Some Space for Her

A few years ago Emery asked if she could start a blog. We created one, but she never actually followed through with posting anything. This request came after she asked me what I was typing one day and I let her see a little bit of my blog. I told her I also had a private one that I hope to one-day print out into a book for her. Then last year, while she was using my Instagram account to look for a specific TikTocker - she made her way to my profile. She looked up at me and asked, “Why don’t you post on here very much? And how come you can’t see my face in any of the pictures I’m in? Is this how all of your accounts are?”

Privacy and safety are always at the forefront of my mind when I put things about our lives online. And we’ve covered online safety with her - several times throughout the year. The schools also have a session on it once a year. But I still took that opportunity to dive further into the details of privacy, online safety, and consent to post things online. I told her that I felt it wasn’t really MY place to post things about HER even though I was her mom. This is a big reason why I don’t post a lot of pictures of her and also why I moved away from writing so much about her too. If you’ve been here since the beginning you know that this blog started out as a “mom blog”. If you dig far enough you might even get some secondhand embarrassment from my writing back then, but I digress. My daughter is a BIG part of my life. So, I’ve decided that with her permission, I’ll post a smidge more about her from time to time. And I also want to have a few posts where she gets to unleash a bit of her own voice on.

My idea is to do two “interview” style posts asking her some silly questions and some a little more serious ones. Without getting too personal of course. I’d like to do one at the beginning of the school year and then the other at the end. Kind of like a check-in. And then I’d like to ask her to share her thoughts in a post or two about what’s going on in her life. I’m still on the fence about sharing pictures that show her face on any social media platform, but she’s kind of already out there - so we’ll see. Now that she’s a bit older, and has more of a say, I kind of feel like sharing more of her with you. All of that said, I do realize that I missed the beginning of this school year, so I’ll try to draft and post while we’re both on break in a few weeks.

When I asked her if this would be something that she'd be interested in - she said yes. She asked me what my ideas were and what she'd have to do. I went over what I had in mind and then told her the rest would be mainly up to her. She said, "This will be really cool to look back on." And she's not wrong. It's one of the main reasons why I wanted to start this. To look back on her entries as she's getting older. For her to see what was going on during these years. And also as a way for us to have something that's just ours as a mother & daughter. Again, this could totally change. I could start it and then forget about it. I could decide that it’s not a good idea. I could end up feeling like it's too much too soon. But I'm going to give it a go - as long as she’s on board. 

What it do, 2022?

So, I took a bit of a break. And in all honesty, I’m not sure if I’ll continue posting on this blog anymore. Well, let me rephrase - I’m not sure if I’ll be posting consistently on this blog anymore. My plate is beyond full right now. The Statistics class I’m taking is kicking my butt. Accounting II is just as confusing as Accounting I. I’ve been non-stop at work which has been rough lately; a story for another time. Homelife has been just as jam-packed as always. And I’m really craving some slow days, but I know that those are a ways away. 

In the meantime, my “to-do” lists keep growing - my responsibilities keep stacking up. And I barely have enough free time to get some one-on-one time with Corey much less find some extra time to write. However, lately, I’ve really missed it. There’s been a lot that’s happened. Places we’ve visited. Friendships made. New experiences we’ve been fortunate enough to have. And summer plans made that are pretty dang exciting! There's a lot I'd like to share - I just haven't had the time to really sit down and put everything into words. 

I hope that one day I’ll be able to dust this little blog of mine off again. I hope that I can eventually go back to writing frequently. Who knows, maybe I’ll find time soon? Or maybe it’ll be another two years. For now, I hope a few lines and pictures from time to time will suffice. Here are a few snaps of the last few months of 2021. And I hope 2022 has been good to y'all so far......until the next post! 

❤

p.s. Happy Valentine's Day! 

Random Thoughts // Five - Twenty One - Twenty One

Today, I’m not feeling up to writing about one particular thing. It’s been a day and I’m a little tired. My brain is just not wanting to focus either. So, instead, I’m just going to write down some random thoughts as they come. See where it takes me…

Blogger has really gotten on my nerves lately. Editing/drafting wise. I know I had mentioned several times before that I wanted to switch to self-hosted but that’s such a huge upfront cost. One that I can’t afford right now. I thought about doing it myself, but I have no idea where to even begin. I could pay someone who offers a transfer service but they have their own costly fee. And I’m not saying it’s an unreasonable price tag either. I’ve seen some of what it takes to make a switch on a small blog. I can only imagine the pain in the butt that’s in store for a more established one that requires a lot more work. It’s definitely WORTH every penny to have someone do it for you. But again, the lack of funds is my issue. So here I sit. Grumbling about the horrible Blogger editor, the photo issues, and still being annoyed with the video feature they took away. 😒

The Spring semester for me is officially over - grades have been posted. I made it through with an overall 3.5 GPA!! Which is MUCH better than what I expected. And y’all, that was A LOT of work. A little over midway through I made the decision to scale back on classes for the fall. For my sanity and the sake of all my relationships. So, to try and stay on track I will have to take a class or two for this summer and next summer. While I’m not looking forward to the “nonstop” classes for the next two years - I keep telling myself it’s temporary. And in the end, it will pay off. I’ll be able to walk down that dang aisle to receive my Bachelor’s degree. Finally!

Moving right along. We officially have a destination for our summer vacation! While we had originally wanted to go visit California -as Corey has never been, this will probably be the last summer we get with the boys for at least three years so we decided to join in on Corey’s side of the family’s vacation. We’ll be spending some time in Kentucky and then North Carolina. And I’m definitely looking forward to some cabin time in the mountains. Plus, we’ll be visiting the life-size Noah’s Ark, which is a place I’ve wanted to visit since I heard about it. But what I’m NOT looking forward to is that 15-hour drive. I am thankful we’ll be splitting it up over the course of a week, but y’all we’re going to need prayers and/or some major good vibes. That is a LONG haul, and it will probably test me. And Corey. And Em. And everyone else involved. Ha! But I’m grateful for the opportunity to go visit a place I’ve never been to before. So, it’ll be good. I’ve got time to prepare.

Annnnnnd this seems like a good stopping point for today. I really want to lay in bed with a good book or maybe just watch a really good movie. Alas, there’s laundry and a good amount of cleaning to do. Adulting is hard stuff, y’all. Anyway, how is your end of the school year going? I pray it’s been a good one. Any big plans or vacation plans? Any suggestions for where we should go? I hope this wasn’t too scattered for anyone. Until the next post! Stay safe & have a wonderful weekend. Au revoir!

The Cursor is Blinking

I’m sitting here trying to figure out how to put sentences together. I have a long list of topics I want to talk about. News I want to share. Updates I’d like to give. Opinions that I have. But as soon as I start to type something I quickly delete it. And then the cursor just stays in one place...blinking. Waiting. Which ends up making me feel like my mind is this jumbled mess and I can’t piece things together to save my life.

📸:source

Because of this, I thought about taking a writing class over the summer to see if that helped bring things back for me. Maybe it would give me this spark of creativity again. Maybe it would remind me of the love I have for writing. But plans changed and it looks like I’ll be taking an accounting class instead. And this is currently my life right now. Putting other things aside for the sake of my education. For my degree. And the only person I have to blame for that is myself. So, I’ll stop complaining now.

Instead, let me just say that things are steady over here. We recently had some sad news that we’re still processing. My fall/spring semester is wrapping up in two weeks and then the kids still have a month to go. We recently had some cold weather come through and I’m enjoying this last little burst before the heat rolls in. Corey has projects left and right that he’s been super busy with. We are finally back at 100% capacity at our church. And we’re hoping to start working on the house that we want to move into by the end of summer.

Personally, I'm working on the things that I feel need to change. I'm doing my best to focus on school, my family, faith, and work. My anxiety doesn't grace me with its presence nearly as often as it had before. I'm going to do my best to break out of this writing funk. And I plan to use this little break before summer classes to finally make my way back to the gym. Because I need it. Other than that, I'm just soaking in all of the quiet. I'm enjoying this change of pace in my life. Things are good. And I hope that things are great on your end too! Until the next time, adios! 🌻 

2021 // Play Nice

Well, how was everyone’s Christmas/New Year’s holiday? I was blessed to have some much needed time off from work and I definitely enjoyed it! We were able to spend time with some of my side of the family over the Christmas holiday and then rang in the new year with my partner's family in Houston. Our little area of Texas received about 3” of snow that we MISSED on New Year's Eve. It was the first time in five years that we’ve gotten snow and I’m still a bit bummed that we weren’t here for it. However, we had a blast in Houston and I still have faith that we’ll get another chance at snow later in January. Alas, it’s now the first full week of January and we’re all back to our regular schedules. I’m praying that 2021 is the year we get to clean up the mess that 2020 created. 

Now, I usually have a handful of goals I like to set out for myself at the beginning of the year. Then I come up with my “word of the year”. But this year I definitely slacked on all of those. With the pandemic wreaking havoc, I’m not sure if I’d even be able to accomplish many goals anyway. So, for now, I’m just praying for things to finally start getting back to normal. Or something that resembles it. Just like the majority of you, I’m ready to start exploring, traveling, and seeing shows again. I’m ready to walk around without a damn mask on. And I’m so ready for everything to stop smelling like disinfectant and hand sanitizer! I mean, wouldn’t that be so nice? Also, I’m still thinking about what my word for the year will be. And if I'm being honest, I’m not sure if I’ve ever shared “my word” with y’all? Since it usually takes me a bit longer to come up with it I think I just mention it to my sister-in-law and get on with the year. But in case you were wondering, last year’s word was “healing”. And y’all, it was so on point! My heart and soul did a lot of healing. I know that I still have so much more of it to do, but 2020 came through with a lot of growth and mending. So, on a personal level, 2020 was actually pretty wonderful! While the pandemic was/is awful, and the election stuff was/is miserable, I’m grateful for the areas that last year allowed me to work on. 

And last but not least, things around here will be changing up a bit. A lot actually. And I’m honestly not sure how often I’ll get to post on here. Sorry, Kim! A few months ago I was so sure that I’d have more time to sit down and write things out this year. To really give this creative outlet of mine some attention. I had a writing schedule planned out and some money set aside to give this blog of mine a little overhaul. I was so sure that this new year was going to be less hectic and include more downtime for me. I even looked into signing up for RCIA classes at my local church and into a summer ASL class because sign language is something I’ve always wanted to learn. Plus, I’m always being encouraged to find new interests and hobbies. However, things changed in a big way in a very short amount of time! So, none of that looks like it’s going to happen. I’ll talk more about the “why” on this in a later post, I promise. Just know that things may get a little quiet for a bit and that’s totally normal. 

For now, what are some of your goals for this new year? Any good news or bad news you’d like to share? Do you pick out a word for the year? If so, how do you go about it? I really hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and New Year’s break! I know it was a weird one, and some of those we love weren't able to make it. But I pray that you were still able to find some joy and hope. Until the next post... 

Let’s get it, 2021!

Blog Update - Excuses for Neglecting This Space

Does anyone else feel like 2020 has been the slowest yet fastest year ever? Wasn't it just yesterday that we were all being quarantined over Spring Break and everything was shutting down? And now, here we are, just days away from schools starting back up (some already have here in Texas). Fall decor is starting to appear on the shelves and the majority of the snow cone stands around here have packed up for the season. We blinked and August came out of nowhere to make me feel like we've barely gotten anything accomplished this year.

At the beginning of June, I set a "blogging schedule" for myself. I told myself I would start writing more and make it a priority. Ha! We all see how well that worked out, right? And it's not like I haven't written anything either. I have several drafts just sitting on my dashboard. I just haven't had the time to really comb through everything, make edits, and upload pictures. It seems like every weekday and weekend we have had something that just needs to be done. Or somewhere we just HAVE to be. And as "boring" as things may be for us we actually have a lot of changes happening right now too. It's been a bit overwhelming and these next two weeks are going to be really chaotic. I promise to update everyone as soon as things start to settle down a bit more though. 

Then to throw me off, even more, Blogger went and changed their entire look. They've changed how you insert media, how you tag/label your posts, and all of the editing features too. Also, I can't for the life of me get the videos that I have saved on Google Photos to play on here anymore. Before I could without issue. So, I've been trying to figure out where to upload them without having to pay an arm/leg for it. Plus, I'd like to have some privacy settings for my videos as well. And y'all,  I absolutely HATE all of these Blogger changes. Like, so much. Now, I know last year I had mentioned wanting to switch over to self-hosting and that desire hasn't changed. However, we had some major unexpected expenses pop up, and well, paying those were way more important than putting money into my little blog. #ADULTING So, I've stuck with the "free" blogger account and if I'm being honest, these new changes have played a part in my not putting in an effort to continue on here. 

On the flip side of this, if I'm not investing a lot of money into my blog, then there's no pressure for me to produce bullshit posts just for the sake of putting something out there. Instead, I have the flexibility to post whenever I want, without outside pressure to follow the crowd. I'm pretty sure I've stated on here before that I'm not a fan of promoting things on blogs. More specifically, my blog. Don't get me wrong I'm not knocking people who promote or have ads on their blogs. If you can make or are trying to make an income off of your blog then by all means go for it! But unless some drastic things change and I'm convinced to switch over to the dark side, my blog will strictly be for writing about my life. You know, because "never say never" and all. Now, between starting on Blogger and then switching to WordPress hosting, only to come back to Blogger, I've been writing on here for over TEN years. That's something that I'm pretty proud of, y'all! I have no intention of stopping just yet either. Life is just demanding the majority of my attention right now. So, in closing, just know that things are good, my family is great, and I'll be back to blogging full-time again soon. I (pinky) promise. Until then, I hope everyone is doing really well! Catch ya later! ✌

 

2020

Hello, hello! Is this thing on?? It’s definitely been a minute, y’all. I hope everyone rang in the new year safely, in good health, and surrounded by a lot of love. We had ourselves a pretty eventful December and if you follow me on any other social media platforms then you may have caught a few glimpses into what we were up to. It was a nice whirlwind of a month and we ended the year with a bang! 

Thankfully, I was able to have a week and a half off from work to spend with the people I care about most in this world over the holidays. I’m always so grateful to have time with family and friends. I was able to binge the final season of Netflix’s “Anne with an E” which made me ugly cry and I finished “The Witcher” in 24 hours. If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend that you give it a shot. I’ve also got some ideas for how I want to move forward with this here little blog of mine so definitely be on the lookout for some changes. I found some much-needed closure and said yes to some pretty last-minute adventures. I learned a few lessons in letting go and forgiveness too. And that sometimes you don’t forget for a reason - to avoid repeating the mistakes of the past. I started to recognize who was around out of convenience and removed some toxic things out of my life. I gained a tiny bit of confidence and started feeling better about the direction I was moving. Baby steps but still progress. And y’all, for the first time in what seems like forever, I’m happy. I’m so damn excited about this new year and I’m ready for the changes it will bring! 

So here’s to us! To a new year filled with a lot of magic. Here’s to happiness, love, laughter, and family. Here’s to many more adventures and paying things forward. To spreading kindness and a bit of sparkle to everyone we encounter. Here’s to our children, and loved ones. May the Lord help me with this new afterschool schedule we’re about to undertake too. And here’s to everything the future holds for us. The good as well as the bad. May it strengthen us and allow us to grow in all directions. Happy New Year, y’all! ✨

Write Now // Pretty Pointless

This is going to be a pretty pointless post. A post containing some pretty inconsequential things happening right now that I just really want to tell someone (anyone) about. Things that don’t really matter and aren't a huge deal. It's a post containing the “not-so-deep” stuff going on right now. The random, who gives a shit, stuff. I honestly won’t be offended at all if you choose to skip it. Because it probably won’t flow or make sense. You’ll probably start reading and then three sentences in, think, “Whhhyyy is she even wasting her time writing about this?” But whatever. Sometimes things get really boring. Such is life. So, here we go. 

This was actually written on Saturday (8/24). I found myself with a little extra time and thought that I should put it to some good blogging use. Lately, I’ve had these bursts of writing motivation. I find myself wanting to share and write more about our life. My life. Because the word vomit needs out, y'all. However, school just started back up again and once September comes around Em will start all of her after school activities again. Talk about great timing, right? So now, I find myself having to decide on what nights/mornings I want to dedicate a few (read: single) hour of my time to writing. Five AM comes really early and ten PM gets here before I’ve even finished my daily evening chores. I’m also wanting to shift my posting schedule around starting next month. If my compulsive need to have things “even” will actually allow for it. I’m going to try my best to stick with a T W F S schedule for the month of September just to see if I can do it. If it doesn’t work out then I’ll revert back to the usual M W F S posts for October. We’ll see how it goes. 

Last week I purchased a new planner, “The Happy Planner Classic -  Stay Wild” to replace the small one that I had bought for like $3 back at the end of July. Originally, I really wanted to get the bigger one but my budget just didn’t allow for it. Still, the “classic” is worth every damn penny in my opinion, and it’s a decent size too. You can easily customize it, snag some cool stickers, and add filler pages if you want. It’s always been in my nature to seek out a routine and establish a schedule once school is in session. I color code everything, and the weekends are broken down into hourly sections because that’s my only window to get household things done. And this planner allows for ALL of that and then some. It's also REUSABLE - which was basically the main selling point for me. Once I got the first two months all jotted down I instantly felt this relief wash over me and my brain didn’t feel so chaotic anymore. Anxiety, am I right? So, if you’re anything like me I definitely recommend you look into these lovely little lifesavers. And no, this is not a sponsored post. I just really freakin’ love my planner. 

In other news, my lawn is a mess. The dogs started howling just now and I went to take a peek. As I walked out on the porch it gave me a chance to really have a good hard look at the state of my backyard. And damn does it need some work. But it’s been so hot lately & I don’t wanna. The grass is pretty much dead, with the exception of weeds. I told myself I would mow the lawn today, but we had one random ass rainstorm come through overnight so everything is still wet. It was glorious and refreshing, but the humidity this morning sucked. Fall is also right around the corner so it’s a little late for me to start looking into plants. Plus the dogs would just destroy anything I put out there anyway. But as I sit here looking out the window, the back yard clearly screaming at me to do something, I kind of just want to pay someone to rip it all out. I’m officially over the upkeep it requires. Any suggestions as to what I could “replace” it with? I’m all ears, y’all. I already have a ton of other things on my plate right now so if I can have one less...then sign me up!   

Alright, that’s enough torture for today. If you made it this far, congratulations! I told you there would be nothing of importance in this post. I'm sorry? Next week will hopefully be better. This will be our first full week of trying to get our daily routine down. Then we find out exactly what Emery's afterschool schedule will look like for the rest of the year. Here's hoping for an easy, breezy, first semester. Also, I recently reactivated my Pinterest account and who would have thought that it would contain some pretty awesome writing inspiration? Color me freakin' surprised. So, here's to actually having some stuff for you to read soon! Now, please accept this picture that has absolutely nothing to do with this post as my way of saying, "Thank you for sticking with my random, inconsistent, ass." I hope you don't feel too gypped after making it all of the way to the end. Okay, byyyyeeee! 

Hey There, August...

I decided that I wanted to get a fresh start, with blogging again, in a new month. So, hello August! As I mentioned in my previous post I’ve been dealing with the side effects of stopping my anti-depressants. Last week I had a session with *Mr. A, and as it turns out he agreed that my medication was acting as a roadblock to my progress. He wasn’t too thrilled with my method of choice when it came to stopping, but he did feel that it would allow me to process everything a bit better. The only problem is that now I’m almost four weeks deep and I have this urge to get back on them. Because y’all, feelings are hard little fuckers to deal with sometimes. I actually miss being passive about a lot of things, and not allowing my emotions to get too out of control. I liked the sense of calm, and control that being on medication brought me. I now find myself right back at crying over everything and having all of my emotions kick into overdrive the minute I wake up. It can be sooo frustrating! And there are definitely days when I’m so tempted to just say, “Fuck it” and get right back on those lovely little serotonin inhibitors. Unfortunately, if I ever want to grow, change, forgive, and finally get my shit together then I have to handle things like a big girl. So, it’s been a ride. And I don’t see it being “over” anytime soon. You’ve been warned.

Now, it’s August, so that means school is right around the corner for Em. She’ll be continuing with gymnastics and has decided on a new venture by trying out for swim team. This summer was a bit on the “boring” side, and we had to cancel on our vacation plans recently. So, Em says that she’s ready for school to start because that means she’ll get to hang out with her friends again and pick-up on her lessons. She’s also been really adamant about me dating which was kind of...interesting (for lack of a better word)? I was even sat down one afternoon with the app search results for “dating”, and a list of reasons why she felt I should look into the ones she had checked out. “Mom, this one has almost 5 stars, and it says that it will go based off of your Facebook profile which you already have so it’s super easy!” And while I’m not in a rush to start dating I actually considered creating a profile after the fifth day of being asked, “Have you downloaded an app yet? Did you decide on one?” It actually makes me laugh a little bit. I know Em is just looking out for me, and she wants me to be happy. She’s also mentioned that “already has kids” should be a requirement for anyone I consider dating because if I were to get remarried she wants siblings. So, yes, it all comes from a very good place in her. And I think I’m pretty blessed to have such a caring little girl for a daughter.

Moving right along, there have been a few things that I’ve been trying to work through lately. Things that pertain to me as my own person: my anxiety, love language, self-esteem, parenting failures, and overall goals. Again, feelings are just sooo damn inconvenient at times. I won’t bore you with a lot of the details today, but just know that this month is probably going to be an emotional one. Sorry in advance. I have two sessions lined up with Mr. A and several pages worth of notes I jotted down over the past month that I’d like to explore a bit more on. Can’t avoid this shit forever, right? I’ve also been thinking of adding a few things over here in my little corner of the internet. I’m wanting to talk about some of the podcasts I’ve been listening to lately. Possibly create a series out of it? I’ve thought about bringing up some of the discussions that I’ve seen come up in the online support group I joined. Possibly expanding on those or just giving my two cents? I don’t know. Lately, I’ve just felt some creativity and brainstorming slowly coming back to life in me after several months of nothing. And I don’t want to overdo it, but I know I want to do something. So, we’ll see. Anyway, that’s about it for now. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Until the next post, take care. 

📷: source

*Mr. A is how I'll refer to my counselor on here until I can come up with a better nickname. 

A Quick Drop In

This picture has nothing to do with this post. Enjoy.

Emery and I are sitting in bed as the wind picks up outside. We can hear it rattling all of the windows. This is the third day since Saturday that the wind has been really strong and really cold. And I don't know about you but I am ready for Spring to get here. I would love for us to get one last, good, hard freeze before the season changes though. But that's mainly because the insects get bad in the summer if we don't have one. Still, I'm ready for warmer weather. I'm ready for more daylight in my days too. 

This week has already been a hectic one. Last week was no different. I felt like I barely had any time to myself. Though last weekend there was one day that I spent a good three hours binging on "Lucifer" so technically I did have some downtime. I'm ready for a vacation though. I'm ready to see my friend Kamille, and lounge on the beach. I'm ready to NOT be concerned about bills or having a schedule. NO work emails or quotes. I'm ready to spend uninterrupted time with my daughter. Just turn off my phone and decompress. But that will have to wait for now. 

Beau was able to find a vehicle that he could afford, and pay for it in cash. It needed a lot of work so with the help of my parents, and myself we were able to help him get it up and running. Then I had a few things on my car repaired, and it looks like I'll be keeping her a while longer. I was really hoping to get a newer vehicle, but I need to see how I do on my own first. You know, on a single income and all. So, once my tax return comes in I'll be using some of it to have a few other repairs done instead of using it as a down payment. If I can have my current car last me two more years that would be pretty awesome! It will give me some time to put away a good chunk for the next vehicle I do end up getting. Plus, that's two more years with no monthly car payment. Can't go wrong with that, right? 

That's about all I have for now, y'all. I've been busy getting all of my pictures changed, and I've made it all the way to the year 2013. Woohoo! Only five more years worth of posts to go! I'm hoping to get back to regular blogging by February. Oh! I finally got myself a new phone too! My 6S Plus was on its last leg so I finally decided to just bite the bullet and get a new one. And let me just say that I am LOVING it. I can't wait to test out the camera in different settings, and modes. Anywho, off I go for more picture replacing. Until the next post, I hope you have a good one!

A Flickr Project

Recently, I had been having some issues with Flickr. This is the photography site I use to host my pictures. I’ve had an account since high school-- yes I’m aware it’s not intended to be for “hosting” but rather a community. Well, recently I noticed that a lot of my posts from two years ago had pictures that went missing. When I checked entries farther back I encountered the same problem. “Picture Not Found”. Then back in November I found out that they had decided to limit free accounts. We had until the beginning of January to either pay $60 or we'd have our accounts "locked". Once accounts were locked then we had until the end of January to bring our photograph count down to the max 1,000 limit or they would be deleted.

Now, I don’t know what the heck was going on but it looked like some of my photos had already been removed. There was a mention of a 200 photo limit that was placed during a certain time period? Anyway, that $60 is not in my budget right now so I started the process of downloading all of my albums & uploading them to Google Photos. They offer free unlimited storage as long as I don’t want full resolution. Which I’m totally cool with. But once all of the albums were uploaded I had to begin the process of going back to reinsert all of my pictures. Starting with my very first entry and moving to present day. Fun times ahead, right?!

So that's a project I've been working on lately. I've also had a lot going on that I kind of left it to the last minute. And this is why I haven't had a lot of time to really sit down and write anything lately. Any down time I get, I use it to go and re-do the pictures. Since there are almost a thousand posts I've been chipping away little by little. I hope to have this all finished by the end of this weekend. Fingers crossed! So, unfortunately, this week is going to look a bit bare over here. Sorry!

It's Hot, Summer is Almost Over, & I'm Tired

Hey everyone! I’m not exactly sure where you’re at, location wise, at the moment but let me just say that Texas is getting hot y’all. Today was the first day in over a week that we had the temperature dip below 100 degrees. But only barely. Our heat index was over 110 the past five days. So naturally, this called for back -to- back pool days. A shit ton of ice cream/popsicles. And a lot of time spent indoors in front of the A/C. Not sure what we would have done without Netflix or Hulu either. Anyway, I thought I’d pop in to say hello!

Can you believe we’re already at the end of July? I feel like that went by pretty fast. Though, I’m kind of ready for the school year to start. No more, “Mooooom, I’m so bored.” or “Mom, why can’t we go out every single day to go do something with other people?” Once the school year starts back up then they become the teacher’s problem, am I right?! Ha! I kid. Kind of. But no, seriously, I need someone to keep my kid mentally engaged while also keeping her physically active for a good eight hours of the day. That way once she comes home she’s doesn’t want to spend an hour arguing over why she thinks she doesn’t need to bathe regularly. Or challenging her bedtime. Or crying over her limited screen time because she refused to put on her bottoms. Or complaining about not having anything to do. You see, when school time rolls around I feel like kids are a bit more agreeable at the end of the day. At least the younger ones anyway. When they’re finished with all of the after-school activities and homework they’re usually pretty cool with doing nothing.  Watching TV. Eating some grub. You know, the usual. So, when we got the "school supply list" email for this upcoming school year you can bet your sweet cheeks I was ready. “Yaaaassss! Summer is almost over!!” I’m already planning on going “back to school” supply shopping next week. This momma is going to put in as much overtime as she can this week in order to get all of the supplies in one trip! Woohoo!

Okay, okay. All kidding aside. I love summer. I love the time spent with my family. And I know that there will come a time when I’m begging for these years back. Wishing I could have just one more summer like this. So, even though I’m ready for the school year to start...I’m also wishing for slower days. Just a little more sunshine. Just one more night of living room dance sessions. A few extra hours of snuggling on the couch while watching movies. And one more “ice cream for breakfast” day. I’m constantly talking about needing a “pause” button because sometimes I feel like it’s all going by too fast. So, in reality, I’m grateful for all of the time I get. Even when my anxiety is kicked into overdrive. Even on the days when I’m exasperated by the attitude my kid is dishing out. I still feel pretty blessed to have any of this at all.

And wow did that get all serious real fast, huh? My bad guys! I honestly didn’t plan to write much today. So, I’ll start winding this post down now. I originally came on here to say "Hello!" To let you know that it’s really hot here. To talk about how tired I am. And to say that I started to carve out a schedule for writing/posting which I hope to implement next month. I’ve also started a workout routine, and I hope to write about that part of my life a bit more on here as well. Lately, I’ve been really trying to increase the number of days I work out, and really look at what foods I’m consuming. I’m not sure if something has “clicked”, or if I’m just entering into another "half-ass" phase. I guess we’ll see after a few weeks, huh? Okay, well that's about it for now. I better get going. The Hallmark Channel is calling my name, and I’ve got a load of laundry to finish as well. Joy. 

📷: credit

Social Media & How I'm Feelin' About It

I have a friend who lives in another country, and every once in awhile they would deactivate their social media accounts for a few months. I would only hear from them via email to assure me that they weren't hurt, or dead. Once they resurfaced they would always tell me how much better they felt. And I used to tell myself that they were so much more self disciplined than I could ever be because I had no idea how they went without being able to "keep in touch" with others. I mean, can you imagine not being able to open up an app that within seconds would be able to show you what everyone else was doing? What they were sharing? Learning about the current news, and happenings in your area (or globally) in mere seconds? I mean, what? Why would you want to give that up? 

Well, I now understand some of the reasoning behind my friend's decision. Lately, social media has been a total life suck for me. Draining, depressing, and anxiety inducing. I open up Facebook to see some of the dumbest shit ever. People arguing over Trump, and the Democrats (I mean c'mon already). People name calling, or creating conflict just because someone disagrees with their opinion. A lot of passive aggressive racists remarks. And then some of the most juvenile responses that are supposed to "counter" the hate, but instead just reinforces that old saying --"pot calling the kettle black". Unfortunately, that's just the tip of the iceberg. There's still the friends that want to announce EVERY little detail about their life, and that includes spats. Break ups, and all of the depressing quotes they feel the need to share, HOURLY.  Then there's the stuff you know they're going to regret the next day even before you get to the second sentence. For example, I once saw in a series of posts that a friend decided to agree to a threesome (two females, one male), and then shortly afterwards they were pissed because the guy decided to spend more time doing the other chick rather than her. An hour after that proclamation we were all informed that it wasn't the guys fault, it was hers because she was needy, so everything was okay. He was back to being the perfect gentleman in her eyes. Then, we have the days when everything that happens in our small town (as well as the surrounding ones) gets broadcast over the internet in local groups. Sometimes, the stuff that's getting spewed around, or even just debated is really ridiculous. Everyone is already in everyone else's business enough as it is when you live in a small town. Now, we get the play by play in local groups that everyone feels the need to share as well as put in their two cents. It can be extremely annoying. And I wonder how the hell everyone has all of this time to be sharing everything that they do. Then, I realize I'm the idiot that's opening the apps in the first place. Even after I know the feelings I'll get by doing so. 

But the most difficult thing for me to admit is how much time out of my day that social media really consumes. I feel like I get sucked into this rabbit hole. I comment on this post, then I click on that link, and that leads me to like someone's photos. And before I know it an hour has passed. An hour I could have used to do something more productive. Or spent with my daughter. Or blogged. OR finally fit in that workout I always complain about not having the time for. You know what I mean? And this little time suck happens several times throughout the day. All of it adds up too. Now, I know some people have no issues with social media. Some of you may even like sharing hourly. And that's cool. You do you, boo! However, I know that all of this causes me stress, annoyance, and anxiety. I even did a little experiment once where I deleted my Facebook, and Twitter apps from my phone for about three weeks. And I noticed that I didn't go online to check it as often. I also didn't automatically roll over first thing in the morning, and check my accounts. This actually improved my mood at the start of my day. Though lets be honest, I'm not approachable until I've had coffee. I also noticed that I didn't spend a lot of time looking at my phone. My headaches weren't coming around as often. And to be honest, sometimes being out of the loop can be good for you. It's a way to reset your battery, if you will. And I felt pretty good during that time. I felt like I had spent enough time "offline" that I could go back to it without getting sucked back into my previous habits. Sadly, that only lasted about a month. Then, down the rabbit hole I went again. 

So, I was thinking of taking that previous little experiment a step further. I've been thinking of deactivating/deleting my Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat accounts. Or at the very least removing the apps off of my phone. I'd like to keep my Instagram account active in order to post photos from time to time. Seeing as how I already seldom post on that account I figured it wouldn't be a big deal to keep it. But one thing that I wanted for this new year was to focus more on being in the moment. Sure I'd love to document it through pictures. But maybe not so many, and not to share across all of my accounts. I want to spend more time doing stuff that I like rather than worrying so much about what the rest of the world wants to burn itself to the ground over that week. I also feel like this will help out a lot with my anxiety. 

Now, all of this is much easier said than done for me. As I stated earlier, self discipline is so not my strong suit. And I am slightly addicted to my phone. So, whether I'll be able to do this for a week, for a few months, or even just for a day will remain to be seen. It's still one of my goals though. One that I hope I can implement at the end of this month. Have any of you ever done a "social media cleanse"? Anyone ever deactivate their account for awhile, and notice an improvement in their mental health or well being? I'm hoping this is something that I can stick with, so wish me luck! Let's see how long I can last without posting, or sharing something on social media.

A Few Monday Rambles

All last week I had this pain in my neck, and upper back. A coworker of mine tried to help by using her elbow to rub the knots out. There were a lot. It felt better for a little while, but then I had to use some medication to relax the muscles a bit when it came time to sleep otherwise I would not have gotten any. Sadly, the pain is still there. Not as intense, but just enough to be annoying. I swear, stress and anxiety will be the death of me. Not a very "think happy" start to this post, but whatever.

Today, I’m trying to work out some type of “blogging schedule”- and I use those terms loosely-  that I’d like to have going forward. I’m even jotting shit down in my planner. That's right, totally official. Now, I normally feel like I want to say everything as it comes to mind. Unfortunately for you guys, I’m pretty indecisive, I overshare, and my life is a mess 80% of the time. I usually just shoot from the hip when it comes to writing, but I'm wondering if that may not be the greatest approach? I’ve started to consider doing things “English Writing Class” style. Especially if I want to deliver something better structured, and on point. The dilemma with this is that sometimes I really just don’t want to do that. Call me lazy. Call me unmotivated. But what I write is for the sake of letting it all out. Whatever “it” is at the time. Kind of like what I’m doing right now. So, you see my problem? Anyway, fingers crossed I’ll be able to start posting consistently around the middle of October. 

Now, before I go all MIA again I’m just putting it out there that I have my surgery this week. I’m a little scared because I’ve always had this fear of being put under. I don’t care how “common” or “minimally invasive” the procedure is, they freak me out! Annnd I’m also a little bit of a control freak so I’m definitely uncomfortable when things are out of my hands. I thought if I talked to some other people who’ve had this done I might be better prepared. Yea...that backfired. I’ve spoken to a few people who’ve had their gallbladders removed, and I’ve been given a lot more horrible experiences than good ones. Some are like: “Oh, I was running errands the next day. Pfft! You’ll be fine.” While others are more like : “The pain was so bad it hurt to lay down, or even walk around for a few days. I ended up having to take a week off just to recover. But it’s okay, I’m sure yours won’t be as bad. ” 😒 And in case you guys didn’t read my last post, I can’t afford to take a full week off right now. I’m hoping three days, tops, before I head back. But, however this ends up going down, all I have to say is that they better give me the good shit because I don’t want to remember a damn thing.

Other than that, all I have to say today is that it’s about to be OCTOBER! Our favorite month of the year will begin in six days! The weather is supposed to be getting cooler too! Though with Texas you just never really know. I’ve been trying to catch up on my reading this weekend too. I kind of hit a slump, but then I picked up “November 9” by Colleen Hoover. Y’all, if you’ve never read one of her books do yourself a favor, and check her out. Once I was done with this book, which may or may not have had a writer in it, I started thinking about joining a writing prompt group. Or challenge of some kind. Those still exists, right? I just feel like I should try something different. Seems a little late in the game, but oh well. I hope everyone is doing great! I’ll be spending the next few days cleaning, and getting things prepared for when I’m out of commission. Not sure if I’ll post again this week or not, but in case I don’t:

Have a wonderful end of September! 

A Post Where I Say A Lot & Yet Nothing At All

I didn't do a favorites, or book review last month because I haven't really done much. Or read much either. I really need to get back to it though. The last two weeks of March my husband was working out of town during the week so I was doing everything solo. He's finally back so here's hoping I get a little extra down time. But for now here are a few little pieces of what's been happening around here. 

My sister, had her baby shower on the 24th. They've chosen to not find out the sex of the baby which has this Aunt slightly annoyed, but in a good way if that makes sense? I get that they have a reason for this, and I'm totally supportive of that, but I WANT TO KNOW!!!! Anywho, the baby is due in May. I'd love to share him/her with you guys, but I've been told there will be NO pictures of the little one allowed on social media. *whoomp whooomp whoomp* So y'all will just have to suffice with a picture of me holding a little bundle, and take my word for it when she/he arrives that she/he is the most precious thing ever. 

Some of my relatives came down for a visit this passed weekend. I was also feeling a bit under the weather on Sunday. Add some storms that rolled through and it made for a very wet, grey, sick, and slow weekend for us. Still, it was wonderful getting to see my aunt's and uncles. This week also starts my month of "4 Day" work weeks. I have to use up my vacation time from last year so I'll be taking Friday's off. Not a bad setup really. Though, I'm also taking this time to look for some part-time work on the weekends. We've fallen behind on some stuff, and I'm in desperate need of extra income. We were hoping to get some cushion from our tax return, but we received a letter this weekend stating that they need more forms to be filled out. This means our return is getting delayed 8-12 weeks (according to the paperwork). Yay, for the IRS. 😒

Lately, I've been feeling really defeated. The other day I saw a friend of mine post about getting to move out to Southern California at the end of April. Now even though I was really excited for her since it was her dream job I was also slightly jealous. This is her second move within a year, and she's able to just drop everything to live somewhere else. Then there's me having to make a five year plan, to just hope that things work out enough for me to START considering being able to move. It's really defeating. I'm just so tired of barely scraping by, and it feels like no matter what I do I can never get ahead. I can't go back to finish by degree until I pay off the school, and catch up on my student loans. I'm pretty sure I've capped out at my current place of employment in regards to pay increase because even though my boss tried to get me a raise he's been met with a lot of resistance. It's frustrating being stuck like this. Even when I budget the shit out of everything, and try to make smart financial decisions, I feel like something else goes wrong. Something else comes up. Something else sets me back. ALWAYS. Something else. 

In other news my boss thinks I should start a blog. He has no idea that I have this one, but even if he did I'm sure this isn't what he's talking about. He says that a lot of people find me hilarious, and very "real". Not sure how I should take that, but I'll take it none-the-less. Apparently, he thinks people my age (like I'm that young) might find what I have to say interesting, though shocking at times, but very straight forward. He thinks people might need to hear it. LOL! When I asked him, and another co-worker to elaborate/suggest some stuff that they think I should do I was given: write a no bullshit blog about your take on current topics/articles/parenting/adulting/etc., and occasionally do vlogs to mix things up. I even had someone tell me that if I really pursued writing they were sure I could make money from it. So there's that. I'm actually surprised that any of them think I'd be good at writing, or that they even find me funny at all. Especially since I'm known for being grouchy until after I've had about four cups of coffee. And even then, I'm barely approachable. So that was some pretty neat feedback to hear. Maybe one day, right? 

Okay, I'm off to do something productive. Maybe. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day, and that their April has started off much better than mine. Until the next post...

📷: Kimberley Jessica

Domain Name Change

Oh boy. I did it. I bought a domain. It was super scary for some reason. I just figured I might as well change it to what my blog is actually called instead of just my name. And yet, I was so nervous about it. :-/ Remember how I was all about "Yay, I need some change!" and "I want to jumpstart this space again"?? Well, this was the first step. And for some reason I had a tiny little panic attack when I purchased it. Now, I just need to get everything else put in it's right place. I'm really...really new to this whole thing. I'm hoping that Google Domains is pretty simple to integrate our blogs with otherwise I'm kinda screwed. Ha! I can't seem to figure out how to keep the "redirect message" from popping up every time I open a new page, and I can't for the life of me figure out how to get the google followers button back up. So, yea, it's going to be a work in progress. Anyway, if you're reading this please update my domain to: www.mylittleocean.com on whichever feed platform you are using. Thank you! 

Update 3/6/15: Apparently the GFC will work itself out after the 60 day "transfer" period is up. Fingers crossed. Until then, I'm going to take the gadget down.

Hello :)

I've made it a rule to not post on weekends because that’s our family time. During the week I have a full-time job, go to college, attempt to keep my house in order, and try to find time to write. So weekends I dedicate myself completely to my family and friends. My “listen” posts are scheduled on Friday’s. Well, this morning I logged onto my dashboard because I realized that I only posted once last week and I believe you guys deserved a lot more than that. Unfortunately, a lot of things have been going on lately so May turned into a pretty busy month for us. But when I logged in my page view counter had skyrocketed! 

Now, I've stated before that this blog is for me. I don’t advertise or promote my blog like many of you. I wish I had the time to do so, but I just don’t. Nor do I feel like I have that kind of energy or dedication. I mean, I went a whole week without posting so what does that tell you? Anyway, those that find me usually do so by accident and I’m truly grateful for their support. So to go from 20 views a day, to 160...well, that grabbed my attention. So, instead of writing down my normal post, I felt like I should say hello!

So...hello!

I just wanted to welcome all of y’all to my little blog. I know many of you are probably coming over from Erica’s blog. A big THANK YOU goes out to her for giving me a shout out on her blog when she didn't have to. I've been following her blog for over a year now and she’s just down right awesome, isn't she? Had I known sooner that she had mentioned my blog I would have posted this yesterday. Instead, y’all got a half assed post put together by yours truly while suffering from a severe case of esophagitis. Sorry, about that! Lets hope that wasn't your forever first impression of me. :)

Anywho, for those of you that are visiting my name is Raquel. I’m a 25 year old mother and wife living in central Texas. We currently live in a small town where the cows outnumber the people. During the summer we get a kick out of the local volunteer fire department as they try to find there way around during drills. It's a lot funnier than it sounds, trust me. As proud as I am to have been born and raised in Texas I fell in love with Murrieta, California after living there for a year. I hope to one day make it back to the west coast. Family means everything to me, and they're also a pretty big reason why I found myself back in Texas. Now if that's not enough information for ya, or if you're just dying to know more about us feel free to click here.

This blog contains everything and nothing at all about us. I use it to write about my every day life which more often than not is pretty boring. That said, I put my heart out there. I’m pretty uncensored, and at times a little random. I write with myself and my daughter in mind so everything you read is 100% me; no sugarcoating. So to all of you that are coming through, thanks for checking us out! And for those that decide to follow along, thank you for your support! I’m really honored that you found my life interesting enough to want to read more.

And again, I just want to say THANK YOU, to the lovely Erica for her support. 

You're one awesome lady and such a great mom! 
You've definitely been an inspiration. 
I'm glad I came across your blog over a year ago!

Making Time

Damn, I kind of suck at keeping up with this blog, huh? But as I always say, life happens. I've been super busy and super tired lately. Winter break ends on Sunday, and it’s back to school I go. I had planned on doing so much writing, and updating over break and I feel so crappy for not being able to follow through.

So, I've debated on whether or not I should just print this blog out and close it for good? A part of me says yes because I barely ever have any time for it. Another part of me enjoys just writing when I get the chance. Having a place to share my life in this tiny corner of the internet when I feel like it. This blog has always been about me & my family. It’s never been about reviews, advertising, followers, or making money. It’s about making the time to sit down, and write about my day, week, or month. It’s been a wonderful way for me to find other moms, and read about how we all face the same obstacles and triumphs in parenting and life. No matter how different we are. And even though I feel like I've disappointed myself along with some of you for not keeping this blog up to date, I have to remind myself that I’m doing this for me. On my time.

Now, since it’s a new year and all I've decided to just set up a few goals for myself on this blog along with all of my other resolutions. But, I’m not going to pressure myself. I have a private journal, and a journal of letters to Emery that I also keep up with so I feel like I’m doing pretty good with documenting everything. I really need to focus on my education, and my job right now. I’m getting more responsibilities at work and after last semester I really need to bring up my GPA. So this year I really have to get on the ball. I have to find a good balance which means reevaluating my priorities. So, my new goal for this blog is to post at least twice a week. If I have time for more, I’ll post something. But if not, then that’s okay too. :) Please don't be mad at me. I really need to learn how to make time for other things & manage it. Until then, this is all I can do.

I Hate Being Sick

So yea...I got sick. Vomit, fever, sore throat, coughing, migraine, no voice kind of sick. I’m still recuperating. It has definitely been miserable. Yesterday, I didn't make it to work, which will probably hurt us in the long run, but I was in pain. I tried to reschedule a final but my teacher was not cooperating so I had to make my way up to school. I’m pretty sure I failed that test like it was nobody’s business. On the bright side, I’m done with that class and that professor.

Now, as awesome as that was it was back to work this morning for me. I tried to set up a doctor’s appointment but they are booked tight until the end of January. And unfortunately, I think I may have passed on the crud bug to Em. She started coughing this morning and it sounded awful. So, here we go again. Man, I hope it passes soon. I’m ready for all of us to feel like ourselves again. I’m ready to clean, and disinfect the house so we can get all of the “sick” out. This will be happening on our up coming weekend if all goes as planned. I’m so ready.

And finally I only have one more day of school nonsense before I can get back to “regular programming”! Pretty excited about this. There's so much I'd like to write about and update on. I know this blog has been centered a lot around me lately when it was supposed to be a baby journal, and I apologize for the lack of "baby/toddler" talk. Like I said I have some changes in mind and maybe even a new look, but it all has to wait until after finals! :(

So for now, I hope y'all are all having a wonderful week! 

Whoops!

Okay, the past few posts are lies. Not in the sense that they aren't true, because they all are. But in the sense that I posted them all yesterday since they were all in my drafts. So how could I forget to post on such important events? Well, I’m kind of busy.

School is kicking my ass this semester. In fact, I've fallen behind in two of my online classes, and I’m not sure if I’m even passing my algebra class anymore. How did this happen? Well, I work 40+ hours a week. I still do all of the household chores. I have a TODDLER. And my brain is kind of frazzled by the end of the day. There’s so much information and studying to be done with very little time to do it. And those are just the major points. So now, I have to figure out a way to salvage my semester.

Also, with all of these celebrations you might have noticed that they’re all within a few days of each other. So it’s been kind of busy around here. This past weekend, my mother had a dinner for my husband and I. My family was all there to celebrate, and seriously nothing could have made my heart happier. We had good food, cakes, and a lot of wonderful conversations. It was perfect. Wednesday and Thursday were my sister-in-law and my brother’s birthdays. We’ll be celebrating with them this weekend if my mother has her say.

We are also really close to getting my husband a more permanent license. Fingers crossed that everything goes as the lawyer has planned. Until then, I’m picking up as many extra hours as I can to make ends meet. Work around here, a small town, is scarce. There are hardly any ads, and he’s applied to every single one. We've gone from store to store dropping off resume’s and applications but so far we haven’t gotten anything back. He can't drive out of town without a license so those options are out for the time being. To say it’s discouraging would be a huge understatement. Even more so for my husband. But, all we can do is keep trying. My brother and dad found some small side jobs that he’s done these past two weeks, so he’s had at least that. Any little bit helps.

So because of how busy things have gotten. How much busier they’re about to get. I've sworn off leisure reading so there won’t be any “book reviews” for awhile. I won’t be able to post as much because any extra time I get will have to be dedicated to my studies. Until my husband gets a job, we’re also having to cut back on a lot of things. Life isn't as exciting when you’re penny pinching. So there hasn't really been a lot for me to post about anyway. I guess you can consider this as somewhat of a hiatus? Once schools over for the semester all will be back to normal. Hopefully. Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well! Until the next post!