Wordless Wednesday

Weight Loss - Weigh In - October 2018

October, in general, has been a pretty decent month. Work has picked up which is good. Emery has done really well in both gymnastics and dance. I had a “proud mom” moment at both lessons last week when I was told that she was advancing really quickly at both! She’s been really excited about her progress lately, and even though I tell her she’s doing a great job it means that much more for her to hear it coming from her teachers. I totally get it. So, she’s been having a blast! I will say that the only downside was an unfortunate incident involving our car and a deer last week. And while the damage seemed relatively small it turns out that the “internal structure” was compromised. This means that the insurance company could consider it a total loss. And with how much is owed versus the worth of the car...we could be looking at some trouble. But, since I can’t do much about the situation other than wait to hear what they say, I’m trying not to worry about it too much. Now, in the weight loss department, October has been total crap. Not even going to lie. I felt really defeated after my last weigh in, and I was pretty angry too. I felt like I had been working really hard, and putting in so much damn effort that was getting me nowhere. So, what did I do? I sabotaged. And you’ll definitely see that in the stats below. I won’t be posting “progress” pictures as there was no “progress”.

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs
Current Weight (CW): 186.2 lbs
Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

My nails were horrible and I was not about to subject y'all to that view

Since, I was frustrated with the lack of progress I ate like crap the first two weeks of October. I’m talking cake for breakfast, pizzas, cheeseburgers, fried chicken, sodas, chips/cookies, and copious amounts of chocolate whenever the hell I felt like it. I didn’t give a fuck. If I was hungry, I was going to eat, and I didn’t care that I was making bad food choices. However, I could totally feel the difference in my body the entire time. My skin was oily, I broke out, I had a lot of headaches, and I felt bloated 24/7. Then I got sick with a cold and crap did it last forever. Seven days actually. It took a lot out of me, and I have a feeling that it wouldn’t have been so bad if I had been eating better. Instead I felt sluggish, and tired no matter how much rest I got. My water intake also suffered. I went down to 2-4 cups per day, and I started drinking sweet tea again. I threw in some soda for good measure too. My caffeine intake also went back up in both coffee, and energy drinks. So, all around it was just bad.

My activity level tanked as well. Big time. I went to the gym about four times  (total) this whole month. Yup, that bad. I had no motivation whatsoever, and my hips were giving me some grief so I easily used that as an excuse. My workouts were half-assed, and I didn’t care either. It wasn’t until last week that I decided it was time to back into the gym. It took a lot of work to get me to walk through those doors though. I only went two days instead of my normal four to five, but once I made myself go I started to feel better. That first mile run after going without for so long felt pretty damn amazing too. I was slow, but my body felt like it was buzzing afterwards. It was tired, and sore in the best way possible. So, here’s hoping that this week I can get back to my normal workout schedule again. I want November to be better.

Mentally, things are have been just, blah. It’s kind of hard to explain what I’ve been feeling lately too. Words are just...not quiet enough? It’s like being anxious, but not too anxious. Being tired, but not too tired. Stressing out, but not so much that my anxiety is taking over. Feeling down, but not really depressed. Waking up sad, and having to push through it. Kind of numb to a lot of things, but not so much that I haven’t been happy too. And it’s this jumbled mess of emotions that seem to all hit at the same damn time too. So, I finally made an appointment for this month to go get some blood work done, and to talk to my doctor about what all has been going on. Symptoms, feelings, my cycle, the whole shebang. I know that I want to work on not having to take medications in order to balance myself out, but until I figure out what all is going on with my body (as well as a solution for it) I know that I need some help right now. So, I plan on getting it.

Overall, October was not my month in the weight loss area. That’s okay though. I’m not going to beat myself up over it. I’m going to try a different work out schedule going into November in order to mix things up. As of today I’m back to healthy eating choices. Well, mostly-- I did get a few pieces of chocolate candy this morning. I grabbed Lean Cuisine meals for lunch this week in order to help me make the shift back to salads and lean meats going forward. I can’t just go all or nothing in this department so I use things to help me transition. I also opted for protein bars for when I get hungry, and want to snack. My water intake today wasn’t bad either, but I want to get back to 10-12 cups per day. Now, the entire time I was sabotaging my diet and exercise plan I knew in my mind that it was just going to be a setback. And I still did it. I think that it was mostly done out of frustration. I had this whole, “Well if nothing seems to be fucking working why the hell am I doing this?!” mentality going on. Looking back on how I went about it I know that there needs to be a change in that area. Even if there’s no movement on the scale I need to focus on how eating better makes me feel better. So, my goals for November are to get back to working out 4-5 times a week, increase water intake to 8 cups per day, and to drop a minimum of four pounds. Here's to a new month, huh? Here's to reaching the goals I've set for myself. 

Listen

Taos, New Mexico

Back at the end of August we went to New Mexico for a short last minute vacation with my family. I tried to summit Wheeler Peak, but didn’t quite make it. I wrote about our little adventure here, and here. What I never got around to writing about was our second day there in Taos. We were able to explore the town, and even walk around their local farmers market. We ate some great food, and sampled some CBD products. We were able to check out some local shops, a neighboring town, and even walked across the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge. It made for a pretty great day filled with family, and laughs. And there was something about Taos that drew us all in. Maybe it was the simplicity of it, or the laid back way of life? Maybe it was the cleaner air, or the mountains? Whatever it was, we just hated the idea of having to leave it all behind. We often found ourselves talking about how we were all meant to live there, or at the very least a place similar to it. Sadly, our responsibilities came calling. And as we made our way up the winding road that led us back to Texas I couldn’t help but to look out the rear window. Trying my best to commit it all to memory. To remember what it felt like. How it made me feel. I know that we’ll go back there one day. And maybe the next time I'll make it to the top of Wheeler Peak. Until then I have some pretty great moments captured that can take me back whenever I start to feel that pull.

For our second full day in Toas we all woke up and headed across the street for some much needed coffee. My legs were slightly sore at first, but all other signs of us having hiked over six miles were practically gone. We all climbed into the van, and made our way to the center of town which is called the historic district. After snagging a few shirts, and souvenirs at the little "I LOVE TAOS Co." shop we walked out into the plaza which was holding a farmers market. Y'all, this place was so neat! They had food cooking, and it smelled heavenly. Several vendors had both regular, and vegetarian/vegan options. They also had several musicians playing their music, and people dancing around. Swaying out in the lawn. We made our way over to "Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory" so that the kids could get some chocolate covered bananas. Minus the chocolate for my nephew. Then we headed back out to look at various vendors that were set up around the plaza. We stopped to sample some honey that's made by the "Taos Honey Co.". They let us know more about their company, and the products that they offered. They even have have a CBD wellness line of honey that's THC-free hemp infused. It tasted really yummy, and we ended up buying a small container. 3 oz. lasted about a month. Next up we checked out the local outside library. We browsed some of their books, and they had some pretty great deals. Emery ended up buying something she wanted before we made our way over to a booth with a huge banner that read "Wumaniti Earth Native Sanctuary". We spoke with the founder of the company, and she explained what their mission was all about: Sustaining Agricultural,  Economic and Healing Lifestyle within Cultural Communities. They offered a wide range of products, which I'll post about on their own, but out of everything I sampled I enjoyed the oils the best. Once we were finished browsing the booths we headed toward this really neat little toy store called "Twirl" so that the kids could explore. Y'all this place was so cool! Not only was it a toy store, but they also had an outdoor play place for the kids. And on the second floor they had a huge room filled with toys, plush chairs, and various games that the kids could play. We spent about an hour in that place, and the kids had a blast.  

After all of the shopping we got done it was time for food. When we asked a local for recommendations we were directed towards "Orlando's New Mexican Cafe". Now, don't let the "Mexican" in that name fool you. They did not, I repeat- NOT, offer rice and beans. I know, right? Once I got passed the shock, and as it was quickly pointed out to me that the name read "New Mexican" I moved on with my order. I opted for the "Create Your Own Bowl" selection with chicken as the main meat. And let me just say that the food was actually really tasty.  It was a perfect day out so we opted to sit outside. Everyone talked, ate, and laughed. We left with full bellies, and I totally recommend that you check out this little cafe if you're ever in the area! 

After our late lunch we headed out to the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge. This sucker is 1,280 feet long, y'all. It's also the second highest bridge on the U.S. Highway System. We walked to about the midway point, and it was a little unsettling. The wind starts to pick up, and you can feel the bridge vibrating as cars drive across it. I held on to the railing as I made my way down, but once the bridge hits open space I could feel my stomach drop a bit. They had these emergence call buttons placed on both sides of the bridge, and you kind of find yourself wondering about how often they've actually been used. We took some pictures, and leaned out a bit to see the drop below. My dad kept telling us "No dejes ir! No sueltes la barandilla." (Don't let go! Don't let go of the rail.) the entire time we were walking across. And once we made it to these sections that jutted out I was scolded a bit for letting go, and allowing Emery to stick her hands out. Once we made our way back to the car, we drove across the bridge, and pulled into a rest stop that had a trail entrance. Make sure you have cash if you ever stop here as they have several little vendors that offer hand made items. We walked a few feet passed the entrance before we noticed a section that veered off to the left of the trail. This allowed us to get closer to the edge of the drop off. And with a somewhat queasy stomach I walked out as close to the edge as I could get before finally sitting down. I can still remember my hair whipping around my face, and the small adrenaline rush that came with being inches away from that edge. We could see a rain storm making it's way in the distance, and just as we started the walk back to the parking area we saw a sandstorm headed our way. All of the little vendors started packing up their things, and we all climbed back into our van in order to head off towards our next destination. 

For our final stop we headed back out towards Wheeler Peak. Before you actually get to Taos Ski Valley there is a small village with shops, and then there are several areas where you can pull over in order to camp out or spend the day. We found a little section where we could walk around, and headed down towards a little river. The water was so cold, but Emery had a fun as she walked across a section in her bare feet. I snapped a few pictures, and after about thirty minutes we all climbed back into the vehicle. I looked into stopping at this little community called Taos Pueblo, but they were about to close to visitors. For the cost to get in, we’d only have about twenty minutes to explore and it just wasn’t worth it. However, if you ever get the chance to go visit I’m betting it would be a pretty cool experience. It’s a Native American community which is considered to be the oldest continuously inhabited one in the United States. I was actually bummed that we didn’t get to go in. And that’s about all for our adventure. We ended up heading back to the hotel so that everyone could hop into the pool. We were greeted with a sandstorm just as we headed into our rooms which was such a cool thing to witness, y’all! After some pool time we all had dinner, and then turned in for the night. We had an eleven hour drive the next day, and we needed to make sure everything was packed. 

Looking back, it was such an awesome trip. I wish we could have stayed longer. We spent time as a family, and we laughed so much. It’s trips like that that I want to have more of in my life. Being able to enjoy the company of the people I love most in this world while exploring new places is such an important thing to me. And I want Emery to always remember that. I want her to know that even when things are hard you should always appreciate the time spent with family. You know? Be in that moment. Love your family. Enjoy that time together. Because life passes by all too quickly. And when you start to look back you can see that those moments are truly priceless.

Wordless Wednesday

31

So, yesterday was my birthday. My feelings about thirty-one aren’t nearly as “doom and gloom” as my feelings for thirty were last year. Do I feel any smarter? Nope. Is there an extra pep in my step? Nah. Have I experienced any major growth in the past year? Negative, ghost rider. And I think that lack of growth is what I found to be the disappointing part about thirty. Because I was really hoping for a not-so-subtle mindshift, you know? People have always told me that thirty is the time that you grow into yourself. Start to find comfort in who you are and ignore the bullshit. And well, I honestly don’t think that I’m there yet. Maybe it’s because I feel stuck sometimes? Maybe it’s because there are things in my life that haven’t turned out the way I had hoped? Or maybe I just still have a lot of growing up to do? But I’m here, y’all! And I’m super grateful for that. Truly. I was able to have another year with my family. I was able to be present for another year of my daughter’s life. I was able to experience some incredible moments with the people I hold most dear in my life. Even with the rough times that I’ve experienced this year I’m so damn happy to be here. So, regardless of my feelings about the actual number itself, and what it represents to me, I’m thankful to have made it to thirty-one.

So, here’s to another orbit around the Sun. God willing. Here’s to reaching as many goals as I can. Here’s to spending more on experiences rather than on things. Here to getting my shit together. Fingers crossed. Here’s to being patient with myself, and others. Here’s to accepting the things that I cannot change.  Like that I'm never getting 8+ hours of sleep ever again. Here’s to learning how to fully love myself, those permanent under eye bags (passed down by my father), and my body. Here’s to getting my anxiety into check. Here’s to less social media, and more face-to-face time with the people I care about. Here’s to truly appreciating how far I’ve come. Even if it’s baby steps. And finally, here’s to growth. To change. And moving forward. 

Here’s to 31.

Listen

Currently - October

I’d like to start off with saying that today is my husband’s birthday. Happy Birthday, love. Here’s to many more years for you to look forward to. And if those statements confuse you I promise it will all make sense soon. Anyway, moving on, this whole week has been cold and wet here in my little part of Texas. It hasn’t stopped raining since Saturday. I was totally good with the storms at the beginning of the week, but by Wednesday it was just this non stop pouring. So, now I’m kind of over it. Unfortunately, the forecast keeps telling us that there won’t be an end to the rain until the week of Halloween. I’m hoping that we get a few dry days in between because the ground needs it. Plus, some neighboring towns need relief from the flooding. Still, there’s not much we can do about it. So I’ll just keep thanking mother nature for whatever she brings our way; good and bad. Another thing on my mind lately has been writing. More specifically: blogging and the direction that it’s all heading. However, that’s a post for another time. I just wanted to give you a heads up for now. Anywho, now let's get into the currently post for this month.

Playing: I’m not listening to anything specific. It’s mainly been a random mess of songs that I’ve thrown together into a playlist called “Let Go”. If you follow me on Spotify you’ll quickly realize that I’m a creature of habit when it comes to my tunes. I’ll listen to the “Daily Mixes” & “Discovery Mix” that Spotify curates for me in order to get some new stuff thrown in from time to time. But my running playlists seem to be the ones I listen to, and edit regularly. Still, if you’re wanting some new material: Russ released a new album last month called “ZOO” which is pretty great. I’m a fan of anything this man puts out really. And Twenty One Pilots released their long awaited album “Trench” that’s been getting a lot of praises. Both albums are definitely worth giving a listen to in my opinion.

Reading: So, last month I mentioned wanting to read “The Simple Wild” by K.A. Tucker. It did not disappoint, y’all. You can read my review of it here, and I’m pretty sure there aren’t any spoilers. Anyway, it was a great read! I highly recommend it if you’re into some light contemporary romance. For this month, I’d like to read “IDOL” by Kristen Callihan. Now, I enjoy rockstar romances when they’re done well, and I’ve probably only read a handful that I can honestly say I’ve liked. The others were just “too much” if that makes sense? Too over the top, or too cheesy? The writing might have sucked, or it read more like a porno than a story. So, after I read the reviews for “IDOL” I decided to read the sample. It definitely caught my attention, and drew me in. So, I really feel like it’s going to be a good solid read for me. I plan on purchasing a copy it next week.

Watching: So, if you have Amazon Prime, I highly recommend that you check out "Jack Ryan". If you didn’t already know, this series is based off of the Tom Clancy book character. However, they will not follow the books as this series is intended to be set in the present day. John Krasinski is really great in this series, y’all! Some of his best work, acting wise, I think. Then again, I haven’t seen “A Quiet Place” so I might be wrong? Still, this series kept me guessing during every single episode. All of the actors did a wonderful job in this series too. Definitely keep an eye out for Dina Shihabi. Man, she was fantastic!  Now, I have seen plenty of government/action/spy type of works that are out there and I'm comfortable saying that this show can stand on its own. If you’re into films like the Bourne series I definitely think you’ll enjoy this show. Over on Hulu I’ve been watching “The Good Doctor”. To simplify it, the show is about an autistic doctor named Shaun Murphy who has savant syndrome and aspires to be a great surgeon. However, his journey is not an easy one, and is often met with resistance from his colleagues. Now, this show takes an episode or two to get you warmed up to it, but what eventually drew me in was how they took on the obstacles that Shaun has to face. And even though I’ve never personally met anyone who is autistic it definitely shed a light on the condition for me. I’m only halfway through the first season, but it’s definitely promising. If you like shows that are similar to Grey’s Anatomy (minus all of the hooking up) then I think you should check this one out. It also airs on Monday nights on ABC, and is currently at the beginning of season two.  

And that concludes the currently for this month. If you have any other suggestions be sure to drop me a line either on here, or any of my other social media pages. Links are all at the top. I'm always on the lookout for new artists, films, or books so I'm totally open to recommendations. Until the next post, Happy Friday folks!

Wordless Wednesday

Book Review - The Simple Wild

The Simple Wild by K.A. Tucker
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

What can I say about this book that hasn’t already been said? Probably nothing. So, I’ll try not to be repetitive. What I will say is that “The Simple Wild” is probably my favorite read of 2018, so far. I’ve read two other K.A. Tucker books before, and out of those two my favorite was “Chasing River”. It still took me about five days to get through it though. But if you haven’t noticed already I’ve been in a bit of a reading rut. So, when I saw the GoodReads email announcing that Tucker’s latest book had been released I thought I’d check it out. After reading the blurb I tagged it as a “to-read”, but didn’t get around to actually reading it until recently. It sounded a lot different than anything I had picked up lately which was actually what I had been hoping to find. Plus, with two previous disappointments by two of my favorite authors (looking at you Colleen) --I didn’t think it would hurt to give “The Simple Wild” a go. Mix things up a little bit, right? Now, I'm sure you’ve already read the blurb so I’m not about to rehash that for you. Instead, let's just dive right into the review.

The Simple Wild starts out with Calla Fletcher having one heck of a bad day. And by the end of the night she’s made a decision to visit her estranged dad all the way in Alaska. At first, it’s out of curiosity. To see what it was about this place that had such a hold on her father that he couldn’t bear to leave it. Not even for her. But what starts off as a week’s stay suddenly turns into a much longer one. Priorities shift. Friendships are made. And the grumpy pilot, Jonah, opens her eyes to what exactly is so important about the work that her father’s charter company, ALASKA WILD, does for the community.

“I’ve spent the last twelve years dwelling on all the things Wren Fletcher isn’t. I should have had the guts to come and find out all the things he is.”

What I loved about this story was that the whole “romance” aspect took somewhat of a backseat to the rest of the story. Or maybe it was more like a “co-pilot” if you will? Life in Alaska is very different, and so are the people. The scenery, and landscapes are also the complete opposite of what Calla is used to. Her relationship with her father, coming to terms with his illness, and being forced to reexamine what’s really important in her life seem to be the focal point of this story. She and Jonah actually don’t get along at first either. He’s not materialistic, could care less about social media, and isn’t a fan of cell phones. He enjoys helping others, and living a simple life. Flying planes is his calling, and one that he’s not interested in giving up either. Calla on the other hand is very much into her modern, fast-paced, city life. She sees nothing wrong with the way that she lives her life because she’s worked to get to where she’s at. It’s all that she’s ever known. So it’s no surprise that these two butt heads a lot throughout the book. However, they each bring different perspectives to the reality they both have to face due to Calla’s father Wren. As the story progresses a friendship between these two eventually blossoms. And since everyone’s time together is limited-- because Calla does have to go back to her life eventually--she feels that it’s best to not get attached to anyone. No matter how much she’d like to. Because she belongs in the city and Jonah, Mabel, and Agnes all belong in Bangor.

“It can’t lead anywhere, so what’s the point? I’m going back to Toronto, where I belong, and he’s staying here in Alaska, where he belongs.”

Overall, I think this is Tucker’s best book to date. Though I’ve only read three of them so I may be wrong? She did really well in mixing sad moments with happy ones, and we get a nice dose of humor as well. Her descriptions of certain areas were so spot on that you could practically picture it right in front of you too. You can tell that she did her research. Not only on the settings but also on the people. The way of life. I was really impressed by it. Looking back, and skimming through the pages once I had finished reading it I realized that there was nothing about the book that I didn’t like. It turned out to be a wonderful surprise, and exactly what I needed. I definitely recommend that you give this book a chance if you haven’t already. And if you’re wanting to see K.A. Tucker’s writing at its best then this is definitely the book to get.

At the time of posting you can buy this book on your Kindle for $7.99

Listen

Soldiers’ Angels

Have you ever thought about volunteering with a group or an organization, but couldn’t really commit to anything due to your schedule? I’ve thought about volunteering at a local nursing home, or at the animal shelter on several occasions in the past. However, our schedule is usually pretty packed. I can’t commit to showing up on the same day/time every week. And so, I normally choose to just donate money or help with fundraising. With Halloween around the corner we normally go trick or treating at one or two of the local nursing home facilities before hitting the town. We try to do this every year. It makes me so happy to see the looks on the residents faces when we are able to stop by. This is why I started looking into other ways of helping out. Something that I could fit into my schedule. And that’s why I wanted to talk to you about this organization called “Soldiers’ Angels”.

When my brother was at boot camp we did everything to find out how to stay in touch with him. We were told via the unit Facebook page that letters were really important because hearing from home was a huge morale booster. So we wrote letters all of the time, and from what I was told he was one of the few men in his unit that received them almost daily. This got me thinking about how many soldiers there are out there that may not get letters from home regularly. And so the search began for ways to help. After some research I came across Soldiers’ Angels. They provide support for veterans, deployed troops, wounded soldiers, and their families in various different ways. From writing letters to sending cards. From sending care packages to hosting virtual baby showers. And they also have hundreds of in person volunteer opportunities for those that can dedicate the time. These range from food drives, outreach programs, and lending a hand at local VA hospitals. And that’s just the beginning. If you want to know more about the various volunteer programs they offer you can visit their "Program Support" page here, or their “Ways to Give” page here to learn more about monetary donations and how they’re used.

Today, I just wanted shed some light on the program I decided to join through them. First, in order to become a member they ask that you donate a minimum of a dollar per month. For me, this was super easy to say yes to. Once you sign up, and have been approved you are able to choose one or more programs to participate in. I chose to join the “Letter Writing Team”. You are given the option of writing one letter a month, or up to two letters per day. The minimum required is once a month for at least three months. You then write a one-time letter to a service member that’s been assigned to you. You see, sometimes there is a wait time before a member has been adopted for the duration of their deployment by someone in the "Deployed Adoption" team. They are the ones who send letters and care packages once a month to a service member for the entirety of their deployment. So, as soon as these service members sign up, their names/information are added to the wait-list. These names are then given to the volunteers in the L-W-T. Once they've been adopted by an angel their information is removed from the list. After you've sent your letter you log how much you spent, and if you wrote to a certain assigned troop more than once. That's it! I normally write between two to four letters a month depending on my schedule. It normally consists of some information about myself, my family life, our community, some words of encouragement, and just letting them know how grateful I am for the work that they do. It’s that simple. Sometimes you hear back from the person you wrote, and other times you don’t. But that’s basically the point of being on the L-W-T. You are sending out some positivity to troops who may not be hearing from home that frequently. It’s meant to help them pass the time, or be a bit of a distraction while they wait for their long-term angel volunteer.

Now as someone who has a very inconsistent schedule I found that this organization is a perfect fit for me. It’s a way for me to give back, a way to support our troops, and I’m able to do it whenever I have the free time. This was the major selling point for me. My experience with this organization  has been great so far too. They have Facebook groups for each team that you can join, and they send out emails a couple of times a month to just check in or let you know about certain events going on. When I first started I was a little clueless about the procedures, the do's & don'ts, and everyone was really helpful. I’m hoping that by next year I’ll be able to join the Deployed Adoption team, but right now I’m on a pretty strict budget. For the time being, I’ll stick to writing letters or sending cards. So, if this sounds like something that you may be interested in I highly suggest you check them out, and if you have any questions feel free to reach out! 

Wordless Wednesday

Mental Illness Awareness

Lately, I’ve done my best to remain positive but I'd be lying if I said it's been smooth sailing. Financially things are messy. Isn’t that always the case though? As you've probably read, my weight loss has been non-existent, which is really starting to become a concern. I find that I’m always tired, and it goes beyond just in a physical way. I’ve noticed a few drastic mood swings that occur once or twice a month too. Though that could just be a bad case of PMS. Still, I do my best to keep a positive outlook. I know that things will be okay. I know that eventually, my hard work will pay off. I know that no matter what I am going through that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Because life has taught me that everything will eventually pass. And I need to find joy in the little moments just as much as in the big ones. Whether it be cuddling in bed with my daughter as we watch her favorite movie, or throwing caution to the wind and eating chocolate cake for breakfast. I promise that doesn't happen often. Whether it's staying in I need to do more of what makes me happy. Either way, I do my best to keep the negative out and move forward.

But there are days, y’all. Days when I find it really hard to get through anything without having a meltdown. Days when I want to close myself off from everyone. Days when I get so emotional that I find myself sobbing in the middle of my bedroom floor. Or the drive home from work. There are days when a lot of what I’m going through makes me feel hopeless and helpless. Moments when I feel completely unlovable. Even though I know, in my mind, that this is not the case. There are days when my emotions sometimes take the lead, and I feel like I'm drowning. So, when all of this starts happening more frequently its how I know that I’m reaching a point where I need to seek out some help. To achieve some balance. I'm aware that there could be a number of other issues that are making me feel like this. A hormone imbalance or my thyroid could possibly be the culprits. And even though I had everything checked out just two years ago (my labs came back fine) these are issues that could be fine one year and not the next. But it could also be that my anxiety, depression, and/or stress are starting to surface again. It could be because of the season change or a cycle I normally have. It may be time for me to talk to my doctor, or schedule an appointment with my counselor. All I really know for sure is that there’s something that feels off, there are several factors, and I need to find some answers. In the end, what this all boils down to is me finally scheduling the appointments necessary to figure it all out. Or bust out my favorite coping techniques to get me through it to see if they'll help.

Now, this week is *Mental Illness Awareness week. And because of this I wanted to take some time today to just put it out there that sometimes we need help. And that’s okay. Sometimes we need to take medicine, short-term or long-term, in order to get back to feeling like ourselves. And that’s okay. Sometimes we just need to talk things out with an unbiased third party in order to get a different perspective. And that’s okay too. None of this makes you weak. None of this makes you less than. If you can get by without any of this stuff then that's great too! It's what I'm striving for, long term. To be fully in control of how I deal with things and how I feel. But don't think for one second that I haven't worked hard, or that it hasn't taken years for me to get to this point. That I haven't had help, or been placed on medication before. Just know that self-care is as important to your well being as it is to others around you. I can’t tell you enough about how amazing it is to have so many options available in order to seek out help. Whether it’s by phone, by internet, or in person. I'm personally a big fan of counselling. So, whatever help it is that you may need during the rough times, get it. If you ever want to talk I'm just an email away too. Let these resources help you. There’s no shame in it, and don’t you ever let anyone make you feel like there is.

*if you'd like to learn more about mental illness awareness and how you can help please visit NAMI.org

Listen

A Few Moments of Peace

As I’m typing this up all of my windows are open. The sun is shining, and there’s a breeze coming through the house that feels amazing. Emery is finishing up her homework and grasping her chapter book with her free hand. She sticks the pencil end in her mouth as she mumbles about how hard her homework is today. I’m sitting here with my laptop in my lap, and my feet propped up on the recliner. My eyes want to close, and I have this sudden urge to take a nap. Instead, I find myself smiling at how lucky I am to be able to sit here and have all of this. 

For me, this week was a hard one. I honestly have no idea how I made it all the way through without some kind of breakdown. Maybe it was the chocolate cake we had for our co-worker’s birthday that lasted us all week? Or maybe it was the mimosas we had before work on Monday? Whatever the reason, I made it through. Now, I’m sitting here watching my daughter do her homework. Noticing how she lowers her head slightly and double checks everything that she writes. When she gets stumped she sticks her bottom lip out slightly in frustration and then lets out a little grunt. When she's sure of her answer she nods her head slightly and moves on to the next question. As she finishes she beams with delight and raises her paperwork at me. "Mom, I'm finished! Can I have some ice cream now?" Oh to have that kind of simplicity again, huh? Where the only complications presented themselves in the form of math homework, and which ice cream flavor you'd prefer to have after school. 

Tomorrow there are no plans; no commitments. And this allows me to release a deep sigh of relief. To allow my shoulders to relax and the tension in my neck to ease. I feel thankful for the few moments that I’m being given right now where all I feel is a sense of peace. A calm. So, here's to the weekend, y'all! Here's to you finding some peace. This is my reminder, to you, to make it a priority to get a few moments of "you" time here and there. Read a book, drink some tea in silence, or listen to your favorite songs while star gazing. And give yourself space to just be. Relax. Enjoy some time with the people you love most in the world. YOU deserve it. 

Happy Friday, friends! 

Wordless Wednesday

October; Finally

There's something truly amazing about October, y'all. Not only do we have a lot of birthday's to celebrate, including my own, but it's also a month of changes. A month of fresh starts, crisp weather, and the leaves officially start to turn colors. It truly starts to feel like fall around here. We also have Halloween which, as I've said before, I consider to be my New Year. It's also a month that always brings me some fresh energy and this feeling of renewal. This is usually the time that I do one last top-to-bottom cleaning of the house before the winter months kick in too. And it's by far one of my favorite months of the year. December is my number one for obvious reasons. So, when I say that I'm super thrilled that it's finally here, I really mean it. But for tonight, I just wanted to pop in and say hello! I promise that I already have several posts lined up for the month so my schedule should run pretty smoothly. FIngers crossed! Anywho, I hope that September treated you all well and that you're just as excited for this month as I am. Sorry that this post is so short though. But, here's to October! May it bring all of the spooky and magic that it can. 💀🎃👻