Monday Feels

This is what I’ve looked like for the past ten days. No effort. No makeup. Some crazy ass eyebrows. You’re welcome.

Everyone in the office is getting, is currently, or has been sick within the past two weeks. I on the other hand have just felt…off. Body aches, slight sore throat, some head throbbing, chills, and exhaustion. It’s almost worse than actually being sick. At least then I would, kind of, be able to gauge when it would all be over. What I’m experiences right now though, either intensifies or dulls throughout my day. I’ve been miserable. Thankfully our house has been cold/flu free so far. There have been several cases here in our town, but so far things are okay and I hope it stays that way.

Today, I didn't feel like writing on a specific subject. Instead I felt like just getting on here to ramble a bit about what's going on in my head as I sit here. So, let’s get to it shall we? 1) I haven’t read a new book in awhile which has kind of bummed me out. I ended up getting rid of my tablet because, well, I needed the money so now I can’t even buy the 99 cent books to get me through this slump. Kind of irritates me a bit. But this feeling could also just be me going through book withdrawals. 2) I’ve gained a shit ton of weight, y’all. 30+ pounds in the last nine months. I ain’t even going to lie. It has been frustrating, though probably not for the reasons you’d think, and it was completely expected so I have no idea why I’m bitching. I know exactly what I need to do in order to start losing weight again, but at the moment I’m too lazy. So #chunkymonkeylife it is for now. 3) I enrolled in an online course. It’s something completely new, and I’ll write more about it later. After signing up for this course I realized I needed to purchase a new laptop (unexpected expense right there) because my old dinosaur is just not cutting it. We had a good run, but when it takes a minimum of five minutes to start up…well…it’s time. After three days of debating, quizzing one of my computer savy friends, and repeatedly going to Walmart to mess around with the displays they had I finally settled on getting a Chromebook. It should be here next week, and I’m pretty excited about it. Might even review it after the first month? 4) Today marks the start of my “no alcohol” experiment. Now, I don’t really drink "drink". What I normally do is afterwork on Fridays I have  a shot, or a beer (sometimes two) with my coworkers. We talk about the work week, go over some of the issues, or updates with customers before heading home. That’s the extent of my drinking. So now, I’m going to see how long I can manage to go without having a single drop of alcohol. Recently, I’ve just felt sluggish so I’m trying to see if cutting some stuff out of my daily diet will help me feel better. Fingers crossed that this works! 5) I’m really tired y’all. Did I mention that already? And 6) I finally heard back from my lawyer last week, and for some reason just knowing that I’ll be divorced (from someone I still really love) in a few months has me feeling all weird. But here we go, into the final stretch.

That about sums up the past week, or so for me. I’m sitting here with no energy. A closet that needs purging. A house that needs cleaning. A yard that needs some maintenance. A bookshelf that needs to be fixed. Some homework that needs to be finished. A reading log that needs to be checked off. A “100 days of school” outfit that needs to be planned. Dogs that need to be walked. And all I really want to do is put on my PJ’s, hop into bed, and call it a day. Let's hope the rest of the week is a bit more productive, yeah? 

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Wordless Wednesday

#LOVEBUG - An Honest Probiotic "Review"

Okay, so at the end of August last year I was *sent a box of probiotics by this company called lovebug to try out. Now, when it comes to MY health I'm hardly ever up to speed on supplements. I know, I know. I always forget to take my vitamins, and I usually put off doctor visits to the very last minute. My idea of research is usually to send a text to my sister-in-law asking "Hey, will this kill me?" or "So, do the ingredients in this look sketchy?" If she says "You're good to go." I proceed. If she says "Yea...maybe you shouldn't...some of those ingredients I've never even heard of." Well, I still give it a go if it's a fitness supplement (because fatburners aren't technically good for you anyway), but if it's anything else I put it back. This box was no different. And guess what, y'all? I was given the green light.

First let me just give you a brief overview of what probiotics do for you. There are a lot of people out there that suffer from digestive issues. You know, that cramping pain, or frequent constipation? And other times it seems like you get sick basically every month, or maybe start to have persistent headaches that feel like they came out of nowhere. Sometimes the problem is as simple as you having had one too many tacos. Or maybe you just aren't eating that well overall and it's catching up to you? However, it can also be the cause of a bacteria imbalance in your gut. Weird right? We have over 100 trillion bacteria in our bodies. Both the good kind, and the bad ones. And having too much of the bad bacteria can send your immunity system down the drain, and cause you lot of discomfort. So, a probiotic is taken to introduce good bacteria back into your gut which then makes you feel a hell of a lot better. If you want to get more information on the scientific side there are a lot of articles that lovebug publishes, and even doing a simple Google search will bring up a lot of information for you to peruse through at your convenience. 

Now, I know you're probably thinking "What's the difference between this probiotic compared to lets say any other probiotic that you'd find at your local Wal-Mart or Target?" Right? Well, the three major differences that lovebug claim to offer are that they're pills are 15x more effective, consist of a blend of bacteria strains rather than just a single strain, and they don't include any unnecessary ingredients. So basically, what they're saying is that their pills will make it all the way down into your gut despite all of the stomach acids it will have to travel through. They call this "BIO-tract technology".  And they're going to be delivering several strains that total to 3 billion good bacteria in a single dose (one pill). AND they aren't going to throw anything else into the mix. They are gluten-free, non-gmo, and they don't add unnecessary additives. They offer four adult probiotic supplements, two of those specifically for women, and then four others that are for children (by age group). When you order through their website you get to choose the number of bottles you would like to have delivered each month, and shipping is on them. Prices vary depending on which product you choose. However, if a subscription isn't your thing (or maybe you just aren't into long term commitments) then they also offer their products over on Amazon that gives you a "one time purchase" option. They don't hike up the prices either. All of these probiotics range between $26-$32 bucks in both buying options for a one month supply.  

Finally lets talk about what I actually thought about them. I tried all of these supplements over the course of five months. I'm bad at this remember? I'll start by saying that I really loved the packaging. As you can see they came in bright blue, glass, bottles. All of the ingredients, and directions were listed on the back. The size of these pills weren't what I would normally call "horse pills", BUT I did have a little trouble there at first. Once I got that down, everything was smooth sailing. After the first two weeks I was able to notice some subtle differences. I started with  "Here's The Skinny", followed it up with "Yeast is a Beast", and finished up with "Colds Suck". Now, all of these helped keep my digestive system, ahem, on track. Every morning. However, after the first week of being on "Yeast is a Beast" there was something a little unusual (for me) happening. If you're a guy reading this, skip ahead, or don't. Your choice. Now, vaginal discharge is just a part of a woman's body. Unless it's a pretty weird color, accompanied by itching/burning, and has a nasty odor there isn't much to worry about. I noticed after taking "Yeast is a Beast" that mine became really stringy. This kind of discharge can be normal during your menstrual cycle, ovulation, or during pregnancy. And I had actually experienced this before, however, while taking this probiotic mine was extra stringy the entire time. Once I stopped it went back to normal. Again, it wasn't a huge deal, but it was a difference that I noticed. "Colds Suck" was taken all through the month of December. With the flu going around, and being worse than ever, I didn't want to chance it. Whether it worked or not, all I can say is that I didn't get sick. Even when people in my workplace were dropping like flies. That alone made me feel like taking this probably helped. 

So, overall I found these to be pretty great. You guys know that I wouldn't recommend anything that I didn't feel was worth trying. I'm also going to be completely honest about anything that I get, or try out. Whether I paid for it myself, or it was sent to me for a review. That said, as all of you know, financially things have been pretty tight for me. So, I budget everything, and these didn't make the cut. They are definitely on the pricier side. Instead I opted for daily vitamins, and I take them when I remember to. But in all honesty, if I could afford to buy these again, I totally would. I really want to look into getting some for my daughter sometime in the future too. Now, if you can afford to get them, or if you just want to try out probiotics for the first time then I definitely recommend lovebug. I feel like they'd be a great introduction to probiotics for the family. Do any of you take health supplements that you feel helped out a lot? Do you know of any other companies out there that offer some of the same benefits at a lower cost? Has anyone come across any research concerning "cons" in regards to taking a probiotic? I really don't think there would be any, but you never know, right? If you have any questions, because I'm sure I probably left something out, let me know below.

*I was sent three bottles in exchange for an honest review. I was not obligated to make future purchases, or endorse them. All opinions in this post are my own. 

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Social Media & How I'm Feelin' About It

I have a friend who lives in another country, and every once in awhile they would deactivate their social media accounts for a few months. I would only hear from them via email to assure me that they weren't hurt, or dead. Once they resurfaced they would always tell me how much better they felt. And I used to tell myself that they were so much more self disciplined than I could ever be because I had no idea how they went without being able to "keep in touch" with others. I mean, can you imagine not being able to open up an app that within seconds would be able to show you what everyone else was doing? What they were sharing? Learning about the current news, and happenings in your area (or globally) in mere seconds? I mean, what? Why would you want to give that up? 

Well, I now understand some of the reasoning behind my friend's decision. Lately, social media has been a total life suck for me. Draining, depressing, and anxiety inducing. I open up Facebook to see some of the dumbest shit ever. People arguing over Trump, and the Democrats (I mean c'mon already). People name calling, or creating conflict just because someone disagrees with their opinion. A lot of passive aggressive racists remarks. And then some of the most juvenile responses that are supposed to "counter" the hate, but instead just reinforces that old saying --"pot calling the kettle black". Unfortunately, that's just the tip of the iceberg. There's still the friends that want to announce EVERY little detail about their life, and that includes spats. Break ups, and all of the depressing quotes they feel the need to share, HOURLY.  Then there's the stuff you know they're going to regret the next day even before you get to the second sentence. For example, I once saw in a series of posts that a friend decided to agree to a threesome (two females, one male), and then shortly afterwards they were pissed because the guy decided to spend more time doing the other chick rather than her. An hour after that proclamation we were all informed that it wasn't the guys fault, it was hers because she was needy, so everything was okay. He was back to being the perfect gentleman in her eyes. Then, we have the days when everything that happens in our small town (as well as the surrounding ones) gets broadcast over the internet in local groups. Sometimes, the stuff that's getting spewed around, or even just debated is really ridiculous. Everyone is already in everyone else's business enough as it is when you live in a small town. Now, we get the play by play in local groups that everyone feels the need to share as well as put in their two cents. It can be extremely annoying. And I wonder how the hell everyone has all of this time to be sharing everything that they do. Then, I realize I'm the idiot that's opening the apps in the first place. Even after I know the feelings I'll get by doing so. 

But the most difficult thing for me to admit is how much time out of my day that social media really consumes. I feel like I get sucked into this rabbit hole. I comment on this post, then I click on that link, and that leads me to like someone's photos. And before I know it an hour has passed. An hour I could have used to do something more productive. Or spent with my daughter. Or blogged. OR finally fit in that workout I always complain about not having the time for. You know what I mean? And this little time suck happens several times throughout the day. All of it adds up too. Now, I know some people have no issues with social media. Some of you may even like sharing hourly. And that's cool. You do you, boo! However, I know that all of this causes me stress, annoyance, and anxiety. I even did a little experiment once where I deleted my Facebook, and Twitter apps from my phone for about three weeks. And I noticed that I didn't go online to check it as often. I also didn't automatically roll over first thing in the morning, and check my accounts. This actually improved my mood at the start of my day. Though lets be honest, I'm not approachable until I've had coffee. I also noticed that I didn't spend a lot of time looking at my phone. My headaches weren't coming around as often. And to be honest, sometimes being out of the loop can be good for you. It's a way to reset your battery, if you will. And I felt pretty good during that time. I felt like I had spent enough time "offline" that I could go back to it without getting sucked back into my previous habits. Sadly, that only lasted about a month. Then, down the rabbit hole I went again. 

So, I was thinking of taking that previous little experiment a step further. I've been thinking of deactivating/deleting my Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat accounts. Or at the very least removing the apps off of my phone. I'd like to keep my Instagram account active in order to post photos from time to time. Seeing as how I already seldom post on that account I figured it wouldn't be a big deal to keep it. But one thing that I wanted for this new year was to focus more on being in the moment. Sure I'd love to document it through pictures. But maybe not so many, and not to share across all of my accounts. I want to spend more time doing stuff that I like rather than worrying so much about what the rest of the world wants to burn itself to the ground over that week. I also feel like this will help out a lot with my anxiety. 

Now, all of this is much easier said than done for me. As I stated earlier, self discipline is so not my strong suit. And I am slightly addicted to my phone. So, whether I'll be able to do this for a week, for a few months, or even just for a day will remain to be seen. It's still one of my goals though. One that I hope I can implement at the end of this month. Have any of you ever done a "social media cleanse"? Anyone ever deactivate their account for awhile, and notice an improvement in their mental health or well being? I'm hoping this is something that I can stick with, so wish me luck! Let's see how long I can last without posting, or sharing something on social media.

Wordless Wednesday

The Calm Before Thanksgiving

I had told my daughter, weeks before this past Thanksgiving, that I would take time off in order to take her hiking again during her holiday break. As luck would have it I was able to get the Monday before Thanksgiving off which gave me a nice three day weekend. I had planned to take her out for two days so we could explore the closest state park a bit more than we had during previous visits. Only, that Friday is when everything happened, and our weekend was thrown into a bit of chaos. 

However we were able to salvage some of the plans. We were able to invite two of my daughters friends along for a day trip. That Monday, my friend dropped off her daughters early in the morning, and we headed off to explore. We didn't focus on what was going on in our life at the time. Instead they all ran around, and climbed through trees. They played in the water, and were able to see dinosaur footprints. As we hiked the trails they talked about the flowers, the fish, and the animals. They giggled over chips, brownies, and water. I heard them talking about school, and how much fun they were having on break. After a few hours we made it up to the "peak", and sat at the edge over looking the whole park. They talked about how little everything seemed, and how big the trees were. They talked about how cool it would have been to see dinosaurs in real life. When we finally headed back down to our car it was well after 2 pm, and all they could talk about was food. We had a late lunch at Burger King per their requests. Read demands. And once our bellies were full we started the drive back home. They made it about thirty minutes before they all fell asleep in the back seat. Content. 

And do you know what was so amazing? That even though my daughter, and I were going through something that was unpleasant we were able to have a good time. My daughter laughed, and smiled. She enjoyed skipping up a hill, hand-in-hand, with her two best friends. They were all so happy just being little kids. Running around outdoors. There was still so much more for them to explore they explained. It was a wonderful day for all three of them. They still talk about it, months later, and ask me if I'll take them again soon. Overall, it was a wonderful day. One that I look back on, and see the silver lining of what we went through. I can still hear the giggles, and the splashes. And I remember the big hug that I received from my little as she proclaimed "Mom, you're the best! Thank you for letting the girls come spend the day with us!" It made me feel happy. It made me feel like no matter what happened next everything was going to be okay. There was a moment on that drive home when I looked at all three of them sleeping,  leaning on each other, and I knew that my daughter and I were going to be okay. That we would be able to get through this because we had so many good people in our lives. And that day was exactly what I needed to feel some peace. To feel some calm that I wasn't quite sure I needed until that very moment. 

Happy 2018

Well, another year has come and gone, y'all. I feel like that went by pretty fast. Then again, it also felt like it was never ending. If that makes any sense? There were some "not-so-great" moments that felt like they were getting the best of me there at the end. However, there was still a lot of good that happened last year too. I feel like it was a time of learning for me. Learning how to stand up for myself. Learning my limits. Learning to trust my gut. And learning to let go of my own fantasy of what I thought my life should be like. Letting go of unrealistic expectations.

I feel like I've been shedding a lot of the old since way back in October. That's around the time that things started shifting for me, mentally. So, going into this brand new year I really want to spend more time doing things, and seeing new places. I want to be a bit more selfish in regards to my needs. I feel like it's important for me to figure out who I am apart from all of the other roles that I've taken on. And in order to do that I need to learn more about myself. I need to start cutting out a lot of of negativity (for real this time) in my life too. And I’d also like to make it a priority to do more of what makes me happy. So those are just a few goals I have I’m mind going forward.

With all of that said, I'm hoping to blog a bit more often this year too. I know, I know. But hear me out! Back at the end of October I had to turn off our internet because it wasn't something I could afford anymore. One day I had to decide if the money I had was going to be used for food for my family, or internet services. And well, internet service didn't even stand a chance. The following day I had it turned off. So that's why I wasn't posting. It wasn't pleasant being without internet, but then any time I would start to complain I would scold myself for even thinking that it was something I couldn't live without. It was a bit rough though, I won't lie. However, after getting rid of a few other expenses, and thanks to a nice little bonus from work I was finally able to get it turned back on. So, I hope this means I’ll be able to make more time for writing.

So cheers, y’all! Happy New Year! I know I’m a little late. May it be one of the best ones yet.