Little Things // Being Loved

Sometimes, I get hung up on these fantasies about what being loved is supposed to look like. How it should be given/received. I’ve spent a lot of time reading romance novels, watching romantic movies, and binge-watching whatever comes on the Hallmark Channel that I’ll catch myself thinking, “See? Why doesn’t my partner do stuff like this?” or "That's how family gatherings should be!" As if any of those characters or scenarios are even real for me to be comparing their actions. Insert eye-roll. Then, my anxiety and insecurity get the best of me and I start to worry that I’m giving too much. I wonder whether I should hold back or if my efforts are even being matched. I question whether I’m loving others enough. If my daughter is feeling or seeing it from me. And often, I forget that we all have different love languages. I forget that there are so many different ways for us to show love. I forget that sometimes it’s the little things that are the most important. 

Being loved is when he says, “Don’t worry, I’ve got it” even after he’s had a long day of hard labor. It’s when she says, “Mommy, thank you for being the best mom ever.” Being loved is when he checks the oil level in my car as well as the pressure in my tires. It’s when she randomly comes up to hug me after a long day. Being loved is when I have the music playing and he pulls me away from the kitchen sink to dance. It’s when she gives me a quick smooch before getting out of the car. Being loved is when he cooks my favorite meal and serves us all our plates. It’s when she snuggles up on the couch with me to watch a movie. Being loved is when he rolls over in the middle of the night, pulls me in close, and says, “Thank you, for all that you do. It doesn’t go unnoticed.” It’s in the excitement in her face when she tells me about something that’s just made her day. Being loved is when he apologizes when he knows he's said or done something to upset me. It’s when she says, “It’s okay mommy, I love you” after I’ve had to ask her for forgiveness for being too harsh. 

Being loved is when they both extend me a good amount of grace on my bad days. When they’re both patient with my mood swings. Being loved is seeing these two incredibly important people in my life get along and laugh together. It’s when we all pile into bed and talk for an hour before falling asleep. Being loved is when he kills the random insect that finds its way into her room or the spider that makes its way into ours. It’s when she asks to bake brownies because she knows they’re his favorite. Being loved is when he finally addressed the hamster by name rather than “the rat” just to appease her. It’s when she opens up to me about the hard stuff she’s going through. Being loved is when he teaches her something new and spends time trying to understand a bit about where this ten-year-old little girl is coming from. It’s when she high fives him after he’s sat through one of her ridiculously long stories. It’s in the understanding that comes from each of them at the end of our day. 

Lately, life looks so much more different than I ever imagined it would. My daughter is thriving and we are learning to stand a bit on our own two feet. She’s becoming more independent and trying new things. She’s also very open with me about how she feels and what’s hard for her. I really hope that never changes. My partner isn’t perfect, and sometimes that selective hearing of his can drive me up the wall. Arguments can have us not speaking for a whole day, but at the end of it, he shows up. Whether it’s reaching for my hand in the middle of the night to give it a squeeze, or hearing me out when I’m the one that needs to apologize. He’s there. He’s helped to ease some of the harsh criticism that I dish out about my body when I’m alone. And they’ve both given me the gift of laughter on most days. I’m constantly being shown that I’m loved. It’s being offered to me, unconditionally, all of the time. When I finally take a break from all of the heavy things going on in life to take stock in all of the blessings that I have, it makes my heart so happy. This season that I’m in; of healing. It’s been one of the most incredible seasons of my life! It’s wrapped up in understanding and love. It's shown me that I can do hard things, with grace. It’s shown me that the little gestures are just as important, if not more so than the big ones. And in most cases, it’s the daily little ones that end up meaning the most.