Wordless Wednesday

Random Thoughts // One - Twenty Six - Twenty One

Today, I’m not feeling up to writing about one particular thing. It’s been a day and I’m a little tired. My brain is just not wanting to focus either. So, instead, I’m just going to write down some random thoughts as they come. See where it takes me…

Y’all, I have no idea what I was thinking when I decided on going back to school. I’m one week in and already I feel like I’m being chewed up and spat out. Two of my classes are giving me a fair shot. The other two seem to be setting me up for failure. I seriously cried after my third Business Math session. And what's worse, is that this school just doesn’t seem to worry about, care, or offer resources for non-traditional students like me. Forget having a full-time job while going to school because chances are that everything will be done during the same 8-5 window and if you can’t get the time off you're screwed. On top of that, you’re viewed as just another student ID number by the advisors and that’s a pretty crappy feeling. But what can you do? Well, nothing. I just have to suck it up and do my best! 

Lately, I’ve had his feeling of wanting to be motivated to work out. I want to go to the gym and I want to work up a sweat. It just hasn’t happened. Nor do I know where I would find the time. Of course, people will give me the whole, “You make time for what’s important” spiel, and you know what? ZIP IT. I like getting rest, okay? So when people come at me with that they're basically asking me whether working out is more important than getting sleep. And whether I want to function on copious amounts of caffeine. Which is totally possible because I've done it before. But doing this again would wreak havoc on my body and decrease my chances of ever conceiving again. I already struggle enough in that area as it is so- pass. Between work, school, studying, meeting my daughter’s needs, attending her activities, spending time with my fiance, AND keeping our house in order - where do I find the time? At 4 am? At 11pm at night? Do I need to push myself into running on 5 hours of sleep or less each day? And if I did, realistically how would I even keep that up? I’m totally open to suggestions.

Also, I still haven’t decided on my word for this year. I’ve had a few contenders, and there’s one in particular that’s been coming up a lot lately. In my daily readings and in my writings. I’m still praying on it though but I’m pretty sure I’ll have it narrowed down by the beginning of February. If you’ve been around this blog for a while maybe you can guess which word it is? 

Anywho, this seems like a good stopping point for today. I really want some chocolate and a day filled with watching Hallmark movies. I’ve had headaches off and on since school started and I can already tell they’re going to be a constant thing until the end of May. Anyway, I hope this didn’t give you too much whiplash. How has everyone else’s new year started off? I pray it’s been a good one. Any big plans or goals for 2021? Until the next post! Stay safe & have a wonderful week. 

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Wordless Wednesday

📸: My sister-in-law.

Finishing What I Started

Back in October of 2020, career-wise, things were looking a little bleak for me. I wrote a bit about that in this post. There was this one specific moment when I sat in my office and I just felt so out of place. I wanted to walk right back out the door and head home. It kind of lit a fire under my bum and I knew that something needed to change. So, after writing out my options I sat down to discuss things with my fiance. Like how I threw that in there? Eeks! He gave me his opinion and then told me I had his full support in whatever I decided to do. So, I took it to prayer. For a month, I prayed for guidance on what my next steps should be. And the only answer that kept coming back, over and over was: finish my degree. 

So with a bit of help, I gathered the money and paid off what I owed the local university so I could be removed from their “HOLD” status and reapply for admissions. The following week I submitted my application and applied for financial assistance. Within a few days, I received my acceptance letter and then had a meeting set for December to select my classes for the Spring 2021 semester. And while I had originally been on the path to getting a “Bachelor's of Business Administration” I wasn’t sure that was the right fit for me anymore. So, when my advising meeting came around I asked about my credits and the possibility of changing my degree. I mainly wanted to know how far back choosing a different major would put me. To my surprise, there wasn’t a need for me to change directions completely! My advisor told me that with the credits I already had I could choose between Administration, Accounting, Marketing, Human Resource, or Management. And then I could still minor in any of these other fields if I wanted to while still staying on track. After discussing my interests further I took my advisor’s recommendation to dabble a bit in each of these subjects to see which one I liked best for my first semester back. Then I’ll narrow it down to a focus, and as long as I do well I can graduate by the Summer of 2022. Spring of 2022 at the earliest! And y’all, I. AM. READY. So, ready! A little nervous, but also really ready to hold my degree in my hand and finally finish that chapter. 

The only downside to this is that due to how late I applied, I wasn’t able to get a good schedule to generate for me. Tarleton doesn’t allow you to handpick classes anymore; they're auto-generated. This means that I will have to attend some classes during the day. Now, when I had brought up going back to school to my employer at the beginning of 2020 I was told that the company would work with me so that I could keep my hours. Well, somewhere between then and now things changed and it doesn't look like I'll be able to stay on as a full-time employee. I’d been hoping to have the ability to make up time but I’ve been told that that’s no longer an option. And because of this, I’m also looking at a high possibility of losing out on my insurance benefits because that’s only offered to full-time employees. So, it looks like I'll have to figure out a few side jobs to supplement that income. Otherwise, we won’t make ends meet. And I’m praying that I don’t get sick or that anything major happens. But I’m not going to dwell on all of that too much. God has always provided when I needed it and I don’t think he’s going to let me down anytime soon. 

When I first started thinking about all of the obstacles in our way and the monthly payments we had to come up with I had some major anxiety. I even questioned whether I should have applied to go back to school at all. One night when I was feeling overwhelmed about everything Corey sat down with me and said, “We’ve got this. Even if we have to struggle for a little bit. Even if that means me taking extra jobs while you get this done. We will figure it out and you’re going to finish your degree. We can do this. It’s going to be okay.” And we’ve hit the ground running ever since. We’ve cut back on some of our unnecessary expenses, and I started budgeting for everything again. I used most of our savings to pay off credit cards and small debts so we don’t have extra payments here and there. Any stimulus payments or tax refunds we get will be split between paying off debt and putting way in savings. And our credit cards will only be used for medical emergencies/expenses that we can’t cover. Corey is also looking into selling his motorcycle so we won’t have an extra car payment, but I really hope it doesn’t come down to that. I enjoy that thing just as much as he does if not more. But like he said, “We can always get another one after you graduate.” Then my parents have offered to help us when it comes to Em’s after school activities & practices when we need it. Corey's parents have offered to watch Em on the evenings that she doesn't have after school stuff so I'm not having to drive so far to pick her up. This allows Emery to keep her day-to-day relatively normal. So, I think we’ve got a pretty good plan in place for now. Y’all! How awesome is this?! Obviously, it will be trial & error at first. We’ll have to adjust from time to time accordingly. But I’m so thankful for all of the help everyone is offering us! I’m beyond grateful for Corey’s support and encouragement as soon as this idea came to mind too. 

Now, I have a full course load ahead of me and the classes are pretty intimidating. The semester also starts tomorrow. So, this is why I said that my blog may take a bit of a back seat this year. It’s going to be a little rough for the first half of the year, and I really want to do well in all of my classes. I also know that we’re going to struggle a bit financially, and things will be pretty tight budget-wise. This means that any free time I get I need to put into a side hustle of some kind if possible. BUT, with all of that said, I also know that we can get through it. This schedule is temporary after all. And I know that this is a positive thing that will pay off in the long run. So, here’s to finally finishing what I started! Wish me luck or send prayers our way! Both would be appreciated! ✌

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Yes

December 4th, 2020. The anniversary of our first date, just the two of us, and at the same restaurant. Our family and close friends were given the news on the night that he proposed. Though some already knew his plan. Others have slowly been told when we run into them. No announcement was made or pictures posted anywhere. Since that night, we’ve been enjoying that newly engaged bliss. Keeping the news pretty quiet has also given us a chance to talk about the how, when, and where without any pressure. And no, there’s no date yet. Now, most of you know how I feel about posting on social media. I’m not a big fan so I hardly ever. But this is something major for me that I’m excited about! It’s a happy time in my life and after some discussion, we decided it was fine to quietly make it public. So, I felt like this was the perfect place to officially share the news. 💜

p.s. His name is Corey - guess it was also about time y’all knew that too.

Wordless Wednesday

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2021 // Play Nice

Well, how was everyone’s Christmas/New Year’s holiday? I was blessed to have some much needed time off from work and I definitely enjoyed it! We were able to spend time with some of my side of the family over the Christmas holiday and then rang in the new year with my partner's family in Houston. Our little area of Texas received about 3” of snow that we MISSED on New Year's Eve. It was the first time in five years that we’ve gotten snow and I’m still a bit bummed that we weren’t here for it. However, we had a blast in Houston and I still have faith that we’ll get another chance at snow later in January. Alas, it’s now the first full week of January and we’re all back to our regular schedules. I’m praying that 2021 is the year we get to clean up the mess that 2020 created. 

Now, I usually have a handful of goals I like to set out for myself at the beginning of the year. Then I come up with my “word of the year”. But this year I definitely slacked on all of those. With the pandemic wreaking havoc, I’m not sure if I’d even be able to accomplish many goals anyway. So, for now, I’m just praying for things to finally start getting back to normal. Or something that resembles it. Just like the majority of you, I’m ready to start exploring, traveling, and seeing shows again. I’m ready to walk around without a damn mask on. And I’m so ready for everything to stop smelling like disinfectant and hand sanitizer! I mean, wouldn’t that be so nice? Also, I’m still thinking about what my word for the year will be. And if I'm being honest, I’m not sure if I’ve ever shared “my word” with y’all? Since it usually takes me a bit longer to come up with it I think I just mention it to my sister-in-law and get on with the year. But in case you were wondering, last year’s word was “healing”. And y’all, it was so on point! My heart and soul did a lot of healing. I know that I still have so much more of it to do, but 2020 came through with a lot of growth and mending. So, on a personal level, 2020 was actually pretty wonderful! While the pandemic was/is awful, and the election stuff was/is miserable, I’m grateful for the areas that last year allowed me to work on. 

And last but not least, things around here will be changing up a bit. A lot actually. And I’m honestly not sure how often I’ll get to post on here. Sorry, Kim! A few months ago I was so sure that I’d have more time to sit down and write things out this year. To really give this creative outlet of mine some attention. I had a writing schedule planned out and some money set aside to give this blog of mine a little overhaul. I was so sure that this new year was going to be less hectic and include more downtime for me. I even looked into signing up for RCIA classes at my local church and into a summer ASL class because sign language is something I’ve always wanted to learn. Plus, I’m always being encouraged to find new interests and hobbies. However, things changed in a big way in a very short amount of time! So, none of that looks like it’s going to happen. I’ll talk more about the “why” on this in a later post, I promise. Just know that things may get a little quiet for a bit and that’s totally normal. 

For now, what are some of your goals for this new year? Any good news or bad news you’d like to share? Do you pick out a word for the year? If so, how do you go about it? I really hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and New Year’s break! I know it was a weird one, and some of those we love weren't able to make it. But I pray that you were still able to find some joy and hope. Until the next post... 

Let’s get it, 2021!