Currently // September 2020
Tuesday, September 29, 2020
Well, well, well. It’s been a minute since I’ve done one of these, huh? A lot of things have changed in a year, that’s for sure. My taste in music is still the same, but I’ve added a few things. Reading hasn’t been a huge priority and my reading goals have definitely gone down. However, shows have gone up a bit on my list of enjoyable things since I tend to put something on as I’m folding laundry or doing the dishes. But not a lot holds my attention these days because it feels like we are always on the go. Or there’s more work that has to be done. Sitting still long enough to focus doesn’t seem to happen very often and at the end of the day, I’m barely putting myself through a shower just so I can face plant into bed immediately after. It’s been fun. So, why exactly am I jumping back into this particular series again? Well, I don’t know. I’m not even sure if I’ll make it a monthly thing. But I enjoyed it before, so here we go!
Listening: I haven’t really listened to a lot of albums in full lately. I’ve definitely gone the route of mixed playlists over on Spotify. HOWEVER, Jessie Reyez dropped an album earlier this year titled “BEFORE LOVE CAME TO KILL US”, and WOW. There were a lot of different topics that she addressed through her songs but y’all this was the “break up & move on” album that I had needed two years ago! Better late than never, right? She goes in right from the very beginning and I loved it. Give it a listen if you haven’t already.
Reading: I’ve been really bad about this. Nothing had really piqued my interest in a long time. But then, I saw the cover to Colleen Hoover’s newest book, “Heart Bones” and on a whim, I clicked on the Buy now with 1-click link. Y’all, I read that sucker in one sitting. Well, kind of. I bought it late at night and started it. Then finished the next day. Anyway, the book was really great! It's been a minute since anything New Adult has drawn me in and kept me in like this story did. It was a pretty fast read too! If you’re into Colleen’s work or enjoy authors like Rene Carlino and Penelope Douglas then you’ll enjoy "Heart Bones".
Watching: What am I NOT watching would make this shorter but I’ll go with the most recent series that I’ve finished. “The Umbrella Academy” is one of my favorite shows on Netflix. I fell in love from the very first season and I hope it never ends! It’s adapted from a comic book series created by Gerard Way, which was reason enough for me to give it a chance. Then I found out that Rob Sheehan was cast in it and well, consider me sold! It’s packed with action, mild gore, unusual “superheroes”, and twists at every turn. If I had allowed myself, I would have binged the entire second season in one sitting. But you know, responsibilities. Anywho, this is not a show for young kids so if you do decide to watch it I recommend you do so when the kids are in bed.
‘Casting: I’ve decided to add another section here for podcasts. Because honestly, they’re the reason why I haven’t been listening to a lot of music. I’ve officially entered that “old stage” in life. And it welcomed me with open arms. I listen to A LOT of them. Mainly Catholic ones, but there are others mixed in. For now, I’ll just mention that I listen to “The God Minute” almost daily. When quarantine happened, and the churches had to close their doors, this was also my way of “attending mass”. It’s usually ten minutes or less, and it goes over the daily readings and then the guest offers a reflection. It’s super quick and I listen to it on my way to work. For any fellow Catholics on the go, I definitely recommend you subscribe. I promise you’ll enjoy it!
And that concludes the “Currently” post for this month. If you have any suggestions, be sure to drop me a line either here or on any of my other social media pages. Links are all at the top. I'm always on the lookout for new artists, films, podcasts, or books too. So, I'm totally open to recommendations if you have them. Until the next post, Happy Tuesday, folks!
Letting Go of Family & Gaining More
Tuesday, September 15, 2020
Back in November of last year, I published a post about how it felt to feel like I was being “replaced” by my ex-husband’s family. To realize that the spot usually reserved for me in their lives, in their homes, was no longer mine. At the time, it was just that, me writing it out. The fear of all of those losses at once was magnifying my anxiety. I also wrote about hoping that once the dust settled that they’d at least still want to be active in my daughter’s life. After I wrote it all out, I left it there on those pages and went about my life like normal. Well, unfortunately, my fears weren’t entirely unfounded.
All of these feelings and changes were surfacing around the same time that I was testing out the dating waters. I was learning how to put up boundaries and enforce them. Thanksgiving and Christmas went as well as they possibly could. And then for New Years, some of my ex-husband’s relatives from California came for a visit. Oddly, and of course with a bit of drama, there was this nagging feeling of “this is the last time” that tugged at my heart their entire stay. One night in particular we were all having dinner, talking in the kitchen as we took trips down memory lane. I was excited about my new relationship. I was grateful that co-parenting was becoming easier. I laughed with my ex-husband for the first time in what had seemed like forever. I watched my daughter play with her cousins. I drank a glass of wine for old times sake. As I sat there I remember thinking that everything was going to be okay. On the last day of their visit I gave each of them a long hug goodbye and told them that I loved them. Then, my daughter and I gathered our things and headed home.
Months went by. I would reach out to see how everyone was doing. But it was never reciprocated. The last time we saw my daughter’s great-grandmother was for her birthday in April. We dropped off a gift at her work and spoke briefly. It was then that I could really feel things getting distant. Then my ex spiraled and was involved in two car accidents within days of each other. Shortly afterwards, his girlfriend gave birth to their baby boy. Making Emery an official big sister. And soon after the baby’s arrival, everyone besides my ex sister-in-law stopped communicating with me. Though we are all still friends on certain social media platforms there’s no interaction. And what I’m learning from all of this is that you can hope all that you want for things to be great between yourself and family after a divorce. You can even try your hardest to keep those relationships going for the sake of your child. But in the end, it has to be a two-way street for it to work. And sadly, that hasn’t been the case for us.
Back at the end of May I stopped trying to arrange for visits or dinners because of the vague “plan to make plans” responses that never went further. Now we’re four months down the road and my daughter has stopped asking about them. With the exception of one and a few from out of state. Her dad has not exercised any of his visitation since June. Though he does call or FaceTime from time to time and has said that he’ll try to attend our family counseling sessions going forward. And she hasn’t seen her little brother in just as long. Now, at first, I was angry over all of this. We had been a part of this family for over ten years. How dare they just toss us to the side. I mean, I could understand the reason for my being excommunicated, but not my daughter. I expected more of an effort. I expected them to at least try to keep a relationship with her going. I expected them to care a bit more. To want more. Then, one afternoon while my brother and sister were down for a visit, my mother asked me if my ex had seen our daughter lately. My response opened up another conversation and as we all discussed what had been happening with that side of the family my mother thoughtfully said, “Sometimes, these things are for the best. God knows why he’s taking them out of y’alls lives. Maybe it’s better this way?” After discussing things a bit more we all agreed that what my mom was saying was right.
If I were being honest, nothing had really changed from before. The only time we ever saw that side of the family (those in Texas) was over the holiday’s. Even though we all lived within fifteen minutes of each other. So, what was the difference, really? Nothing. And if effort was never put forth before then, why would it be now? Well, it wouldn’t. And y’all, my daughter and I have more than enough family and love to go around. Not only do we have my side of the family but we’re also gaining my partner’s family too. And they’ve been so wonderful to the both of us! My daughter gets to spend plenty of time with my parents and also with my partner’s parents. She’s spending time with the boys she calls her “step-brothers”, and their combined love for adventures has them outdoors being kids. The changes I’m seeing in her because of these new familial relationships have been very positive, and welcomed.
Now, I know that my daughter is too young to really understand any of this, but one day she will. One day she’ll see who was actually making an effort to be a part of her life. And if by that time, nothing has changed then, it really is their loss. We'll keep in touch with those that want to, and the ones that don't - I wish them well. In the meantime, my daughter's gaining more family. She’s constantly learning new things. She’s being cared for and loved. So, in letting some people out of our lives, we’ve been blessed with many more. Our village is growing and I’m no longer angry. We’re doing really, really well. We’re moving forward. But most importantly, we’re happy. With or without them. We're happy.
Gratitude Journal // Nine - Eight - Twenty
Tuesday, September 8, 2020
Sometimes, I let the bad in my day get the better of me. Other times, I get so caught up in my own little world that I forget to give thanks for all of the good in my life. I find myself taking things for granted over and over again. And that’s just not how I want to be anymore. So, I’ve decided to start this series called “Gratitude Journal”. The concept is pretty basic. Each month, I will come up with a list of five different things that I feel grateful for in my life. They can be anything and everything, in no particular order. There’s a possibility of repeats happening so I apologize in advance. I’ll end each post with a quote, affirmation, or bible verse at the end. The point of this series is to take a break from all of the noise and to look at all of the good that’s happening. I may elaborate a bit on each thing, but I’m not entirely sure yet. This is trial & error, y'all. I hope that in writing these lists out I’ll be able to focus more on the good in life. And maybe you’ll read something that you can relate to as well? Or you may just think I’m a weirdo. Who knows? Whatever the outcome, I’m hoping to keep these going for a long time. Here’s to the first entry!
- My daughter: For her good health after we were informed that a classmate had tested positive for COVID-19. Her classmate is doing well. Also, for her laughter which I’ve been hearing more of lately.
- Day napping: This happened once last week, and it was glooooorious! One hour of uninterrupted sleep on my day off and I felt so great afterward. If you get a chance to do this, do it. Makes the day so much nicer.
- Homemade fudge: My partner, who I realize I should probably start addressing by something else on here, surprised me with some homemade fudge from one of his favorite shop's several towns over.
- Planners: They keep me organized. And when the rest of my life feels very chaotic, I like having a marginal sense of structure. I’ve been using this brand which is awesome but I’m hoping to buy this one for next year.
- The smell of rain: It’s been hot this summer. I’m talking over a hundred degrees with a heat index of 110+ for several days in a row. Thankfully, some rain finally made its way to us. And we are getting a cold front this week! Can you say sweater weather?!
And that wraps up my first gratitude post. What are you grateful for today? This week? This month? What do you do to help bring some positivty back into your day if it's been a bad one? Until the next post, I hope everyone has a realy lovely, short, week! Adios!
"When you pass through waters, I will be with you; through rivers, you shall not be swept away."
- Isaiah 43:2
❤
Through Photographs - Summer 2020
Tuesday, September 1, 2020
I recently went through my camera roll, and there’s a lot on there. Way too much, actually. So, I started the tedious task of transferring them onto my computer, into folders, and off my phone. Unfortunately, I’m nowhere near done with sifting through them all. Our recent move put a pause on the project too. Anywho, I wanted to go ahead and post a few photographs for everyone. Y’all can see some of what we enjoyed over the past few months. Enjoy.
4th of July Freedom Ride
Pool time in Tomball
More pool time with the boys
A new skateboard and serving some teenage angst
Lunch with the ladies
A litter of mini Aussies
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