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Wordless Wednesday

 

We’re Moving (Again)

Two weekends ago we started the process of moving. And when I say “process”, what I really mean is a colossal pain in the ass. When it comes to moving I’m normally a big fan of taking that time to get rid of things that I do not need. I either throw things away or donate them. But, when you have a partner that sees a way to make money in every little thing...it makes that purging of non-essentials so much harder. And it would be totally fine if we had storage space to put all of it, but we DON’T. We definitely downsized and I’m kind of freaking out about it. So, as of right now everything is piled up in boxes strewn all across the house. And if you know me, you know that this is causing me a lot of stress and anxiety. What makes it worse is that this isn’t even our “forever home”. This is a project house. One that needs a lot of work. So, in a few years, guess what? We’re going to have to move ALL. OVER. AGAIN. And y’all...I’m kind of having a mental breakdown over it. But that’ll be a post for another day. 

When we first got together, my partner and I talked about where we wanted to live. I’m partial to being in a small town and his preference is the country. Wide-open spaces. Before he and I started dating he had bought a single wide on some land in a tiny community about six miles outside of the bigger town that we frequent. This was his fixer-upper project. So, this meant that we were both paying for homes and utilities each month. Only, I was renting and he was paying on a loan. Then I went from having one dog to now having four! And y’all, the backyard at my house just wasn’t big enough. So, after some discussion, we agreed to move out to his house. It just didn’t make sense for us to both be paying for homes and especially in my situation where it wasn’t going towards something I would eventually own. But before I would move in there would have to be some repairs done. So, we got to work. Well, he did most of it. And while the house still needs A LOT of work, we finally fixed the more pressing issues. 

Originally, we had planned on moving at the end of the year. Then we bumped it up to a September or October move-in date. This would give Em some time to get used to school and for us to get into a routine. But then we had a few incidents occur that caused us to speed up the process and well, here we are. A week into moving in, still eating take out and trying to figure out what will be staying/going. Plus trying to find a place to put it all. And y’all, it’s been an adjustment for everyone involved. More so for Emery and me, but that was pretty much expected. She and I have both cried a lot over this past week. I’ve threatened to throw everything outside and set it on fire on multiple occasions. I’ve gotten snappy with my partner and dished out some major attitude. I’ve complained a lot about the well water, and the dogs. I’ve complained about the inconvenience of still having to make trips to our old house every day because not everything has been moved yet. About the eyesores in our front yard. This move has really brought out the worst in me and I’m not proud. Now, he’s not innocent either, y’all. But we won’t get into that. However, we were both feeling the tension and strain due to all of this.

Then, there was the issue of where my daughter would go to school. I originally wanted her to stay in the school district that she’s always been in. Her friends all go there, she’s familiar with it, and with all of the changes she’s already going through I didn’t want to switch that up as well. However, I’ve gotten pressure from all sides to just switch her over to a new district. The local school is small which allows the students to get more one-on-one time with each teacher. They have a four day school week. Bullying and cliques are non-existent due to their size too. So after hearing about all of the benefits from those who wanted me to put her into this school I started to ask for opinions outside of my circle. My parents even asked around as well. Because it takes a village. And so far everything is coming back really positive. Someone even told me, “If you can get your kid into this school, jump on that opportunity.” Because there’s a waitlist for kids whose parents want them to go to this school but live outside of the district. Since we live right on the district line she’s able to claim a spot. There are downsides to this school too though. There’s no art program, which my daughter isn’t thrilled about. And since there is a whopping 14 students total (including her) in her entire grade, she’s concerned that she may not make many friends. So, after three days of discussion, she and I both agreed to give this school a shot. She’ll attend for a full six weeks and then we will reassess. If she hates it and isn’t doing well, then I will transfer her back to the district school we were previously in. This trial basis started today. 

And that's where we're at for right now. I'm hoping to finally have everything out of boxes and put away over this week. I've slowly been chipping away at several of them since we moved. My partner finished up the fenced yard so we were finally able to bring the bigger dogs over. And hopefully, we'll be able to bring our last load of things over this upcoming weekend too. If you're of the praying kind please say a little prayer for me, will y'all? For Em too. That if this new school really is everything that they say it is, she thrives at it. She enjoys it. And also for my partner. Ha! Because he's really going to need it. But if you're not into praying then just send us some good vibes, will ya? We could use them. In the meantime, I hope y'all have a wonderful week.    

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Wordless Wednesday

 

Siempre tu Niña Chiquita

 A few weeks ago while we were sitting around the table drinking coffee at my parent’s house my dad mentioned that my grandfather was sick. His health had actually been on the decline for about a year now. His medication was being adjusted, and he was still recovering from a previous illness. So it was like a double whammy. In my mind, this was still my strong abuelito, and he had faced a lot worse before this so I just assumed that he’d fight through it. He’d get better and we’d be down for a visit at the end of this year like we had planned. I made a mental note to grab our passport paperwork that next week. 

Well, the weekend went by and we spent it running around from our house in town to the house out in the country. I was so focused on what all we needed to get finished before that Sunday that I didn’t really notice much else. I asked about my dad for updates on my grandpa and he would just give me the same answer: he’s sick; no improvement. I should have listened a little harder. What my dad really meant was that grandpa wasn’t going to get better. And by the time I realized it my mom was calling to let me know that grandpa was dying, “Your dad is going to drive down there this week. Your grandpa is deteriorating quickly. They don’t think he’ll make it much longer.” 

Now, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I think we all know that I was grandpa’s favorite. That's right, I'm lookin' at you, little brother. My grandpa loved us all but I was doted on the most. And I ate it up every time we saw each other. I was his “niña chiquita”. His “preciosa”. He would always scoop me up and twirl me around while listing off all of the terms of endearment he could think of. If I wanted to go to the corner store or “el centro” he’d be the first to say, “Vamos.” And off we’d go, hand in hand. There was this one particular story that he liked to tell everyone too. When I was about five or six he and my grandma came to visit us. My dad had some kind of tournament that we were at, and my mom had my brother and me in strollers. But I was getting really fussy and *ahem* bratty as the day went on so my grandpa came around to pick me up out of the stroller. Apparently, this caused me to let out some giggles and wrap my chubby arms around his neck. He walked with me clinging to him all throughout the park that day. I refused to let him put me down, he would say. He'd also mention that at one point someone turned on some music which caused me to start wiggling around. So he danced around with me to my delight. He always said it was one of his favorite memories. As I got older the twirls turned into long hugs, a kiss on the temple, and then he’d tell me how much he missed me. He’d ask me how I was doing and then he’d ask me to elaborate on the things that dad had already told him. He would listen intently and as I talked about my life. Regardless of what stage of it I was in. And trust me there were some ROUGH stages. 

Now, my grandpa wasn’t always the greatest man. He had his faults for sure. I had always had him up on this pedestal because he was just the greatest in my eyes. But I remember very vividly, the night that it went away. The night that I found out my grandpa wasn’t perfect. That he had made some pretty huge mistakes in his life. Here I was, listening to someone as they dished on all of our family dirt and it felt so horrible to have to hear it. I didn’t want to know these things. I didn’t want to see my grandpa in that light. But what I realized as I sat there listening to all of this history was that he was human. And he was trying to atone for his past mistakes. Even when it wasn’t the most popular thing to do. Even when it caused some of his own children anger. He was trying to do right. For that, I couldn’t fault him. And nothing was ever going to take away the love I felt for him. 

A little over two weeks ago, I saw my grandpa for the last time, over a video call. I tried so hard not to cry but as soon as he was told who I was his face lit up with recognition as he said “Ahh! Mi niña.” And the tears just came tumbling down. My grandpa, my abuelito querido, was really slipping away. His face was hollow and he looked so frail. Seeing him like that really squeezed my heart. He could be gone at any moment. I wiped the tears away and took a deep breath. “Todavía no estoy muerto. No llores mija,” he told me. I let out a little laugh and smiled at him. He smiled back and then asked me how I was doing. I tried to answer but my voice shook. I watched as his gaze drifted and then he started talking about something else. But then there was a pause as he looked at the screen. I cleared my throat, wiped away more tears, and then proceeded to let him know just how much I loved him. I told him that I wished that I were there and that I was sorry I couldn't be. I told him that dad would be on his way soon. He then pointed at one of my necklaces and said he wanted it. “Te lo doy,” I said. Emery made her way over to me and as she came into view one of my aunt’s told him who she was, and he smiled again. “Mi niña,” he said before closing his eyes. My aunt told me that he grew tired easily and would fall asleep. She cried right along with me as she explained that he was just getting worse by the day. After a few minutes, we ended the call. I immediately called my brother to let him know that he should try to call them too when he got the chance. After finishing up the conversation with him I took the medal - which had come as a pair with the one around my neck, and I slipped a black cord through it. I took it over to my parent’s house and told my dad to give it to my grandpa. We would now and forever have a matching set.

 

Last Friday, my grandpa took his final breath. I’m thankful that I was able to say goodbye on that last video call. Something we didn’t get with my grandmother. And I’m so happy that he got to see Emery one last time too. But I’m going to miss him more than I could ever express. I pray that he’s in peace. I pray that he was reunited with my abuelita. And I can’t wait to see him again someday.

 

Te quiero mucho y te voy a extrañar abuelito. Te llevas una parte de mi corazón contigo. Hasta que nos volvamos a ver siempre seré tu niña chiquita. 

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Wordless Wednesday

Blog Update - Excuses for Neglecting This Space

Does anyone else feel like 2020 has been the slowest yet fastest year ever? Wasn't it just yesterday that we were all being quarantined over Spring Break and everything was shutting down? And now, here we are, just days away from schools starting back up (some already have here in Texas). Fall decor is starting to appear on the shelves and the majority of the snow cone stands around here have packed up for the season. We blinked and August came out of nowhere to make me feel like we've barely gotten anything accomplished this year.

At the beginning of June, I set a "blogging schedule" for myself. I told myself I would start writing more and make it a priority. Ha! We all see how well that worked out, right? And it's not like I haven't written anything either. I have several drafts just sitting on my dashboard. I just haven't had the time to really comb through everything, make edits, and upload pictures. It seems like every weekday and weekend we have had something that just needs to be done. Or somewhere we just HAVE to be. And as "boring" as things may be for us we actually have a lot of changes happening right now too. It's been a bit overwhelming and these next two weeks are going to be really chaotic. I promise to update everyone as soon as things start to settle down a bit more though. 

Then to throw me off, even more, Blogger went and changed their entire look. They've changed how you insert media, how you tag/label your posts, and all of the editing features too. Also, I can't for the life of me get the videos that I have saved on Google Photos to play on here anymore. Before I could without issue. So, I've been trying to figure out where to upload them without having to pay an arm/leg for it. Plus, I'd like to have some privacy settings for my videos as well. And y'all,  I absolutely HATE all of these Blogger changes. Like, so much. Now, I know last year I had mentioned wanting to switch over to self-hosting and that desire hasn't changed. However, we had some major unexpected expenses pop up, and well, paying those were way more important than putting money into my little blog. #ADULTING So, I've stuck with the "free" blogger account and if I'm being honest, these new changes have played a part in my not putting in an effort to continue on here. 

On the flip side of this, if I'm not investing a lot of money into my blog, then there's no pressure for me to produce bullshit posts just for the sake of putting something out there. Instead, I have the flexibility to post whenever I want, without outside pressure to follow the crowd. I'm pretty sure I've stated on here before that I'm not a fan of promoting things on blogs. More specifically, my blog. Don't get me wrong I'm not knocking people who promote or have ads on their blogs. If you can make or are trying to make an income off of your blog then by all means go for it! But unless some drastic things change and I'm convinced to switch over to the dark side, my blog will strictly be for writing about my life. You know, because "never say never" and all. Now, between starting on Blogger and then switching to WordPress hosting, only to come back to Blogger, I've been writing on here for over TEN years. That's something that I'm pretty proud of, y'all! I have no intention of stopping just yet either. Life is just demanding the majority of my attention right now. So, in closing, just know that things are good, my family is great, and I'll be back to blogging full-time again soon. I (pinky) promise. Until then, I hope everyone is doing really well! Catch ya later! ✌