A Tiny Little Update

The little has been busy with camps. I'm actually really grateful that she's had a lot of time to stay entertained. I've been having to pull extra hours at work, and there have been some little hiccups along the way that have made things a bit harder. Still, I've been able to make sure that Em gets to participate in the things that she wants, and most importantly has fun. We were supposed to go visit my brother this weekend, but plans changed. Now we'll be visiting next weekend instead. Which means I have a four day weekend with my little bug and I plan to enjoy it.

Next Monday I hope to have a bit more information for you guys. I've done a lot of soul searching. I've had a lot of advice given to me. And I'm looking into restarting my counselling sessions. I feel like I need to be brave, and start to really look into what I need as a person. I need to stop having so much conflict inside of me, and finally have some definite decision as to my future. I'm currently looking into going back to a community college that I love this fall in order to catch up on my classes before starting back up at the local university. My parents have offered to help me out a bit with whatever I need (gas money, babysitting, etc) in order to be able to afford paying off what I owe. Once that's done I hope to be able to pay off the fee I was charged, and finally re-enroll to get my bachelors degree by the end of next year. It's still just a plan, but I'll be speaking to someone within the next few weeks to see what's possible. 

That's all I have for now. I'm about to continue my "Criminal Minds" marathon before my little one gets back from a play date with some of her friends, and her grandparents. I know I seem sporadic. I know that I also seem like a broken record. BUT, life happens. Guilt happens. A whole other bunch of crap can happen before we finally see the light. Before we can fully feel like we're ready to be strong; whatever may come. So, I hope you guys can stick with me. I hope that I can bring some new content in as well. And I'm hoping to start writing a bit more, whether it's here or elsewhere. It's something I feel passionate about, and it a way for me to process. So, until the next post. 😊

Wordless Wednesday

#LOLA - An Honest Product "Review"

I'm not exactly sure if you could call this a review, and this is my first attempt at something like this. I think. So please just bare with me. Okay, so I'm going to be talking about a product that we use when on our periods. You've been warned. This means if you don't want to hear about stuff pertaining to menstruation then I suggest you skip this post. For the rest of us, lets get to it. About two months ago, I got this email saying "Thank you for your subscription! You'll be getting your first LOLA box in the mail soon." And the censored version of my initial reaction goes something like this: "Ummm...What's LOLA? I didn't sign up for this...what the hell...??" Then as soon as I closed out of my inbox to check my bank account, because I was sure that someone had stolen my card number AGAIN, I got a text from my mom that went something like this: "Hey mija! I signed you up for a LOLA subscription. Don't worry, I paid for it. It's organic so it's supposed to be better for your health, and your vagina." Just a little background info for you guys: I gave up on boundaries with my mother a long time ago because she's Hispanic and does what she wants. So, ladies and gents, you can thank my mom for this post.

First, let me give you a little information: LOLA is a brand that offers a monthly subscription of 100% organic tampons (with and without applicators), pads, and liners. This means no dyes, no chemicals, and no toxins. If you want even more technical info than that you should check out their ABOUT page which breaks it down further. They also have a "First Period Kit" for younger girls that explains what their bodies are going through as well as an assortment of products for them to use, and how to use them. I felt like this was actually really cool, and seeing as how I'm raising a girl I could see how this product could be used as a tool for when the time came. Now, when I opened the box I immediately thought that the packaging was very simple, and clean which I really liked. What I also thought was interesting about this brand is that they allow you to mix and match. You basically have the ability to customize what comes in your box. For instance, if you get tampons and you know your flow is on the lighter side you can get a mix of lights, and regulars. If you're like me, laughing at the thought of light tampons because you've given birth before so those will just disappear up in there, then you can mix it up with the regular, super, and super plus options. You also get to choose the quantity for each of them. To me, that's pretty awesome. I mean, when I buy a box of tampons at the store I'm basically paying for tampons that I'll never use because they have a set quantity in each box. I think that's a waste of my money since they normally end up in the trash. I'm cheap, don't judge. Now, this service is a bit on the pricier side. If you get tampons only then you have the option of getting one box for $10, two boxes for $18, or three boxes for $30. If you want to add pads (also customized), that's another $9 a month. And so on, and so forth. You get the gist. For those two products you're looking at a $27 monthly charge. And you're only allowed 3 boxes a month. Sometimes they have promotions, or deals so you can always look into that as a way to save some cash. I know when my mom signed up they were having a deal that gave you an extra box for free on your first order, as well as a discount, and then they always have free shipping. Does that justify the cost in the end? Ehhhhh...maybe? That's really up to you, and your budget though.

Now, on to what I didn't like about them. This is where it gets a little TMI, but what can I say, I like to share. Ever since Jr. High I've been a heavy bleeder. One time I had to take a picture in order to show my gyno what exactly I was dealing with, and the look on her face said it all. If you've ever seen the movie "No Strings Attached" with Natalie Portman there's a scene in this movie when she's on her period, and a costar says, "It's like a crime scene in my pants." That's basically me x10. Only for the second and third day though. I've searched for some answers, and I've been told that regular brands put too many chemicals into our feminine products which can cause us to have heavier, and longer periods. Obviously there are other factors, but apparently shoving a bundle of cotton soaked in chemicals up your vagina doesn't help. So I've tried different brands, different diets/foods, and I even attempted wearing the cups to see if my flow would lighten over time. I've had zero luck. Which means that at night I have to have those extra long pads that feel like diapers. And I run through 4-5 super plus tampons a day, for those two heavy days. So, when these were offered to me I figured "What the hell?" My mom had already paid for them so I might as well give them a shot. Well, it's been two months now of trying these babies out, and I'll just flat out say that the super and super plus tampons sucked. They didn't hold a damn thing for me, and I actually had a leak through my underwear onto the back of one of my skirts that was bad enough to send me home. Now, I've always felt that with any brand out there I could at least rely on their "super plus" size to have my back. But these lasted about an hour before having to be changed. And they felt super uncomfortable coming out. Now the regulars held up like champs. They were comfortable, and lasted about 4 - 6 hours before having to be changed. The pads were pretty good too. I never felt wet, there was never an odor, and I had no leaks. They get an A+ from me on those because I'll definitely use whats left of them, and what I get in my last box next month. Unfortunately, their pros didn't outweigh the cons for me.

So, my overall feeling towards this products is "Eh." I just don't feel like these are a good fit for me. I'd give them an overall B rating because I like the idea that they have, what they're trying to do, and they're fairly new so I think there's room for improvement on their product line down the road. However, I'm not a big fan of the price tag, and in all honesty when my subscription is over with I won't be continuing it. Not only is it not in my budget, but as explained above I didn't get much out of them. I normally use the Tampax brand and I can get a box of tampons, two packages of pads, and a pack of liners for about $18. And these will last me about two months. Now if money isn't a problem, your flow is more along a normal/medium side, and you're wanting to try something that's organic then definitely give these guys a shot. Or if you're daughter is getting close to starting her first cycle the "First Period Kit" might be a great way to start her off with information, and products that aren't considered harmful. It could possibly be a great option for you and your family. Just keep in mind that every female is different, and so is every period. What doesn't work for me may totally work out for you. So that about wraps things up for me today. If you have any other questions, or want to get into specifics feel free to comment below or send me an email.

Listen

An Oops & A Little Chat

Recently, I was offered some products to review. I was also gifted a 3 month subscription to another product, and thought I should share my thoughts on both. So, the other day I took some pictures, and even a little video. I had all of these ready to upload, but then I decided I was going to clear out some of my phone storage because I'm anal and need everything organized in their own little folders. I started by removing duplicates, and then transferring several pictures onto my laptop. Only, when I went to move the product stuff over they were deleted rather than saved. Since these were being taken from my iPhone rather than my hard drive there was no way to restore them. So now I have to go and retake a bunch of pictures. Bleh. Until I get that up and going here are a few little updates for you guys. 

At the end of  May I became an aunt! It's a boy, and he is beautiful. Though I'm sure when he's grown up a bit he'll be all embarrassed that I called him beautiful. But you guys...he's so precious! And do you know what's even more precious? Seeing my baby brother holding his son. Carlos has always been a wonderful person. Sure he's as stubborn as an ass some times but he's also helpful, generous, and kind. My brother has always been the type of person who will do things for others without expecting anything in return. And that love that he has for his wife, y'all. It's unwavering, and unconditional. I don't think I've ever seen two people who work so well together, and put in the effort to keep a good relationship/marriage. I'm not saying they're perfect, or that they never have issues because that's unrealistic. What I'm saying is that they put in the work. You can tell when they bend for each other. When they compromise for each other. How they support each other. How they're a unit. It's truly, amazing to see them together, and I'm super proud of both of them. All of that said, I just know that they are going to be great parents! They are going to raise such a wonderful little man, and I'm just super stoked that I get to be his aunt. Unfortunately it's still a "no go" on pictures. Sorry guys, I tried. But I'm under strict orders. So, all I've got for you today is this one picture of a very sleep deprived brother looking down at his little bundle of joy. 

Moving along. A few days ago I saw a post online about a mother who dyed her daughter's (about 4-5 years old) hair. The little girl had light blonde hair, and the mom put in some semi permanent pink color to tint it. Now, I was all "Damn that looks cute." But then I started to read the comments, and there were a lot of people saying some really rude things. It ranged from this mom being a terrible mother, to the little girl not being old enough to do what she wants with her hair, and then it went all the way to someone asking for a Child Protective Service number in order to report her. Now, I'm not a cosmetologist so I can't really weigh in on the "harmful" stance of this topic. But I do have a young daughter that's always asking me if she can have some random color added to her hair. Unfortunately, my little one has dark hair so it's always been a no from me. This is because we'd have to bleach it, and I'd rather not. If she had lighter hair, I'd probably let her do the semi-permanent color that washes out without even thinking twice about it. That's just me though. Then there was someone who commented about not allowing their daughter to make any decisions in regards to her hair until she was 11 or 12 years old. Because "Kids shouldn't always get what they want."  I thought that was a bit extreme, but to each his own I guess. My daughter has always had long hair, and I absolutely love it. She's wanted blue hair, pink hair, and purple hair that I wish I could allow her to have. But for the most part I've always allowed her to decide the length, and style of her hair. So what was the whole point of this little chat you ask? Well...I let my daughter do a thing...

(fyi--her hair was passed her bum before)

That's all for now folks. These past few weeks have been busy. It was hard to keep any kind of real schedule. Thankfully, after this Saturday everything should be back to a normal routine. Fingers crossed anyway. 

Wordless Wednesday

We're in Some Weird Limbo

If I could tell you were the hell we stand as a family, as a couple, or as co-parents I would totally tell y'all. If I knew anything in regards to a court date, a rehab date, or even counselling sessions I would tell y'all that too. Unfortunately, we've hit a pause in any huge life changing decisions. Not because I want to, or because my husband wants to. More along the lines of some other important shit has come up first, and well we have to deal with that first. So for right now, we're in this weird, "in house" separation type of thing.

Two weeks after my husband left the house he was back. A lot of the people who claimed, or stated that they wanted to help ended up back tracking really quickly. Those that said they'd step in to get some help, or even offered to help find housing never even answered their phones when the time came. Which to be honest wasn't that surprising. But the one person who I really thought had changed things around, and was sincere in their offer ended up being a complete let down. So, in the end I was the one left holding the bag. After speaking with my family, talking to my daughter at length about what was going on, and finally speaking to my husband about what he was asking of me I decided to let him stay in our home. I know it's strange to some people, but so far we basically co-parent as best as we can. We've talked through a lot of this with our daughter, and that's as far as the clarity goes. 

During the time he was away, my daughter talked about how she missed her dad. On one particularly rough night I asked her what would make her feel better? Did she want to talk to him? Did she want to see him? Did she want to cry? Did she want to talk about what she was feeling? She thought for a moment, and then told me she just missed her dad being there where she could see him. So I had her FaceTime him, and afterwards she said she felt better. That was a hard night for me. It hurt my heart to see her so sad. That was a night when I questioned everything. Was I right in what I was doing? Was I making a selfish decision? Was I completely in the wrong? Should I have waited a bit longer? Should I change a bit more?  Did I really know what I was getting us into? 

The thing is that a lot of what happened couldn't be undone. A lot of what I found out, and a lot of what was going on under my roof without my knowing was not okay. It was all a risk I chose to take from the time before. And it was all something I knew could happen again. Or that could be much worse the second time around. So, when the veil was lifted I made a decision. One that I still think is best for us as a family. But one that is currently on pause. A limbo of sorts. Right now I'm choosing to be a supportive partner. I'm choosing to get along, and help my husband for the well being of our family. And I'm choosing to be understanding rather than dismissive. This is what's best for my family right now, and I'm not apologizing for it. For now this is what's going on, and as soon as it changes I'll let y'all know.