#SRC//Running Again - Part II

A month would pass before I looked at the group again. I gave a few likes. Then another month went by - I ordered a shirt. I started recognizing some of the faces from the group around town, on the trail, and on the rare occasion that I made it to the gym. I finally unmuted the group and started interacting a bit more. But it wouldn’t be until right before the 5k in March that I would gather the courage to attend one of the meet-ups. For an introvert like myself that gets social anxiety easily - saying that I was nervous is an understatement.

Before I left my driveway for the first meet-up I honestly sat in my car for several minutes thinking I shouldn’t even go. "You won’t have anything in common with anyone. You’re too much of an introvert people will think you’re weird. You’re too big to be in a running group. People will laugh at you. You’re not a real runner." These are just a few of the thoughts that popped into my head as I sat there. I finally took a few deep breaths and put the car in drive.

Twenty other runners showed up that morning. And some did look like me! Some people were way faster, and some walked. Some people never spoke a word to me, and some greeted me with a smile as they shook my hand. Some ran 6 miles while others only did 1. Some understood my struggle of juggling so much and finding time to run, and one responded with “No excuses.” Some experienced the same anxiety I did, and some couldn’t relate. But there were some. And that’s one of the main reasons why I still show up. For the next member who needs to see that there's someone just like them. 

If you’ve been on here long enough then you know I’m pretty introverted. Social situations can feel draining to me. Smiling and contributing to small talk are two things I am NOT good at. But being a part of this group pushes me outside of my comfort zone. I do my best to attend the Saturday meet-ups and the monthly socials. I tend to gravitate toward the older members, but I’m open to everyone. And the people in this group have pushed me to set running goals - even if they look different from their own. They’re encouraging and cheerful for every single accomplishment, and even the setbacks.

So here we are - ten months into being a member of a run club. Eight months of me consistently running. And two months of me setting distance goals. I’ve logged 70 runs and they’ve equaled out to about 132 miles. Some runs have been fast and some have been slow. I have gone on nonstop runs, and then some have consisted of more walking than running. I’ve made some new acquaintances, and hopefully, I’ll get some friendships out of it. But if I don’t, well, that’s okay too. I still have a group of people who motivate, inspire, and understand the love/hate relationship that comes with running. A run club with members who want to make their community better - their club more supportive/inclusive. And it’s filled with people who just get it. So, I’m pretty dang proud to be a part of it! And I can’t wait to see what we accomplish in the next year. Together. 

Wordless Wedesday

#SRC//Running Again - Part I

About halfway through 2021, I was feeling very - meh. You know that feeling you get when you’re just going through the motions of your daily life? Or when you realize it’s been too long since you’ve actually tried to accomplish something? Don’t get me wrong - life was/is good. I just felt like I didn’t have anything for myself. My daughter is getting older and she has more of a social life than I do. Corey has kayak fishing and he’s gone two weekends out of each month during the tournament season. And me? My routine consisted of work, school, cleaning, and studying. Wash, rinse, repeat.

One evening, right before my birthday last year, while we were getting ready for bed I remember that I was complaining about something stress related to Corey. I was tossing the pillows and sighing out in frustration when he asked me, “What is it that you like to do? What do you enjoy doing for yourself? Emery and I have our hobbies, what’s yours?” And I couldn’t think of a single thing. My response was, “I don’t have anything. I’m a mom and a partner. I feel like I sacrifice for you two to have your things.” He stood there quietly for a moment and then said, “Find something and make the time. Emery and I will adjust. You need something for yourself.”

The following day, after trying to think of ideas for hobbies, I decided to go for a run. That used to always help me think and clear my head. So, I dusted off my running shoes, and out the door, I went. The ideas didn’t come but my lungs burned. Two days later I went out for another run. Again, no idea what hobby I should try, but my legs felt like jello. Since my method for gaining some ideas wasn’t working I stopped. But a week later I saw my running shoes next to the bed and threw them on. When I got back home Corey was smiling and asked, “Find your hobby?” I grumbled. Waved him off as I tried to breathe and make my way to the shower.

Running was something I enjoyed in high school. Nothing long distance though. Then after I had Emery I turned back to it to help me lose a bit of weight. And over the years I’ve turned back to running - off/on - for its positive mental health benefits. It’s never been something that I stuck with for long though. But what if I did? What if I found a running partner? What if running became my hobby? Well that night, again as we got ready for bed, I searched Facebook to see if there were any local running clubs. Two popped up, but one hadn’t had any activity for a while. The other club had just under 300 members and that seemed intimidating. “Here goes nothing.” I requested to join the club and went to bed. The following day I received a message from the admin and shortly after I was accepted!

Running and I had a rocky start this time around. Most days I’d ask myself if I really wanted to start this up again. Could this really be my hobby? Could running really be my thing? Cardio was not my friend weight loss-wise anymore. It tends to do the opposite. My schedule was pretty packed so realistically would I have the time? Then I saw that the runners in the club were doing some major distances. The feed was peppered with posts that contained “13 easy miles” or “8-minute mile paces”. They were getting up between 4 - 5 am to run. Some were training for half and full marathons. Spartan races and Ironmans. Most of them ran 5+ days a week. And NONE of them looked like me. Feeling a bit self-conscience and defeated I muted the group. I told myself to do the best that I could. If I could only fit in a mile each week - that was fine. But I didn’t need to put any more pressure on myself.

Work Matters // Part Two

Recently, after doing some reading, listening to podcasts, and taking a Management course I found that the executive assistant (or equivalent) position is something that piqued my interest. It has structure, clearly defined tasks, and only one person that you answer to - which I like. You're not having to run circles within the business to get an answer either. You aren’t going to accounting to get an answer about shipping. Or shipping to get an answer about payment. Or sales to get an answer about accounting. The executive assistant role is pretty straightforward and yet, also challenging because you have to be really great at communication - something I want to get better at. And you have to work on your interpersonal skills as well as time management. Again, some other skills I'd like to get better at. 

Forbes Advisor describes this position as, “An executive assistant helps the executive for whom they work with tasks such as scheduling; reviewing, prioritizing and responding to emails; answering and returning phone calls; organizing documents; maintaining records; taking notes at meetings and any other administrative tasks that help the executive perform their job.” So, you're in charge of helping one person with all of their daily needs, not having to keep up with everyone else in the office. While you may have to work with others - your main priority is the single person you are in charge of helping.

So, this is something I found interesting. It’s a job I would like to learn more about. A job I would like to be good at. And unfortunately, I will not have that opportunity at my current place of employment. I’ve tried to undertake some tasks but it’s hard to do your job when someone else is constantly trying to undermine it or take it on themselves. When you’re being told that you have to take on tasks that are not your responsibility but are “for the good of the team” - which usually just means someone else getting more down time.  It’s also hard when the bulk of the workers tend to go to one person rather than going through the proper channels for each department. It can lead to a lot of confusion and chaos. And I have a hard time getting things accomplished in that type of environment. So, instead of being a place I enjoy coming to, it’s become a place that causes me the most stress. And it’s started to affect me physically.

While there are other things outside of work that cause me stress, my job causes me high stress about 3 out of 5 days each week. I’m talking about that overwhelming feeling you get when things are stacked up so high and you can’t balance them all. When you’re the first one to get to work and one of the last to leave, and yet you still haven’t finished the day's tasks. When you’re constantly having to double or triple-check your work because one mistake will cause others to target you. To speak badly about you to everyone in the office. I mean, imagine coming back from vacation only to find out that someone spoke really badly about you and how you do your job. And you weren’t even there to defend yourself? And while your boss did defend you - you still went back to retrace every little step from before you left just to prove what had happened. Otherwise, you'd continue to be bashed. Having to do this on a monthly basis really messes with your confidence and your mental health. It's gotten so bad that I’ve even had to start monitoring my blood pressure because the everyday stress is causing it to spike. As a result, I’ve developed headaches that last for days.  

Now, I feel like all of this is something that I can eventually get under control and work through. I'm juggling a lot right now and I feel like once I'm done with school things will get better. Plus, workplaces are bound to have rough moments. You won't always click with your co-workers. Gossip happens. There will be times when you feel unproductive or burnt out. But the biggest issue for me is that I don’t feel like my work matters or that it’s valued. I don’t feel like I’m valued. If I were to put in my notice, no one would blink. There wouldn’t be any offers to ask me to stay. I’d get a handshake, a thank you, and then I'd probably have to publish the ad for my replacement. And I’ve been here 12 years.

So, that’s where I’m at presently. Not actively looking for something different, but trying to figure out what my next steps should be. Trying to figure out what life will look like after next summer. Though I feel like there might be some curves, and/or redirections - I know God will help me get through them. And I’m really looking forward to having my degree. Not sure if I’ll be walking on the stage because - ANXIETY. But I can’t wait to finally have my diploma in hand. I can’t wait to see what doors it will help me open. Whatever comes next, I have a feeling it's going to be great!

Wordless Wednesday

 

Work Matters // Part One

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to do after I graduate next summer. God willing. Will we stay here in our not-so-little-anymore town? Will we move away? I know realistically I can't plan that far ahead because it's not in my hands. That doesn’t mean I can’t have ideas or goals though. Something to hope for. To pray on. But lately - I haven’t been very certain about what I want in terms of where I’d like for us to live. Or whether I’ll be staying at my current place of employment. I make a decent amount, and the office is very close to our home and my daughter’s school. We have a very laid-back atmosphere, some good benefits, and are allowed flexibility when needing time off. On paper, and most days, it’s a great place to work!

However, in the past few years, we’ve undergone quite a few changes, and I’m not exactly sure if it’s always been for the better. I understand that we're growing and that’s such a blessing - especially when so many companies had to close their doors when the pandemic hit. So, growing pains will be a natural side-effect, and regardless of those pains, I'm always thankful for having my job. I’m grateful to my boss for everything he's done for all of us. And if I’m being honest, it’s difficult to see myself working anywhere else. However, there are a lot of times when my mental health is put through the wringer, and I’m not sure that’s something that I can just brush aside.

Back in 2019, after 9 years in sales, I decided to move into a new role because I wanted less stress. I wanted a better work/life balance. And I really wanted to explore some of the “servant leadership” qualities I felt that I possessed. After months of juggling, I finally made the transition to Administrative Assistant that January of 2020. But I quickly found that even though I had that title it would not be what I would do. You see, while we have job titles, we do not have defined tasks/duties for each of them. This allows workers to dip their hands into a lot of different pots. Often you’ll find that my assistant duties get taken on by someone else, and other tasks are delegated to me. My current duties are more along the lines of an accounting clerk/assistant. I also have co-workers that take on responsibilities that have nothing to do with their actual jobs. Throw into the mix that some people have privileges that are not an option for others, or when information that is best kept private gets thrown out for everyone to know. Then there are the personal attacks/gossip that quickly get spread around. The target shifts from person to person monthly it seems. And when it comes to errors or mistakes some workers will spend hours looking for a person to blame rather than taking a few minutes to fix the issue. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Now, I totally understand the need to find where the mistakes happen to avoid or correct them in the future, but I don’t understand the witch hunt that ensues. This is why I think it’s an accurate assessment that sometimes my workplace can have a toxic environment. 

A little over a year ago I wrote about some of the work issues I was facing and you can read about that here. Shortly after publishing that post, I applied to our local university and was accepted. I’m currently going to school to earn my Bachelor's degree in General Business with a Minor in Management. That minor is a fairly recent development. And it makes me wonder what doors that degree might be able to open. I really want to help others. I want to feel like I’m part of a team that wants you to succeed. Not one that enjoys pushing you down. I want to be able to hone my skills and enjoy the work that I do. I want to feel content when I walk into my workplace. And that just hasn't been happening lately.

End of Summer Break

On July 10th I had my last final of the Summer semester and it’s been over two weeks of absolute bliss! No homework, no project, no textbook readings, no exams. Instead, I’m having plenty of time to spend with family, go for runs, go to the gym, clean my house, watch TV, and read. I am doing the absolute best that I can to just relish and enjoy this brief summer break. So, let me take this time to catch you up on what we’ve been up to and what we have planned!

The weekend before the fourth of July we had some family down for a visit. They stayed in a town close by and we went over to visit. There was a lot of food, some pretty wonderful conversations, plenty of time with my niece and nephew, and a few hours of kayaking on the lake.

Then, on the 4th, we made a trip down to Port A for a friend’s wedding. I wish I had some good pictures of everyone, but for the most part, my phone was not used. We swam in the ocean, watched the 4th of July fireworks, ate some delicious food, and were able to visit with friends.

The local running club that I’m a part of had their July social the day after we got back from our mini vacation. There was a photographer there that took many great shots of everyone. The food was delicious, and it was nice meeting some new people. I’ll write a bit more about the running club at a later date, but for now, here’s a snap from that day.

My abuelita is turning ninety in a few days, and we had her birthday celebration over the weekend! It was so great getting to see so many relatives! We miss my aunt Linda, but I hope she was able to see us all gathered together - not only celebrating my grandmother but also thinking of her. 

This week Emery and I will be heading out to California for a quick visit. Corey will be heading out on a boy’s deep sea fishing trip the day we fly back. This will be in celebration of his dad’s 60th birthday. We wanted to make both trips but there was a scheduling conflict so we opted to take separate trips in order to get this time in with our loved ones. While I’m bummed Corey won’t be able to come with us, I’m still excited to see our family in California - some that I haven’t seen in person since 2012. And I’m really happy that Corey gets to spend time with his dad and brothers doing what he loves - fishing. 

Once we get back we’ll have a handful of days to get everything ready for Emery’s upcoming school year. And my Fall semester will begin shortly after. I’m hoping to post a few more times between now and then too. I’ve had this sudden urge to write and there’s a lot of word vomit headed your way. Just letting you know in advance. Until the next post…✌