviewing it later. I feel like both of those are contributing to my lack of weight loss. I hope this oil helps with decreasing my stress, and allowing me to get some consistent sleep. Right now I average 5 - 6 hours off/on. This afternoon will be my first day to incorporate a kickboxing class into my weekly workouts since the last time I attempted it a few years ago. I'm excited, and a little nervous. I have bladder issues, and I'm hoping I don't have to stop too many times during the class in order to not pee my pants. Thank you, childbirth. I've been able to run more laps, and my pace has improved by about 30 seconds. Shin splints are still flaring up, but I now tape as well as take Tylenol when they start to hurt. Overall though, I'm feeling a bit discouraged due to lack of scale movement in the past two weeks. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude though.

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It's Hot, Summer is Almost Over, & I'm Tired

Hey everyone! I’m not exactly sure where you’re at, location wise, at the moment but let me just say that Texas is getting hot y’all. Today was the first day in over a week that we had the temperature dip below 100 degrees. But only barely. Our heat index was over 110 the past five days. So naturally, this called for back -to- back pool days. A shit ton of ice cream/popsicles. And a lot of time spent indoors in front of the A/C. Not sure what we would have done without Netflix or Hulu either. Anyway, I thought I’d pop in to say hello!

Can you believe we’re already at the end of July? I feel like that went by pretty fast. Though, I’m kind of ready for the school year to start. No more, “Mooooom, I’m so bored.” or “Mom, why can’t we go out every single day to go do something with other people?” Once the school year starts back up then they become the teacher’s problem, am I right?! Ha! I kid. Kind of. But no, seriously, I need someone to keep my kid mentally engaged while also keeping her physically active for a good eight hours of the day. That way once she comes home she’s doesn’t want to spend an hour arguing over why she thinks she doesn’t need to bathe regularly. Or challenging her bedtime. Or crying over her limited screen time because she refused to put on her bottoms. Or complaining about not having anything to do. You see, when school time rolls around I feel like kids are a bit more agreeable at the end of the day. At least the younger ones anyway. When they’re finished with all of the after-school activities and homework they’re usually pretty cool with doing nothing.  Watching TV. Eating some grub. You know, the usual. So, when we got the "school supply list" email for this upcoming school year you can bet your sweet cheeks I was ready. “Yaaaassss! Summer is almost over!!” I’m already planning on going “back to school” supply shopping next week. This momma is going to put in as much overtime as she can this week in order to get all of the supplies in one trip! Woohoo!

Okay, okay. All kidding aside. I love summer. I love the time spent with my family. And I know that there will come a time when I’m begging for these years back. Wishing I could have just one more summer like this. So, even though I’m ready for the school year to start...I’m also wishing for slower days. Just a little more sunshine. Just one more night of living room dance sessions. A few extra hours of snuggling on the couch while watching movies. And one more “ice cream for breakfast” day. I’m constantly talking about needing a “pause” button because sometimes I feel like it’s all going by too fast. So, in reality, I’m grateful for all of the time I get. Even when my anxiety is kicked into overdrive. Even on the days when I’m exasperated by the attitude my kid is dishing out. I still feel pretty blessed to have any of this at all.

And wow did that get all serious real fast, huh? My bad guys! I honestly didn’t plan to write much today. So, I’ll start winding this post down now. I originally came on here to say "Hello!" To let you know that it’s really hot here. To talk about how tired I am. And to say that I started to carve out a schedule for writing/posting which I hope to implement next month. I’ve also started a workout routine, and I hope to write about that part of my life a bit more on here as well. Lately, I’ve been really trying to increase the number of days I work out, and really look at what foods I’m consuming. I’m not sure if something has “clicked”, or if I’m just entering into another "half-ass" phase. I guess we’ll see after a few weeks, huh? Okay, well that's about it for now. I better get going. The Hallmark Channel is calling my name, and I’ve got a load of laundry to finish as well. Joy. 

📷: credit

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Wordless Wednesday

Book Review - Defy

Defy by L.J. Shen
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

3 Stars

This is my 3rd L.J. Shen book. I originally read Vicious first when it came out, and then never returned to this series for some reason. However, back in April I picked out Midnight Blue, and read it in one sitting which prompted me to pick up where I left off on this series. And that ladies and gentlemen brings us to "DEFY". As always, I won't recap the blurb or story as y'all have probably already read it on your own so you get the gist of what this is going to be about by now. And just a heads up that there will be some quotes from the book included in the review (in case that isn't your jam). 

First let me start off by saying that I don't condone student/teacher relationships when its someone under the age of 18 in real life & while they're teaching said student. I'd elaborate, but we'd be here all day. And second, I HAVE NEVER EVER MET AN 18 YEAR OLD AS FULL GROWN AS OUR MC JAMIE. Hell, there are some 30 year old's out there that still act like children. But for the sake of the story, I'll bite. So, lets get to it shall we:

“Because that was the problem with society. It cared too much about who you fell in love with but never about why. The why matters.” - Melody

Jamie was probably the sweetest member of the HotHoles. And even after going back to re-read Vicious (which takes place in the present- whereas Defy is in the past) I felt like at 18, Jamie was way WAY more mature than ANY of the other guys are in the present. He was the rational, and definitely more supportive one out of the bunch too. I still have two more books to go through so maybe I'm being premature in my assessment? But once Jamie made up his mind about what he wanted he went for it. Completely, and without hesitation. Then when feelings start to get thrown into the mix of their arrangement he's the first to step up, and own it. However, his compassion and loyalty shouldn't be mistaken for a weakness either. He's every bit the alpha male. Possessive and commanding in all of the right ways. Melody, was a little harder for me to adjust to. And not because she was a 26 year old teacher drooling over an 18 year old student either. I think it was because of how relatable she was in OTHER areas of her life. She was stuck in a rut working at a job that she hated. She had been single for a long time with no real prospects which gave her character this feeling of defeat at first. Then everything in her life within the first few chapters just seemed a little hopeless. And we all know that every one of us has been there a time or two in our lives. So where Jamie brought in the fantasy...Melody brought the realness into the story. However, as we make progress into the book, and we get to see how great these two characters are together (under the sheets as well as out of them) you start to see how well they fit; complimenting each other. They seem like a completely normal couple dealing with normal day-to-day relationship stuff. You almost almost forget that he's a senior in high-school and she's his Lit teacher. And surprisingly for a short novella our characters have development. I didn't feel like it was too rushed, and the ending left me completely satisfied.

Here's a tiny little glimpse of one of my favorite conversations from the book:

“Just to give you a heads-up – I’m on my period." - Melody

"You don’t say. You hid it so well. Like I said, I’m here to hang out.” - Jamie

I don't have a lot of complaints. I'm familiar with Shen's writing now, and she gives us plenty of alpha male sexiness with each book she delivers. However, I'm so used to the dual POV, which I love, and I was disappointed that this book didn't have that. Maybe it was due to the length--having to keep it short and sweet? But I really enjoy getting to read both sides of a story, and with this one we only see things through Melody's eyes. Sure, we get a tiny little glimpse in the epilogue, but it was so NOT enough for me. Who knows? Maybe one day we'll get Jamie's side. But if we don't then that's still okay.

Overall though, this was a great- fast read. If you're a fan of L.J. Shen already this novella won't disappoint. If you're new to this author I feel like this is a great place to start. It's shorter, but don't let that fool you. Shen writes some pretty great stories, and this is a good book to test out whether you'll like her style or not. At the time of posting you can snag this book for $2.99 on Kindle, or read for free if you're a Kindle Unlimited member. 

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Summer So Far…

I’ve kind of been stuck in this rut lately. And I don’t know what it is about this past month, but boy have I felt lazy. Normally when this happens I turn to writing, and books. Usually I feel like I have a lot of things I’d love to write about, or discuss. Word vomit is a regular occurrence for me. However, there are times when I either don’t have the words, or I get writers block. It’s like all of the creativity gets sucked right out of me too. My words are a jumbled mess, and my thoughts are scattered. So today, I’m just going to give you a few little updates in regards to our summer so far.

The little had “camps” during the whole month of June. She tried out volleyball camp, swimming lessons, and then dance camp. One of the many things I completely enjoy about being a parent is watching my daughter discover who she is, and what she likes. Or doesn’t like. I was lucky enough to find a sport that I loved very early on when I was a kid. I ate, slept, and breathed basketball. So, after Emery started to run around I remember wondering about what she might like as she got older. Would she follow in my footsteps? Would she venture out towards softball, soccer, or volleyball instead? Well, so far, she ain’t digging any of it. Which has led me to think that my kid may not be a “team sport” kind of girl. She enjoys dancing, creating art, climbing, and making music. And instead of trying out some other sports camps she’s now asking to be put back into gymnastics because she says this is what she really wants to do again. So, it looks like Hip Hop dance lessons, and sparkly leotards are in our future rather than cleats or gloves. It’s definitely different from anything I ever did as a kid, but I’m pretty excited about it. I’m excited to see the path that she paves on her own.

The next bit of news is that on June 29th my brother came home! Y’all, I won’t lie, I totally cried. I showed up at my parent’s house that Saturday expecting to see my sister-in-law and nephew as they had already planned to come visit. When I walked into the house it was quiet. Emery came up to me and said “Mom, you need to come see something we have for you in the back.” Thinking it was just a craft project, or some clothes I followed her to the back room. And there they all were! You don’t realize how much you miss someone’s physical presence in your life until they’ve been gone for awhile. And man did I miss getting to see my brother. Of course I bombarded him with questions, and he told us many more stories of his time at boot camp. For now he has to walk with a cane until his leg is back to 100%, but other than that he’s doing great! He’ll be back to hiking, biking, and climbing in no time. Lucky for me, the carnival was in town that weekend. And if you don’t know by now: I love carnivals, and roller-coasters. So, in the spirit of “tradition" I had him ride the Kamikaze ride with me before they left the next day. (read: he was double dog dared)

For the 4th of July we went to see the town’s parade. Afterwards they had a little festival, and we were able to meet up with a friend of mine and her kids. It was a really hot day, but the water slides got plenty of use from all three of them. Once the kids were all tuckered out we made our way over to Gigi’s house for lunch. And there’s something to be said about spending time with family, catching up with how everyone is doing, and eating some delicious food. We left with full bellies, and promises to visit again soon. Then we headed back to the house in order to shower the day off, and take a nap. Since there’s been a burn ban in our town, the only way we would be able to see fireworks is at the town’s yearly firework show later that night. So, once 7:30 rolled around we all loaded up into the car to head into town for dinner followed by the fireworks.

We don't have a lot of plans for the rest of the summer. A few camps might come up in August. Some afternoons you can find us at the local pool, and others we spend inside watching TV in front of the A/C. It's been a hot one here in Texas, and we've been told it will get hotter. I've decided that this is the month to take things slow, enjoy some rest, and be lazy. I actually look forward to not doing much once I get off from work. The weekends we spend visiting with my grandparents who are here from Mexico. We eat ice cream, and popsicles. Emery runs around in the sprinklers and we all just sit watching the sun start to go down. For now, life is good. Life is calm. And I'm doing my best to enjoy it. 

Wordless Wednesday