Educate Yourselves

Learn, Recycle, Reuse. Repeat.

My brother and his girlfriend have been on this "documentary kick" for a few months now (to my knowledge anyway, it could be a lot longer). And it is starting to rub off on me.

Did you know that the earth is OVER populating EVER few years by like a billion people? Did you know that plastic bottles (including BABY bottles) all leak chemicals into whatever liquid you put into them? EVEN if they say BPA free. Did you know that there is a little town in Japan that kills OVER 23,000 dolphins in a seven-month "hunting" season?? Did you know that Darwin was an idiot? Seriously? We were made from crystals?? And people think legalizing marijuana is a dumb idea? Evolutionist are smoking something much more potent if they're coming up with stupid theories like that. And that's all that they have, THEORIES. Science is suppose to be based on facts, and yet they have NONE. Did you know that there are over 1.37 million abortions performed each year!? Planned Parenthood lies to you, young women! So many little babies that never get to see this world. So many that don’t get a chance at life because they are not considered living beings?!? Did you know that GLOBAL WARMING is really happening, right now? Did you know that by the time OUR children are adults most, if not all, of the rainforests will be gone? You can see them diminishing from SPACE already! Did you know there is a river up north that has completely stopped flowing because of all the plastic, and trash people dump into it?

Crazy, huh? I don't know about you, but I want Emery to have a nice place to live when she gets older and has kids. I want to not worry about how I am poisoning my OWN daughter with PLASTIC. I want there to still be animals for my daughter to get to see in person, not something she reads about in a textbook. I want HUMANS as a whole to have more time on this earth. Because let's face it, at the rate this is going, WE ARE SLOWLY KILLING OURSELVES! And, I don't want to sit back and do nothing about it.

I am slowly starting to make some changes in how I live life. We went out and bought reusable shopping bags, and I am sending the plastic ones we do have back to Wal-Mart or H-E-B. They both have set up plastic bag recycling stations. We don't have a recycling facility anywhere close to us, so I'm trying to find out where we CAN take certain things and how far away they are. I will teach my daughter about God. I don't want her being swayed by worldly people. She doesn't HAVE to be Catholic, but she will know GOD. If that makes me a hypocrite, too conservative, or even a mother that's brainwashing her own daughter into believing that there is  God, then SO BE IT!! Who else will teach her anything, if not her own mother??  I bought glass bottles for Emery, and I'm ordering some more 8 oz ones. Not sure if I'm giving away or if I'm burning her old ones. Can't decide which is best yet. I'm signing the petition to save the dolphins because 23,000 is a lot of dolphins in only 7 months. They are being slaughtered!! I will be donating money to a different charity or organization when I have some extra money each month. And I really want to start volunteering at the local Humane Society, and nursing homes. 

I am only one person. I know this. But that's all it takes, ONE person to make even the slightest bit of difference. Don't ask me how I am going to find time to do all of this, but I will. Maybe not all at once and maybe not all today,  but I'll make some time here and there. I want Emery to grow up knowing that her mother did what she could, to help better the world. Even if it was just one tiny thing. I want her to grow up knowing that a little bit of kindness, can do so much.

I want her to know that SHE, being one single person, CAN make a difference.

Go check out these documentaries:

11th Hour

The Cove

HOME

Expelled (Ben Stein)

Tapped

Or go to these sites:

www.liveaction.org - Learn how you can help stop ABORTION, make your voice heard for those that don't have one!!

www.earth911.com  - Learn where YOU can go to recycle you're things

www.takepart.com - Learn how you can help the world!!

www.takepart.com/thecove - Help put a stop to the dolphin slaughters!

www.panda.org - Make a difference for animals

Goose Egg, On Her Forehead…

You know, I always told myself I would be the EXTRA careful mom. The one that takes caution with EVERYTHING that I did involving Emery. She’s my precious little angel after all. Well, today I failed miserably. I had Emery sitting on the bed as far from the edge as possible, and with pillows surrounding her. She’s more mobile now and so I figured extra pillows couldn’t hurt. She was barricaded!! Well, I started to clean and I was taking the empty glass to the sink (literally five feet away), and as I barely walk out of the room I hear a:

  “THUMP!”

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

I dropped the glasses and turned around. Sure enough, my little angel is on the floor, screaming. My heart felt like it was in my throat and my stomach contents felt like they were going to come up at any minute! As I picked her up, I started trying to calm her down. She just kept screaming, and I swore I could feel her pain. Not even kidding. I kept trying to bounce her and calm her down. I knew that had to hurt so I wasn’t expecting her to stop crying immediately. And as I was pacing, I noticed in the mirror I was sobbing. So much for trying to calm HER down. Someone needed to calm ME down! I finally called my husband, who was of NO help. He said he understood I was sad but so long as there was no swelling and she had calmed down I should just give her some Tylenol and keep her up for a few hours. How could he be so damn calm and collected?! I was freaking out here!! I felt like I was the world’s crappiest mothers! I should have known better, and all he can tell me is that she’s going to be ok?! It’s a little bump?! As I started to think about how to let my husband have it over the phone, I looked down to find Emery smiling at me with this huge pinkish purple goose egg staring at me. Oh…GOD! Please let that go down! Please for the love of God let her be ok! Please, please let there be no swelling in her brain. I swear I won’t ever leave her on the bed again!! I called my mother right away and she told me to give her Tylenol, get some ice to help the knot go down, and to keep her up for at least 2-3 hours. Before hanging up she said “Mija, I know someone else who had knots on her forehead more than once from falling off the bed. And you lived. Breathe, it’ll be ok.” Leave it to my mother. That made me feel a little better. I did as she (and my husband) instructed.

Three hours later, her knot has almost completely gone down. She’ll have a bruise, I can tell, but the knot is hardly visible. She was laughing and playing. But now she’s taking a nap. I keep checking every fifteen minutes to make sure she’s still breathing. She’s annoyed with me for waking her up, but I feel like I have to pinch her or tickle her nose to get a response that fully satisfies me. That whole finger under the nose to see if she’s breathing is not cutting it this time!

Blah! I feel awful! I feel like such a crappy mom! I spent the rest of the afternoon clearing out a huge space on the floor in her room, our room, and the kitchen so that whenever I have to do something out of the room, I’ll take the blankets and set her in there with me. Unfortunately, this is not getting rid of my guilt. I SHOULD have been more careful. I should have just sat her in her room no matter how hard she cried. Or better yet, her playpen. I should never have left the room with her still on the bed. I won’t ever do that again.

And before I get any lectures, I know I screwed up.

I Miss My Husband Already!!

My husband got to come down this weekend. But he had to leave Monday at 1 in the afternoon. I miss him already. It was nice having him around and not being by myself. It was nice to go shopping and just having him there to go with me. We stayed in bed pretty much all day Sunday watching movies, and it was wonderful! I wish I had more days like those. He has three, maybe four, more weeks to go at this job. And I know that it's good money and we're getting things paid off. Hopefully, he'll get his license back soon too. But sometimes I just want to be selfish and tell him to come home early so I won't be alone anymore. But, I shall tough it out. What else can I do? We need the money.

I still haven't heard anything about that other job. It's leaving me feeling like I'm never going to get out of here. People have been walking on eggshells lately. My mother and I got in trouble yesterday for requesting the same day off (for my cousin's wedding in October). Keep in mind that I work in the front office, my mother works in the Lab. The big boss lady is making it out to look like we’re leaving so much unfinished and everyone has to “cover” for us. Which is NOT true. This is the FIRST time, in the two and a half years that I have worked there, we have requested off, together. She’s making it sound like we do it on a monthly basis. She threw the accusation at my mother that she was off for two days while I was in labor with Emery, and the day that we brought her home. Two days that we BOTH missed. The nerve. So it seems like accusations are flying, complaints are being made, people are on a power trip, and no one wants to stick up for themselves. Everyone's scared of losing their jobs. In times like these, that's a legitimate fear. But, my mother and I have discussed it, and we plan to gather all the “evidence” we have that shows she’s picking on us (and has been for a while) and present it to the owner of the company. We are not taking this laying down anymore. It's hard finding a good job around here, even if you have a college education, and as much as I hate this job I need it for the insurance. Speaking of college, my plans have kind of been put on the back burner for now. I haven't had a lot of motivation, and lately, with work being such a pain, I really haven't found any time to study. Sad, I know. Excuses? Maybe. But seriously people, I am TIRED! Work is like a war-zone, Emery is so mobile now that leaving her alone for a second could mean trouble, and the last thing I want to do when I get home is study. I promise to get back on the bandwagon soon though. I swear!

Oh man, one last thing I need to talk about. My weight. This past weekend I saw a friend that I hadn't seen in a while. I left feeling very fat and very jealous. Granted, I'm pretty sure I know HOW she lost the weight. I just don't/can't/won't do THAT to get rid of my weight. It's so not what you think it is. But to give you an idea of what I mean, she was bigger than me before I got pregnant (I was 190 lbs). And now, she's half my size (I kid you not), and I'm 170 lbs. So she's a good 120 lbs (or less) and probably a size 5 (if not smaller). I am so jealous, you have no idea!! Like now, I can't even see this friend again until I'm at least 130 lbs and back into size small shirts. I need to kick up my work-out routines and stop eating. Yea, stop eating. This means, early morning workouts too. Ugghh! I sooo don't wanna, but it must be done! I can't go around being a fatty!! I am 22 years old! I can not let myself go this early in life!! Hardcore diet, here I come.

p/s My Munchkin is SEVEN months old!! Ahhh!

Let’s Have A Freak Out Moment, Shall We?

I love, love, LOVE my daughter. No doubt about it, she is my world. At the same time, she is a handful. She is a full time job and at this stage, demanding my full attention. I would love to have another child, LATER in the future (maybe two or three years from now).

BUT NOT RIGHT NOW!!!

I've been so busy lately, that last night while I was setting up my new iPhone, I actually had a few minutes to myself. I had put Emery down to bed, my phone was syncing, and I sat there in my PJ's taking deep breaths. Processing the day I just had. **TINK** My iPhone is done and as I start playing with it, my MENSTRUAL app is on my first screen. Hmm? When was my last period? So I go and check it, and sure enough, last month on the twelfth. And my "prediction" date for this month was LAST THURSDAY!! That means I am SEVEN days LATE!! Now I know what you're thinking, it's just a silly phone app right? Maybe. You see, this app has been fairly accurate for me AND I usually start the day BEFORE the prediction date. That’s how I was always prepared and stocked on pads and tampons every month.

Oh….my….HOLY CRAP!!!!! No. No. No. No. NO! I can NOT be pregnant!! I am barely getting back to my work out routine, BARELY loosing the belly weight. I am just now managing to juggle life as a working mother. We are just now getting all of our debt cleared away. I still OWE my doctor for delivering EMERY. This is sooo not funny! Beau and I can’t even make up our minds as to whether we even WANT another child or not, much less be prepared to have another one! I am so praying that I start right this second! I demand it!!

Please??

Breathe in. Breathe out. Ok, I'm trying to chalk this all up to stress. Because STRESS has been a BIG part of my life these past few weeks. That and frustration. Work has been a hell hole, and I've been trying to catch up on a lot of things. So maybe that's why I'm late?! Please, please let that be the reason!?! I haven't felt sick, or tired. No swelling. No puking. I haven't really noticed ANY of the signs like I did with Emery, accept the lack of my period. Oh god, we are so not ready for another baby yet! Please let it be a false alarm. I promise to double up on birth control and even make him wear a condom from now on! But please, please don’t let me be pregnant!!!

Damn it! Now I have to go pee on a stick!!

Update @ 5:30pm

The pee test came back negative. A bit relieved, and yet a little sad at the same time. :-)

Breathing

First, let me start off by telling you that I went to the dentist today. I had to have a filling. Boooo! Those suck! I felt like I had a huge fat lip all afternoon, and I bit it once trying to eat afterwards. But, the numbness is slowly going away! 4 hours later. I can eat something now!! So excited! LOL!

Next, we are due for upgrades on our phones, and since my husband has gone through 5 phones within two years, I was told that I could get the new one and he’d keep my old one. Which is in WONDERFUL condition, since I took care of it really really well! But both AT&T stores had NO iPhone 3GS. Surprise, surprise. So, I think I’m going to order mine online if I don’t get a call by Friday. Until then, I’m using a little tiny, barely gets reception phone. And it’s driving me up the WALL!!! Blah! Oh well.

Now, on to my main point. My daughter is sleeping soundly. Has been since 5:30! I was sitting here watching her. Making sure she’s breathing. I’m amazed that I still do this. Reminds me of when we first brought her home. Beau and I would alternate, and we’d check every hour to make sure she was still breathing. Sometimes at night, I still pull her close to me and put my hand on her chest, just so I can feel her heartbeat. Or I’ll tickle her nose so that she’ll make a movement. LOL! She hates waking up like that. And it amazes me that one day she’ll be all grown up, and I won’t get to do that anymore. Makes me kind of sad. I wish Beau were here. I hate waking up to an almost empty bed. I loved when all three of us would get to sleep in. I have my arm around Emery and Beau has his arm around both of us. That only lasts until we were all fast asleep and then Emery end up with one leg under the cover and the other one over. I’m on my back and Beau’s facing the wall hogging the covers. All of us snoring. Yes, Emery only being 6 months, snores. They’re little snores, they skip around, but Beau and I have both heard them. Lord, I hope I never stop getting those wonderful gifts. Just being able to wake up. Seeing them breathing. That alone, makes EVERYTHING worth it.

Funeral; Husband; Weight; Rain

Funeral:

Seth’s funeral was hard. It sucks when they are so young. I was fine until they opened the casket. Once that happened, it really sunk in that he was gone. No one was going to tell me that it was the wrong person. No one was going to tell me that it wasn’t Seth lying there. I still feel like he was having himself a laugh though. I kept randomly tripping throughout the whole service. It felt like someone was kicking my heel from behind. When I went up, I almost fell flat on my face in the aisle. I wanted to just say “Damn it, Seth, Stop IT!!” But I figured that wouldn’t be very appropriate. I don’t think anyone else would have found it very amusing. And at the end, they played my favorite song: “Swing Life Away” by Rise Against. That song takes me way back, one of my all-time favorites. And only then, did I realize how fitting that was for his personality.

Husband:

Ugghh!! I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm DONE! Last Thursday night my husband got to come home for a 3 1/2 day weekend! I was beyond EXCITED! To have him for 3 whole days was going to be wonderful!! I woke up Friday to get ready for work, and he's checking his Facebook. He was accepting EVERY request that was sent to him. I SHOULD HAVE NEVER CREATED ONE OF THOSE FOR HIM!! Should have just kept in contact with our friends through MY own account. But no, I wanted my hubby to have one. And if you know how Facebook works, you know that it lets you know when other friends have "friended" someone else. So after he’s done, I checked mine. Guess who was on his list? The one GIRL he "THOUGHT" about CHEATING on ME with!!!!! Please tell me who the FUCK does that?!?!? Anyone?!?!  ANYONE?!?!?! Can you say disrespectful?!? He says he didn’t even see the name, that he just accepted everyone but something inside makes me wonder. I hate being like that, but even if he didn’t see her, he should have deleted her the minute he found out that it was her. And he said he would. But he has yet to. I don’t know what’s pissing me off more: Her sending him the request, him accepting it, or him not deleting her? How can I “get over” something if he keeps bringing it back into our lives? Other than that, my three day weekend went great.

Weight:

I GAINED FIVE POUNDS! Uggghhh!! FIVE FREAKIN POUNDS!! That's it, no more junk food! I was reading this post over at One Bored Mommy Blogspot and realized that I had that same DVD at home. It was collecting dust from when I had told myself I would be all healthy and active during my pregnancy. Ha! So anyway, this post made me think that maybe running isn't the only thing I need to be doing. I started running a MILE every weekday and I've done it consistently for almost two weeks now. I plan to keep up with it and go farther as I progress. But maybe I need to toss an actual work-out into the mix? She said it made her sweat so I thought, why not? I got home, pulled out my mat, and popped in the DVD while Emery took a nap. O...m....G! Yea, I made it through the cardio and only half of the mat course (only because Emery woke up and wouldn't stop crying till I picked her up, I SWEAR). I was sweating twenty minutes into the cardio! They totally take breaks in between those filming takes because there is no way that woman wasn't breaking a sweat and I was! But that's another subject.  Anyway, I actually like this DVD! It's pretty basic, but man it gives you a workout. I'm feeling it today. My abs and my thighs. My shoulders; my butt. I didn't even know I had these muscles anymore.  So now, my plan is to run and do this program on alternating days. Build it up until I can do BOTH in one workout session. I know, pretty ballsy considering I have a child, but I will make it happen. Those five pounds need to go away!! Along with 30 (maybe 40) more! I'm hoping this DVD (along with cutting out junk food and soda -easier said than done-) help me achieve my goal weight/size. So here's to happy exercising!! August Weigh-In: 175 lbs

p/s It’s been raining all day. I love the rain.
The rain makes me happy; makes everything better.