Be The Change

The world is currently in a state of chaos. First came the panic from a pandemic that we knew very little about. Then came the anger and unrest caused by social injustice. My small little community, that more often than not serves as a bubble, usually shields us from the bigger issues going on in other places of the country. When viewing videos or listening to sound bytes of the unrest the world is currently experiencing it almost feels like it’s happening somewhere else. Another country, far, far away. For the most part, I tend to stay off of social media, and I just live oblivious to  the outside world. Focused on my little family and our day-to-day. And if I’m being really honest, sometimes, what’s going on in the world doesn’t even register to me. But the events that happened after George Floyd’s death were too loud for me to not notice. The outside world started to trickle into my life. As someone who’s usually able to see where people are coming from on both sides of the spectrum, these latest tragedies and events caused me to ask myself some hard questions. They caused me to have difficult conversations with people that I love. They caused me to stand my ground on certain issues. Agreeing to disagree. But they’ve also shown me that right now, God is just asking me to listen to others with a bit of grace and understanding. 

Now, I've experienced very little racism or systemic racism in my lifetime. At least, of the kind that was obvious and I was made aware of. But when I did come face to face with it I won’t lie by saying that it didn’t sting a bit. It definitely caused me some level of anger in the moment. However, I would tell myself that they had a right to their opinions. Because, like it or not, they do. That the person who expressed those feelings towards me was the one with the major issues, not me. They were missing out on a pretty great person - not to toot my own horn or anything. In the end, it wasn’t my job to try and change their minds though. And who the hell were they to make me feel bad about myself because they didn't like my skin color anyway? No one, that’s who. If they couldn’t see past the color of my skin then fuck’em. They didn’t deserve my attention. NOT TODAY, SATAN. They didn’t deserve my friendship, my business, or my loyalty. Their opinions and views were not going to stop me from pursuing whatever the heck I wanted though. So, with a middle finger up in the air, I moved along with my life.

However, my story isn’t everyone else’s. And how can we discredit or dismiss others who have faced large amounts of racism? How can we, especially those of us who mostly grew up in small community bubbles, tell others that they shouldn't be angry when injustice happens? How can we compare experiences when the background is nowhere near the same? Or how can we expect people to not get tired of brutalities and tell them that they shouldn't demand change? In policies or training. How can we not support having better checks and balances in place? On the flip side, at what point will other’s realize that in order to create lasting change we need to start seeking out careers in these fields and voting. We also need to encourage our children to seek out education. This doesn’t require spending hundreds of thousands of dollars either. If you want a more diverse police force - encourage people of color to join. If you want more diverse politicians - encourage people of color to run for offices. If you want stricter punishments - learn about the police policies in place where you live. If something in there doesn't sit well, find out how you can change it. If you want there to be less racism - lead by example. Speak up when you see it. If you want your communities to be more diverse - get involved and participate. Let your presence be KNOWN. And if we want people of color to stop being killed then we need to start by not killing each other first. There are a lot of lives lost due to POC on POC violence. And we need to not be okay with that. Because if we don’t have enough respect for ourselves, our own brothers and sisters, how can we demand it of anyone else? 

I understand that not everyone is racists. I understand that not all cops are bad. And I know that being white doesn't mean that you haven't had your own struggles. Or that you haven't faced racism yourself. It doesn't mean that you haven’t had to work just as hard as the next person either. Nevertheless, this isn’t everyone's reality. Horrible people will do and say horrible things. So, do I believe that racism still exists? Yes. Do I think people should stand up and demand change? Absolutely. Do I think protests should be allowed? Of course. But do I believe that turning protests into riots is doing anyone any favors? No. Do I think that "disbanding" the police is the answer to ending police brutalities? Definitely not. Do I believe that the looting of businesses will win support for the cause? Not at all. Because just like the horrible actions of a few cops are currently taking away from all of the good that police officers normally do, destruction and violence are taking away from the message that is currently trying to be made by specific groups. These negatives are what become the highlights. And this is how the current message quickly turns into something that can be capitalized on and exploited to create more division, excuses, and chaos. So, if we really want to see change then I believe that we all need to start doing better about how we listen, learn, and communicate with each other. Don't dismiss someone else's story just because it's different from your own. We all need to take a few steps back and open up our hearts and minds to what others have to say. We don't have to agree, but we can always offer up validation. And remember that kindness, compassion, and empathy...... cost us nothing. 💜  

Love - Because We're All Different.

Some people know that I grew up in a very strong (for lack of better words) Catholic family. Still to this day, if anyone asks about my religion I say “I’m Catholic”. I’ve not always agreed with some of their “rules & regulations” (again for lack of better words). But it’s all I know. It’s all I have ever really cared to associate myself with and this has been MY own personal choice. But I still don’t always agree with it. In fact, after I turned 19 I never went back to church. It just wasn’t for me. I know that there is a God, and we either go to heaven or hell. I know right from wrong, and on many occasions I have chosen wrong on purpose. But knowing, and having faith in him are enough for me.

--Anyway, enough on my religion, I’m getting really sidetracked.--

Last Tuesday, I read about Amendment One passing in North Caroline. Then that Wednesday, I read an article in Rolling Stone about the front man for Against Me! coming out as a transgender. Now, as I was growing up, I was always told that this was wrong. Being gay was wrong. Changing your gender was wrong. It was an insult to our creator. He made us a certain way for a reason and who were we to change that? Well, maybe they’re right. Maybe it is all wrong? But that doesn’t mean people aren’t curious or have certain feelings that they can’t help. I can recall a few times that I made out with a girl, and a few more where I thought about what it would be like to date one. But it just wasn’t me. I never had those types of feelings for a girl. I've always liked boys. Really, really liked boys.

But for some reason, after reading the article and some of the not so nice comments that were left, I kind of felt ashamed. I felt really disappointed in humans in yet another aspect of life. I felt that even though I was raised a certain way I love the people in my life. Those in the past, present, and future. Gay, straight, transgender, undecided. All of them. I have/will have people in my life for many reasons but mainly because they make me happy regardless of what their lifestyles may be. Yes, I may not think it’s completely right, but I don’t judge people for it. It’s their decision. Their life. And who am I to tell someone how they do/don’t feel? Especially on matters of sexual preference. That’s intimate and personal. People will love who they love. And I think that’s what’s important. LOVE. 

Currently there is so much hate, and prejudice in this world. I’ve read countless stories of people and children being bullied, beaten, verbally abused, and some even taking their own lives because of other people’s close mindedness. People's constant need to condemn someone for something they themselves are not comfortable with. And not just on this issue either. You would think that by now, people would realize that all of this conflict isn't getting us anywhere. But it takes someone, or some child losing their life to make people sit back and feel a tiny bit of remorse. But nothing changes. Unfortunately, some of us parents are failing. Some of us might even be behind the entire problem. Fueling the fire. Hate, and discrimination is passed down. Most instances children will grow up and make choices based on what they were taught and/or how they were raised. It's a constant cycle. And until parents start to change how they deal with or approach certain issues things will never change. There will always be conflict.

Now, from my understanding (which may not be very accurate because I've never read it), the bible is not too keen on same sex partnerships. This may not seem like a big deal for some, but as a Christian, it's important to me. However, in this same bible there is a great deal about love, acceptance, tolerance, compassion, and forgiveness. And I think that’s what people forget about when they go off preaching, condemning, and judging someone else. I completely understand not agreeing with certain things. Obviously, I’m pro-life, anti-child abuse, and I wish we could do more for people in other countries. But I also know that in some cases, even though I may not agree with certain things, it doesn't mean that I have the right to spread HATE or pass JUDGEMENT. In fact, it doesn't give ANYONE the right to do that. What does or does not happen to us once we’re gone from this world is not up us. So some people need to stop "casting stones". Our job here is to be love. To show tolerance and compassion. 

I'll be the first to admit that this is something that I struggle with (especially with stories like this one and this one), but rest assured that I constantly try to work on it. After reading about these current issues and really thinking about them, I've been left even more sure of my beliefs. Sexual preference and gender do not define a person! So why should we judge them based on that alone? For now, I can only hope and pray that my actions help mold Emery into a kind, loving, and strong woman. I pray every day that I at least get that right. I want to raise her to be open with me. To know that she can talk to me about anything, and I will always be open and truthful with her. I want her to know how we feel and think about certain issues, and why. I refuse to encourage her to discriminate, bully, or look down on anyone that’s different. But most importantly I hope that no matter what, she understands that we should always love people regardless of our differences. Because there’s already way too much hate in this world and I refuse to take part in adding to it. 

Really Angry..

I had another post ready for today that will have to wait. I’m letting you know right now, that this is not a very fun post. In fact, it’s angry. Really really angry.

Dear Lisa

Last week, the internet was buzzing about this girl named Lisa Khoury, who wrote a column about her opinion on women with tattoos. I have links to her original article, and her most recent "apology" in the post below. Her opinion was not very well liked, and she received a huge backlash for her opinion. This is my letter to her. One I doubt she will ever read, but I felt the need to write it anyway. 

Dear Lisa,

I didn’t respond to your first column because in all honesty I thought it was stupid. I understand that it was supposed to be an “opinion piece”. But you didn’t choose your words very wisely, and whether you meant it or not, you came off as close minded, sexist, and yes, stupid for talking about something that you clearly had no clue about.

“An elegant woman does not vandalize the temple she has been blessed with as her body. She appreciates it. She flaunts it. She's not happy with it? She goes to the gym. She dresses it up in lavish, fun, trendy clothes, enjoying trips to the mall with her girlfriends. She accentuates her legs with high heels. She gets her nails done. She enjoys the finer things in life, all with the body she was blessed with.But marking it up with ink? That's just not necessary.

I'm not here to say a girl should walk around flaunting her body like it's her job – that's just degrading. Instead of getting a tattoo, a more productive use of your time would be improving and appreciating the body you have been given, not permanently engraving it.Can you get meaning out of a tattoo? Arguably. If you want to insert ink into your skin as a symbol for something greater than yourself, then maybe you are proving a point to yourself or the rest of the world.

But at the end of the day, are you really a happier person? Has this tattoo, for instance, caused you to learn something new about yourself? Has it challenged you? Has it led you to self-growth? Nothing comes out of getting a tattoo. You get a tattoo, and that's it. You do something productive, though, and you see results. That's a genuine, satisfying change in life. Not ink.

Invest your time, money, and effort into a gym membership, or yoga classes, or new clothes, or experimenting with different hairstyles if you're craving something new with your body, not a tattoo.”

The above paragraphs are not taken out of context. 

I just copied and pasted your own words. 

First, let me just say that I’m a mother of one, married to a great man (who also has tattoos), currently attending college, and I work at a great small business that sells pumps for oil rigs within the U.S. and internationally. I don’t always have the money to “enjoy the finer things”, but hey, that’s okay. My family is taken care of, and I’m proud of that. I don’t feel the need to “flaunt” my body in any way or to anyone who isn’t my husband, because how is that going to make me happier? I’m seriously not that vain. So what if someone thought I was pretty? What does that have to do with my personality? Clearly, from my pictures,  I'm not a big fan of “trendy clothes”- I’m more of a jeans and t-shirt type of girl. This isn't saying that I can't look "presentable" because sure it's nice to dress up. If it were up to me though, I'd choose comfort over anything. Oh well! I don’t seek out anyone’s approval, and I sure as heck don’t care about what someone’s opinion of me is. I am who I am, the way that I am, and people can take it or leave it.  

Also, Lisa, beauty is not what’s on the outside, although there are some mighty fine looking people out there. Still, you can have the prettiest, tattoo-less, accomplished woman, who is the biggest bitch in the world. And just because she spent her money on yoga classes, trendy clothes, and lost weight doesn't mean that she’s above everyone else. None of those things will mean a damn thing to people who surround her (or lack thereof). So what does she end up having? How did any of the things you listed help her out in any way? This is where that saying of “don’t judge a book by its cover” comes into play. If you really believe that appearances are everything, then dear you have a lot to learn.

I currently have two tattoos, but plan to get more. Why? Because I really, truly love them. So to me, yes it is very much necessary. Both of my tattoos mean something to me, and any that I get in the future will do the same. My first tattoo is of a band that I have always LOVED, and their music really brought me out of a rough time in my life. Without their music, who knows where I’d be? And my second tattoo are the words “California Dreamin” which I got in honor of a place that helped me grow up, and also a song that my mother used to play on Sunday mornings by a group that she liked. And do you know what happens when I see my tattoos, still to this day? I smile. They both remind me of happiness and  of wonderful places in my life. So in my particular case, I do get something out of it.

That last part that I quoted from your column is like the icing on the cake though. You may want to invest in all of those things to make you feel better, but that doesn’t mean everyone else does. And quite frankly, you come off as if you’re trying to tell people that all of those things are so much more important. But they aren’t. We, individually, define what's important and special to ourselves so it’s really not up to you. Yes, you can have an opinion about it. Yes, you can find those things to be more meaningful to you. But you should have stated that right off the bat. And you should have made it clear that these were your own personal choices, and that they were not meant to be for everyone else. Instead you came off as if you were belittling women, and sending us back a few centuries.

But, here’s the thing, some people like tattoos and others don’t. I get that. I also understand that, unless you’re 100% sure about what you’re getting, maybe you should hold off on the decision. Unless you're the type that likes to be spontaneous, and really don’t care, then props to you! And Lisa,you may have not intended to hurt anyone’s feelings or “attack” a certain subculture, but you did. I personally could care less what your thoughts on me, as a woman, that has tattoos are. I understand that they aren’t for everyone. But to call women in general (not once did you say anything about men) who have/want/like tattoos “classless”. Well, what did you expect would happen? People would commend you? They’d praise you for your amazing insight, and shower you with lovely comments about how you totally opened their minds? Of course not! You picked a bone, and now you have to deal with the consequences. 

This was bound to cause some kind of a ripple, and if the column you posted is really how you feel, don’t apologize for it. That to me is just cowardly. Own up to it, and take the heat. Not everyone is going to like what you have to say; just like I’m sure you don’t like what everyone else has to say. That's life, dear. But, I do hope that you really did learn a lesson. I hope that this has opened your mind, even just a little bit, to how different people are. I hope that you were exposed to some beautiful, gorgeous, strong, and wonderful women who have tattoos. And next time you decided to write an opinion piece, maybe you should look at both angles, before choosing a topic and throwing things out there?  

First Impression of Google+

Facebook is getting old. I guess that will happen with any other social networking site, in time. Remember Myspace? I officially deleted that account, but apparently Mr. Justin Timberlake bought into the company and wants to do a complete overhaul on the site. So, I might just end up getting another account if it turns out well. But now I’m getting ahead of myself and completely off topic. Any way! As I was saying, I’m getting a bit burnt out on Facebook. Literally, it seems to be a place to cause drama, overshare too much personal info, and the privacy settings piss me off. They’ll change everything up and NOT tell you. Plus, asking for my mobile number to further help my “privacy” sounds like a load of bullshit. The good thing about it though is that it’s kept me in touch with family and friends that I haven’t seen since high school. The bad things is that it’s kept me in touch with family and friends that I haven’t seen since high school.

And then walks-in Google+. Since it’s still in its tiny newborn stage I had set up my regular email address to be on the waiting list. Apparently, it goes faster if you have a Gmail account though AND if you get invited by someone already in it. So, after my invite I started messing around with some of the features, and surprisingly I actually like it better than Facebook. You put the people you follow in “circles” and when you post it, you can hide certain things from certain people. Same applies to your information! You can pick and choose who sees what! And you can disable it from coming up on search engines. Which to me sounds freaking awesome! I want to be able to share my life and updates with family, BUT they don’t always need to see all of my posts. And vice versa when it comes to friends. This comes in handy with pictures too! I blog, and you see that I post pictures on here of my little bug all of the time, but I have them watermarked AND I have disabled the links and right clicks. I know this doesn’t stop some people from stealing my pictures, BUT it might make it that much harder. So why do I go through the trouble? Why not just stop posting/sharing pictures? Well, I do like showing bits of my life, and my daughter is a major part of it. BUT this doesn't mean I want people stealing the pictures or using them. Lord knows there are some pretty crappy people out there. But Google+ is doing a great job at letting me share certain pictures with certain people and allowing me to keep the rest private! They also, tell you about the changes and EVERYTHING is in your hands. They don’t allow for things to become public and then tell you later on “oh, we made this change so if you don’t want this information shared, go to your setting and disable”. Facebook does this all of the time, and I feel like certain features should not be enabled automatically. They should give US the chance to enable them ourselves if we want them. Plus, they allowed for a lot of information to become public at one point, and I think that's kind of shady.

The only downside that I’ve seen to Google+ so far is that they allow anyone to “follow” you. They allow anyone to add you to their circles. I know that those people won’t see anything unless I allow them to, but it’s still a bit creepy. I feel like they should add an “accept or decline” type of a system. But that’s about the only major issue I have with it. That and you can’t really post or message someone. I think it all goes off of chatting. But, I’m not sure. Right now I’m using a Gmail account, but I really hope they open it up to other email formats. Like I said, it’s still in its baby stage, so I’m looking forward to seeing what kind of changes and progress come from this social networking site. So far, I am liking it better than Facebook. And I really hope it continues to impress me! 

Do you have a Google+? What are your thoughts? Are you liking it or hating it? 

Harps Grocery Store

So, apparently last night there was a shopper, JennHudd, that tweeted out this photo she took at Harps, a grocery store in Mountain Home, Arkansas. Apparently US Weekly's cover shot of Elton John, his partner, and baby is just too shocking for children. They claim that several customers complained about this cover, and so it was "censored". Now, Harps has over 60 locations in Arkansas, Oklahoma, and Missouri and all of a sudden everyone is protesting them by calling in and complaining. Last I had heard, Harps took the covers off...

I, as a parent, would have to support the store in their decision to cover the magazine. But also, I think that EVERY racy cover tabloid or magazine should be censored. We parents know the difference between right and wrong. We have all had different (or the same) beliefs and morals taught to us. Then again, some of you may not have had anything. Either way, we are adults. We make our own decisions, and we instill these beliefs and morals to our children. Whether it be to hate people of color or different religions. Or whether it be to not follow an organized religion. Some of you believe in gay marriage, some don't. Some believe that there is no other right way besides their own religion, some don't. Some of you believe that sex is just something you do to populate the world! Others believe that virginity is the most important thing, and should only be given up on your wedding night. These are just a few of many things we as parents decide on whether or not to teach our children about! And some of the few beliefs that we teach our children. 

Now the point is, we are all different!! We all grew up differently. We all believe differently. We all parent differently! But just like everyone complains about how this "censor" is wrong, stores should respect the customers that are complaining as well. Or what? Do they not count? Just because they don't agree with being "out and proud" or "same-sex marriages/families" they don't get a say in anything? We have to consider everyone's point of view on this. And if you don't have a problem with your kids seeing this stuff, then take the magazine out and purchase it, or show your child. And some of you say "Well, why does it even have to be hidden in the first place?" Well, maybe because not everyone shares your same belief! Just because you accept it does not mean that the person standing next to you does! So if not everyone can agree, why not put the cover over the magazine? Let the customer chose what they will or will not allow their families to see. It's called COMPROMISES people!!

I personally don't want my daughter seeing any of those magazines. Whether it be same-sex couples or some girl in a tiny bikini. She's still only just 11 months, BUT I feel that her growing up seeing those things or even reading the magazines at such a young age would start to push her into a certain direction that I don't want her going. Materialism, experimentation, eating disorders, and low self-esteem. I will teach her tolerance and acceptance because God tells us to LOVE everyone. BUT, I refuse to tell her that it is right. And that is my choice! You can hate on me all you want, but I have friends that are gay or lesbians and I love them. I have had some of my greatest times with them! But, not once have I agreed with their lifestyle choice. And they still LOVE me regardless of my opinion. ACCEPTANCE! 

Now, I want to teach my daughter our beliefs and then when she is old enough to make decisions for herself can she start making her own choices about them. If she decided that my way is not for her, or that she does not agree with our beliefs any longer then I won't stop her from branching out. I won't stop her from reading or being curious about other things. At that point, I can only help guide her and pray for her. But that is a good while from now I hope...

Lately (by that I mean the past couple of years), it seems like the less clothes the better. The more flamboyant the person the better. The more screwed up the person, the better! Especially with everyone being more open, liberal, and with people wanting more drama and scandal than anything else! It is making it hard for magazines to NOT go in that direction. So when it's published and you see it in magazines at the grocery store, it makes it harder for parents who don't want their children seeing these things to keep them from seeing it. Magazines, books, movies, TV shows, ads, commercials! It's EVERYWHERE! Therefore, it means I will have to start dealing with these issues A LOT sooner than I should. And being a mom, this is frightening to me. 

So, I would like to just say thank you to Harps Grocery store for trying to respect the customers that complained. Thank you! There are very few stores out there that would have done this. And to the customers or people that DON'T agree with the cover being taken off, and feel that it should be kept on. CALL THE STORE AND RESPECTFULLY PUT IN YOUR COMPLAINT. Tell them you want the censorship back or boycott the store itself. DO NOT let people make you feel as if your voice does not count, just because you don't agree with them!

Babies and Pets

Oh man...I read this story today, that made me really sad. A couple left their newborn in the room with their family dog for a "second" and the dog killed the baby. Unfortunately, it was my favorite breed that did this.  

Dog Attacks Newborn

I swear things just look worse and worse for these dogs every year. I am a "Proud Pit Bull Mommy". I love Sampson. He was our first "child", and sometimes I feel bad for not having as much time for him as I used to. But, my EMERY comes first! Still, I feel that these dogs get such a bad light cast on them, and I am blaming the owners. Lousy dog ownership.

I do NOT leave Sampson alone with Emery. EVER. In fact, he became an outside dog three month before Emery was born. And my mother won't even leave Brinks (the Boston Terrier) alone with her either. There is a reason for this. Emery is a baby. And no matter how nice or friendly our dogs have been or are, they are still animals. Sampson has been wonderful around other children, and we take him for walks with us when we take Emery out in the stroller. But he's always on a leash. When he was being introduced to children, and to Emery he was always supervised and on a leash. So, this brings me to ask,

WHAT WERE THESE PARENTS THINKING?!?!

I know that we LOVE our pets, but when it comes to our BABIES (& children) we should all start being a bit more careful. More responsible. When we decided to take Sampson I did my research on the breed, and I always took precautions. With ANY dog, you have to be cautious. They lack that control that most of us humans have. I say most because we as humans also have our bad guys out there. If something makes us mad, annoys us, looks at us the wrong way, or smells funny WE can control how we react/act out on this. Animals are a bit different. Their reactions involve being protective, or violent. You can see this with any animal! Even if you have an amazingly well-trained dog, in one second he could just as easily disobey you. They all at one point or another act out, Samp does it when he's annoyed with us (ex: chewing on clothes, jumping on you repeatedly, or ignoring you altogether -- kinda sounds like a teenager--). And that's why I believe that when it comes to CHILDREN and PETS you must be extra careful. No matter what the breed.

It's like I always say, EDUCATE yourselves! I'm not perfect, and I know we all make mistakes, but had these parents been more cautious. Had they taken the "animal instinct" these dogs have, more seriously, they might still have their little one. And this makes me even sadder. This baby only had four days on this Earth. Four days of life, and it was taken away, just like that.

So when it comes to your children, and your pets I'm urging you to read up on the breed and to be careful! Never leave your little ones alone with the pet(s). I'd rather we be too careful than to see this happen again.