Wordless Wednesday

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Progress

Do you remember that post where I showed you pictures of myself in a bathing suit? The humiliating ones? Yup, I let it all hang out in front of you because I felt like I needed that to push myself to loose weight. Well, it didn’t quite work out that way. I did good for awhile and then I went back up in weight. I lost some weight again only to gain it back again. Then recently I finally started my plan. Yes, folks, the one that I'm DETERMINED to stick with. And so far, with a few adjustments, I’ve been keeping it up consistently.

*knocks on wood*

Unfortunately, I haven’t used MFP consistently so I never got around to updating the ups and down of my weight. Hence the "inaccurate" widget on my sidebar. I’m also trying to make better food choices on my own, without always counting calories. So here’s the gist of my weight gain/loss rollercoaster:

January I was at 159 lbs.

By April I was back up to 164 lbs.

Over the summer I hurt my back; stopped working out.

At the beginning of August I hit 178 lbs. 

 Two weeks after that I was down to 174 lbs. 

 By the time September came around I was at 169 lbs. 

 A week ago I was down to 165 lbs. 

 Then yesterday after weighing myself I’m back up to 167 lbs.

This last weigh-in really bothered me at first. How had I GAINED weight after busting my ass so hard?! Well, that’s easy, aunt flow had arrived just two days before. So naturally I’m bloated and yucky. Then there’s also the fact that I’m lifting weights, which builds muscles. So, after talking myself out of kicking the scale, I realized that I’m actually doing pretty good. I’m down 11 lbs. since August! And I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty proud of myself for that.

My regular mileage now is 3.1 miles. I’m definitely drinking my 6-8 cups of water daily. Fruits and veggies have overtaken our fridge. Gym time has also really helped me stay on track. I try to use as many of the weight machines as I can. I try my best to stay away from fast food, but I have indulged here and there. I’m packing my lunches and snacks daily so I don’t get tempted though. And today my pants feel a bit more loose. Overall, I feel pretty awesome!

Now, I haven’t actually dropped a pant size or anything. I still have PLENTY of jelly, believe me. But I feel like continuing with this WILL give me results in the long run. Maybe not next week, or next month. But more than likely by the time next summer comes around, I’ll be much closer to my goal weight than I was yesterday. This go around definitely feels different to me. Mentally I feel more determined. I don’t want to get ahead of myself because tomorrow it could all go down the drain, but I think I’m finally ready to lose weight for good.

Not a huge difference, but it's a start. 

In The Cards...

Monday I read Erica’s post about saying goodbye to Hawaii, and it brought back a lot of memories for me about leaving California. See, lately I’ve been really itching for change. I’m a creature of habit for the most part, but sometimes I find myself feeling a bit unsettled, a bit stuck, and a bit overwhelmed. I’ve finally gotten into the swing of our new schedule for the most part, but now that I have I can feel myself becoming cagey. Itching for a tiny bit of change. But mainly a change in scenery. Even if it’s just for a few days. Because after this past month of classes I’m in need of a vacation.

Now, when I start feeling like this I always think of California. I start to remember the smell of green as we drove down Jefferson at night. I remember the winding road leading up to Anza from Hemet. I remember how it smelled like rain when we drove past all of the vineyards. I remember how cold it got my first winter there, but only up in the mountains. I remember sitting in traffic with the windows rolled down, listening to music, and enjoying the feel of the heat on my skin. I remember how the air tasted salty the closer we got to the beach. I remember everything that I loved about living on the West Coast and in that moment all I want is to pack up our stuff and go back. Because, you know, in "dreamland" that always works out.

Now as much as I would love to be back there right this second someday I’m not exactly sure that life will take us back down that path. I want it to. I want California to be in our future again more than you can imagine, but I’m not sure it’s in the cards for us. So for now I'm forced to enjoy the idea of getting to visit. But even on visits, saying goodbye leaves me a little bit brokenhearted each time. But who knows, maybe we will make it out there again. Maybe our time here is just a way for me to finish up a chapter I skipped when I was younger? Or maybe California will forever be the place that helped me grow and nothing more? Whatever happens in our future, I'm forever grateful for the time spent and the friends made out in So Cal.

=) 

crappy panorama shot

Wordless Wednesday

The Right Thing?

Lately, I’ve been asked by a few people if I think I’m doing the right thing by working, and going to school. I’ve been asked if I think this is the right thing for Emery. How can spending so much time away from her possibly be healthy for her? Don’t I feel bad for missing out on so much? How can I not possibly be overwhelmed? These are all very good questions that I ask myself almost every week. I have questioned myself about my decision to go back to school. I’ve wondered if I should really be doing this, especially with our current situation? And so far, I think that even though it’s tough, I am doing the right thing.

When I graduated high school, it wasn’t because I was excited to go off to college. In fact, I only rushed the process and graduated a month earlier because I was excited to go be with my boyfriend. In my mind, I always thought college could wait. I wanted to go off and see if I could make it on my own. To explore a different scenery. But as we all know, life happens, and my “put school off for a year” mentality turned into two years and then three. And before I knew it Emery was here and my main focus was to provide for her.

For a year after Emery was born my husband didn’t work. I was the sole provider for our family, and I worked in an AWFUL place for minimum wage. I kept getting passed up for promotions and raises, because the owner based his decisions on degrees rather than experience. It was then that I realized I needed to get my butt back in school. I know many people aren’t like my previous employer, but unfortunately many are exactly like him. The fall that I applied for financial aid and submitted my transcript, I was given a wonderful job offer that I just couldn't refuse.

Once school started, I was given the option of working out my own schedule. The first semesters were fine, but I was coming home LATE. I didn’t get to see my daughter for two full days during the week, except for when I crawled into bed. This semester, I’ve taken on a “heavier” load but I’m doing it earlier so I can BE home every afternoon. My schedule has become tighter and I have to be at work earlier than I normally would be if I weren't in school. But I have my husband, and my wonderful parents to help me out when it comes to Emery. It may not be the most normal “daily routine” for most moms, but for me it works. Besides, I only have two more semesters before I’m able to transfer to our local University. Once that happens I won’t have to miss so much work and I’ll be 20 minutes from home, making things a lot easier for everyone.

So, is this the right thing for Emery? I think so. I think in the long run, getting a degree will open doors for me that will in turn help us financially. Emery needs stability, and even though I know lay-offs happen, I think it’s nice to have something to fall back on. Especially when you have a family. How can spending so much time away from her be any good? It’s probably not. Lord knows I’ve shed tears here and there. I absolutely HATE being away from my baby, but right now she’s surrounded by family. People she knows and interacts with on a daily basis. Plus, I’d rather be doing this now while she’s still little than when she’s older and in school. I’d hate to miss out on plays, sports, or any other extra curricular because I had to be in class. Do I feel bad? Absolutely. But I know that I’m doing this for me just as much as I am for her. In the long run, this is the best decision for our family. And that's what's important.

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Wordless Wednesday

They're Moving

Okay, so it’s about time I get down to the nitty gritty, and explain why I've been MIA a lot the past few weeks: My parents are moving. Next week if everything goes as planned. Soon followed by my aunt and uncle, to a property right down the road from us. After that, we will be moving into my parents old double wide. Then, we’ll officially be on our own.

It’s all come down to space. We are all family and love each other very much. But we are all too crowded here. So when someone gave my parents the opportunity to rent out a home closer to town, my dad jumped at the offer. My mother was harder to convince, but in the end, she caved. And once they had made the deal they came to us and asked if we wanted the double wide, free of rent. And we JUMPED.

This is going to be a good thing. A much needed change. But I’d be lying if I said everything was peachy. In all honesty, we’ve become very dependent on my parent’s help. It was very convenient for Emery to just walk right over and sit on the porch with her grandma and grandpa while mom and dad caught some extra sleep. Emergencies, or last minute late night trips to the store, were easier to deal with when my parents were RIGHT THERE. And I know that a 20 minute drive isn’t that far, but it will still be an adjustment. One that hasn’t fully sank in just yet. And probably won’t until the packing begins.

Acceptance hasn’t just been hard on us either. As awesome as this move is for my parents, and again it’s not that far, my mother has already had a few little breakdowns. They’re just as attached to Emery as she is to them. They’ve been picking her up early and taking her out as often as possible. They shower her (and us) with gifts. And they keep assuring us that they’ll be available whenever we need them. They’ve even offered to turn the guest room in their new house into a room for us so we can go stay overnight from time to time. My mother keeps saying that she feels like we’re moving states away even though it’s only a few minutes down the road. As silly as that may seem I kind of get how she feels that way. It’s a change.

Now, this isn’t permanent. My parents bought property right down the road from where we currently live and plan on building a home later in the future. So, they’ll be back. And my dad has already told my mother that if she doesn’t like it after six months they can move back, and we’ll gladly move back into the house we’re currently in. It’s that simple. But, I’m pretty sure once they get settled in their new home, they won’t want to move back for awhile. It’s just way more convenient. The house needs a few cosmetic repairs, and a little bit of paint, but other than that it’s pretty much perfect.

So that’s what’s been going on. It’s not anything secret or huge, I just didn’t want to say anything until my parents finally put the money down on it. Because like I stated before, my mother was pretty hard to convince. All last week I was pretty busy with my already crazy schedule but I was also helping them get things ready for the move. In fact, on Tuesday we went and picked out paint for the rooms, and we also went through our storage buildings to see what all they will be taking and leaving behind. It’s been a bit hectic. And until this move happens, our schedules have been completely thrown for a loop. I know I said I was going to be better about blogging, but sometimes, life happens.

I hope everyone has a wonderful week! Here's to getting back to normal. :)

Ro Baby, You're Changing The World

I want to introduce you to Rockstar Ronan. Ronan, who passed away last year due to Neuroblastoma, a type of childhood cancer is the son of Maya Thompson. I can't stress enough, how much Maya and Ro have both impacted my life. He as a "spicy" child who fought with everything he had. She as a mother who never gave up on her baby. Who is still fighting to this day to kick cancer's ass.

I started following Ronan's story about half a year before his passing, through Maya's blog. And their story is just as amazing as it is heartbreaking. I hope you take the time to read her blog. I've laughed with her. I've been angry for her. And I've cried so many tears with and for her. For Ronan. For the life he SHOULD have had but that was stolen by an awful disease. A disease that kills one child every 4 hours.

Sadly, Ronan lost his fight last year, just a week shy of his birthday. Now, even though he's gone, Maya continues to fight the fight. She is a fearless woman, and she's giving cancer a big "FUCK YOU". She is loud and making people listen. Teaching and opening eyes. Shedding light on something that many people choose to be ignorant of. And she is making a huge impact.

Tonight Stand Up 2 Cancer had a a call in fundraiser that aired on local channels (ABC, Fox, etc), but is also being replayed on HBO. If you didn't get a chance to watch it or call in, you can donate by going to their website. Also, Taylor Swift sang a new song, specifically written for Ronan. You can find it on iTunes and if you buy the song, 100% of the proceeds go towards ALL types of cancer research funding and treatments.

Please consider buying the song. I know that some of you may not be a fan of her music, but it's for a wonderful cause! One that we should all be concerned about. And stop by Maya's blog or The Ronan Thompson Foundation website to donate, give words of encouragement, or just leave them lots of love!  

Can't Stop. Won't Stop.

Okay, so I finally have all of my classes in order. Unfortunately, one of my “online” classes has pretty much turned into an on-campus one. I signed up for a “Concepts of Fitness” online class because it gives me my whole 3 credit hours for P.E. Then orientation came around, and it turns out, it’s only considered an “online class” if you already have some type of gym membership. Which I don’t. Go figure.

Now, this semester I decided to take all of my on campus classes earlier than the past two semesters because I was getting home around 11 pm before, and now the latest I would be getting home was 6:30 pm. Which is PERFECT because Emery still gets to see me on a daily basis. It was a good schedule and I had everything planned out. But, things obviously change and since I don’t have a gym membership I have to resort to using our school gym. They keep a log at check-in and my teacher said this was the easiest way for her to verify our “homework”. So, last week I decided to move my “tutoring” sessions to Monday’s and just leave my Wednesday’s free for gym. I’d be getting home around 8 pm, which still gave me time with Emery at home and it allowed me to get everything I needed done for my classes.

Well, Wednesday was my first day at our gym. The guy at the front desk gave me a mini tour, and let me know where everything was. I got dressed, and even though I was a little out of my comfort zone, I definitely found my groove. I LOVED IT! The treadmills were AWESOME and quiet. Way better than my old one. The stair master was also really cool! My weekly runs aren't even working all of the muscles that, that baby did. And the weight room had everything I needed, INCLUDING my favorite super leg press machine. I walked out of their sweaty, sore (in a good way), and feeling like I had a complete workout. Cardio and Strength training. I felt awesome!

And the best part about the whole thing, is that I got home by 8 pm like I predicted. Emery was still up and I was able to put her to bed later. Plus, it’s free! Who could argue with that?? I also felt more motivated. I like running with a partner (my sister-in-law sometimes runs with me) because I’m a bit competitive. I blame my dad for that. I find myself pushing to go just as hard as the people around me. And being at this gym was no exception. I still plan on keeping up with my latest fitness routine, but getting to hit up an actual gym is really nice too! I also figure that since this is for a grade, it forces me to get up and do this. No excuses. Which is exactly what I need. As bummed as I was at first, I’m actually pretty stoked about this. Yay to college helping me lose weight instead of gaining it!! Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Book Review- Crow's Row

Overview

For college student Emily Sheppard, the thought of spending a summer alone in New York is much more preferable than spending it in France with her parents. Just completing her freshman year at Callister University, Emily faces a quiet summer in the city slums, supporting herself by working at the campus library. During one of her jogs through the nearby cemetery while visiting her brother Bill's grave, Emily witnesses a brutal killing-and then she blacks out. When Emily regains consciousness, she realizes she's been kidnapped by a young crime boss and his gang. She is hurled into a secret underworld, wondering why she is still alive and for how long.

Held captive in rural Vermont, she tries to make sense of her situation and what it means. While uncovering secrets about her brother and his untimely death, Emily falls in love with her very rich and very dangerous captor, twenty-six year- old Cameron. She understands it's a forbidden love and one that won't allow her to return to her previous life. But love may not be enough to save Emily when no one even knows she is missing.

My Review

Emily’s life could have been very easy. But she made it hard by separating herself from her family. Not that she didn’t have her reasons. Following the death of her brother she sets out to live on her own. This is where Callister University came into play. After finishing her freshman year at college she is the only one out of her roommates that decides to stay behind and looks forward to enjoying a quite summer alone. On her first official day of break she takes an afternoon run through the projects of her city. While on her run she meets a man in a grey sweater. And that’s the moment everything changes. A few days later Emily witnesses Cameron, the man in the grey sweater, commit a murder. Because of this, she finds herself being held captive by Cameron in a secluded home in rural Vermont. But as the days go by, she finds herself becoming more attached to the people who are suddenly in her life. And rather than be afraid she find herself falling in love. But everyone has their secrets, and these people are overflowing with them. Emily embarks on a personal mission to figure it out. However, her presence doesn’t go unnoticed. And just as she starts to wonder whether or not she wants to go back to her old life, tragedy occurs. Emily finds that she has to decide whether she can handle this life for the person that she loves, or walk away and pretend it never existed.

I loved LOVED loved this book! It was not at all what I expected. I went in thinking about “Stockholm Syndrome” and came out scolding myself for ever assuming such a thing. It took me in a completely different direction. This book kept me guessing. I was only able to guess two events correctly, but the rest was up in the air. These books don't come around often either. It was like a movie playing out before my eyes too. Everything had plenty of detail except for some of the more intimate “scenes”. Oddly enough, this did not bother me too much. And you all know how much I love me some steamy. So this is saying a lot about this book already. The story flowed smoothly, and the ending kicked me in the gut. I laughed, I cried, and I fell in love. I definitely recommend this book to everyone.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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