A Bully & The Lessons

My daughter recently had her “first” bullying experience from someone she really wanted to be friends with. I say “first”, because this is the first instance that she can actually remember and one that targeted her looks. She had already been having issues with this girl before. I’d seen the remarks left on her TikTok videos or the text messages that were sent. Then there was a day when my daughter came home asking me what a certain word in Spanish was because this girl had been calling her that all day. And while most of these issues were just words I kept telling my daughter to just brush it off or end the friendship. My advice was along the lines of, “She’s just insecure, and jealous, it will pass. Don't listen to what she says.” or “If she’s being really mean to you, maybe you shouldn’t be friends?” But my daughter wants to be liked. With there being a very limited number of girls at her school she wants to get along with all of them. So, she did her best. 

However, one morning my little girl burst into our room in tears. She handed me her phone and there was a screenshot of something this girl had posted about her. Between her sniffles, she asked me why someone would post something like that about her, and then asked if I would take her out of this school. “This never happened at my old school! I want to go back with my real friends,” she cried. And don’t think it didn’t cross my mind for a few minutes while I held her as she cried. Though I know that this won’t be the last time she encounters this kind of bullying, it still broke my heart. I immediately contacted the girl’s mother and asked that she get in touch with me. She was just as shocked as I was and had her daughter remove the picture and video. Now, I understand that this is about the age when these things start to happen. I understand that this is the age when kids are figuring out friendships, and making mistakes. And while most incidents involving this particular girl have been backhanded comments directed at my daughter, I felt that a picture and video - along with words on them, were crossing a major line. Her mother and I agreed to have both girls apologize for their part in this issue. Because I knew my daughter wasn’t completely innocent in all of this. And then we’d let them figure out the next steps on their own. So now, my daughter is trying to figure out what to do next. Start the friendship over? Or leave it as is, and not associate with this girl anymore. While she’s asked for my opinion, I’ve told her that this is something only she can decide. 

This incident had me thinking about the next stage my daughter is coming into. It’s actually daunting to know that this is just the beginning of all the changes. You know? Looking back at my younger years, and the mistakes I made. It bums me out to know that my daughter will probably experience similar things. And that they’re already starting. There will be people who don’t like her. Some boy will poke fun at her looks. Some girls too. She’ll probably kiss someone she isn’t supposed to and have her heartbroken. Someone will talk badly about her to others and then be nice to her face. She’ll experience betrayal. Some of the friends she has now, may not be her friends by the time she reaches high school. She may even encounter drugs and alcohol. And she’ll experience a variety of losses. Failures. Her emotions will magnify everything by a thousand. And no matter how much advice I give, life lessons are usually only learned by making the mistakes yourself. Still, I can't believe we're here already. Even now, I pray for more time. In the end, I just hope that I can be there for her. That she’ll always know that she can talk to me. And that no matter what, she knows in her heart that I’ll always love her.