Halloween

Happy Halloween!

Happy Samhain!

It’s been awhile, aye? The past few weeks have been pretty busy. From October 19-26th we had several celebrations. I had some posts in the works for my brother’s birthday and for my future sister-in-law’s birthday, but I got caught up in a lot of school that I didn’t have time to finish them. Once I do, I’ll post them on their respective days (if I get the chance).

On our birthday weekend my husband and I attempted to have a date night. We got all dressed up, but once we hit town we realized there just wasn’t anything to do. So, we grabbed some alcohol, drink mix materials, and headed home. Since Em was out with my mother we decided to make drinks, listen to music, and play some card games! Oh my gosh is my age showing?!? We had a blast, and at the end of the night we brought Emery back home, and went to sleep! All by MIDNIGHT!! Yea, if it wasn’t showing before it is now. LOL! That Sunday, we spent time with some friends. Emery and I were able to have a girls only lunch with a friend of mine. It was definitely needed, and nice.

This past weekend, my grandmother came back home. She’s spent a few months in Georgia with some of her other children and family. As awesome as it is for her to go visit, get away for awhile, and spend time with them we really missed her! Two of my uncle’s brought her down so it was nice to get to spend time with them this weekend too. 

School has been good. I was caught up in a few back to back exams so I spent a lot of time with my nose in a book. That or taking notes, and practicing essays. This in turn left me feeling very...anxious. Thankfully, this past Saturday was filled with projects to help me “shake it off”. I did a mass load of laundry. Rearranged the workout/storage room. I set up the basics of my husband’s new “man cave”. There are still some things we have to get for it. I gave our “first born” a bath, and then finally moved Emery’s crib into our room. Lots of dusting, sweeping, and mopping. It was awesome! I really felt like I was getting everything ready for winter. This next weekend, I’m doing another clothes haul! I’ll be sending some stuff to my cousin and the rest to H.O.P.E. Needless to say, I’ve been feeling very productive.

I’m still heartbroken over the news about Keegan. And as much as I wish that I could make all these sick kids better, I know that I can’t. So, I just hope that every single one of them has the best time while here. Whether it be a few months, or a lifetime. I pray that they feel comfort and love no matter what. And now, I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful Halloween!! 

It Was Suppose To Be...

Today was suppose to be a good day. 

Recently, I deleted my caringbridge app on my iPhone because, I was so depressed. I still checked on them online. I just couldn't have it right there on my phone 24/7. I got so attached. I cried, and I got angry. I felt as if I was related to all of those kids. In some ways I put myself in their mothers shoes. And I lived my daily life constantly worried. Worried that any day, it could be Emery. I cried.

So, I decided to take a bit of a break. My heart just couldn't handle so much death. And all of them so young. Babies even. YOUNGER than Emery. All gone because of some stupid piece of shit disease. For every one survivor there seemed to be four deaths. So, I stopped. Maybe that’s cowardly, and I can’t imagine what those moms are going through but I just had to take a breath. I had to stop, and spend a little time in my oblivious world, enjoying my baby girl.

But today, on my own damn birthday, I read this. I’d been following this family for awhile, and only recently had I stopped checking on her blog because of being so busy with school. But today I saw a post on Facebook from the Layla Grace Foundation and I felt like I had been slapped with a ton of bricks. So I immediately went over to her blog and read her update. The air was knocked right out of me. Then, I saw this:

Peek-a-Boo! from Keegansmommy09 on Vimeo.

And I cried. This little baby, was given a few months to as little as a few weeks left to live. That’s it. That’s IT?? THAT CAN’T BE FUCKING IT! I feel so hurt. I feel so damn angry. I can’t imagine what Beth is feeling right now. All I want to do is cry and make it all go away. I want to make him better. I want for him to be a giggly two year old and have him grow up to be an old man with a wife, and grandchildren. I want him to have a life. That’s how I feel about all of them. That’s how it’s suppose to be. But for some damn reason, it won’t happen. And this really really pisses me off.

FUCK!

This was suppose to be a good day. They were suppose to get good news.

Twenty-Four

Today, I turn twenty four. Happy Birthday to ME! Ha! I’ve been blessed with a year of happiness, sadness, life, great health, good friends, and a wonderful family. Age has never bothered me, and I hope I do it gracefully. So here I am, twenty four years old and finally getting my things in order. I couldn’t be happier.

So here’s to me! May I get another wonderful year! 

Happy Anniversary, Babe!

Today is our three year anniversary.

Sure, that may not seem a lot compared to couples going on their 60th anniversary.

But still, three years. 

Great years.

We’ve had a lot of ups and downs.

Some people told us to think twice.

Some people told us we wouldn’t make it passed 6 months.

But here we are, 3 years in, and not slowing down.

I Love You, Beau. 

Here's to many more years of life, laughter, and love together!  

Happy Birthday, Love

Today, my husband turns twenty-five. A number that he has all of a sudden deemed to be “old”. But I think it’s the perfect age! Probably because I’m right behind him, lol! I think this will be a year of growth for him (not that he hasn't grown already). I also believe that this will be a year of opportunities for him. He's truly an amazing and talented man. I am so thankful for him! So to my husband, I’d just like to say:

Happy Birthday, Babe!

I’m so happy to get to be a part of your life.

Hope you have a great day and I love you!

Here's to turning

20 months

Today, Emery officially turned 20 months old. Can you believe that? My baby, is about to be a toddler - toddler. There won’t be anymore “Oh, she’s 18 months.” or “Oh, she’s 14 months.” It’s about to be, “Yea, my kid is two.” If it weren't for being so tired, I just might cry. We have four more months to go before she’s no longer considered “a baby”. Granted, she’ll always be my baby but you get my point, right? In the eyes of society, she’s about to begin her preschool years. And the fact that “school” is even a part of that sentence has me a bit freaked out.

Omg...  

I Thought About It...

First, let me just say that I absolutely hate algebra. I don’t know why I have to know it because my major only requires basic math. Last week in my algebra class was pretty insane and I have no idea how I’m going to pass my exams. BUT hopefully, I will. With that said, I’ve been getting migraines lately. The kind that cause me physical pain all down my neck and shoulders. The kind that make me want to curl up in a ball, with all of the lights turned off, and just sleep. But being a mom, as all of you may know first hand, means that I can’t do that. And being a full-time college student kind of adds to the stress and pressure. So, last week during my classes I literally felt like every inch of my body hurt. Light hurt, sound hurt, and just trying to make myself retain the information I was given HURT. 

I don’t think it’s algebra or history's fault, LOL! How could knowledge (the school kind) possibly cause you pain? It can’t. I think it was just my body’s way of telling me to stop for a minute. I’ve been stressed out a lot over some stuff here at home. I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to go about putting money aside for our vacation. I’ve been loaded with Midterm Exams and quizzes. And finally, I’ve been trying to put in more hours at work. We need the money. I feel like I’m being overloaded and stretched pretty thin. These migraines seem to pop up on days when I feel like I have too many things to do and not enough hours. 

So, do you know what I thought about last Thursday as I got out of class?? Loading myself a bowl. Ha! Yea, I’m not too proud of that, but at the same time I’m not ashamed. If you've read my Mary Jane page, you know I’m Pro-Marijuana Legalization. Of all the drugs out there I believe that weed should be just as legal as cigarettes and alcohol. If you’ve read my page you also probably know that I used to be a pot smoker. I wasn’t a hardcore “user”. You can even ask people that knew me then and they’ll tell you the same thing. But I did indulge every now and then. And one of the greatest benefits for me was: no headaches! EVER. Ahh, those were the days. But, unless it’s legalized in Texas or I move to a state that does have it legalized I won’t be touching it any time soon. Even then, I probably wouldn’t until after Emery left the nest. This is just how I feel about it. I can’t risk doing anything “illegal” because I have my daughter now. I wouldn’t ever do anything to jeopardize having her taken away or going to jail. 

So, if I’m not ashamed what’s with the “not too proud” feelings you ask? Well, I felt like a damn failure that’s why! After thinking about it and playing it over in my head (yea, I went as far as to day dream about it) I felt like I was weak. Not because I wanted to smoke to get rid of the damn migraine, but because THOUSANDS of women do what I’m doing right now without lighting up and much less with a spouse to help them! And here I was whining and complaining over a damn migraine. Here I was thinking how if I just had myself a mini bowl the pain would go away and I could get on with my evening. An evening that I had more than enough help to get through. THOUSANDS of women (and men) out there are doing this and more as single parents every day. 

So yea, I felt really, really small. I put on my favorite Kottonmouth Kings tunes, popped three Tylenol, and sucked it up. 

It's the Weekend, Yay?

This weekend I’ve made plans. And tomorrow, they WILL get done. I think. Then, I have 2 quizzes and homework due on Sunday, so I’ll be doing those tonight. AFTER, I’ve watched two of my favorite shows that I missed during the week. This is the plan for my weekend. Unfortunately, things never go as planned. My husband gets his ideas, Emery gets tired of being cooped up inside, then family get ideas, and I find myself packing us up and getting ready to head into town. Happens all of the time.

We found out that one of my husband’s cousin was on his way to Texas from California on Wednesday night. He arrived Thursday morning. So now we’re being invited to go spend Saturday with my husband’s family for a BBQ or dinner. He hasn't made up his mind yet, so we haven’t officially said yes. I know that my husband does want to see his cousin, but he also knows about the work load I have to finish. Plus, there was a lot that we had planned to do around the house. Still, it is his family. And I have a 5 Hour shot waiting for me in the car. I might just take it and do everything we had planned for tomorrow, tonight. Nothing some caffeine and a good playlist can't fix, right? 

This is going to be brutal. 

Wordless Wednesday

I Need 30 Hour Days For This!

Today I find out how well I did on my History exam and how I did on my 3rd Algebra quiz. Oh my...I am so nervous! Today I was also emailed my grades for my computer class and my worst grade was a 75. Ew. We have a practice midterm exam, and it’s 141 questions LONG. Not including the project. We have to learn this stuff because the actual exam will include everything on the practice one. The actual exam is next week. On top of that, I have two more assignments and two more quizzes due this weekend.

So what am I trying to get at with all of this boring nonsense? Well, I’m probably going to be MIA a lot this week. I have maybe one other post that I can set an auto-post for but other than that, I’ve got nothing! (scroll to the bottom if you don’t have time to read my excuses) My camera will not come back into my possession until tomorrow so I have no pictures to post. Then, we have a lot of yard work due to the flood this past weekend. Yup, flood. Our (my parent’s) houses were the only ones really effected because apparently our homes are built inside the only hole in our town. JOY. So everything smells gross, and the grass looks like it drowned. A lot of stuff floated into a ditch right across the street. Emery’s slide was NOT fun to fish out. The dogs need baths and spray downs. We have to bomb our house because when a lot of rain comes, so do the huge water roaches (ewwww!).Then, if the weather is good, I’ll be having myself a BIG “winter” cleaning and a good-will (HOPE is our local donation facility) haul. We have a lot of stuff we need to get rid of. 

So, to summarize this: I’m going to be really really busy. Hope everyone’s having a good week!  

My Addiction

I am without a camera (except for my phone) for a whole week. Eeep! This is going to be hard. LOL! Can you imagine a whole week of capturing NOTHING your child does? *serious face* Yea, I’m not kidding. My camera is pretty much glued to my face. But, last week my sister-in-law asked if she could borrow it, because she and some friends were going to see this K-POP show in New Jersey. I said yes. Then I thought about it, and started kicking myself in the ass for it. My camera was about to go to New Jersey without me, and to a concert. A pretty huge concert. The idea of my camera being tossed, or possibly trampled on by a bunch of girls dressed up like dolls...oh crap. Still, I had already said yes. So, on Friday morning, I dropped it off for her. Now, it’s not like a Canon Rebel, or a Nikon but it was a gift from my brother (and it was a bit expensive). This is the second one my brother has given me, the first one was stolen, so I’m a bit protective over it. But, my husband told her to take care of it, and if anything happened to it she’d either have to pay for repairs or replace it. Hopefully this will be a good lesson for me. One that involves me not being so attached to material things? I dunno, I just hope she takes care of it.

Speaking of material things, and what not. I know social networking sites aren’t “material” but they do take up A LOT of my time. Before, I used the excuse that we didn’t have internet at home, so I wanted a snazzy phone that would keep me “up to date”, and “in the know” of all things cool. I also wanted to keep refreshing my Facebook page just to see what everyone else was doing. Stalker, much? In my defense, it was my only connection to the outside, social world at the time. Still, I became addicted (you probably are too, admit it) to all of these social sites and blogs. Twitter, tumblr, blogger, wordpress, google +, parenting communities, Facebook, instagram, etc. etc. I realized, not too long ago, that quite a few things were really taking up a lot of my time. The above mentioned, definitely contributed to this. Well, now we have the internet at home and my phone is still getting the majority of the use. Laziness is the reason. I would rather check my phone than turn on my lap-top and log on. This has been a pretty big excuse for me to NOT delete any of my social networking accounts AND to not get rid of (but continue to want to upgrade) my already snazzy phone. So, I’m going to put myself through a test cleanse. I deleted my apps from my phone. *GASP* I will either have to use my mobile internet or actually log on to a computer to use them. After a month, the ones I use the least (if at all) will be the ones to go.

Don't get me wrong, I love technology and I love keeping up with everyone. I love blogs and reading about how others are living. I like posting on people’s walls, and getting to see new pictures! And I absolutely LOVE seeing what Rome has to say on a daily basis. He’s my secret husband. Shh! But, some of these sites I don’t use nearly enough to really justify keeping my accounts. Not only that, but it's taking time away from my family, from working out, and it just puts more of our information out there. I won’t be giving up my phone anytime soon, although we are down grading on minutes because we don’t use nearly as many as what we’re signed up for, but I will stop using it as much. If I’m not willing to get on the computer to check it, then I really don’t need it. And if I don’t use it, or miss it, I can probably go without it. Here's to my cleanse!

Enjoy your Saturday everyone!!

p.s. I'm replacing some pictures, and taking others down.

Hoping to have all of my images on one site, 

so I don't have to use photobucket, and picasa anymore. :-)

Sorry if some of the images disappear in the mean time. 

Vacation!

“I'm going going, back back, to Cali Cali”

So, after talking with the hubs, we decided to go ahead and take the vacation in JANUARY! He won’t get paid for his time off, but it’ll be the first of the month so my check will cover our bills, and then I’ll be getting paid for my vacation time. So we’ll still get a check for the week we miss. Yea, I was beyond excited! Then, when I tried to book the tickets on Tuesday there was drama with the bank. I had to wait 48 hours before being able to charge another pair of tickets. So on Wednesday morning, first thing, I got them! And I got the non-refundable kind so we wouldn’t be able to back out. Yup, I’m that sneaky.

We are staying for SEVEN days! Seven whole days!! I know it’s still 3 months away, but I’m so ready. Which will probably cause the time to drag on by, but in the end, it’ll be well worth the wait! So now, I’m in budget mode. We need to save every penny we have, and I tend to do just that. I’ve already figured out how much we need to set aside, and my dad said he’d throw in some money so we could rent a car. He told me to take Em to the beach. 

 :-)

Oceanside, Ca 2009

Now, we have to decided if we’re going to just show up and surprise our family, or at least tell one of them so none of the others make plans. Either way, I’m just so happy to get to see everyone again, and to go visit the city that started my life. I did a lot of growing up out in California. I had great times and bad ones there, but it was the first time for me to be out on my own. And the people I met, along with the ones I lived with, made my time there that much better.

Anza, Ca 2007

p.s. I'm fighting the urge to start 

packing at this very moment! LOL!

Our New Little SUV

So, we finally got a CAR! Wahoo!! And the gas gauge barely moves! I’m so freaking excited over this, y’all! You have NO idea. Ok, maybe some of you do. It’s a 2002 Ford Escape *twitch*. I know this is silly, but our family has been strictly Dodge and Chevrolet. When the economy went to crap though, my dad bought this old Honda (currently sidelined due to it needing some repairs), and recently he bought a small Nissan truck to commute to and from work. Both were less than $2,000 and saved a lot on gas. So that’s when our “brand straying” started. LOL! It’s nothing against Ford really, it’s just simply not been our preference. So, after the three weeks of searching for something decent, with low(ish) miles, dependable, and within our budget we came up REALLY short. I’m talking almost NOTHING. And what did come up either had way too many miles, was too small, or completely out of our budget.

This past Saturday, the guy offered to open up his place so I could come look at it. It’s not perfect, but it comes pretty damn close. No body damage, the interior has at most ONE stain that you hardly even notice, one of the small hub caps is missing, but other than that it’s pretty clean. And in all seriousness, I love it! It’s roomy, but still compact. Emery’s car seat fits and when she’s in it her feet don’t touch the back of the seat. It also has plenty of storage space in the back, and it’s so easy to handle. I think it’s perfect for us! The guy offered us a nice extended “warranty” that he didn’t even have to offer and we get free oil changes on him so long as we go through the local Ford-house! How great is that?

I’m so grateful for my parents. Without them, I wouldn’t have had this opportunity. I’d still be spending $200 a week on gas. I truly feel blessed to have the help that I do. And I know this is silly but the best part for me, is knowing that I have my OWN car now. I don’t have to ask anyone if I can use theirs. I can come and go as I please. We can now plan a trip without worrying if we’ll need to rent a car or borrow one. And it’s just a nice feeling. I never knew I’d be so happy and thankful for being able to get my own vehicle. 

Wordless Wednesday

Bummer

First, let me just say that I finally got to go see The Lion King in 3D! This past Saturday my husband suggested we have a date night. With class, work, and pretty much being broke we haven’t really gone out and done anything. So, we decided to go to a late showing of 50/50 after my mom got out of church. But, this mom wasn’t sure if she could make it to 12 am without falling asleep. That’s when I saw that the Lion King was still showing!! I thought I had missed it because they said it was only going to be in theaters for two weeks, but apparently they decided to keep it longer. So in we went. Can you believe us? We have a night to go out in order to have some adult time, and I pick a cartoon in 3D to go watch? LOL! It was awesome though. I loved it. It’d been awhile since we’d seen it, and it totally took me back. My husband said he really enjoyed it too. I was reminded of how much I love, love, love "The Lion King". Now, I’m pretty sure I’m going to get it in 3D, just so Emery can experience it when she gets a bit older.

After we left the theater we got some fast food and headed home. This is when we talked about maybe taking a trip out to California over my break between semesters. My vacation time at work starts in December, and classes don’t start up again until the end of January. Emery will still be ONE, so she can still fly for free. But when I looked at dates, the prices at the end of December had gone up, leaving us with January as our only option. I talked to my husband about the dates, and he said we needed to start saving money. So, I bought our tickets! Unfortunately, my excitement was short lived. My husband called me and told me that it was too fast, I shouldn’t have bought the tickets because it now looked like he might not get his vacation time till after February. I felt like someone had given me a shiny new toy and then took it away as they shoved me to the ground.

So, I had to cancel our flights. *insert lip quivering, teary eyed face here* Thankfully, Travelocity lets you cancel your tickets within 24 hours for free if you didn't buy the "insurance". I’m sooo bummed now though. I was already picturing getting to see our family, Kami’s new addition, and the beach. Yes, even though it would be freezing, I’d still take Emery to the beach. I want her to see it. I pictured getting to see our old friends, and at least one night of cooking out, beer, and a fire. I could almost taste the saltiness, and breathe in that deep amazing “mountain” air. I had already pictured my double double with animal style fries. *sigh* DAMN YOU, HUSBAND’S WORKPLACE!! I know I should be grateful he has a job. And I should be grateful to have saved up enough money to even think about going for a visit. But what’s the use if we can’t even go because of work?

I’m not going to lie, I’m a little devastated. I really hope that this changes and we can go. I really really want to go visit. I miss it so much. And I need a vacation! Hopefully they tell my husband he can go, and that he does get his vacation. Because there were only 5 tickets left at that price for those dates, and I really really want us to be able to get two of them!