Emery, Currently

I can’t believe that in two months, Emery will be three years old. I feel like just yesterday she was this tiny little newborn coming home from the hospital. So cuddly, and quiet. Sometimes I get caught up in the memories of diapers, breastfeeding, and tiny little onesies. Then I hear her as she starts whining about watching “Go Diego Go” for the millionth time and I become well aware of just how not a newborn she is. I find myself wondering how in the world did three years manage to go by? Before I know it she’ll be 5 and I’ll be sending her off to school. Damn, that kind of sucks. But, I can’t dwell on that right now. So instead this post will be about my little mini me, currently:

One recent development is that Emery has become very attached to me. Before hand she was a daddy’s girl all the way. She wouldn't even let me put her shoes on or brush her hair. Now that my husband started working again his shifts are mainly evening ones so this leaves him very little time with her. In the meantime, I get every second that I’m not at work or school with her so we've grown a lot closer. The look on my husband’s face when she won’t allow him to dress her in the mornings anymore is seriously heartbreaking. She did a version of this very same thing the last time he was working weird hours out of state so it wasn't that surprising to me this time around when she started to "pull away" from my husband. She was a lot younger then, but since she didn't see him that often she wanted me to hold her more than she wanted him to. It took her almost two months before she became adjusted. So now I just keep reassuring him that as soon as she gets used to the new routine we have, and his hours, she’ll do a lot better.

Other than that little difference Emery is doing great! Her vocabulary in both Spanish and English is pretty far along. She’s counting to 10 (in both languages) and knows a little under half of the alphabet (English only). She likes to hold many long conversations about anything and everything. She’ll go as far as to holding your face directly at hers so you “listen” to what she has to say. She’s also become VERY independent. And very stubborn. Her favorite shows are: Dora The Explorer, Go Diego Go, The Fresh Beat Band, & Team Umi Zoomi. She’s also really gotten into music lately. I've always known that my mini me would be surrounded by music. Her father plays many instruments, and I enjoy listening to all different kinds of genres. When she was about a year old she enjoyed listening and occasionally beating on her dad’s drum set. But now she asks for “her drums”, and she picks up her guitar to play with her dad when he’s playing. She’s constantly dancing and singing. That living room of ours sees plenty of dance parties throughout the day.

So, we’re good. Emery is doing great, and life has finally slowed down enough for me to really sit back and enjoy it. And enjoy it I will. Happy Friday, everyone!!

December 14th

After last week's tragedy I can honestly say that I’m heartbroken. So much innocence was taken away. I can’t imagine what the families are going through. I can’t imagine what the parents are going through. I can’t imagine what was so bad that drove a young man to do this. I just can’t.

All weekend, I held Em close. I watched her sleep. I told her I loved her over and over again. We cuddled and danced. There were a lot of hugs and kisses. I took the time to just be still and appreciate what I was blessed with. Watching my daughter laugh and play, knowing that twenty families out there would not have this, broke my heart even more. I am so sorry that this happened. No one deserves this. No parent should have to go through this. Ever. I cried a lot. I prayed for the families, and I asked for God to heal us. All of us.

I prayed for him. This was something I have never done before, but I felt like I needed to so I did. I can't imagine what was so wrong in his life to make him do this, but I was sorry that it was. I'm sorry that this was his solution. I also prayed for my family. I prayed for our future as well as this nation's. And I thanked God for every morning he allows me to wake up with Emery in my life. I may not have much in my life, but I have my family. I have Em. And I should take the time to be thankful for this more often. This tragedy opened my eyes to how truly fragile life is. Living in a small town, or "knowing your neighbors", does not protect you. No matter how much we wish that it did. And we should never take the time we have here for granted because it can be taken away just like that. Our babies can be taken away just like that.

Now, I know that I said I would get back to “regular programming”, but after last Friday I just feel like I need a day. I need to feel okay. I need to hold my daughter a little extra. I need to allow myself to be okay with knowing that I don’t have control. But I also need to reassure myself that being scared, after something like this happens, is perfectly okay.

p.s. If you'd like, you can donate to the families affected by this tragedy. 

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Finals Are Over!

Finally! I'm done with this semester. Going to catch up on some much needed sleep, TV, and reading. 

Wordless Wednesday

I Hate Being Sick

So yea...I got sick. Vomit, fever, sore throat, coughing, migraine, no voice kind of sick. I’m still recuperating. It has definitely been miserable. Yesterday, I didn't make it to work, which will probably hurt us in the long run, but I was in pain. I tried to reschedule a final but my teacher was not cooperating so I had to make my way up to school. I’m pretty sure I failed that test like it was nobody’s business. On the bright side, I’m done with that class and that professor.

Now, as awesome as that was it was back to work this morning for me. I tried to set up a doctor’s appointment but they are booked tight until the end of January. And unfortunately, I think I may have passed on the crud bug to Em. She started coughing this morning and it sounded awful. So, here we go again. Man, I hope it passes soon. I’m ready for all of us to feel like ourselves again. I’m ready to clean, and disinfect the house so we can get all of the “sick” out. This will be happening on our up coming weekend if all goes as planned. I’m so ready.

And finally I only have one more day of school nonsense before I can get back to “regular programming”! Pretty excited about this. There's so much I'd like to write about and update on. I know this blog has been centered a lot around me lately when it was supposed to be a baby journal, and I apologize for the lack of "baby/toddler" talk. Like I said I have some changes in mind and maybe even a new look, but it all has to wait until after finals! :(

So for now, I hope y'all are all having a wonderful week! 

I Feel Like Crap, But It's Friday!

I've been sick this week. It all started on Monday night with a scratchy throat. By Wednesday I had lost my voice. This morning it’s turned into a sore throat, no voice, and an ear ache. I've run a fever almost every night, and I've also had a bad case of the body aches. I ‘m not a very happy camper at the moment. Put this on top of the already crappy week I've had and I would really rather be at some beach sipping on piña coladas than here. Unfortunately, that’s not going to happen anytime soon.

But in my attempt to get rid of this nasty, whatever it is that I have, I attempted a run and weight lifting this week. You know, to burn off the fever and what not. Well, I made it to one mile before the hacking started. I’m pretty sure I coughed up a lot of phlegm, and it just made my throat feel like it was on fire. Still, no pain no gain. So I pushed myself all the way through to four miles. Some say that would be a decent run, but I fell short of my personal goal of five miles so that kind of sucked. Since I’m not feeling to great, I’ll let this one slide though.

Now just because I didn't accomplish my goal this week doesn't mean that I haven’t gotten to it at all yet. Last week I did a five mile run and I felt fantastic! I was definitely sore for the two days following, but it was such a wonderful ache. I was so proud of myself. I am now at 160 lbs. and I’m capable of running five miles without stopping! Go me! My next goals are to reach 6 miles by the beginning of January and lose another 5 lbs. by the end of it. Now that this semester is coming to an end, I’ll have to figure out another way to get in my strength training because I won’t have access to the gym till next semester. Fingers crossed that I don’t gain weight during this time. I think I might just do some free weights with my dad when I can, and maybe use a free week trial pass to one of our local gyms. If that doesn't work, there’s always the old fashion, gallon jugs an floor exercises. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do right?

So far, I’m not exactly where I’d like to be weight wise. I feel like this past month I didn't push as hard as I should have, and with our budget I haven’t been able to eat as healthy as I should. It’s been nothing but Ramen noodles, and Chef Boyardee for this lady. But, I’m using this winter break to reset myself. No excuses. I’ll be enforcing a better schedule for myself and hopefully with some help I’ll be able to commit to it 100%. Being a mom, a full time student, and full time employee I know that things come up and changes will have to be made but for the most part I’m hoping this new schedule will be flexible enough.

So that’s my progress so far. I’m going to attempt another run tomorrow morning and hopefully by then I'll be somewhat back to normal. Then again, I might be doing more harm than good by not resting? Who knows? I guess we'll just see how I feel. All of my finals are next week so I have a lot of studying to do this weekend. After that I'm free for a month and things around this blog should change back to normal. Until the next post, hope you guys have a wonderful weekend!!

Changes?

Big decision. Life changing maybe. It's been really rough the past few weeks. I haven't really been myself. Our routines have been shaken up in the worst possible way. I know that we'll be put through trials in life but sometimes it feels like it's just one right after another. This morning I couldn't figure out if I wanted to laugh or cry. I felt like snuggling up to Emery and just sleeping the day away. But, I can't do that. Life goes one regardless of what anyone's current struggles are. So now, I just have hope that I get some clarity. I hope we can make the right decision. I hope I can make the right choice. And I hope that whatever comes next, I pull through still standing. 

Figure Something Out

We are broke. Like, negative in our accounts broke. It’s not fun, and it’s not easy. Not stating this for sympathy, it's just our current situation. When my husband quit his old job we already had a back up job in the works for him. Then that fell through, and the downside of living in a small town is that there’s hardly every any job openings. So he was at home for 9 months. Needless to say we drained through our savings. Then, last month a friend of ours helped him get a job at a restaurant in a neighboring town running the kitchen. We are so grateful for him to finally be working, but he’s working for minimum wage and less than 30 hours a week. So even though it helps, it’s not enough to cover all of the bills now that my parents are gone. I honestly have no idea how we’re going to get by.

So yesterday, my brother and Kim called me asking about how much the bills were costing? They asked if I’d consider letting them move in with us as soon as their lease was up this month. I let them know how much everything cost. I let him know that I wouldn't be offended if they’d rather stay where they’re at and just resign a new lease than come out to our house. Because I won’t. So we left it at them thinking it over, and me leaving the spare room empty until they decided.

To say that them moving in would help me out is a huge understatement. Splitting the bills is the only way I see us getting by. It would be a huge weight off of my shoulders. But as soon as I mentioned the idea to my husband, he wasn't too pleased. He likes us being on our own and having the privacy. He likes it being just the tree of us. So I had to remind him that realistically, we’d end up having the electricity cut off on us around Christmas if we didn't figure something out. THIS was the only way I saw us getting any type of breathing room when it comes to finances. So if they did decide to move in with us, he’d just have to suck it up. Unless he can find a job that pays $13-16 per hour, we need to figure something else out, and my brother even considering moving in with us should be looked at as a blessing.

But it’s still a big IF. They could decide that it wouldn't be reasonable, financially for them to be so far away from work and school. And I’d be back at square one, trying to figure out what to do. But we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Until then, I have to stay positive about things. I have to keep moving forward.

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