Costume Drama Already

Halloween is two weeks away!! So in preparation for this we really started to get into the spirit. Last weekend we kicked it off by watching Halloween themed movies and deciding what we wanted to do/go on that day. My husband practiced carving a pumpkin with Emery last Friday. She LOVED it! Then on Saturday we went and let her pick out her costume! Unfortunately, the best part about this whole experience was kind of rained on by my parents.

See, my parents are really religious. We celebrated Halloween when I was younger but once my mother “found the lord”, that holiday was “banned”. Then when I was a teenager I started looking into other religions before having to commit and be confirmed into the Catholic Church. This included Paganism (which will be a story for another time). This sent my mom on a war path. I could go into details but you guys would all probably end up scared of my mother. Anyway, for my parents Halloween pretty much equals evil. They don’t mind costumes but in all honesty my mother would be more okay with someone dressing slutty than being a witch or devil for Halloween.

So guess what costume Emery picked out? She picked out the Devilina costume. My husband and I didn't mind. In fact we didn't think anything about it at first. We picked out several costumes that they had in her size, and then we set them out for her to choose one she liked. She put that costume and a bumble bee one in our cart. So, I told her she could only pick one. She picked the red one. When I asked if she was sure, she clung to that bag like it was candy. And when we tried to have her take a different one, she refused. Devilina it was.

It wasn't till we were driving home that my husband asked “Do you think your parents will say anything about her outfit?” “Nah.” I said. But of course, I was very very wrong. The minute she showed off her outfit, all proud and excited, my parents ripped me a new one. Well, once Emery was out of hearing range of course. They were so put off by this costume that they said they were buying her a different one. I was scolded for allowing her to pick something that represented “evil”. And then I was lectured on how I should “know better”. This lasted for about 30 minutes. I said my peace, declined their offer for another costume (not that they’ll listen), and left.

You know, I really can’t believe my parents sometimes. It’s Halloween for Pete's sake! She’s going to go around the town asking for candy! One costume is not going to change my daughter into a devil worshiper. Hell, she doesn't even KNOW what the costume is. She just liked the colors. But, now there's tension between us. I won't cave to my parents because I'M Emery's mother. Not the other way round. I don't want them buying her a replacement costume, because her dad and I have agreed that we're OKAY with the costume she already picked out. We don't need to ask them for their approval. So now, MY parents just need to get on board. Either that, or just leave it alone. My husband and I have agreed to make this FUN for Emery, and if my parents don't want to be a part of that, then that's fine. I'm not forcing them to participate. But I'm not going to just stand by and let them dictate what I can and can't do/buy for my daughter.

A Bachelor(ette) Party

Let me just start off by saying that if this gets confusing, it’s okay. I’m kind of confused myself as to how this all happened, but I’ll try my best to explain.

Okay, so one of my friends is getting married soon. Well because of this wedding a bachelor party is a given, right? Right. Well, what’s not a given is inviting a girl to this party. Which is exactly what the guys did. They invited me to join them in Austin for a night out on 6th street. When I asked why they wanted me to tag along, they said it was because I was “one of the guys”. So, I said “maybe” but warning that it was really short notice, I needed to talk to my husband first (he would be coming with me), and then I didn’t even know if we could get a sitter in time. My getting to go, wasn’t looking very possible.

Now why would I want to join the guys for a bachelor party, you ask? Well, a few weekends ago my friend’s fiancé was given a “toy party” by one of her friends who isn’t very fond of me. I assumed (as did many others) that this was her bachelorette party and I just wasn’t invited. I didn’t get upset about it because this party was for her, and if the other girls didn’t want me there then I was fine with it. Apparently, I was wrong. Because once word got out that I had been invited to the bachelor party (and that it was in Austin) my friend’s fiancé (who is also my friend) asked why she couldn’t have a cool bachelorette party in Austin too. I had no idea what to tell her, so I just said “What’s stopping you from having one in Austin too? I’m sure that 6th street is big enough for both parties.”

See that right there, should have never left my mouth. One of my other friends, who would be attending the bachelor party, texted me on Tuesday and asked if I was coordinating the bachelorette party instead of joining the guys? Umm, not that I know of? As far as I knew I wouldn't even be attending the bachelor party. He continued by informing me that the bride to be assumed that one of her friends was coordinating a party for her as well in Austin. So now I had become the the accomplice of ruining the guys bachelor party for planting “the seed” of both parties being held in Austin. My friend was getting an ear full from both our friend and his fiancé. The fiancé assumed she would be going to Austin and the groom thought it was just “the guys” only trip.

And this is why I should never have opened my mouth about anything. See, I understand the guy code of having separate parties. It’s kind of the point. Had someone told me ahead of time that there had never been a bachelorette party, I would have happily coordinated one and declined the guys invitation on the spot. We could have had it in Austin on a separate weekend from the guys and it wouldn’t have been a big deal. But now, the guys trip is being threatened to be cancelled and I’m pretty sure I’ll have to take the blame for this one.

So as of right now I’ve done the only thing I can think of to get things back on track, and that’s to volunteer to coordinate a bachelorette party in Dallas (you guys know how I feel about this city) if my friend’s fiancé wants me to. And this my friends is why I'm freaking out a little. The guys are totally cool with just bar hopping and now I’ll actually have to come up with ideas if this goes through. Gift ideas, dinner reservations, club locations, the works. Stuff that I have NEVER done before. So, wish me luck?? Please??

So Much Sadness

I am so emotionally drained.

I kind of feel like I’m just going through the motions. My husband and I talked about “the incident” last night, and we are both disappointed. I really have no idea what he was thinking, but I know from experience that being under the influence of that pill really leaves you without a clue. It’s not an excuse. What he did was wrong, but he did do the right thing by giving it back. So for that, I am proud of him. My husband, on the other hand, is beating himself up over it pretty well. He says he feels like a piece of crap. He keeps telling me that he’s sorry for the things that will be said about me, for being with him. He says he doesn’t deserve any kind of happiness. Anytime he’d laugh he’d stop mid-laugh, and go back to being upset. I told him not to go that far. He still had me and Em. But, I did not appreciate being lied to. I questioned him some more and told him he better answer truthfully. I was in no mood to take anything else, no more lies. I feel satisfied with the answers that I got. Still, he knows what will happen if I find out that he lied to me again. Also, no more pills. If he ever does any of them again, he’ll have to leave. I think the consequences of what he did, and the falling out of some of our friends is really teaching him a lesson though. A pretty hard one.

However, I do not appreciate the threats that were made towards him. I do not appreciate the things being said about him, about us. But, I understand that we reap what we sow. I’m disappointed in some of our “friends”. Disappointed at how mean, cruel, and hurtful they are being. Disappointed at all the judgments being made. Especially when so many of them have done so much worse. Regardless of, if it were years ago or days ago. The mistake was still made. I firmly believe that you can’t be casting stones for a fault that you yourself have committed. I’m disappointed in the band. I’m disappointed at how fast people turned their backs on us. I’m just all around disappointed.

Then, I found out that this little rockstar we had been praying for, lost his battle this past Monday. I am so, so very hurt by this. I stayed up praying for him Sunday night, and begging for him to have more time with his family. Since I heard of his passing I can’t seem to stop spontaneously crying! I am feeling so much pain for his mother. I put myself in their shoes and it hurts too much. I hug Emery so close to me when I have her because I feel like I have to physically hold her and touch her to make sure she’s really here. I know that’s dumb, and I know she’s healthy. But, I feel like it just as easily could have been us. That could have been OUR story. And it makes me so sad to know that this family (or any family for that matter) should ever have to go through this. I've said it so many times, and I'll say it again: No parent should ever have to bury their own baby.

Maya, I am so very sorry. My heart truly breaks for you and your family. I wish I could bring him back to you. You didn't deserve this and Ro especially didn't deserve this! And I am so very very sorry for that. 

via and original

I will never understand why children have to go through any of this. Why must they go through any pain, disease, illness, suffering, or abuse? Why won’t people stop talking about marital rights or “The Wedding”, and start talking about childhood cancer? Or Child Abuse? Or Cystic Fibrosis? Why are there so many selfish people out there that have so much money and spend it on new clothes, make-up, or cars instead of donating it to a cause? Why don’t people take any of these seriously? Why are so many of these organizations underfunded? With as much money as we pay celebrities, we could have advanced so far in research and new drugs. Hell, we might have even found something that could HELP with the money some of these people spend on SHOES! And it blows my mind. It makes me so ashamed...

And finally, I’m just tired. I’m tired of the drama. I’m tired of having to defend ourselves. I’m tired of people bringing negativity into my life. I’m tired of people being two-faced towards us. I’m tired, of everything! I’m so ready to pack up and get the hell out of here! Somewhere no one knows us. I’m wanting to have a fresh start. A new start. Just not sure if we’ll ever get one.   

Zombie Mommy

Omg...I want a redo of this past weekend, except that I would like to not have ANYTHING to do. Just a quiet, relaxing weekend, please? Ha! If only! Here’s a recap of my weekend:


Friday

Went for a run and bike ride with my aunt when I got home. Totally refreshed me! And my day got better. Unfortunately, that was the only slow part of my weekend.

Saturday

Woke up at 5, took the hubs to work. Came back, slept for an hour and then Em was up for the day! I fed and clothed both of us and off to town we went! I was told to buy a top for myself for our “night out”, and I had to get a baby shower gift as well as a birthday gift for a last minute party we were invited to! I only got about an hours worth of looking and shopping in because at 9:45 my hubs said he was getting off early. So I went to pick him up and we went to Wal-Mart where he proceeded to be rude and unpleasant. Afterward, we went to pick up a washer and dryer, and it was back home for lunch. 12 pm. Thirty minutes later I was getting the babes and I ready for the baby shower. And we were off! It was a nice baby shower, and the ladies throwing it said they got a lot of ideas from mine. I’m going to add in here that the ladies are some of the women I used to work with (two of the many reasons why I left) so it was a bit awkward, but I wasn’t there for them. I was there for the mommy to be. The shower lasted until around 3:15. The cake was great, the games were fun, the baby got a lot of presents, and everyone was in love with my little girl. Because she’s just so “sweet and calm for her age”. Ha! After saying byes, thank you’s, and good luck, the punkin and I were on our way back home! She fell asleep the minute she was in the car seat and I couldn’t wait to get a nap in. Unfortunately, we got home at  3: 50. The hubs and I had to be at the birthday party by 5:30 (it’s a 40-minute drive). So I took a nice little 20-minute nap and then had to wake up my grumpy other half. We got ready and were out the door at 5:00. Arrived at the little one's birthday party, caught up with friends, and ate some delicious food! We left around 7 pm to head over to our ORIGINAL destination for the night.

My friend's girlfriend’s birthday party (he’s in Afghanistan right now)! We met her at a friend of ours wedding and since they’ve been together I’ve only hung out with her once. But she’s really sweet and nice! Plus she’s a mommy so she KNOWS about the “week in advance” notices you have to get in order to really plan anything! I consider her a friend now too, but I just had to give you the background history. LOL! Anyway, the drinking commenced! My brother agreed to be our DD in case we got hammered, so I was so excited to not have to watch how many drinks I had. But again, unfortunately, I had a tummy ache from all the food I had eaten at the birthday party that I didn’t get to drink that much. And because of that food, it seemed to take a lot of drinks to even get me feeling tipsy. But, I had fun for the most part. I even got to see a friend I hadn’t seen since 2007! Then, to just add the cherry on top, we got to Skype with our friend in Afghanistan!! It was so awesome!! But, during the whole party the hosts, and owners of the house we were in were fighting!! He’s the friend from the wedding I spoke of earlier. We've all been friends for a long time, and these guys were “my boys”, so we've usually been invited to these shindigs. But his old lady has never liked me, and in fact, was a bit surprised when I showed up. Turns out she gave the birthday girl the 21 questions as to why I had been invited? Hmm, I guess it’s not a party if there’s no drama! But anyway, I kept my nose out of it, and I even asked if they wanted me to leave because I didn't want to cause any problems. Everyone told us to stay, and then halfway through the night, shit hit the fan. All I can say is that stuff was thrown, doors were slammed, and my friend ended up having to drive off for about 45 minutes, leaving us all there wondering what the hell was going on?! Once he came back, we (birthday girl, another male BFF, and I ) had a good 30 minute heart to heart with him. We just listened to him vent and let him know that whatever he decides to do, is all up to him and we're there for him 100%. That was our cue to head out, so I called my brother and we left at 1:00 am. I’m proud to report that I wasn't drunk, I had handled myself well. But still being the responsible person I did call my brother because I didn't want to chance getting pulled over, and they drove us home. We were in bed by 2:00 am, and then up at 6:30 am for Sunday!

Sunday

Was lazy for the first half of the morning. I had taken Aleve before drinking so I had no hangover, woo hoo! We fed and clothed ourselves to get ready for the day. The house was (is still) a mess, so I started to clean a little. Finally making my “recycle” trash cans for plastic and aluminum. I did a load of laundry and then put the grumpy punkin down for a nap. 12 pm came and we were off to town! Dropped my hubs off at a friend's house to get in a jam session (man time), and the little one and I did some shopping. OMG! I spent way too much. I’m debating on taking some of the stuff back and I’m pretty sure I will tomorrow. It was just...wow. I normally do great and stay in a budget, so I have no idea what the hell happened. After that, we made it to my MIL’s for a BBQ. Went to pick up the hubs 30 minutes later and just had a bit of downtime while she cooked. We watched STARDUST, and let Emery draw and play. The food was great and she even had dessert and some mac and cheese for Emery made. We left at about 4:45 pm, and we all slept once we got home! We were out from 5:30- 7:30 pm and Em woke up at about 9 pm! I woke up once in between with some major dizziness, so I went back to sleep. All better afterward, but the bad thing about napping so late in the afternoon is not being able to go back to sleep! We were up until about 11:00 pm. But the babes was bathed, and we were all in our PJ’s just watching TV. So it was a good night!

Today, I am really feeling the lack of sleep I got the past few days. And it sucks! This headache is going nowhere, and I still have so much to do today that I have no idea how I’m going to keep my eyes OPEN! And to top it all off, we had a nice rain storm and lightning show early this morning. It was sooo nice! I LOVE RAIN! So to have that kind of cloudy weather made me really not want to get out of bed this morning! But, I gotta go make that money!  Hope everyone else had a wonderful weekend!! And Happy Monday to all of you!!

Mother-In-Law Rant

I am not one of those women blessed with an awesome, lovely mother-in-law. My mother-in-law is the complete OPPOSITE! So do you know what was absolutely wonderful about living in California?? SHE was NEVER there. That woman has caused me so much grief. She has done me wrong SO many times. She has done US wrong so many times. Yet the fact still remains, she is my mother-in-law. And being the only parental figure my husband ever had, he usually lets everything slide with her. And this sends me off the edge!!

Long story short, she’s a bad person. No one does anything drastic enough to make her change either, and I am not allowed to. Honestly, if I had it my way, she would not see me or Em, until she got her shit straight and PROVED to me that she did. But no, that causes a bunch of other crap and makes me seem like a royal bitch. Which I’m not afraid of the term, in fact, I usually embrace it. BUT, it causes a huge rift with his family. And I would really not like to cause family drama. Because I love them. But sometimes, even that price seems reasonable to live with.

So now, I am stuck. I can’t approach the issue with the hubs because he’d get all butt hurt and go all: “No matter what she does she’s still my mother, Babe! I’m sorry we can’t be all perfect like yours!” on me and then I’d have to deal with his feelings! But in my defense, my family is NOT perfect and we do have some piece of crap relatives that we don’t talk to. But, that’s just how my family deals with a problem. And by problems, I mean drugs (real ones) or abusive habits. You can’t help those that don’t want it.

Anyway, my mother-in-law is a needy person. She wants her children to need her, all of the time. And for a while she had her claws dug in pretty deep with my hubs. Now, just as I’m about to have him completely “weaned” off (all claws removed), she has to come back and start wanting him to help with this, and that. And she wants to “hang out” with him, and she’ll even come to pick him up! Ohh, and she just wants to see her son and her little angel Emery. I hate when she says that: “My baby.” She hardly EVER says grandbaby, unless family is around. It drives me up the wall! But anywho, my husband is falling for it, again. And this can only mean trouble. Problems. Again.

I swear that woman will be the death of me if we don’t ever move away from here. Which sucks, because I love my family and his family that lives here. I would miss everyone so much. But us moving, would be the only way to make sure her visits were yearly ( if that), and on OUR terms. Sad, isn’t it? But I literally have no other option. Causing family drama is a no go. Telling my husband is a no go. He’d never agree to my “proposal” anyway. Instead, he’d just let her stop by when I wasn’t around. Which would just piss me off, causing us to fight 24/7. And that’s no fun.

So, wish me luck in finding a different solution?

And pray I have the strength to not rip her head off one day!

Lord knows I’ll need it. 

Taking Charge; Moving On

I am being set up to fail. Anytime I think of something or come up with an idea it is taken from me or cast aside. Someone else takes the credit, and I’m left there with my jaw on the floor. Do you know how annoying that is? This place is filled with such worldly, materialistic, vain women and I find myself holding my tongue A LOT. Do you know how hard that is for me? Do you?? I was, am a very blunt person. If I think you’re an asshole, I’d let you know. I’m not a fake and it drives me crazy when people are. If you don’t like someone, then don’t like them. But be honest about it. Don’t talk shit behind their backs and then be all besties when they’re around. I’m no angel, and I talk shit sometimes, BUT I am not one to do it behind your back. I’ll tell it to your face if you’re around. If you ever come up amongst friends or in a conversation, I’m not about to pretend that I like you either. This applies to everyone in my life.

So yesterday when a co-worker (a friend) of mine quit because she was tired of being used as a rug, and tired of people bullying her, I was there for full support. But I was ashamed of myself because when the owner told our manager of this news, immediately after he walked out, she called over her “lap dog” and told her of the news and they laughed. Laughed! This is what they wanted all along. For her to leave and they were getting just that. I said nothing. I sat there and watched. I did not partake, but I should have been the ballsy, blunt, bitch of my youth and at least told them to fuck off or shut up. But I was a coward. I am in no position to risk my job right now and that’s what I am worried about losing. My friend has another job already, so she said what was on her mind and that was that. Until I get that same opportunity, I can’t say too much or I’ll get fired. But do hear me when I say this, If any shit talking occurs at HER expense today, you can bet your sweet ass that I will stick up for her. This has gone on long enough.

This morning, my mother let them know her opinion on the matter. And I just agreed with everything she said. I should have put my two cents in but I didn’t. She pretty much covered it all. The big boss lady is now fuming and accusing my mom of judging her. And maybe she was? But, my mom has a tendency, like me, to call it as she sees it (at the workplace anyway). Of course, her two little minions stood up for her and said that she was such a fair boss and that being the manager she couldn’t always be our friend. She has to make decisions that not everyone will like, which is true. But, you have to be EQUAL with all of your employees. And her two favorite kiss asses have not ever been on the other side of the fence. Why? Well, because she likes them. For example: when her “lap dog’s” horse died, she let her take the day off. When a service tech’s wife was going to have surgery because she had a tumor in her stomach and he asked off she said: “Well, we all have our problems.” He had to come to work. Or, whenever I got griped at for texting my husband AFTER HOURS, but she’ll let the lab technician ANSWER her phone whenever she wants. I’ve been here THREE years this next February, and I am being passed up for promotions. The part-timer gets an even bigger office than what she already has, next week. Everyone here is making at least double-digit pay, except me. If I do something wrong or mess up, I get told that I need to learn and fix it on my own. When her little minions screw up, SHE fixes it for them. And the list could go on and on because I have so many things I’ve seen and had done to me, all day!  

This is NOT a good workplace. And I know that my friend had a hard time leaving because it means uncertainty and because she has to start over. But, the only things keeping me here are insurance, an income, and my daughter. I suck it up for my family. Not for too much longer though. After the way they treated my friend, and after being “kicked” around myself, I officially registered for classes yesterday at Weatherford College. This Thursday I have to turn in my financial aid stuff, and I’ve decided to try and get into the “Dental Assistant” program. It takes 6-9 months, and I come out certified! Ready to jump into a career and if I ever decide to take on being a dentist, I get points for completing that program. So I wouldn’t have to retake the course!!

So here’s to change. Here’s to living MY life. Here’s to getting out of this shit hole. And here’s to leaving behind all the bullshit (and assholes) right along with it!!

Rough Saturday Night

My husband got to come home on Friday, and I was so excited. We were planning for me to go up to Oklahoma, but at the last minute, Beau’s partner said he wanted to come down. Yay! I didn’t have to make the three( maybe longer) hour drive!!

Everything was great! Then Saturday happened. We decided to go out to a bar. My mother-in-law would babysit, and we’d cut loose a little. If we got too drunk, we’d call his aunt. I should have stopped at the second beer. We ended up pretty drunk, called his aunt. Beau had been talking to these guys from two different bands there the whole night! I honest to GOD didn’t think anything of it. But then, I started talking to one of them, and he acknowledged me as Beau’s wife. Shook my hand, and started off about Christian music and how he was a big Christian. Mind you, he’s hit on everything that’s walked past him, and he’s highly intoxicated. So, I went off on how it says in the bible that you aren't supposed to get drunk. And if he’s such a Christian why is he deliberately breaking the rules?  Apparently, when he’s drunk he “talks more about God”.  Well, right after that, Beau’s aunt comes up and tells me to “Stop! Seriously, Raquel, you need to stop!” I asked what, and she said: “You know what, or do you not see Beau’s reaction?” Beau is causing a scene. Let's fast forward the juicy stuff, and at some point, I get called a whore, and to fuck off. To which I replied, “ I talk to one guy, who you were just talking to, and I’m a slut?! What about all the girls YOU hit on?! What about the girl you supposedly only THOUGHT about cheating on me with?! I didn’t do a damn thing wrong!!”     

We get taken home, and we talk, make-up, have some make-up sex, pass out. Emery was up bright and early and my head felt like someone was digging into it with a screwdriver. I take some Tylenol and some Powerade. All better. But, then I ask my husband why he freaked out, and he says it’s because his aunt pointed out that I was flirting with another guy. I told him I was not flirting, and all we talked about was God. Apparently, my husband says I was “all over” this guy. BULLSHIT! And so this is what I said:

“Babe, I’m really sorry if it came off as me flirting, but I honestly was not. We didn’t touch once, and we were standing across from each other! He even acknowledged that you were my HUSBAND! I’m sorry you felt like I was “all over” another guy, but I wasn’t. And I don’t feel bad because I honestly did nothing wrong. But I am sorry that it came off as me being flirtatious because that was not at all my intentions. I love you, and only you.”

He accepted my apology. But after this latest spat, I have decided that I will not be getting drunk with my husband anymore. I can handle a girls night every now and then. Maybe even every once in a while with my husband when we are by ourselves (or in Cali!!). BUT, not in public. And I’m not even sure I want to continue drinking. I had my tiny bit of “letting loose” before all that crap happened this past Saturday, and I felt like I was just over the whole thing. Before last night, Beau and I were getting along a lot better. And I don’t want to ruin that with alcohol. It’s not worth it, and I just don’t feel the same about it anymore. Now I’m not saying I swear it off completely because one day I just might go out and get drunk, but I’m saying that it’s not something I “want” to do anymore. I can live without it. I feel like it’s not worth causing problems in my relationship for a few hours of inebriation.

I love my husband, and I honestly don’t look at other guys (except Robert Pat, but he plays Edward so how could I NOT?) and I really don’t want to. I’m not out looking or thinking about cheating. It’s not how I am. It’s not what I want. I am perfectly happy with the man I am with. Through the good times and the bad ones.

I Miss My Husband Already!!

My husband got to come down this weekend. But he had to leave Monday at 1 in the afternoon. I miss him already. It was nice having him around and not being by myself. It was nice to go shopping and just having him there to go with me. We stayed in bed pretty much all day Sunday watching movies, and it was wonderful! I wish I had more days like those. He has three, maybe four, more weeks to go at this job. And I know that it's good money and we're getting things paid off. Hopefully, he'll get his license back soon too. But sometimes I just want to be selfish and tell him to come home early so I won't be alone anymore. But, I shall tough it out. What else can I do? We need the money.

I still haven't heard anything about that other job. It's leaving me feeling like I'm never going to get out of here. People have been walking on eggshells lately. My mother and I got in trouble yesterday for requesting the same day off (for my cousin's wedding in October). Keep in mind that I work in the front office, my mother works in the Lab. The big boss lady is making it out to look like we’re leaving so much unfinished and everyone has to “cover” for us. Which is NOT true. This is the FIRST time, in the two and a half years that I have worked there, we have requested off, together. She’s making it sound like we do it on a monthly basis. She threw the accusation at my mother that she was off for two days while I was in labor with Emery, and the day that we brought her home. Two days that we BOTH missed. The nerve. So it seems like accusations are flying, complaints are being made, people are on a power trip, and no one wants to stick up for themselves. Everyone's scared of losing their jobs. In times like these, that's a legitimate fear. But, my mother and I have discussed it, and we plan to gather all the “evidence” we have that shows she’s picking on us (and has been for a while) and present it to the owner of the company. We are not taking this laying down anymore. It's hard finding a good job around here, even if you have a college education, and as much as I hate this job I need it for the insurance. Speaking of college, my plans have kind of been put on the back burner for now. I haven't had a lot of motivation, and lately, with work being such a pain, I really haven't found any time to study. Sad, I know. Excuses? Maybe. But seriously people, I am TIRED! Work is like a war-zone, Emery is so mobile now that leaving her alone for a second could mean trouble, and the last thing I want to do when I get home is study. I promise to get back on the bandwagon soon though. I swear!

Oh man, one last thing I need to talk about. My weight. This past weekend I saw a friend that I hadn't seen in a while. I left feeling very fat and very jealous. Granted, I'm pretty sure I know HOW she lost the weight. I just don't/can't/won't do THAT to get rid of my weight. It's so not what you think it is. But to give you an idea of what I mean, she was bigger than me before I got pregnant (I was 190 lbs). And now, she's half my size (I kid you not), and I'm 170 lbs. So she's a good 120 lbs (or less) and probably a size 5 (if not smaller). I am so jealous, you have no idea!! Like now, I can't even see this friend again until I'm at least 130 lbs and back into size small shirts. I need to kick up my work-out routines and stop eating. Yea, stop eating. This means, early morning workouts too. Ugghh! I sooo don't wanna, but it must be done! I can't go around being a fatty!! I am 22 years old! I can not let myself go this early in life!! Hardcore diet, here I come.

p/s My Munchkin is SEVEN months old!! Ahhh!