We Found It!

Two Sunday's ago, literally by a miracle, we found a house to rent. Everything else we had looked at was either way over our budget or too old (and me saying that means something because I LOVE old things). We had been house searching for a month and had come up with nothing. The longer we stayed at my parents house the more I was convinced we’d never be able to move out on our own ever again. A little over dramatic, I know. Thankfully through prayers and a very social mother, we found our new home.

This house was still undergoing renovations when we found it. The inside of the house burned down two years ago, so it was basically a shell. The owner I spoke to was really sweet, and she let us know everything about the house. She told me they had all of the paper work to show me that the house was being completely renovated from the floor up. Seeing as how we had a daughter she wanted to make sure that we knew this house would be safe and that they would make sure it passed all inspections before we moved in. When I explained our situation, she told me that they would hire some extra help and have it finished by the 15th. And then she told me the price and I almost hugged her! I was ready to sign a lease right then and there, but I figured I should let my husband see it first since he knows more about structures than I do.

The next day, the owner left the house unlocked so we could look at it and speak freely without her there. At first glance my husband was really skeptical. He had left the whole “find a new house” up to me since I’m usually pretty picky, but when I mentioned that the house had once burned down he wasn't too thrilled. Or confident in my house hunting capabilities. But with some reasoning I think he finally came around. He spoke to the owners about a corner of the living room being a bit un-level, and they promised to even it out as much as they could (the soil the house is on sinks a bit so shifting of the foundation occurred a long time ago). Other than that, he realized he had no other issues. The house was great! It was within our monthly price range, perfect size, and right outside of town. Emery had already claimed her room, and the owners told us to stop by at anytime to see how the house was coming along. So, we gave them our deposit that day.

Since then, I've been so excited! We were finally going to have our own space again. Our own house, our own privacy. I love my parents to death, but space is a good thing. Really! So why is this the first time you've heard of this? Well, I hadn't mentioned anything on here before because I didn't want to jinx it. With our luck, something (like another ice storm) would happen and the finish date would be pushed back. Or the owners would decide that they didn't like us and refuse to rent to us. Maybe they’d decided that rent was too low and up the price? Or maybe I’d lose my job and we’d be back on a single income? I know, I know. It was highly unlikely. Well, the first one was plausible seeing as how the weather has a mind of its own these days. But still, I was afraid that something would go wrong.

Until this past Saturday!! On Saturday we signed all of the paperwork and we started moving in on Sunday!! We don't have a lot of stuff, so the move should continue to be pretty easy. And I'm also using this time to purge everything that we don't need. Since my parents are talking about getting rid of the double wide altogether, whatever stays will be trashed. It actually feels pretty liberating. And this move was one of my main inspirations for the next goals I have planned for myself. But that's a subject for another post! Until then, here's to new beginnings!

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p.s. This was pretty much my childhood. :)

Blog Love - Tenpiggiesover

Today, I want to shine some light on one of my favorite blogs:

click image for link/source
I love all things Southern California. I love the ocean, and I love getting to see people surf. I wish I knew how to surf, but my balance is way off so I doubt I could have ever done it. Anywho, a few years ago I was really homesick for Murietta, and I started searching for blogs that might have something anything to do with that area. That's when I came across his blog.  I still to this day, don't know his name. I'm sure it's popped up somewhere in one of his posts, but he hardly ever uses words. His blog is all about photographs and videos taken by him. I fell in love from day one and have been a faithful follower ever since. There's something so peaceful about his pictures and I find myself captivated all the time. I love getting to see glimpses of what I used to call home, and when I just want my mind to go into chill mode I often find myself over at his blog.  So if you like the ocean, surfing, or pictures of the west coast I  highly recommend you head on over to check it out. And even if you don't, his images are pretty stunning. Definitely something lovely to look at. :) 

Not An Absent Mother, Just Not Always Focused

After re-reading this post I wrote last week, I realized that I came off as being an "absent mother". I assure you, I am not. I wrote that last post with a lot of emotion and realization going through me. I was FEELING like I was being an absent mother because I wasn't paying attention to the little things. Once a month I get REALLY REALLY emotional and that post just so happened to be written on that day. But today, after a few days of really thinking a bit more clearly and calmly I'd like to expand on that post a bit.

My daughter and I spend a lot of time together. When I'm not at work, or at school you will always find us together. And even now that doesn't seem like enough time together to me. However, my husband and I have entirely too much debt (gained while being young and dumb). This means I can't afford to be a stay at home mom like I would like to be. We also have to keep in mind that out of both of our jobs mine is the most secure, consistent, and the higher income of the two. So, for the most part our livelihood depends on me.

This has been a major stress factor in my life. I'm constantly on the go, and there's always SOMETHING that needs to done, worked on, or finished. There are days when I feel like I have entirely too much on my plate and it leads to some not so great personal moments. And often I seek a reprieve in the only way/access that I have: the internet. Whether it be on my phone, tablet, or computer I know that I spend a lot of time networking. Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, and Blogger are my biggest addictions. I like reading people's posts, checking out online shops, or connecting with friends over Facebook. But I realized, in doing so, I was missing out on a lot of little moments my daughter was offering me.

I'm with her every day! I sit outside with her while she plays. I sit on the couch while she plays house. I accept her "teas" & "pizza". I'm at the table while she draws. I sit on the bathroom floor while she plays in the tub. That little beauty mark started out so tiny, and I knew it was there but I hadn't notice how it was more prominent now. So, I know that I'm there for it all! BUT I'M NOT. Looking back at many of those moments I can guarantee that 90% of the time I had my phone or tablet with me. I wasn't fully there, with her. I wasn't noticing how she explains WHAT she will draw before she draws it. Or how in order to get my attention she'd have to repeat herself several times. I was missing out on her little dances, and only listening to bits in pieces of her stories because I was too distracted. That, to me, is just unacceptable.

So this is why and what I want to change starting now. I want to put all of that "extra stuff" away. I want to ignore my phone, turn off my tablet, and let my laptop collect dust (when not in use for school). I want to pick up my camera again, and collect all of the memories I can get. I want to sit down and draw with my daughter. I want to give her my attention the moment "Mom" is uttered from her mouth. I want us to spend more time outside, exploring, painting and learning. I want to notice everything about her, and my family. With a little determination, I'm pretty sure I can get it done. And boy, do I feel good about this change.

Second Home, Homesick

Over Christmas & New Years we had family from California down for a visit. I can't tell you enough how great it was to see them! Emery was able to play with cousins around her age, and she had such a blast with them. When it was time for them to leave we were sad to see them go. We were all left wishing we'd have just a few more days with them. Even now Emery still asks if we're going to her Gigi's house to see Ashlynn, CJ, and Joshie. When I tell her they went back to their home in California, she insists that we go too.

And, ohhh how I wish we could! While they were down, I had a huge case of the "second home, homesickness" (yes, that's totally a thing). They came out with funny stories of our family and friends back in California. They told us about their recent adventures and new additions to our family that we haven't even met yet. And it all just made me miss our family and old home out there. I miss Muerrita, Temecula, Oceanside, and even ANZA! It made me miss being able to take day trips because everything was so close by, and their was always something to do. It made me miss my best friend and her big family. And I really miss the great weather. Oh, I just MISS it ALL! I don't think I'll ever not miss California. Sorry, I'm not sorry to those that are sick of me talking about it.  :)

Since we haven't been able to go out there I was pretty excited that they were able to come visit us. I've missed them so much! Now, here's hoping we get to see them again soon, and maybe next time it'll be us visiting them. Fingers crossed! 

this picture via Taylor

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A Lesson In Living In The Moment

Last Wednesday, I came across two things that grabbed my attention. This video, and this post by the lovely Sash last month that I just couldn't get out of my head. I highly recommend you read her blog since it's really...really good. Anyway, both of these things, though very different, sent a pretty similar message: Pay ATTENTION! Live in the NOW. Do things NOW. Look at life NOW. Put your distractions away, and live in the moment because it only happens once! 

Annnnnd that, my friends, is exactly what I plan to do starting this year. I've made a list of goals, pledges, & challenges for myself this year instead of resolutions. And at the top of that list is cutting back on my use of technology. As much as it pains me to say this, I've caught myself on several occasions missing out on things my daughter says or does because I was too busy posting on Instagram or catching up on my Facebook feed. All is good in moderation, but when your daughter has to repeat "MOM" over and over again before you realize she's talking to you, then you know it's bad. I literally cringed just now, thinking about it. As hard as it is to admit, and as painful as it is to realize, I'm guilty of this way too often.

Last weekend, I was sitting on the couch while Emery was playing with her doll house in my parents living room. I was sitting there when all of a sudden I just felt like something was missing, and whatever it was had to be really important because I was feeling almost depressed about it. I kept reassuring myself that it was nothing, and probably not that important is I couldn't remember. Then, I caught myself just staring at my daughter. There she was, my little baby, and I almost burst into tears. I felt my heart squeeze a little and for the first time in awhile it really hit me that time is not standing still. My baby is growing up. My baby is changing. I found myself sitting next to her, and studying her face. I asked her to look at me, and when she did I couldn't believe how much her features had changed. She still looked like my little baby, but at the same time she's didn't. You know, I see her every day and we sleep in the same bed, but it seemed like I hadn't really been SEEING her, if that makes any sense? She was changing and growing and I wasn't taking the time to really notice it. 

I couldn't for the life of me seem to process the subtle changes. I didn't want to accept that I hadn't noticed the tiniest little beauty mark had spring up at the corner of her mouth. Or that she really did stand like her father. Or that those baby cheeks, were almost completely gone! And I kept asking myself, "How in the world did you miss that?!?!" I mean, these things are huge! These are life changing. I sat there in disbelief for awhile; denial even. But those feelings were nothing compared to the shame and guilt that set in. I sat there on that living room floor and I was so angry that I let this happen. I let that time slip away from me. I put things off for my own selfish reasons. And when that realization hit me I was completely heartbroken. That is a feeling I never want to have again! I don't want to miss anymore of it.

Things are changing for us this year. I'm getting closer to my associates, and with that comes a change in plans. My daughter is growing up a little bit more every day, and I don't want to miss out on that! I only get it once. NOTHING should ever be more important than her. Everything else can, and will wait. So, after having that heartbreaking realization, and paired with those two attention grabbing posts, I felt like the universe was giving me a sign. A great big one. And lucky for me, time was on my side for once. I knew that I couldn't get back what I lost, but I could prevent myself from loosing anymore of it.

And that's why I'm challenging myself to limit my use of technology to just an hour or less a day, at the end of the day, and only once my daughter has fallen asleep. If I can do less, even better! Of course I can answer phone calls and text messages, but it must be kept short. Everything else is off limits until Emery is sound asleep. I need to start living in the moment. I need to start paying attention. And I need to start doing things NOW, while I still have the time. Because I only get this once...

"You just gotta appreciate everything. That's one of the most important things in life is just - really appreciating it because, we only get to do this once, and it's not for a long time so enjoy it." - Jay Moriarity

Wordless Wednesday

Unexpected Understanding

On Friday evening, as I was headed home from work, I had myself a good cry. I know it sounds silly, but sometimes it really is all you need. The issues and frustrations of the past month had been weighing heavily on my shoulders, and at the end of the day one short little phone call set me off. Our problems just seemed never ending. HOW would we afford to move? HOW would we ever get caught up on our bills? HOW was I going to pay for my extra classes? HOW would I be able to even afford gas for the drive? HOW? WHEN? WHERE? WHY? And  those are just the tip of the iceberg. At the end of the  day it was all just...too much.

Once I was home I shut myself into our tiny little room and just let it all go. Halfway through my little pity party Emery walked in, and she sat next to me quietly for a few minutes. She patted me on the back and asked me if I was feeling bad. I told her I was having a bit of a bad day, but everything was okay. She then stood up, and took me by the hand while saying "Mommy, lets get ice cream and go for a drive." So, I gathered my stuff, wiped away the tears, and we went for that ice cream and drive. As we headed out I started to play Emery's favorite music, but halfway through the first song she asked me to turn it off. Confused a bit, since she always loves music, I asked if she wanted me to just change the song instead. She gave me this look and said "No Mommy. Off." After ten minutes of silence, she started to hum on her own, and a few more seconds later she started to sing this song:

If you haven't seen Frozen yet, you should.

And don't you know, I started smiling. And laughing! My daughter, in her own little way, knew exactly how I was feeling. I didn't want noise, just a bit of quiet to think. And once I'd had enough of that, she sang me a pretty cool (and dare I say fitting) song. I looked it up on my playlist, and we started to sing it together. It stayed on repeat for a good fifteen minutes of our drive!

When we finally made it home, I wasn't feeling so down. In fact, I had a new resolve to figure things out. I need to have a plan and stick with it. We will get through it, and we will be okay. We're strong, and we're together. I know that our issues won't go away. Our money problems are still there. But, we'll figure it out. And I know that I'll do whatever it takes to make sure my family has everything that they need. :)

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A Short Recap Of The Holidays

Well hello, 2014. That definitely came up a lot faster than I expected. Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and New Years! Here's a SHORT (it only looks long because of the pictures) recap of what we were up to: 
I had the whole week of Christmas off (paid), thanks to a really wonderful boss! I don't know how I got so lucky to find this company but I am truly grateful for it. My first day of vacation was all planned out, when we got the news that one of my aunt's sisters died very unexpectedly (she was in her 40's) from the flu. And that kicked off a very hectic holiday for us. We had family from Georgia coming down again, and family from California coming in at the same time. 

my uncle at the last minute decided to hold up his "gat" and blocked my face :( also this was only half of us
On Christmas night, our puppy Gotham died after getting into some cow patties out at my husband's grandmother's house. As far as we can tell, she probably got into some poisonous mushrooms. She vomited a few times during the day, but then went back to her normal self. I assumed she was just hacking up whatever didn't agree with her because she seemed fine as we headed home. She was bouncy, and playful so nothing seemed out of the norm. We put her in her crate for the night and when we woke up she was gone. :( We were all very heartbroken, and at a loss. This makes two dogs in less than three months so my husband and I have decided to hold off on any more dogs for awhile. Unless something comes up, we won't be seeking to add another fur-baby to our family anytime soon. 

We officially said goodbye to our old house. We gathered what we could bring with us (read: what would fit in a tiny room) and shut everything off at our old house. We left behind the majority of our things that will be boxed up as soon as we find our own place, but for now we'll keep them there. My family has talked about knocking the house down as soon as we're all moved out. It's sad, bittersweet, but the house is not livable so there are hardly any other alternatives. There are so many memories in this house, on this land, and it makes me so sad to see it go.   

We rang in the New Year with Beau's family. The afternoon was spent at my parents house with them, so we were able to spend time with both of our families. But, being the responsible adults that we are, we wanted to make sure that we stayed wherever it was that we'd be drinking at. I don't mean getting drunk either because I had two glass of wine and my husband had 3 beers. I don't like driving anywhere regardless of whether it's one drink or six. So we stayed there with everyone. Our age is showing though because out of all of us only 4 adults stayed up to midnight. And we went to bed shortly after the countdown was over. :) 

I know this says Christmas but it was taken on New Years Eve. I did not take this either; credit goes to Taylor.
So that was our holiday. Our California family have returned to California and the last of our Georgia family will be leaving over the weekend. My vacation time was a lot busier than I had hoped but I enjoyed getting to see everyone. Now it's back to work, and back to school. I have a meeting with a student board next week, and if everything goes as planned my spring semester will start on the 13th. We're also currently looking at some houses and I'm hoping to be in our own place by the end of this month. Fingers crossed! Again, I hope you all had a wonderful time with your families over the holiday's!