Wordless Wednesday

Currently // November 2020

We’ve already had a pretty packed November. This weekend will be another one filled with back to back events. And I can’ believe Thanksgiving is next week too! I mean, WHAT? I guess this is my sign to slow things down, huh? How is everyone else feeling about having six weeks left in the year? I'm a little mixed if I'm being honest. It kind of feels like we should get a redo or bonus points for something, right? Anywho, while you mull that over here let's get into the “currently” post for the month. 

Listening: Recently, Dermot Kennedy released a deluxe version of his album “Without Fear”, and it includes seven more tracks. Now, in case you couldn’t tell, I LOVE this man’s music. There’s just this feeling that I get whenever I listen to him and I can’t really describe it in one word. It’s kind of like this heady combination of wanderlust, happiness, longing, and love all rolled into one big heaping pile of emotion. And, in my opinion, his voice is just super relaxing. So, this has been my go-to when I head out for my meditative runs. You can find all of the streaming platforms that it's available to listen to, here. 

Reading: I started to read “Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light - The Private Writings of the Saint of Calcutta”. I actually found this book at a thrift store of sorts in Mout Pleasant back in May. However, I was distracted and unmotivated to read much of anything so it sat on my bedside nightstand for months. And well, I recently decided to commit to reading a chapter or two each week. I’m doing it this way so I can really think about her writings. She’s the Saint that I chose for myself last year because I have always been drawn to her work. Her outlook on life, kindness, and love. I felt it was about time that I dive deeper. And boy has it been eye-opening. 

Watching: I’ve been watching a lot these days. Mainly because I have more time off than I normally do. Anywho, there are two shows that I just finished and equally loved. The first is "Emily in Paris" which follows a young woman’s adventures in France. It stars Lily Collins, which I think is a great actress. And newcomer (to me), Lucas Bravo who is pretty dreamy. And the accent? It’s real ladies. The second is a cute show about young love, set in New York City, at Christmas time called "Dash & Lily". It stars Austin Abrams, who I first saw in Euphoria, and I feel like we’re going to be seeing more of him which I look forward to. Both of these shows are over on Netflix. And bonus! They're 30-minutes or less for each episode. And they're each 10 episodes or less in length. So they’re super easy to breeze through. Enjoy!  

‘Casting: Whether you’re Catholic or not, I highly recommend giving the podcast, "Crisis: Clergy Abuse in the Catholic Church", a listen. It’s a really great piece of journalism. You get a complete breakdown of events and countless interviews from bishops, reporters, lawyers, and social workers. There are even a few survivors who tell their stories. Overall, it’s very informative. And they don’t hold back. 

And that concludes the “Currently” post for this month. If you have any suggestions, be sure to drop me a line either here or on any of my other social media pages. Links are all at the top. I'm always on the lookout for new artists, films, podcasts, or books too. So, I'm totally open to recommendations if you have them. Until the next post, Happy Tuesday, folks! 

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Little Things // Being Loved

Sometimes, I get hung up on these fantasies about what being loved is supposed to look like. How it should be given/received. I’ve spent a lot of time reading romance novels, watching romantic movies, and binge-watching whatever comes on the Hallmark Channel that I’ll catch myself thinking, “See? Why doesn’t my partner do stuff like this?” or "That's how family gatherings should be!" As if any of those characters or scenarios are even real for me to be comparing their actions. Insert eye-roll. Then, my anxiety and insecurity get the best of me and I start to worry that I’m giving too much. I wonder whether I should hold back or if my efforts are even being matched. I question whether I’m loving others enough. If my daughter is feeling or seeing it from me. And often, I forget that we all have different love languages. I forget that there are so many different ways for us to show love. I forget that sometimes it’s the little things that are the most important. 

Being loved is when he says, “Don’t worry, I’ve got it” even after he’s had a long day of hard labor. It’s when she says, “Mommy, thank you for being the best mom ever.” Being loved is when he checks the oil level in my car as well as the pressure in my tires. It’s when she randomly comes up to hug me after a long day. Being loved is when I have the music playing and he pulls me away from the kitchen sink to dance. It’s when she gives me a quick smooch before getting out of the car. Being loved is when he cooks my favorite meal and serves us all our plates. It’s when she snuggles up on the couch with me to watch a movie. Being loved is when he rolls over in the middle of the night, pulls me in close, and says, “Thank you, for all that you do. It doesn’t go unnoticed.” It’s in the excitement in her face when she tells me about something that’s just made her day. Being loved is when he apologizes when he knows he's said or done something to upset me. It’s when she says, “It’s okay mommy, I love you” after I’ve had to ask her for forgiveness for being too harsh. 

Being loved is when they both extend me a good amount of grace on my bad days. When they’re both patient with my mood swings. Being loved is seeing these two incredibly important people in my life get along and laugh together. It’s when we all pile into bed and talk for an hour before falling asleep. Being loved is when he kills the random insect that finds its way into her room or the spider that makes its way into ours. It’s when she asks to bake brownies because she knows they’re his favorite. Being loved is when he finally addressed the hamster by name rather than “the rat” just to appease her. It’s when she opens up to me about the hard stuff she’s going through. Being loved is when he teaches her something new and spends time trying to understand a bit about where this ten-year-old little girl is coming from. It’s when she high fives him after he’s sat through one of her ridiculously long stories. It’s in the understanding that comes from each of them at the end of our day. 

Lately, life looks so much more different than I ever imagined it would. My daughter is thriving and we are learning to stand a bit on our own two feet. She’s becoming more independent and trying new things. She’s also very open with me about how she feels and what’s hard for her. I really hope that never changes. My partner isn’t perfect, and sometimes that selective hearing of his can drive me up the wall. Arguments can have us not speaking for a whole day, but at the end of it, he shows up. Whether it’s reaching for my hand in the middle of the night to give it a squeeze, or hearing me out when I’m the one that needs to apologize. He’s there. He’s helped to ease some of the harsh criticism that I dish out about my body when I’m alone. And they’ve both given me the gift of laughter on most days. I’m constantly being shown that I’m loved. It’s being offered to me, unconditionally, all of the time. When I finally take a break from all of the heavy things going on in life to take stock in all of the blessings that I have, it makes my heart so happy. This season that I’m in; of healing. It’s been one of the most incredible seasons of my life! It’s wrapped up in understanding and love. It's shown me that I can do hard things, with grace. It’s shown me that the little gestures are just as important, if not more so than the big ones. And in most cases, it’s the daily little ones that end up meaning the most.

Wordless Wednesday

Gratitude Journal // Eleven - Ten - Twenty

Sometimes, I let the bad in my day get the better of me. Other times, I get so caught up in my own little world that I forget to give thanks for all of the blessings in my life. I find myself taking things for granted over and over again. And that’s just not how I want to be anymore. So, right now, I’m choosing to give thanks for all of the things. 

• Writing: My outlet. Whether I suck at it or not. I’m happy to have some kind of creative expression that I’m able to release. Either on here, for y’all to read, or in the stacks of journals on my shelves. Writing is one of the things that I constantly come back to, even when I have months or years of dry spells. And I’m thankful to have a way of getting all of that word vomit out.

• Scented Candles: I change our house scent by the season. And based on the room. I have no idea where I got this or why I even started it. Some people even think I’m a little crazy for it. But I love doing this! And I can spend hours in the candle & wax section. This time of year, all of the more earthy and warming scents are coming out and they're probably some of my favorites! 

• Almond Milk Creamer: Because intermittent fasting is hard. Because diets are hard. And a low sugar, low calorie, creamer helps. Especially on the two to three cup days. 

• Daily Devotionals: Every morning, as I’m getting my desk ready for the day, I usually listen to or read a daily devotional. I don’t always relate to them. Sometimes I get a little lost in what’s trying to be said. But, having these little reflections before starting my day has helped me to find a better headspace. Happier thoughts; lighter attitude. 

• Our Family Counselor: Trisha is wonderful! I can’t stress that enough. Whether we are having a light session or an intense one, she always pulls me aside at the end to tell me, “You’re doing a great job, Mom.” And sometimes, it’s nice to hear that said out loud. Because being everything to everyone else while also having to be an adult can be hard sometimes. And we all need a little squeeze or small hug to let us know that we aren’t completely messing things up. So, if someone hasn’t told you this lately: Hey! You’re doing a GREAT job! 

And that wraps up my gratitude post for this month. What are you grateful for today? This week? This month? What do you do to help bring some positivity back into your day if it's been a bad one? How do you make sure to stay grounded? And how will you be giving thanks this upcoming season? Until the next post, I hope everyone has a really lovely week! Adios! 

“I will give you rest.” - Matthew 11:28 

❤

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A Bully & The Lessons

My daughter recently had her “first” bullying experience from someone she really wanted to be friends with. I say “first”, because this is the first instance that she can actually remember and one that targeted her looks. She had already been having issues with this girl before. I’d seen the remarks left on her TikTok videos or the text messages that were sent. Then there was a day when my daughter came home asking me what a certain word in Spanish was because this girl had been calling her that all day. And while most of these issues were just words I kept telling my daughter to just brush it off or end the friendship. My advice was along the lines of, “She’s just insecure, and jealous, it will pass. Don't listen to what she says.” or “If she’s being really mean to you, maybe you shouldn’t be friends?” But my daughter wants to be liked. With there being a very limited number of girls at her school she wants to get along with all of them. So, she did her best. 

However, one morning my little girl burst into our room in tears. She handed me her phone and there was a screenshot of something this girl had posted about her. Between her sniffles, she asked me why someone would post something like that about her, and then asked if I would take her out of this school. “This never happened at my old school! I want to go back with my real friends,” she cried. And don’t think it didn’t cross my mind for a few minutes while I held her as she cried. Though I know that this won’t be the last time she encounters this kind of bullying, it still broke my heart. I immediately contacted the girl’s mother and asked that she get in touch with me. She was just as shocked as I was and had her daughter remove the picture and video. Now, I understand that this is about the age when these things start to happen. I understand that this is the age when kids are figuring out friendships, and making mistakes. And while most incidents involving this particular girl have been backhanded comments directed at my daughter, I felt that a picture and video - along with words on them, were crossing a major line. Her mother and I agreed to have both girls apologize for their part in this issue. Because I knew my daughter wasn’t completely innocent in all of this. And then we’d let them figure out the next steps on their own. So now, my daughter is trying to figure out what to do next. Start the friendship over? Or leave it as is, and not associate with this girl anymore. While she’s asked for my opinion, I’ve told her that this is something only she can decide. 

This incident had me thinking about the next stage my daughter is coming into. It’s actually daunting to know that this is just the beginning of all the changes. You know? Looking back at my younger years, and the mistakes I made. It bums me out to know that my daughter will probably experience similar things. And that they’re already starting. There will be people who don’t like her. Some boy will poke fun at her looks. Some girls too. She’ll probably kiss someone she isn’t supposed to and have her heartbroken. Someone will talk badly about her to others and then be nice to her face. She’ll experience betrayal. Some of the friends she has now, may not be her friends by the time she reaches high school. She may even encounter drugs and alcohol. And she’ll experience a variety of losses. Failures. Her emotions will magnify everything by a thousand. And no matter how much advice I give, life lessons are usually only learned by making the mistakes yourself. Still, I can't believe we're here already. Even now, I pray for more time. In the end, I just hope that I can be there for her. That she’ll always know that she can talk to me. And that no matter what, she knows in her heart that I’ll always love her. 

Wordless Wednesday

Weight Loss - Weigh In // November 2020

Well, look at that! It’s November. We had a pretty great Halloween over in our neck of the woods. Dia de los Muertos was on Sunday and then All Souls Day was on Monday. I prayed for my grandpa and those we’ve lost recently. Spent some time reflecting on this new season and what my hopes were for the last two months of 2020. Now unless you’re living under a rock, today is ELECTION DAY, so this is my gentle reminder for you to go out and vote. I don’t care which side you’re on. And whatever happens, I hope that everyone can remain peaceful. Anywho, before I get sidetracked into a very different kind of post, let's get on with this month’s weigh-in, shall we? 

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs 

Current Weight (CW): 194.0 lbs 

Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

Eating Habits- I switched up my intermittent fasting method to 16:8. And since we usually have later evenings my eating window has shifted as well. I now eat between noon and 8pm. Sunday through Thursday. My day looks something like this: Breakfast - Coffee w/ almond milk creamer, Lunch - Protein shake w/ a small snack, Dinner - A meat w/ two sides. I do my best to eat at least one vegetable with my main dish. I also drink between 40 - 60 oz of water per day. 

Fitness Progress- Yikes! This I have been terrible at. I have no idea where people find the time? Since COVID, my gym is only open from 6am to 9pm. And even though that’s a nice window, it’s not a wide enough one for our daily schedules. So, I have decided to take up outdoor running again. I know, with the weather & time change, this is such impeccable timing. But I need to do something. Like I said previously, I’m wanting to get some movement in daily. That’s my goal. No monthly challenges. No time or distance goals. Just get up and get going. I did my first short run last night. 

Mental Health- I am struggling in this area. It probably doesn’t help that we’ve just entered a seasonal change and daylight savings time ended. And let me clarify, I'm talking about my mindset when it comes to self-image, motivation for working out, changing eating habits, and thinking that I can actually lose weight. So, when there’s no progress in my weight loss journey I end up feeling worse, and unfortunately, it can really bum me out. That's why I’ve decided to increase my Ashwagandha intake from 1 capsule to 2 per day. See if that helps? If I still feel the same after two months or it gets worse and starts affecting other areas of my mental health, I’ll contact my doctor. 

In conclusion, we’re off to a very slow start. I clearly have a lot of areas that I need to work on. I’m also going to start scheduling workout/run days on our family calendar so everyone knows that I have to have that time blocked off. And I’m going to try cleaning up my eating a bit more. Just a smidge. I’ll be switching up my regular lunch shake to a vegan protein shake with a few added supplements to see if it helps overall. Oh! And if you’re in search of a simple, clean, intermittent fasting app I highly recommend ZERO*. Alright, well, wish me luck! And Happy November!🍂

*Not being paid; just really love it!