Good Grief, At least Try!

Oh dear.

Do you see that? That outfit, that hair? The lack of effort in trying to look presentable? Yea...that’s me. Hi.

Why yes, I can see that I look like crap!

No, it’s not just a bad day, this is me pretty much all of the time.

No I’m not pregnant, silly! It’s the dress.

You know, I used to have such great fashion sense. Then I went through my “band t-shirt” stage, my corset stage, and finally my “Is-She-A-Slut?” stage. In case you were wondering, No I wasn’t. Then I got married, and a year later I got knocked up. I just going to come out and say it: I blame a crappy pregnancy for my awful look. I was always swollen, I threw up all of the time, and I looked like a damn road map! Still do, if I’m gunna be honest. I lived in loose pants and big shirts. And I always had on sneakers or flip flops. When my feet would swell I would just loosen my shoes or take them off. I also managed to always get vomit in my hair (it was long), that eventually I just wore it in a bun. Still do, if I’m gunna be honest. And my look hasn’t really changed in the two years since.

I feel like this needs to change. Drastically and as soon as possible. Wouldn’t you agree? So, now comes the hard part. How in the hell do I achieve this? When I was younger I had HOURS to get ready. I had MONEY to buy new clothes. I always had at least 9 hours of sleep! Those were the days! I didn’t stress over bills, expenses, or school so my skin was always so clear. Now days, I look like someone who got dressed in the dark! Someone who has never heard of tweezers. And this is really starting to scare me.

So how do I reverse this? I see so many moms, and women my age all so well put together. Hell, I go to school with women around my mom’s age and they are always dressed nicely and made up. I want that! I want to look better. I want to have the time, energy, and put forth the effort it takes to get myself looking better. Presentable. 

I don’t know the first thing about make-up anymore. Fashion and clothes have not been on my list of things to look into, because everything's so damn expensive! I'm lucky if I can buy a shirt from Wal-Mart. Not that there's anything wrong with Wal-Mart clothes. I'm just saying that not even those prices fit into my budget sometimes. And hair? What the hell do I do with it? Mine is usually either straightened or curly. So if it’s straight, it’s just straight. If it’s curly, it’s up in a bun. I have no idea how to even begin to really take care of or manage it. The fact that my face is too round to pull off the shaved head look is probably the only reason why I haven’t taken that route. Well, that and my husband would kill me. Also, like I said before, I’m working with a budget pretty much all of the time. I don’t buy anything unless I’ve planned for it a head of time, and I really don’t splurge on myself. Ever. 

So, where do I START? Because I really need a change. I really need some kind of a makeover. And damn it, I at least need to try. I want to look nice. I want to feel nice again. With my body and my appearance. 

Brutal Honesty Compliments of Mi Padre

So, do you see that weight loss badge on the right side of my blog?? Do you see how it says 11 lbs. lost? Well, it pains me to say that it's a big fat liar. Ok, maybe not at first. But once December hit, it became the biggest liar on the damn planet. I’m pretty sure I've gained most, if not all of that weight back. I’m not exactly sure how it happened? Psht! Yea right! I stuffed my damn face, that’s how it happened! But the holiday’s really pulled one over on me. And then, finals reared their ugly heads, and I was at the mercy of fast food. Next up came vacation. And for some reason, everyone and their mother’s wanted to feed us. So yea, I’m pretty sure I packed on the pounds.

I thought it would be ok. My jeans were starting to feel a little tight again, but there was no way anyone else would notice, right? Right? Ha! Last week, Monday to be more specific, I finally went for a run. It had been over a MONTH since I had gone on one, and my legs were seriously aching for it. So, I put on my usual running outfit on and proceeded to stretch out the kinks. Well, don’t you know my father saw me. Do you know what the first thing he said was? “Whoa, you gained weight, huh?” Then he made this gesture with his hands –like he was eating- pointed at me, and then shook his finger “no” at me. Yea. Pretty blunt. This was coming from the same man who once replied to my Aunt’s statement “I feel like I’m losing weight.” with “Where? Your Ankles? Cus your ass has been on the couch all month.” Some people think it’s too mean. My mother still to this day hates when he makes comments like that to me (or anyone else). But seriously, I love his comments. Even when they’re about me. How ever “twisted” it may sound, it really actually motivates me to prove him wrong. To show him that I still have the discipline it takes, to get back into a healthy lifestyle.

See, growing up, my dad was the reason why I played sports and kept in shape. He was always honest about my weight. He never expected me to be all tiny and skinny, but he expected me to be healthy for my age and height. His logic is nothing new either. “You eat junk and don’t work out, you’ll get fat. You eat right and work out, you’ll lose weight and be healthy.” The man wasn’t some kind health nut either, and he wasn’t always into work outs. But he did lift weights and play sports to keep himself fit. Well, now as he’s getting older, he’s stepped it up. He’s probably in the best shape he’s ever been in. And he’s constantly reminding me, “Hey, if I can do this, you can too.”

That’s why, I’ve decided I need to step it up. I need to start getting up earlier to fit in work outs. I need to start making healthy choices again (which means no more impulse buys). Right now, I can totally feel the bad effects from “falling off the bandwagon”. My energy level is really low, I’m always tired, I feel bloated ALL of the TIME, and it’s made me way more grumpy. I want need to change this. I’m 24 years old for crying out loud! I should have way more energy than this. Especially since I'm a mother too. I need to be able to keep up with my toddler. I feel like I should be way more motivated. More on track. And thanks to my dad's comment, I’m well on my way. 

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My Plan!

This past week, we’ve had a lot of clouds and a lot of rain. I love rain. I love storms. But, I hate being out in them. I like being cuddled up in bed with a book (or watching a movie), while a storm is going on. Or, I like being able to nap, while listening to the rain. Playing out in the rain is fun, but if there’s lightening my butt is inside. Let’s just say that it’s a fear that was instilled in me as a little girl. Any way, this past week we had a lot of rain and storms. Our whole front yard was flooded for a night and day. Now, our grass is all brown, and the ground squishes.

This creek is usually dry and no more than 4 ft wide. 

But with the recent rainfall, it's now flowing.

Now as much as I love the storms, this weather has really made me miss California. Yea, I know. I’m talking about it again. I can’t for the life of me, shake this feeling of wanting to be there. Maybe it’s because just four weeks ago I was waking up to a beautiful, sunny, warm (not hot), California morning?? Maybe it’s because I miss the salty smell of Oceanside Beach? Or my lovely friend’s laugh? Maybe it’s because I loved how Emery was surrounded by children her age and was having a blast every day! Even despite her getting sick. Maybe it’s just because I miss it.

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While we were in California my husband and I talked about moving back. We talked with some family members about whether or not they saw employment going up at all within the next three years. We talked about housing; buying verses renting. How much we’d have to be making in order to stay on top of the “cost of living” there. I could feel “the wheels” turning and I started forming a plan. One that I only recently started talking to my husband about.

• Pay off debt = fixed credit
• Start putting double in our savings
• Finish school
• Both start applying for jobs 
• Look at houses on the market
• Find a sitter/daycare/school for Emery (depending on her age) in advance
• Only move if at least ONE of us has a job.

He’s a bit skeptical about my plan. He’s more of the “I’ll believe it, when I see it” type. But, I can tell that he’s a tiny bit excited. This “plan” is just my outline. It applies even if we decide to move somewhere other than California. I know there’s so much more that needs to go into it, but the first three things need to be completed before we go anywhere. I want to make sure that if we ever do move, we’re debt free. I don’t want to be making payments, or owing on credit cards/medical bills. I want us to be as caught up as we can be. And I don’t want us to go until after I’ve graduated and at least one of us has a job. So, it could take 2-3 years before we go anywhere. :-(

Yesterday, I couldn’t get the idea of Temecula, or Oceanside out of my mind so I looked at houses. I went through several realty sites, and just browsed. And even though people aren’t doing that well, there were several houses within our price range. I literally wished I could buy one at that very moment. For me, patience only comes when dealing with my daughter. But, since I couldn't do that, I went through all of the pictures from our vacation instead. And I went to bed content with knowing that I had some kind of a plan.     

My New Toy

I would love an iPad 2. Or maybe even a Samsung Galaxy Tab. Seriously, who wouldn't? But, I really hate their price tags. With our current income, and even with our tax return coming up, I can’t bring myself to spend that kind of money, on a tablet. Every time I would think about saving up for either one of those, I’d start to think about how that money could go towards something else? Bills? Diapers? Medical Expenses? Car payment? My parents? So many other things! So, even though I’d love to have one, I could never bring myself to pay for one. At least not in our current situation.

Well, when we got back from vacation we checked our account and noticed that we hardly spent ANY of the money set aside for the trip. So, my husband bought me a Nook Tablet.

I’m a lover of books. Recently, I started reading more because it's something I felt like I wanted to get back into. And literally, this has to be the best e-reader out there. Followed closely by the Kindle Fire. I read so many reviews about both, but the things that originally won me over were that the Nook had an SD slot so I could expand my storage, AND because I could side load books from Google Books (sometimes books are cheaper there), where as you couldn’t on the Kindle. Despite all of that greatness, a lot of reviews about the Nook talked about how the app selection wasn’t that great. Well, I’m a big app person. They’re great, convenient, and fun! So, when I read that it had access to “thousands” of apps, I just assumed that it just wasn’t as big of a selection as Apple’s. Well, from all of the reviews, I should have guessed that “thousands” was pretty misleading. The Nook has less than 2,000 apps. And the chances of you coming across any that are free, are slim to none. So far this has been the only draw back, and my only complaint about it.

I really love the design, and the e-Reader features. The pictures and videos look crisp and clear. I’ve already side loaded some books, and music. And I know that they say they are constantly adding new ones, but it doesn’t look like many developers are wanting to take the Nook App Store on and create applications for it. Fortunately, I still have my iPhone so I still have access to apps. :-)

Now, don’t get me wrong, if you can look passed the limited app selection, this "tablet" is worth every penny! I’m really not trying to complain either, because I’m lucky to have even gotten this in the first place. And despite the few drawbacks, I really do love it. So, I thought I would just let you know what to expect/ my thoughts on the Nook Tablet in case you were looking into getting an eReader. 

Wordless Wednesday

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The Hunger Games

As I've mentioned before, I love The Hunger Games trilogy! More than I thought I would. And as soo many people already know, the movie comes out in March. I am beyond thrilled. I'm literally bursting at the seams! If they have a midnight showing, you can bet your sweet cheeks I will be going. :-) So, in honor of it being less than 3 months away, here's the trailer for those who haven't seen it!

School o_O

Oh dear God.

First, let me just say that for the few people that do keep up with my boring life through this blog, I apologize for not posting anything worthy of your attention. Actually, I’m sorry for not posting anything at all in a very long time. Life kind of took on this “hectic but still boring” turn and I found myself trying to just spend time with my family and breath before school started. Since I was off doing that, and pretty much ignoring my blog, I apologize for being such a crappy blogger. I promise to be more consistent. Forgiven?? Greeeeeaaaaaaat!

Moving on....

Last semester was a cake walk. I got lucky. I had some pretty basic and simple courses, and even though some of the stuff was challenging I passed with really great grades! But now...not so much. Now that I’m in my second semester, two of my classes are still the same ( I couldn’t stay with my regular math teacher though :-( )but my other two are already causing me anxiety. I have to take them, because I might as well get the crappy ones out of the way first. But seriously, I hate them. And it’s only the first week. Public Speaking (which gives me panic attacks) and Freshman College English (which apparently is just an excuse for an instructor to make you write essays and then insult your grammar usage/scold you). Not only do I already hate the class outline for both of these, but their “rules” really suck. And for someone who has a lot on their plate already, they’re really just causing chaos in my life (and not the good kind). But, I have to take them. Meh. And I am so not prepared like I was last semester. I had all of my books, notebooks, and pens for each class. I was ahead of the game. This time, I still don’t have my books for English and my homework is due on Sunday. Cuttin it kind of close, huh? So, I guess what I’m trying to say is: wish me luck and say a little prayer for me will ya?? 

Wordless Wednesday

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Back To Reality

I got my vacation. The only crappy part was having to come back. We weren’t really there to go check out neat places, so you won’t see any pictures of museums or an amusement park. We went to go see our family. To get away from Texas, and visit my husband’s hometown (my home away from home). I’m so thankful that we got the chance to see everyone, and I’m so heartbroken that we couldn’t stay longer forever.

To me, this place holds a special place in my heart. It was a major contributor in my growing up. In becoming independent and responsible (somewhat). And as much as I love Texas, I’ve always felt like one day, I’d go back and make my home there. And visiting only reassured that feeling. It felt so familiar and natural. And while we were there, I did miss my home and my family. But by home, I just mean our things. Our bed, our cars, and our things. I kept trying to imagine what it would be like if when we moved back. How much I’d miss my mom and dad. My brother, and my “sisters”. But, at the same time, I felt like I was at home. Not the place where I grew up, but the place where we were meant to start our lives. Separate from everyone else.

But, we aren’t rushing anything. We aren’t packing up and moving back, even though sometimes I wish we could. My husband and I agreed that I would finish school, we’d pay off our debt here, and build up our savings. In a year or two (maybe three), we’ll see where we’re at, and re-evaluate our situation. We both feel like this is the best way to go about this. So now, I’m just focused on school (which starts tomorrow).