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Picking Myself Up

I’m constantly trying to make things better in my life. I've cut a lot of negativity out. I've kept myself out of trouble. Kept my husband out of trouble. And I've slowly but surely started chipping away at our debt. I’m trying. Really, really, hard. But there are things, sometimes people, in my life that continue to come up. Never in a good way. And I feel like I’m just being held back. I feel like the very minute all of the good I’m doing starts to pay off, something happens and my world comes crashing down. And on my way down, neither my actions nor words can soften the blow.

I hate this. I hate feeling like I have to constantly pick myself up and dust myself off. I hate how there are so many repercussions. Not just for me and my family, but also for the people who surround us. I’m so tired of feeling like this.

The Video

I fixed my problem for embedding and sharing on Vimeo. 

So I decided to go ahead and share the video I was talking about on the previous post. 

In case you didn't catch my last post's point, and you somehow find a share or embed button, 

I'd like to state right now:

"PLEASE DO NOT SHARE OR EMBED MY PERSONAL VIDEOS ON ANY OTHER SITES"

Thank you. 

:)

p.s. I pay the extra $9 on Vimeo to get

a lot of privacy settings not given on YouTube.
(including letting me know where, other than my site, the video gets embedded)  

They are amazing & I'm pretty much in love with it. 

Wordless Wednesday

A Privacy Issue

I got onto Facebook, originally because my friend Melissa had moved off to go to college and it was an easy way for us to keep in contact. Then, I started using it more. A lot more. I posted a lot of pictures and updates throughout my pregnancy as well. A lot of it was hardly ever kept as private though. I also have two blogs (this one and another), that I have kept up with for awhile. I wanted to be able to share with family about what was currently going on in our lives. From jobs, to milestones. But then I started reading a lot about people who go in and take pictures from other people’s site and pass them off as their own. How child pornography can be made by photo-shopping a photo that was stolen from someone’s blog. And the list of crappy things can go on and on. Needless to say, this did not settle very well with me at all.

After our daughter came along, she became the most important thing in our lives. Protecting her is a number one priority. Now, I really love the blogging world, and I didn’t want to give up keeping in touch with friends over pictures so, I switched up all of my settings. On Facebook I only keep a limited number of Emery’s pictures up, and they are all set to private. Reserved for close friends and family. No one can tag themselves in my pictures without my approval first. On my blogs, I hardly ever post pictures of my daughter’s face. I disabled right click, disabled search engine, do not advertise (now you know why I don’t have many followers), and I’ve also watermarked all of my photographs. I knew it wasn’t a sure thing that someone couldn’t get around all of that, but I was making it that much more difficult for them if they could. And up until Sunday, I hardly ever show video of her on any social networking site despite having them loaded on Vimeo for when I want to share them by email to family.

Emery and my husband where “singing” duets in our bedroom on Sunday, and they were getting down. I uploaded the video, and after talking to my husband I posted one video (of the three that I had taken), onto Facebook. I limited the audience to JUST family and close friends because they are the only ones I feel needed to see it. Now, on all of my albums I always post for people to please not tag any of my pictures that they’re not in themselves. And to please not share the pictures without my consent first. Especially those of our daughter. I don’t know what everyone else’s privacy settings are, and I’m not trying to control their Facebook’s, BUT I am asking they respect our privacy wishes when it comes to our daughter. It’s already happened once where some creepy old man (a friend of a friend) tagged himself in the pictures I had up of Emery. The whole thing was sketchy, and now I’m really trying to avoid this happening again. After making a big deal about it, and announcing on Facebook my wishes I assumed that everyone KNEW how I feel about this certain issue. So, when I posted the video I did not post the heading of it as “DO NOT SHARE” because again, I assumed there was an understanding. Today, I have come to regret that decision.

Someone went and shared the video. Not only that but she went onto my Vimeo page and shared another video without even asking me first. I understand that some of our family and friends get excited, and they love to see the new pictures that I post. And that’s exactly why I share those memories with them. But, I always expect them to respect our decisions. This isn’t the only time this person has done this either. It’s actually one of a few reasons (her tagging and sharing all of my pictures), why I had deleted her off my friends list in the past. Now, I can’t keep everyone from posting pictures of Em. In fact this person has pictures that SHE has taken with her own camera of my daughter that she has posted. So do several other friends and relatives. I don’t say anything to them about the pictures because those are pictures they have taken. I have asked some of them to please make them private from the public if possible but I have never asked any to take them down or not take pictures of her anymore. I understand that I can’t do that. It’s not my place. But when it comes to my things, I have every right. So today I wrote an email asking this person to please take down the video’s. I stated my reasons privately, and I’m hoping she doesn’t turn this into some huge drama filled problem. Which trust me, it is a possibility. :(

I hate that this may seem very extreme to some people. Some might even question why I even still blog if I don’t want to share video or pictures with the world? But the fact is that I do love blogging. I love keeping in touch with our family and friends. I’ve been able to visit with family in Mexico that I haven’t seen in years, thanks to Facebook. And this is the ONLY reason why I keep one. My blog, is my blog. I don’t just write about my daughter I write about me. My feelings. I share only the parts I feel are necessary. There is a whole world behind this screen that many of you will never know about, or even get to see. I will always be open and honest, I just won’t spill every detail of my life on here. And that’s because I feel it’s best that way. I extend that courtesy to every other fellow blogger too. I don’t go around sharing or taking pictures from other blogs without giving credit or asking first. And I never use anyone else’s personal pictures of themselves or their family. That’s just how I roll. And I’m sure many of you are the same. I wish the world weren’t a nasty place. I wish I could post, upload, and write about everything in my life without fear of it being stolen, taken out of context, or used for someone else’s filthy habit. But the world isn’t like that. And I’d rather be safe than sorry.  

The Movie

First, let me get it out there that hardly ever will a MOVIE be better than the BOOK it's based off of. That said, The Hunger Games movie was awesome!! There were parts that I didn’t expect, and a few changes that I’m interested in seeing how they’ll explain later on. But overall they did an amazing job in keeping it with the book. Now if you’ve read the books, you know they’re all in first person. So I understand that they had to condense some things and make some changes so the movie would flow along smoothly so I fully except the changes as a good thing. These books are pretty lengthy and as much as we’d all love to see every little detail, it would take up about ten hours to capture the entire thing exactly as it was in the book. And I don’t know about you, but I’m not sitting through a ten hour movie. At first, I felt a bit of disappointment just because I wish that they had included some of my favorite parts from the book, but that was me just wanting what I wanted. Once the movie was over though, I felt completely satisfied. Which is more than I can say for other books turned big screen movies. And I absolutely loved the choices they made with the actors. I really felt like they brought the characters to life and they all did much better than I had anticipated. :) I can honestly say that Kim and I had a blast and we left feeling really excited for the next film!!

Before the movie, I skipped out on tutoring so I could just head on home. I wanted to get some time in with Emery before leaving again for the night. I also thought I was going to be able to fit in a nap, but that totally didn't happen. 9 pm came around, and I headed into town. We waited in line for an hour and a half and then they let everyone in to wait the other hour in our seats. Kim and I sneaked some candy in, that we didn’t even eat, to help soften the blow to our wallets. Our theater completely screws you over in the snack department. But, I still spent the extra money to get a “Hunger Games” cup for my drink. It had to be done. Once the movie started, I was so happy that the audience was not like the audience at the Twilight movie showings. There was no screaming, no hyperventilating, and no moaning (yea, you read that right). Everyone was there to enjoy a good movie.

Overall, it was awesome! If you’re a fan of the book, or even if you've never read the book at all, I’m sure you’ll enjoy the movie. I really recommend you go watch it! 

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Drained and Lagging

School is draining me. Our spring break is long over, and it was back to classes this past week. I am so not feeling it though. Sometimes I wonder if I over did it this semester? I know I’m only taking four classes, but that puts me as a full time student with a full time job, and responsibilities at home. I really shouldn't complain and I hate whining. But I feel so burnt out.

I feel like spring break wasn't even enough time off to let me recuperate. I’m still feeling very overwhelmed, and I’m lagging. I know that I’m lagging because I found out this week that my grades, still A’s & B’s, have dropped a bit. I’m trying to fit in enough time with my family, and do things I enjoy without letting it effect my school work but sometimes I can’t find a balance. I suck at that. On a good note, we’re having some changes come into place at home. Which could either take away or add to my stress factor. I’ll let you know more as soon as I can. Until then, all I can say is that this change will be a welcomed one if it in fact comes through.

This past week was a busy one, and for the most part it was rainy and gross. The week before I was able to go for runs every day, and it felt awesome! We had a lot of warm sunny days but for some reason that all changed over night. My shin splints also flared up really really bad at the end of last week. Making it really painful to run or walk. My back is also in a lot of pain, and has been for over two months now. It comes and goes but it hurts every day. It feels like it needs to be popped in several places, but I haven’t gone to see a chiropractor yet. I really just don’t want to spend the money on one, but if this doesn’t work itself out, I’m going to have to make an appointment with one. Even with the pain I still managed to push through the week and get my workouts done. But this week, I’ll be lucky to fit in two runs during the week which has me bummed out.

On top of that, when I hit the scale on Wednesday, it turns out that I’ve gained weight instead of lost any. I don’t get how, because my meal plan has been pretty good.

• Breakfast: meal replacement shake
• Mid-morning Snack: Bagel, fruit, or fiber bar
• Lunch: lean cuisine meal with either sugar free pudding or a snack bar
• Dinner: 1 1/2 cups of a Skillets, or Voila! meal or a vegan product.

Occasionally I would indulge, BUT I have myself on a budget for the whole week. I consider it my “lunch money” and once it’s spent, that’s it. No more. I also make sure that if I do indulge that it’s only on days when I plan to work out. That way I make sure I burn enough calories for any crap I eat and then some. I try to drink at least 6 cups of water too. But I was up another 2 lbs., which has me a bit discouraged.

I’m hoping I can figure something out and do better once my routine gets back on track. I really need to get back on track with this. I want to lose as much weight as possible by the time summer comes around. And not for a bikini, I’ll never be able to wear one of those again, but just because I want to be more active. I want to be able to take advantage of the time off I’ll have from school. To go out with my daughter and take Sampson out for runs. Here’s to hoping I can do it! Wish me luck! 

p.s. Happy Birthday to my Daddy!! 

It's ON!

Today is going to be ridiculous. But only because I’m going to voluntarily put myself through it. Kim and I are going to “The Hunger Games” midnight showing tonight at our local theater, and I can not wait!! It’s pretty much all I can think about. I’m so excited to see how close (or not close) to the book they kept the movie too. But first, I have to go to work, then class, then tutoring, and then drive back home, take a nap, and then wake up at 9 pm to get ready to wait in line for 2 hours. Crazy? Maybe. Worth it? Completely.

Tomorrow however, is going to be BRUTAL. I won’t get home till around 2:30 am, and then I’ll have to be up at 6 am for work. Which is ridiculous, but I forewarned my boss and coworkers that I will be utterly useless tomorrow. I’ll be loading up on a 5 Hour shot or two throughout the day to keep me awake. So expect a scheduled post manana. I'll talk about the movie on Monday if I've recuperated by then. :) Good luck to anyone else heading out to the showings! 

A Teaser

A Night Out in Dallas

I've been in a bit of a funk. And this past weekend did nothing to help my situation. We took my sister-in-law and her friend to a K-POP show since my mother-in-law had just gotten out of surgery. I made sure to plan ahead and consider traffic on a Saturday evening, so we left pretty early. Unfortunately, it might have been a bit TOO early. So, we got to walk around Deep Ellum, and have dinner at Deep Sushi before the show. 

You may not know this about me, but I love sushi. This is pretty weird considering that I’ve never been a fan of fish. Anything that smells like a lake really puts me off. But back when I lived in California my husband’s boss took us all out for a company party at a sushi bar, and his wife introduced me to some really delicious sushi. She “walked me through” the process of finding something I would really enjoy. I credit her for falling in love with it almost immediately, lol! Unfortunately, we now live in a small Texas town and are limited to one restaurant that serves only three different kinds of sushi rolls. That’s it. I break down and go there when I’m really craving it. So for us to go to a legit, not so pricey, sushi bar right on our night out was simply amazing. And the fact that it was right around the corner from the club well I only assumed it was fate. It did not disappoint. We left with our belly’s full, and were able to go walk around and take a few pictures. It brought back some memories of good shows, good friends, and great music.

The show was at “The Prophet Bar/The Door” club in Dallas so at least we maintained some of our street cred. When they finally opened the doors, my husband and I bee lined it straight to the bar. It was definitely......different. I don’t think I’ve ever been surrounded by so many pretty Asians before in my life. Seriously, even the guys looked pretty. And their hair? My God, I wanted it so bad. So pretty, shiny, and straight. Ugh, so unfair! They had two “openers”, which weren’t awful, but not great either. We already knew that the band wasn’t exactly going to be our cup of tea but the bartenders were pretty awesome. They were probably the most entertainment we had so we managed to pull through just fine. Sort of.

A lot of craziness goes down when you’re around drunk people. I was the DD so I stayed sober. But after that night I realized why I don’t go out that often anymore. People can be retarded when they drink. Some people just can’t handle their liquor. Sometimes I feel embarrassed for myself because I realize that I was totally in their shoes not that long ago. The girl that was falling in her high heels, wanting to start a fight, or just being down right mean. Yea, I was that girl. So, our night ended on a very bad note, and that’s about as much detail as I want to get into. My sister-in-law and her friend had a blast though! They are definitely fanatics, when it comes to this scene and it made me happy to see her get to be around other people that were just as crazy about this band as she was. She was definitely in her element.

Our Sunday was spent sleeping because we didn’t get home till almost 3 a.m. Emery had been out with my mother, pretty late so she cat napped a lot too. It was so nice to just relax. To be home, and lounge around. It was cloudy and windy, but warm so we were able to get some play time with Emery in. Today I’m hoping will be a slow lazy one too. Classes start up tomorrow and I’m a bit bummed about that. But, it’s not like I can do anything about it! Gotta keep chugging a long. Hope everyone else had a wonderful weekend though! 

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Um..yeah...

This week has been really hard, emotionally, for me. Not exactly sure why though. All I know is that my emotions are all over the place. Every damn things makes me cry. And  before you think it, no, I’m not pregnant. On top of that, we can’t seem to get rid of this cold. It keeps making it’s way back into our family. A sick toddler, makes for a very unpleasant few days. Sorry I lagged in posts this week. It’s just been “one of those” weeks.

A Boring Weekend Recap

Do you know what’s really really sad? When you’re 2 year old has more of a social life than you do. On Saturday night, after a whole day of being inside, my parents asked if they could take Emery to church and out for the evening. I agreed since we’d all been cooped up inside, and I knew Em was a bit stir crazy. She was all excited, and apparently there are a few kids that go on Saturday nights that are around her age so she gets to socialize. I got her dressed, and when my dad came to get her, she was more than willing to go.

An unexpected kid free evening?! Break out the beer and cue the Barry White tunes, right?! HA! Not a chance! We did nothing. Not even kidding. We thought about going out. But where would we go? He’s not a fan of movies, and I’m not a fan of bar hoping without a DD. Then we thought about maybe hanging out with friends. But what friends? How sad, huh? We literally have no lives. So he went on to record some music, while I laid in bed counting the minutes till our munchkin came back home. Now we’re just hitting pathetic.

I was able to sweep and mop though. Not that it really matters. My house still looks like a tornado ripped through it. It was raining and cold until Sunday. So I really had no motivation to get out and do anything. I was able to catch up on all of my shows that I had on my DVR. So I guess that’s an accomplishment, right?? Maybe?

On Sunday we went to my husband’s grandmother’s house and had breakfast. Em had been asking for her for quite some time, so we made plans to go visit. I finally got to see the movie “The Help”, which I bawled over. After that I went to a baby shower, which I’ll post pictures of on another day. When we got home, I went to bed. We all did actually. And today we’re all paying for it. I’m so freakin tired. This daylight savings thing is really messing with me, and I’m not amused.

So after that boring weekend, I have three hampers full of laundry to put up/wash. A lot of cleaning, and rearranging to do. But since it’s spring break, I’m hoping I’ll get most of that domesticated stuff done by tonight or tomorrow. That way I’ll have the rest of the week to complete the other parts of my “to do” list. Yay me!! If I’m lucky, this will hopefully mean that next week won’t be so bad. I’m so looking forward to it. 

Negativity Crept Up On Me

Ok. I got a little upset earlier, if you couldn’t tell. Sorry. I don’t know why I let things get to me the way that they do. I think one of the main reasons why I get so emotional is because I’m a mom. Crappy excuse, I know. But I sometimes find myself looking at things as if they were happening to me. To my family. I put myself in other people’s shoes so to speak. And this morning, when I saw the pictures of those women and children, I was bawling my eyes out. It’s strange, but it’s as if for a slight second, I can feel a bit of their pain. Especially the mothers. That said, I apologize for being so negative. I always talk about how I want positivity on this blog. How I want it so much in my life. And that earlier post was pretty much drenched in negativity.

I understand the world isn’t perfect. I understand that there is a lot of sadness and bad floating around out there. I also know that I can’t just ignore it, or pretend everything is peachy. Because it isn't, and I still firmly believe that it never will be. But at the same time I can’t save the world. As much as I wish I could, I can’t. The only thing I can do is help when I’m able. Pray for those hurting and suffering. Be kind to others. And teach my child to not be a hateful person. To be loving, gentle, and kind. Because the world has enough bad out there.

Really Angry..

I had another post ready for today that will have to wait. I’m letting you know right now, that this is not a very fun post. In fact, it’s angry. Really really angry.

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We've Arrived at "That Stage"

I love my kid. I would die for her, gladly. I make sure that we make enough money to keep her fed, clothed, and well taken care of. She is the light in my life. The best thing I've ever done in my life. That being said, she’s also a little shit sometimes. Agggh! Not even freakin kidding, dude!

We’re going into the terrible two’s at full force (have been for awhile now). And so far this has been the WORST stage she has gone through. It’s never ending crying and whining. If I turn off the TV, she cries. If I don’t put on the shoes SHE WANTS, she’s crying, and kicking the ones I have put on her, off. If I tell her “No”, in my normal voice, she’s crying. If I try brushing her hair, she cries. It’s been NONSTOP crying. I even have to bribe her into letting me change her, if I want to dress her without any incidents. Otherwise, it’s a full on wrestling match. And defiance. My goodness, she absolutely refuses to do anything I ask. Or even just listen to me. Her answer to anything I say is “No!” That or she’ll throw herself on the ground. That, by far, has been the most embarrassing thing out of this whole ordeal. Does she do this with her dad? No. Just mommy. 

Also, my little one has gotten smart. Or at least she thinks so. If I try to discipline her or tell her she can’t have something, the water works start, followed by a never ending “DADDY!” Sometimes this works, and sometimes it doesn’t. Then the minute she realizes he’s not going to back her up, she gets pissed. She’ll stomp off, or yell really loud. No joke, my kid’s got some lung power. But this seriously has got to stop. Soon.

I understand that at this stage, kids are pushing their limits. Seeing how much they can get away with. But man am I ready for it to be over with. It’s been really hard to stay patient on those days. I’m not going to lash out at my kid or anything. I’m just saying, I feel like I’m stretched so thin already, and then I have to come home to a toddler that does nothing but cry or scream at me. This has not been very pleasant. And now I feel like if we don’t straighten out her attitude right now, it’s only going to get worse. And I’m not unleashing that into society if I can help it. 

p.s. Happy Birthday to MY MOMMY! 

So blessed to have her in my life. 

The Other View of "Kony 2012"

Yesterday, this video went viral. It's being supported by many bloggers and some big playing celebrities. After watching the video, I was all kinds of upset. I was so ready to March my pissed-off butt to Ugandan, and kill myself an evil man. The entire time I kept asking myself why? How? Who does this to children? Who can be so evil that they are OKAY with making sex slaves and soldiers out of innocent little children?? They're CHILDREN! Ugh!! 

I am fully prepared to fork over MY money to such a great cause. I believe that SOMETHING should be done. But payday isn't until Monday, so I'll have to wait until then. But yesterday, after posting the video on every social network I have an account for, this popped up on one of my feeds. Apparently this person has gotten a lot of negative feedback over this, but I for one get his intention. His reason for bringing up another point of view. 

I'M BIG ON HONESTY. I like the truth. It makes me happy. So, I decided to post the link of this article: "We got trouble."  for you. Just so you won't think I'm one sided, or that I'm backing something up that I'm not fully informed about. I fully believe in making INFORMED decisions. I have already read this post. I have weighed both debates and really thought about it. 

I'm still choosing to donate, because I feel that it's right. 

KONY 2012

For those who haven't seen it yet, please watch, and spread the word.
Go here to find out how you can help. 

No child should ever have to fear for their life. No child should ever wish for death. As a mother, I would never want this to happen to my daughter. I can only imagine the pain and heartbreak of those who've actually experienced it or witnessed it. This man needs to be stopped. 

KONY 2012 from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.

Wordless Wednesday

She likes to get her backpack and "computer" ready like I do, on days that I go to class.
And yes, that is a binky. 

A Good Kind of Disconnect

Recently, I’ve been feeling a bit alone when it comes to my views on marriage. I don’t know how some people come off as having the “perfect marriage”? How some people go off about how their spouse is “the air they breath”? How the “honeymoon phase never ended”, or how they “love spending every minute together”? Is that really how it’s suppose to be? Because if it is....FUCK, are my husband and I in trouble.

I believe that marriage is hard. It takes work, commitment, sacrifice, and sometimes you really have to just bite your tongue and smile. Don’t get me wrong, there are wonderful moments, and lots of love! A lot of sex too. You can agree on things, and I’m sure that for the most part you do get along. It’s not like you married them because you hated them, right? So yes, I totally believe that it can be all cupcakes and rainbows. I just don't feel like it's like that all of the time.

It’s no big secret that my husband and I haven’t always been great. Sometimes I feel like we fell in love so young that we didn’t really think about how our own separate worlds would be effected once the “honeymoon” phase was over. I've known him since I was fifteen, and we lived together for two years before getting married. You’d think we would know each other pretty well, right? But, even now *three years deep*, I discover new things all of the time. Some I like, some I love, and others I absolutely hate. That doesn’t mean I don’t love him, though. It just means we’re different. We grow at different speeds, one maybe a bit slower than the other, and change happens. But this is a natural part of life. You can either grow together, and embrace each other’s changes, or it can break you.

Well, we were almost broken once. It’s something that we both work at on a daily basis, because we love each other. I don’t feel like either one of us ever wants to go back to that place. That said, there are some days when I seriously want to stick a fork in him. LOL! And then there are the days I can’t keep my hands off him. We have days where he stresses me out, and I find myself wanting to scream. Then there are other times where he’s the only person I want to be around. I’m sure it’s the same for him too. I’m no “bowl of sunshine” either. We definitely don’t always like the same things. Nor do we always get along. And this, to me, is okay.

I feel like sometimes it’s good to feel a little disconnected. To be different. It makes you really put effort into a relationship. Just because you’re husband and wife doesn’t mean that all of a sudden, you physically become one person. You each have your own thoughts, feelings, and pace. However, a little disconnect just might be the push that forces you to make that date night happen. Or it just might be what you need to get shit off your chest? Then again, I could have it all wrong, and you might think there’s something seriously wrong with my marriage if this is how it is. But, it works for us. :)

Who knows, maybe it would be cool if we were 100% in sync? Maybe it’s weird that we aren’t “worshiping” the ground the other walks on? Maybe it would be nice to be one "unit"? Always thinking alike, and wanting to do the same things. But so far, that hasn't been our thing. And I guess so long as we're happy, that's all that really matters. Right?  

This is an awful picture, because you can see my double chin, but it's one of the most recent ones I have. We hardly ever take pictures.

It Was One Of Those Weekends...

This weekend was not  the greatest. My brother and his old lady stayed over, which was a plus. I always enjoy when they come out to visit. She allowed me to vent and get things off my chest that I wouldn't have otherwise been able to. Thanks, Kim! We were also granted a lot of sunshine this weekend! On Saturday we attempted to fly a kite (but the wind was all kinds of crazy AND it was cold), and on Sunday the three of us (Kim, Emery, and I) went out for a walk. I was totally right about Emery missing it, too. She was bummed when we started making our way home instead of farther down some other dirt roads. She's always up for exploring. If the weather continues to be this wonderful though, I’ll be pulling out my bikes this next weekend. :) And if there’s one thing she loves more than walks, it’s bike rides.

This week is about to get busy. I have two exams, and a crap load of homework to finish up by Friday. Then, it’s Spring Break, and I get a week off!! Which is something I’m going to need seeing as how I’m considering taking a class or two during this summer's mini semester. I feel like it’s such a crazy idea especially with some latest developments I found out about “my degree plan”. I’ll post about it once I get everything all sorted out. But I feel like I need to get shit done, as soon as possible. So, maybe I will or maybe I won’t. Either way, a week long break sounds pretty damn good right now. 

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Flashback Friday: A Story

On Wednesday I went to McDonald’s to grab a quick breakfast. When I went to pay, the guy at the window looked familiar so I did one of those “nonchalant” double takes. It wasn’t who I thought it was. But it got me thinking about my friend, and I started to wonder how he was doing.

When I was about 13 years old, I used to hang out at my friend Lori’s house. We knew each other through catechism classes (CCD), and church. We didn’t attend the same school but we were both into basketball, and still going through that awkward stage of really acting like “young ladies”, so we bonded instantly. Our wardrobe consisted of basketball shorts, t-shirts, and our Nike's. The perfect BFF’s.

Well, my friend has an older brother who is two years older than us and a football player. ;-) I thought he was so cute and he always had his friends around, who weren’t bad looking either. LOL! My friend and I would hang out in her room, talking about sports, and boys. But on occasion her brother would let us all hang out in his room, which we thought was “totally cool”. Us two girls, hanging out with all of these cute guys that most of the girls in there school were after. Ha! We were so lucky. LOL!

One of the guys that came over constantly was a guy that we knew through CCD and Church as well. He was also a football player, and he was a huge flirt. To other girls, at least. To us, he was such an ass! LOL! He would tease us and make fun of us for not even attempting to look girly. He’d tell us that we were still “little girls”, not “women” so what did we know? Like he had a clue what the difference was either. I always seemed to get the worst of the teasing too. I felt like he only came around to make me feel bad about myself. But over time I got better at comebacks, and then I turned 15.

Everything happens so fast and all at once when you’re a young teenager. Everything is so much bigger to you than it really is. Well, at one point I started dressing up a bit more, and attending dances with my friends. This is when that guy, first started speaking to me. Nicely. I don’t know what changed? Maybe it was my cleavage finally making it’s appearance? Before, I always hated that I had bigger boobs than everyone else, so I would wear sports bras to keep them suckers strapped down! He was always coming over when I was at my friend’s house, even when her brother wasn’t there. He attended a lot of the same dances as I did, and all of a sudden he was asking me (and only me) to dance. Still being his cocky self, he would always make sure to state that he “Only danced with me because I was the only girl there that really knew how to dance to a cumbia or ranchera.” Right. Now, even though his teasing lessened it didn’t completely go away.

However, he totally won me over. I have no idea HOW it happened, but all of a sudden I was totally crushing on him. Cocky attitude and all. But, he had a girlfriend. Actually, he had two. One here, and one in Mexico. Sure did know how to pick ’em huh? Well, even if I had decided to pursue him, my crush was cut short. Not long after all of this “nice attention” started, he was in a really bad car accident. He spent a week in ICU, and when he started recovering, the doctor’s said that his brain had suffered quite a bit of damage. He had to go through a lot of physical therapy and speech therapy. At times he forgot who certain people were, and the doctor’s said that his mind set wasn’t exactly where it had been before. Pretty much meaning that mentally, he was set back a few years.

A lot of his old friends ditched him after that. Both girlfriends broke up with him. I still got to see him every once in awhile but he was completely different. He was very child like and very sweet. A few years passed, and he called me up out of the blue asking me if I’d like to take him out to see a movie. LOL! We went to eat at Chicken E before seeing a movie and I remember asking him if he remembered anything from before the accident. All he said was that everything was very fuzzy, but that he remembered me. I was pretty.

It broke my heart to see him like that. Here was this guy who had a whole future ahead of him, and it was all taken away because of a reckless driver. I kept a bit of a distance, because after that one outing, he started asking me if I would be his girlfriend. When I told him, no but that we could be friends. He kept asking "Why?" And how was I suppose to answer that? Then, I moved away. When I came back to Texas, I ran into him and his parents at the theater, and that was the last time I actually saw him. He texted me a few times asking if I’d go out with him or if I’d be his girlfriend. It's like he picked up right where we left off, before I moved. I would always so no, but that we could be friends. Then, the texting just stopped. I always feel so shitty for that. I feel like I should have handled it differently. Sometimes I wonder how he’s doing? If he’ll ever really get better? And the other day when I saw that guy at McDonald’s, I wished it had been him. Just so I could say hi. 

p.s. Sorry this doesn't contain pictures!

If I can find physical photo's I'll post them later.

Seeing as how all of my other ones are gone forever,

I'll have to dig a bit in old albums to see if I can find any. 

Dusting Off The Camera

Last fall/this winter I've been horrible at everything. My diet and exercise plan took a back seat (way back). My motivation for school just hit an all time low. Seriously, already? And I stopped taking pictures. Which is something that has never happened, since Emery's birth. Yup, I was one of those moms. I did take a few for Emery's birthday, but it was rainy and cold so we didn't get a chance to get some of her outside. So what I'm basically trying to say is that this all sums up to be one big epic mom fail.

Well, last weekend, we got a nice preview of summer. Sunny sky, green grass, and even 70 degree weather! I almost busted out my bikes (yea, I have more than one) it was so nice out! And for some reason it was just what I needed to pick up my camera again. Something about summer-like weather just makes me want to go outside, to take walks and snap away. Emery enjoys it too, and I'm sure she's just itching for our long walks again. This girl would much rather be outside playing and exploring, than cooped up inside. But this past fall/winter has been awful. It was either cold, really wet, or both. By no means was it "let's go play outside" weather. This past week has actually been nice though. And today we get a high of 83, if the weatherman is accurate. It sucks that I'll be at work and then school instead of enjoying the afternoon with Em, but it gives me hope for the weekend! Aggh! I can't wait for summer!

In the meantime, here are a few pictures from this past weekend. Now that we're getting more sunshine, expect more pictures. :)