December 14th

After last week's tragedy I can honestly say that I’m heartbroken. So much innocence was taken away. I can’t imagine what the families are going through. I can’t imagine what the parents are going through. I can’t imagine what was so bad that drove a young man to do this. I just can’t.

All weekend, I held Em close. I watched her sleep. I told her I loved her over and over again. We cuddled and danced. There were a lot of hugs and kisses. I took the time to just be still and appreciate what I was blessed with. Watching my daughter laugh and play, knowing that twenty families out there would not have this, broke my heart even more. I am so sorry that this happened. No one deserves this. No parent should have to go through this. Ever. I cried a lot. I prayed for the families, and I asked for God to heal us. All of us.

I prayed for him. This was something I have never done before, but I felt like I needed to so I did. I can't imagine what was so wrong in his life to make him do this, but I was sorry that it was. I'm sorry that this was his solution. I also prayed for my family. I prayed for our future as well as this nation's. And I thanked God for every morning he allows me to wake up with Emery in my life. I may not have much in my life, but I have my family. I have Em. And I should take the time to be thankful for this more often. This tragedy opened my eyes to how truly fragile life is. Living in a small town, or "knowing your neighbors", does not protect you. No matter how much we wish that it did. And we should never take the time we have here for granted because it can be taken away just like that. Our babies can be taken away just like that.

Now, I know that I said I would get back to “regular programming”, but after last Friday I just feel like I need a day. I need to feel okay. I need to hold my daughter a little extra. I need to allow myself to be okay with knowing that I don’t have control. But I also need to reassure myself that being scared, after something like this happens, is perfectly okay.

p.s. If you'd like, you can donate to the families affected by this tragedy.