Wordless Wednesday

How Do We Save Money We Don't Have?

So today will be my first day back to school! Woot! Woot!Thankfully, both classes are online and I’ll get to them once I get home this afternoon. But tomorrow will be my first day of school, on an actual campus. This one, I’m nervous about. Not only will I be in a town I’m not all that familiar with but the drive will be a nice hour long one both ways. I’ve been preparing by rereading the map, and double checking my school supplies. I’m trying to be as prepared as I possibly can be, to ease the anxiety.

What I wasn’t prepared for, was how much this will be costing. My husband had a whole day taken out of his work week, which kind of threw us for a loop. I had already applied for school, and had my financial aid when this happened so there was no turning back. Then due to my lateness in registering, I now have to take out what would be equivalent to a whole day out of my schedule. Which means both of our paychecks are taking a nice little hit.

We only have one car at the moment (mine was totaled last year). My husband has to use it because he has to be at work by 6 am. My parents have been nice enough to let me use their truck for getting around and going to work. Still, it’s their truck. Both of these vehicles are gas guzzlers. We normally spend $120 a week, on just going to and from work. Now, add in that I will be making an hour long drive each way to get to class, twice a week, and we’re looking at that price going up to about $200 a week. Add that cost to diapers, groceries, bills, and we’ve got a really huge number at the end of the week. $550-$600.

Only one bill is $10, which I CANCELLED to save that extra ten bucks. Everything else is $60+ I pay at least four things every Monday. And this does not show grocery, or basic utility bills. 

This has been one of the causes for my recent anxiety, because school’s not already enough to worry about, and I’m a little worried. I’m afraid that we won’t have enough left over to keep building our savings as well as Emery’s college fund. Hell, I’m afraid that we won’t have money left over at the end of the week to get us through a weekend! And this is scary, especially when you have a little one. Unexpected things happen all of the time, and I know that the minute things start getting better you’re always hit with something out of nowhere that seems to cost more than what you have. And honestly, I have no idea how we’re going to do this.

This is hard for a planner to admit. I have to have schedules, budgets, and a plan at all times. Because of this there has always been a nice bit of money left over for us to put away. Or we’ve always been able to afford the “unexpected”. But now that I’m actually sitting down and trying to figure in numbers, I’m at a loss as to what to do or where to even begin! How can I save money for our family and for our daughter’s future education if we don’t have anything left over?? Oh...this is so not a good feeling!

That's My Girl!

Kids can be really weird. I know a lot of it is because they’re growing, and discovering new things. But seriously, who said they had to put EVERYTHING in their mouths?

Emery has developed this thing for licking. Anything I hand her or she finds, must be licked at least once. It’s a little weird to walk around the grocery store, and have your kid licking every thing you put in the basket. Since she likes to feel like she’s taking part in the shopping I usually get the item, hand it to her, and she puts it in the cart. This was working out great until she started licking. But now, if I take her out of the routine, she gets mad and cries. Still, I don’t want her putting things like that in her mouth. Who knows what kind of germs they have! She’s been doing this with EVERYTHING! Wipes, brushes, cans, bottles, shoes, dirt, leaves, sticks, her food, and at one point a few nights ago, MY LEG!

She’s also had this fascination with rocks. From the moment she was able to walk around outside she would pick them up, carry them around, throw them, and then pick them up again. And as of late, she added an extra step by putting them in her mouth. It freaks me out! I’m scared she’s going to swallow one someday and then we’ll really be in some deep poo. Like the other morning, I put her down by the truck, put all of our bags in the seat before picking her up, and putting her in her car seat. I noticed NOTHING. Half way down the road, I ask her if she wants her banana, and she smiles. I could see she had something in her mouth, so I said “spit it out”. Sure enough out came three rocks! What tha...? Seriously??

It’s insane! I have no idea how to stop this either. Sometimes, if she knows I’m going to say no or take something away from her she licks it real fast instead.  Then she starts running before turning around and handing it to me. She’s so sneaky and fast about it! Then there’s no telling what she has in her mouth so I’m afraid she’ll choke, or possibly cut the inside of her mouth. Have you ever tried to get something out of your kids mouth when they don’t want you to? And when they have teeth?! This is no easy task people! It usually ends with my finger having teeth marks.

Anyone else have a similar problem? How the heck do I get her to stop?!

Officially College Bound!

The test went pretty well. I totally bombed the math part--big time.
But everything else I passed! Go me!!

I'm officially a college student! 

*Happy Dance*

Unfortunately, since I waited this long, my class pickings were small and limited. I was wanting to take as many online classes as I could, but in the end, I didn’t get that. I will be taking two classes online and two classes on campus until December. Then, I’ll register for spring and be able to take all of my classes online except for math. Or, I can take them all on campus, but later during the day. Right now those two on-campus classes are wreaking havoc on my work schedule BUT thankfully I have some awesome bosses! And since it’s only till December, I figured I could handle it. :-)

My Schedule

Campus Classes- Tuesdays and Thursdays

Online Classes- Monday, Wednesday, and Friday

The downside of this schedule is that on Tuesdays I won’t get home till about 10:30-11 pm. This means less time spent with my baby girl on that day. And, I’ll be having to leave work at 2 pm just to get to class on time. This will cut into my paycheck. Still, I’m hoping to be able to work through my lunches and even come in earlier on the days I have classes to try and make up for some of the absent time.

And now, I’m worried about my baby girl. Having to do classes online, and on that day that I won’t be back home till late are really going to cut into our time. I’m usually at her disposal 24/7, and having me not “there” for at least 2 hours of the afternoon will probably take a nice little toll on her. She’s already a clinger and she’s teething so she usually just wants me. I’m hoping to start having her bedtime be around 8 or 8:30, that way it won’t affect her too much, and so I can study till about 10 and still get some sleep!

That’s a lot of hoping! Still, this is something I have to do. If I want some kind of career and better income for my family then this is what I have to do. Our internet was installed on Tuesday, and this weekend we’ll be moving everything around to get our “office/study” set up. I’ll be doing whatever I can to get us organized, scheduled, and cleaned before I start my first week. Kind of like nesting, but for college, lol!! Then, classes start on Monday!

I’m sure that blogging will take a backseat to everything else for the first couple of weeks. I’m going to need that time to really feel things out. But trust me, I won’t stop writing. This has become a nice outlet for me and I don’t plan to stop!

I am a little nervous about school though. Now that it’s official, I’m starting to get into my own head. I really want this to work out and be as smooth of a transition as possible for us. I want to be able to learn and do good in my classes. But we all know bumps come up, and things don’t always go as planned so I’m kind of bracing myself for that. I still feel that this is a good and positive thing for me and especially for my family. So here’s to a new chapter in our lives!! Wish us luck!! 

A Not So Wordless Wednesday

Dear Seth,

It’s been a year my friend. Time has gone by too fast. I know you and I weren’t BFF’s or anything but a lot of the stuff you told me when we hung out has stayed with me. So guess what?! I’m actually going to school now! I signed up for classes yesterday. I’m finally getting myself educated. Throw some of your smarts my way, ok? I’d really appreciate it. 

Did you know that sometimes, I have to tell myself that you're not here anymore? I’ll walk right into H-E-B expecting you to be there. I’ll see a nice black car sitting in front of Hasting’s and I swear it’s yours. Sometimes I even “see” you in someone else. I have to do those embarrassing “double takes” and I bet those guys think I’m weird. Then, I have days where I’m just driving along and all of a sudden it just hits me, “Seth’s not here.” Right out of nowhere. BAM! Like a ton of bricks to the face. On those days I can’t really shake the sadness. 

I get mad at you sometimes. But you probably already know that. I’m sorry about this. But you probably already know that too. I really wish that things had been different. I wish that you hadn’t been in that car. That you would have been safer. I really wish you would have been able to come home for that visit. But I can’t really dwell on that. Nothing can bring you back no matter how much we all wish that you could. I know you’re in a good place now though. It’s definitely something to look forward to when our times come. I also know you’re watching over everyone you love. You’re giving them that extra push, that extra hug, and that wonderful smile. Lots of wonderful memories, and laughs. So in reality, you’ll never be gone, love.

But today is going to be a hard one for a lot of people. Your family is still hurting like it was just yesterday. So today, just please be with them. Let your sister know that it’s ok. And just give them all some kind of peace. It’s been a long, hard, painful year for them. We all miss you very much.

Love,

Raquel

Procrastination Gets You Nowhere

I put a lot of personal things off. A lot. This is a really bad habit of mine, one of many, that I can't seem to kick. I can schedule, set aside savings, and remember when things need to be paid, for other people. But when it comes to anything for me, I'm a really really big mess.

Remember all of that good stuff I said about starting school again? Well, this is all dependent on one little test. A little test that I have yet to take, and classes start NEXT week. Eeep! I know, I'm awful. But honestly, with everything going on in my personal life and work life, I've had very little time/motivation to study. But now, the deadline is right at my door, and I have to leap or miss out. And if I miss out, it'll be that much harder to get help to pay for school next time around.

I've taken two practice test this entire time. According to those I'm at OK levels in writing and reading which made me feel pretty good about those two sections. But math makes me want to strangle the person who invented it in the first place. I've bombed both tests pretty freakin' bad. This is probably because I never really paid attention, I skipped around a lot, and I only retained enough information to get me a C. It could also be that I did a few drugs (don't judge) back in my day and they wiped out that part of my noggin. I know, I know, scold me later.

So yea, math sucks. I can't for the life of me remember basic algebra! You can also forget about trigonometry and geometry. I stare at the problems like they're in Arabic. I have no idea what they mean or how to even begin to solve them! I talked to the guidance counselor and she told me not to sweat it because there is no "failing". It's just a way for them to figure out what classes you need to take. I don't care about "remedial" classes. That doesn't bother me at all. But seriously, who wants to walk out of the damn exam with every single math answer wrong?? I guarantee you that's what's going to happen too. Unless one of my guesses is correct. Because most of it will be me guessing. Oh Batman, this is going to suck.

So today, that's what I'll be doing. Taking a test. Not by choice, but because I've run out of time. I've slacked off enough, and I'm paying the price. I thought I was going to be able to have some help and maybe a bit of tutoring, but things didn't work out as planned. So wish me luck, send some good vibes my way, and please pray that I get some of those answers right! It would be greatly appreciated.

Confession Time - Frustrations

I’m not one to get really frustrated easily. I usually try to laugh things off, or find the humor in things. Because, for lack of better words, shit happens! It’s best to find a solution instead of getting pissed off, go into an unnecessary panic attack, and still be in the exact same position you were in to start with. Now, I haven’t always been like this, but I find it’s a positive change. Still, sometimes frustration is unavoidable. And even worse, it can sometimes be caused by your own kid.

My daughter is a blessing, and I love her with all of my heart. She is the air I breathe and the reason why I keep going every day. She brings such joy to our lives, and we are completely in love with her. We wouldn’t trade her for the world, and I am so excited to have been chosen to be her mother. With that said, she can also be one of the biggest brats I’ve ever seen. Ok maybe not the biggest, I have seen Toddlers and Tiara’s after all. But man could she give some of those kids a run for their money. No lie. Usually she gets like this when she’s tired or hungry. But recently she’s been acting up a lot more, and over things she really shouldn’t. She can’t really talk back, but she will yell back. She’ll bite you just because she thinks it’s funny to hear you scream. If you don’t let her hold things by herself she freaks out! She’s started to throw herself onto the floor, and she’ll do things she's not supposed to as you’re telling her no.

Last Sunday, due to lack of sleep, I really wasn’t in the mood to handle bratty behavior. But that’s usually about the time it’ll pop up. After a long day of her throwing things and screaming I finally sat her down for some dinner. I had her cup along with her food, and we sat down on the bed because her highchair was still next door. She asked for her water and I gave it to her. She tried to flip it and I said no. She tried to hit me. I smacked her little hand and she started crying. Then laughing. I proceeded to give her some food when she dodged the fork, reached for the cup and flipped it. Water went everywhere. Instead of yelling or getting mad I handed my husband the bowel, and walked out of the room. He fed her with no problems. She was as happy as a clam.

Sometimes, I ask myself “Why does she do that?” Because this is NOT the first time she’s done stuff like this. We do give spankings, and I say no all of the time. Sternly. She’s too little to know what “time out” is so I don’t even attempt that. And no matter how I try to discipline her she doesn’t really take me seriously. But when her father tells her something you can bet she listens. This gets to be a little frustrating when her father’s not around to say “Listen to your mother or you’re gunna get a spankin.” I have no idea where she’s learning this stuff either?! Throwing herself? Biting? I guess it could be the other little girl that the sitter takes care of? But I’ve asked our sitter to spank Emery if she acts up so unless she’s not following through with that I don’t know why Em thinks this type of behavior is ok?

I’m not really sure how to nip her little attitude in the bud. Maybe she’s just hitting the “terrible two’s” early, with force? Still, it can wear me out. I usually feel pretty guilty for letting myself get frustrated though. There are so many parents out there that would love to be dealing with this, but can’t. I don’t take these moments for granted, at all, and I don’t think it’s a question about whether we love her or not. I just don’t want to be that family that goes out and their kid is screaming or throwing things the whole time because they let them do whatever they want. Unfortunately, I may not have a choice?

Shots Suck

Never skip a wellness checkup for your kid. Especially when they’re babies because those usually involve shots. Now I know that my little babe needs her shots, but we missed one of her check-ups when she was about 6 months. This caused her to get behind on them. Bad mommy, I know. So yesterday we went in for her 18 month check up. Can you believe it? My baby is 18 months?! She was already tired and irritable to begin with. Then it was a battle to get them to open her mouth and check her temperature. She wouldn’t talk, and she kept wanting her binky. The doctor knew right away that Em was a determined child. I’m not really sure if that’s a good thing, but I’m sure this trait of hers will bite me in the ass later. After all of the talks, and questions. We got a report that she didn’t show signs of autism. Not that we were worried. And we went over what to do if my kid gets eaten up by mosquitoes again.

Then we discussed the shots. Now so far, she’s only had to have at most two, but since this bad mommy missed one appointment she had to get three. And they sent in two nurses in hopes that it would go faster. It was brutal. She totally saw what was coming, and as soon as they stuck her with the first two, she was screaming and saying “mommy”. Naturally, this broke my heart and I started to tear up. Then, she started trying to get up still crying and have me hold her when they stuck her with the third one. This brought on a whole new set of cries. Her face was red, her hair was soaked in tears, and the entire time she’s looking at me like “why mommy?”. Did I mention she kept saying “mommy” over and over? Yea...this visit was hard for me. I can only imagine how she felt. Poor baby! I really hate how they make the parents hold their own kids down too. It makes you feel like your inflicting the pain on them. She cried all the way to the vehicle. I felt horrible.

I know she needs them. I just wish there was a way to mix these things up or maybe even give them orally. It would be so much better. So this is a lesson for all of the new momma’s: Don’t skip appointments! It sucks, you end up crying, and feeling awful.

This was before we went in. 

What Diet?

Oh boy.

So, as I had said before our great time at the show wasn’t without its stressful moments. I also should have mentioned I pretty much ate the weight of two elephants while I was at it, this past weekend. Meh! I know. I was on a roll last week, and I was so motivated. I refused chocolate, and I stuck with my plans. I felt like a damn champ! Then, Saturday happened and I had myself 6 pieces of pizza, a salad, two brownies, two hamburgers, and about a gallon of sweet tea. I seriously could have swallowed a whole large pizza to myself had I not realized I was the only one left eating. Yea..and that was just Saturday. I had this whole morning work out planned for the day, but it rained. Now, I know I have a treadmill, but when you’ve been doing nothing but running inside for two weeks, you need a little change. Does that sound like an excuse to you?? Yea, because it was. But anyway, at one point this weekend I also had myself about 3/4 of a container of Chips Ahoy! Chewy Chocolate Chip cookies and a big ass taco salad (with the shell). Don’t judge.

On Monday and Tuesday, I didn't work out. To make matter worse, on one of those days I overate! People, I’m not proud of this. I was supposed to do a weigh-in over at My Fitness Pal on Monday, but I was way too ashamed to get my ass on the scale. I really really need to work on my impulse control and stress eating. I do it every single time! I’ll have a good two weeks and then do something to completely sabotage it. It’s miserable! I feel miserable. I look miserable. It’s like I freakin' binge eat! Only I don’t plan on throwing it back up because that would be wasteful.

Seriously, this bad habit of mine along with the stress, caused me to break out over the weekend. I look awful today! It also caused me to get all bloated. But more importantly, it completely screwed my “good thing” that I had going, up. I got my ass back on track Tuesday. I hope I can keep it up. I need to figure out how to control the amount I eat. And I really have to do something about the weekends. When I’m out and about it’s just so much easier to get take-out or fast food instead of making and packing a lunch. I’ll go in dead set on a salad and come out with a double meat double cheese. No control, what-so-ever.

To further my humiliation, and to give me some damn good motivation I’m thinking of posting pictures as I progress. Nothing says “get your ass to working out” more than embarrassing pictures of your jiggle up on the net, right? Eh, it’s an idea. Once I take the pictures I’ll let you know what the plans are. They may have to stay in a little black box buried in the backyard, but we’ll see.

Something’s gotta give. I have to kick my ass in gear. I know I can do this because I have before. Unfortunately back then I had way too much extra time on my hands so I could spend hours working out if I wanted to. Nowadays, I’d have to be up before the sun and we all know how I feel about that idea, right? Gr. Here’s to some much-needed changes.

Wordless Wednesday

Fixed It!!

Last week, my phone took a tumble and my screen was barely readable. It was pretty much white, but I could make out some of the letters. Now for a girl who has everything logged on her phone, this is very bad. So, I looked around at some repair places, and a lot of them were a $50 minimum. That’s not including parts. Then a friend of mine said he could try and take a look at it but he was so swamped it wouldn’t be until September before he could attempt to fix it. Did you read that? SEPTEMBER. Well, that was just crazy talk! So, I started doing my research and looking at tutorials on how to fix it myself. On Friday I ordered my screen for $40 and a toolkit for $2.00.

They arrived early, and I got them yesterday!! So out went my plans to clean up or exercise. I WAS ON A MISSION. I took everything off, connected the new display together and patiently waited. Nothing. I felt as if I had been had. I cursed at the online shop that sold me this bunk display, and I was pissed. So, I disassembled it and put the old screen back on. Nothing. I went back and forth for a little while and I tried to make sure I hadn’t broken anything. That was the last thing I needed. After a few hours I sent my friend an SOS text.

Turns out all I had to do was let it sit for ten minutes and then power it off for a few minutes. Viola, new screen! No scratches, no glitches, and I could see the display! Yay!! And I only spent $45 including shipping! Yea, I felt pretty proud of myself. Unfortunately, my neck and back hurt from being bent over the damn thing for a few hours last night. But alas, it is a small price to pay. I KNOW HOW SAD THAT SOUNDS.

Anyway, that was my Monday. I’m also on day 5 of my “No wash. No product.” for my hair. Ew, I know, but it’s actually really good for your hair. Every 2-3 months I take a week and I don’t wash or put anything in my hair. This gives it a break from all of the heating tools and chemicals. Plus, it cuts down on how many trips I make to the salon because my hair stays healthier. Thankfully, Tresemme has this new line called Fresh Start and they have this odor neutralizer that I spritz on once during this week to keep my hair smelling nice. Still, I’m pretty excited I get to wash it tonight! LOL! Ahh, the little things.

Other than that things have been pretty boring at home. Chores are never exciting. This weekend I’m taking everything out of the closets and cleaning things out. I’m so tired of the mess! I haven’t been able to go out and take pictures of Emery which bums me out a bit. The past weekend we finally got some rain!! Emery played in it, and I still haven’t uploaded those from my camera. I’m lagging, sorry. I promise to pick it up, soon. And that's all folks! I've got nothing new for ya unfortunately. I’m in a bit of a funk so I’m hoping things pick up a little bit. I hope everyone is doing great though!! Now, I leave you with a completely random picture of California (because I miss it) :

An Alice in Chains Show

I am still tired from this past Saturday night. 
But I won't bore you with all of the details.
We’d be here forever.

A few weeks ago, my husband’s ex-boss called us up and told us he had tickets for a show if we wanted to go. Alice in Chains. Now, I’m not a HUGE fan, but my hubby likes them, and it was meant to be an “unplugged/acoustic” show so we said yes. I planned for my mother to babysit on the 27th. I guess I got my wires crossed because it turns out it was on the 13th. Yea....that was a nightmare. But, my mom said it was fine, so plans went on. Then, instead of it being in Dallas, 2 hours away. It turns out it’s in Oklahoma, 3 hours away. We found this out two hours before we were due to leave, to pick up our friend at the airport. Yea...even bigger nightmare. Following this, my father tells me we can’t use his truck, and our explorer wouldn’t make it. So, I scrambled trying to find out some options. Enter in, my future sister-in-law's car. I love you Kim. Her car has......character. She was recently rear-ended, and I feel that her car is having “anxiety” issues about this. Still, we moved onward. When we got to the airport and loaded everyone up, we realized it just wasn’t going to work. So, our friends rented a car and we headed out to the WinStar World Casino.

This place was huge! It was nice, fancy, and never-ending. We made it with plenty of time to spare, so we looked around. About an hour before the show started the line was already forming so we made our way in. It was a good sized area, but also had a private feel to it. Candles were lit, and there were couches on stage. Now, I’ve heard these songs on the radio and from my husband’s DVD’s, but since the original lead singer died I wasn’t expecting it to sound the same. The lights went out, and the noise level rose. The new singer stepped out, and he was amazing! I literally couldn’t tell the difference. They played 17 songs and a 3 song encore. It was a really good two-hour show. I’m really glad that we got to go.

On our trip back home, we got lost a total of three times. During one of those times I was praying we wouldn’t break down because we were in a scary part of town. Also, we almost had an accident due to some drunk guy falling asleep at the wheel! It scared the crap out of me. Still, we made it home at 3 am. Our daughter was up at 7 am. Yea, we definitely paid for it on Sunday. Today I’m tired and groggy, but really glad that we had this experience. Hopefully, I’ll feel better tomorrow once I’ve let sleep catch up to me. 

p.s. I feel as if I'm slacking for not 

posting pictures up lately, but I haven't

had a lot of time to go out and take some. 

I promise I will soon though! 

It Burns!!

Yesterday after work, it was a bit cloudy (no rain though), so I took Emery out for a bike ride. I needed to stretch my legs a bit and it’s been so hot lately that we can’t seem to get in a good day to cruise around. She was tired and crabby, but it was too early to put her down for bed so I grabbed her helmet and she squealed. Off we went for a good 15-minute ride around our town. She’d point at the horses or the cows, and say “Mom! Mom, look at that!” We came across some dogs and she’d start on her “bow wows”. She’d get a little overly excited when we’d go over a bump or pothole, and the giggles would start. Along with kicks to the back of my seat. Still, it was a good ride.  

Once we came back home, her cheeks were a bit red, and we were both a bit sweaty. So, I bathed her and by the time I got her bottle ready she was almost out. This was around 8pm. I still had some energy to burn so I hit the treadmill for about an hour. I did some laundry, showered, blow dried my hair, and packed everything up for today. I made my breakfast for today, and finally washed the dishes. By this point, I was feeling pretty good about myself. The house wasn’t in bad shape, and everything was done. I don’t think that’s ever happened before. Ever! This meant that I’d get to sleep in a little longer this morning! Success, right?!

Ha! I was a fool! Emery woke up this morning at 5 am. My husband encouraged it too. They played in the living room until it was time for him to leave around 5:30, and then she climbed up in bed with me. I was poked with a toothbrush, smacked with a glass bottle, and apparently I make a great horsey. It was inevitable; I had to get up. Now, I’m so not a morning person. Where did Emery get her morning personality from you ask? Well, I blame it on my mother because she sure as heck didn’t get it from me. I grumbled my way to the bathroom, put in my eyes, and then turned on "The Wiggle's" before getting ready to touch up my hair.

Well, "The Wiggle's" weren’t cutting it for Emery this morning. Now before you get on my case about TV, it’s only allowed on for about 5 minutes of The Wiggle’s because she enjoys the singing part. She dances and sings for a few minutes while I get dressed. The TV gets turned off, and I get her ready. But anyway, this morning she decided to sit in the bathroom with me while I straightened my hair. She yanked at the cord once. I told her to stop because it was hot. She sat quietly. I put the straightener down to part my hair, and in that split second, she yanked at the cord again. Only this time the straightener was falling and it was headed for her shoulder so I reached out to grabbed it. Omg, it was such an awful move. But, better me than her right?

I now have welts on my hand.  The stinging is still there, and my fingertips are red. It hurts. It hurts pretty freakin' bad. So now, I’ve learned my lesson. My toddler is not allowed in the bathroom while I’m doing my hair. Bad things happen. Needless to say, that totally ruined my morning. BUT, today is Friday so I hope all of you have a great day! 

Well, That Was Fun...

Ha! Oh man, where to begin. Ok, so after all of those “epiphanies” I talked about before. I realized that I need to have my own little world. Separate from my husbands. We can’t be together all of the time, and sometimes a little relaxing time on your own, with your own friends, can be a good thing. Unfortunately, I can probably count my girlfriends on one hand. Give or take a few fingers. Most of them don’t live around here anymore either. Now, let’s take into consideration that I spent most of my time hanging out with dudes rather than chicks growing up. So my phone book is pretty much all guys. No lie. As fun as it was then, it really sucks now because I’m left with very little “girl's night out” options. Booooo!

So I did the most awful thing in the world. *GASP* I had a night out with guy friends. Oh em gee, huh? I hadn’t heard from my friend in over a year, and I hadn’t actually seen him in over four years. There was literally so much we had to catch up on. He has a girlfriend and a little one, and I am married with my own little one. So, when he suggested that I meet him and a friend for drinks right after work, I said sure. I told my husband and he said for me to go ahead and go because then he’d get a chance to fit in a practice that day. I was pretty excited to get to see him again and see how he was doing. He used to be a really good listener and just an all-around good friend. So, I confirmed and we decided on a day to go have drinks after work.

It wasn’t until thinking about it some more that I wondered if it was even a good idea? If someone my husband and I knew saw us? Would they make a huge thing about it and start rumors? What about his friends? Would his girlfriend get mad? That’s the last thing I need. He’s a friend. A person that was in my life before marriage in a non-romantic way and we’re catching up. Is that really a bad thing? I figured since my husband was ok with it I shouldn’t have to worry. I just don’t want to give my family a bad reputation. And I really don’t need any of those “omg she’s totally cheating on her husband with those two guys” rumors making there way around town. It’s not nice.

Well, I had myself a good time. We caught up, had some beers, and had a few debates. I was told that I still looked the same, which I totally know he was lying, I’ve packed on a couple pounds after all. We talked about parenthood. How we’ve both changed and grown up in different ways. I talked about how I was focused on getting back into shape because I felt so huge after having a child. He and his friend talked about how us girls worry too much about appearances and weight. Apparently, I sound just like their girlfriends when I talk about it. LOL! He said that I was a beautiful woman and my husband was a lucky man and that I should always take compliments as a good thing. I got to talk about how much I missed California, and about Emery. We shared pictures of our kids, and it felt like old times kind of. It’s nice being able to talk to someone and it not be all serious, feelings, and bills. We paid for our drinks, said our goodbye's, and I went grocery shopping. I did end up seeing a friend of ours there and he came up to say hello and asked about my husband and the babe. He gave me a hug and told me to tell the old man hello. And that was that.

So this brings up my question: Is it wrong to have a night out or happy hour drinks with your guy friends? I’ve never really seen any of my guy friends in that way, so I never thought twice about it before. Now that I’m married, however, I’m not exactly sure what the ground rules are? I usually avoided it or I make sure that my husband comes along every time I meet up with guy friends. But, is this really a big problem? Should it be something avoided? My husband has had his “guy nights” where there were females in attendance. At first, I was a little annoyed, but it’s not like he can control who gets invited. I just trust that he wouldn’t do something he's not supposed to. He, in turn, trusts me. And I’m so not the cheating kind. I love my husband, and I’m not out looking for anything else. Still, it seems like this kind of stuff is looked down on. A lot. And after actually going out and doing it, I don’t really know why...?

p.s Just to avoid all of the stress,

I probably won't do a night out with only guys next time.

It'll have to be a mixed group. LOL! 

Wordless Wednesday

Nightmares

As adults, we can always differentiate between reality and fiction. Kids, not so much. I found this out the hard way last night. I had put Emery down for bed around 8:30. She was doing her little “zombie rolls”, and dozing in and out. So, I decided to catch up on my True Blood while she was asleep and I was folding laundry. Well, turns out my little one was half awake, and at one point she sat up. I turned the TV to Sprout, and within a few minutes, she was back asleep.

I went for a run, and my husband laid with her for a bit before putting her in her crib. When I was done running, I went into her room to check on her and she was crying. But not a “Get me out of here!” crying, it was more of a “I’m scared to death” crying. And she was still asleep. So, I picked her up and brought her to our bed where she proceeded to freak out. Inconsolable crying and rolling around half asleep. I tried to wake her up, but she’d just throw herself backward and cry. I thought maybe she was teething and in pain. So I gave her some baby Orajel, and that just freaked her out even more. All I could do was hold her, and pray that she’d wake up- wake up. But no matter how many times I tried to nudge her or pick her up and calm her down, nothing worked. She was still in this half-asleep state.

Finally, I just prayed. I took her next door, and my mother took one look at her and said she was having nightmares. She asked me if we had watched anything scary or if my husband and I had been fighting. I told her no to the fighting, but that she kind of saw some of the TV show while she was half asleep. My mom, started to pray and kind of hum a lullaby, while I rocked her back and forth. This calmed her down a bit, but she was just drifting in and out of sleep. Every time her eyes closed completely she’d start to cry again. Then, she started sobbing, and by that point, her hair was soaked with tears and she was all red. My grandmother came in, and she also told me it looked like she was having nightmares. They both started praying for the nightmares to stop and I started to sing to her. After a few more minutes she finally stopped crying. It looked like she had woken up, looked around, and then fell back to sleep. To me, she looked exactly as she did when she was born. I tried to hand her off to my mother so I could shower, but she wasn’t having it. She clung to me so tightly. So I went back to our house and laid with her until I was sure she was done with the nightmares. She cuddled up to her daddy and sighed before finally dozing off.

I’ve never seen Emery do that. It freaked me out a little because she sounded so scared. The only way to stop a nightmare is to wake up, and she just wasn’t having it. So, I’ve decided no more TV for us while she’s awake unless it’s Sprout. And especially no TV before her bedtime. I can just imagine what all she caught a glimpse of even though she was half asleep. Witches chanting, vampire's attacking, and a lot of blood. She caught several of those scenes and I really believe that’s why she was having nightmares. I also believe that my mother and grandmother’s prayers really helped. When I finally made it to bed she snuggled up with me and all was peaceful. She didn’t stir or cry out at all the rest of the night.

A Good Day

Today has been a good day.

My boss man and lady gave me a raise.

It couldn’t have come at a more perfect time.

♥

Thank you, God.

Heavy

This past weekend was heavy. I don’t think I’ve ever been smacked with as many “epiphany's” or moments of self-discovery as I was this past weekend. My non-existent pair grew a size (or two) I think. It was strange, emotional, and downright weird.

You know that moment when everything is just so crappy, and you have such a negative outlook about yourself? That moment when you don’t know whether to cry or scream? You feel as if you’re crawling in your own skin and you just want to rip it off? I get these feelings times a thousand in the form of anxiety attacks all of the time. But this past weekend instead of going into a full-fledged anxiety attack I got annoyed. I sat myself down, took some deep breaths, and poured myself a few mimosas. 

Then, I started feeling. I started to just let every single emotion I had, pour out. No worries, the babes was with my mom. After I got that out of my system, I just sat and thought. I had myself one of those “inner reflection” moments. Now, it could have been that finally everything was starting to make sense to me. Or that by this point I had already had 5 mimosas? But I knew what I needed to do. What needs to be accomplished. Who should and shouldn't be in my life. I finally felt like I had a clear direction right in front of me.

I made peace with myself. My old self. I told my husband how I felt. I spoke with some old friends. For the first time in what seems like a really really long time I felt like I was really and truly, me. I stood my ground. I said what I wanted out loud. I know I can’t force things, and life isn’t always fair. I know that obstacles will pop up. I can’t control everything. So, I just have to trust myself to make the best decisions that I possibly can. I have to follow my heart, and always stay true to myself.

I have so many things to accomplish. I have a life to live. I have a daughter to raise and a marriage that isn’t perfect but it won’t ever be. I’m ok with this. I need to learn to let go. Things won’t get better or work out for me overnight. It takes time, hard work, and a lot of faith. I can’t stress on the future, or life will just pass me by. Good things are/will happen for us. And even though it doesn’t always seem like it, I'm on the right path. 

Charlie St. Cloud & My Love For Zac Efron

For some reason this movie makes me happy. The story itself is not believable to everyone, and it is adapted from a book. If you're like some people *cough* KIM *cough* you might actually think that it downright sucks. But it makes me wish I knew how to sail. It makes me wish I lived by the ocean. It makes me want to go live in a place that has lots of green colors to it. It also makes me wish I were Zac Efron’s girlfriend, LOL! Yes, I totally have a "not-so-secret" crush on Zac Efron. My future sister-in-law says he looks fake but I think he’s kind of dreamy. He's also one of the few men who's all muscled up that I actually enjoy seeing shirtless. If you knew my taste in guys back in the day you'd understand that statement better. He also seems to be a pretty private and down to earth person in real life, but I could be wrong. Still, I'd like to think that he's just the sweetest guy on earth. 

Gushing aside, I've honesty never seen any of those High School Musical movies before. I'd see him on the pictures, and posters and always thought he was a pretty cute "kid". Until I found out he was legal, my age, and then I watched him on Hairspray. The original movie is on my list of favorites. When I found out they were remaking it, and then that he was the lead I was really excited to see what he could do. After watching his performance I can now say he's on my list of favorite celebrities. I'll watch anything that he comes out in. 

Anyway, if you haven't seen this movie, you should. It made me cry a bit, and of course it's a bit romantic too. Ok, who am I kidding? I watch this movie when I need to feel all giddy and excited about finding that first love. When I need to be whisked away to a seaside town with a cute guy too. LOL! Anyway, go rent and watch! If nothing else, it makes for some nice eye candy. ;-) Have a great Friday everyone!

Wordless Wednesday

X Games 17 and A Test...

I really like action sports. I think those guys deserve some major respect, and sometimes even more respect than “regular” athletes. Some of the stuff they do is completely insane! This past week/weekend was X Games 17, and I had my DVR set for anything that popped up with that title. To my disappointment, someone had started recording a Cartoon Network show that interfered with the first two days so I missed out on all of the moto stuff. Meh. I wasn’t too happy about that but thank goodness for YouTube! “My man” took a spill and I’m a little bummed about it. But not before winning Gold in Best Whip! Take a look:

That was pretty much my "exciting" weekend. I did a little shoe shopping for Emery because she’s officially outgrown her size 5’s. I did laundry, relaxed, and caught up on all of the recent True Blood episodes! At one point I tried to study for the placement test and came up really short. Emery and I were alone and she is really getting into that “needy” phase. She wanted to be in my lap, flipping the pages, and pressing buttons on my computer. When I sat her down, she’d start crying, or she would climb on to things and say “Mom, look at this.” If I tried to ignore her she’d start saying “Mom. Mom. Mom. Look at this. Mom. Mom. Mom.” Then, I would go into "guilty mode" for ignoring my baby, and it just wasn’t getting me anywhere. I found some study help this weekend though. I get to have a day or two of tutoring from my friend this week, and hopefully, I’ll be able to retain some of this information long enough to pass the test. Or at least not get a zero. I’m pretty sure I’ll have to do remedial classes, and I’m perfectly OK with that. I just have to get through this test in order to start taking them.

So, I’ll be taking a few days off from blogging to try to get as many study hours logged in as I can. Wish me luck!   

p/s My brother informed me 

that he will be moving out in about 3-4 weeks.

Kind of sad about it, but he's a big kid now.