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Random Thoughts // Ten - Thirty - Twenty

Today, I’m not feeling up to writing about one particular thing either. It’s been a day and I’m a little tired. My brain is just not wanting to focus either. So, instead, I’m just going to write down some random thoughts as they come. See where it takes me… 

This October has been really different for us. Normally, we’d look into a group costume for Emery and the dogs. She begs to have a theme. Then we’d spend time decorating the house, and looking into Halloween themed activities being held in our town. We’d also enjoy Halloween themed movies the entire month. But this year, we barely got to do any of those things. Mainly because we were pretty busy with weddings, camps, and school. But still, it just feels wrong. Also, I found out this week that door-to-door trick or treating has been limited too. However, we’re still going to do our best to make it a great Halloween for the kids tomorrow! 

Texas received its first real cold front this week. The high was 38 degrees on Tuesday, and I absolutely LOVED it. Not a huge fan of the sloshy mud that the rain created on that day but beggars can’t be choosers. And y’all, Fall is officially here! I checked the weather forecast for the next 15 days and we have highs in the mid-’60s next week. It’s the start of leggings, oversized sweaters, and fuzzy boots season. And it makes me so happy! 

Political garbage is pissing me off right now. Every yard I see or vehicle I come across has either a sign, flag, or sticker. These campaigns and ads are running during all of the commercial breaks. And every time I log into any of my social media accounts I get some messages and links about voting. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Even if I hit the little “x” in the corner. And all of this mudslinging and dragging of people for their opinions? I’m annoyed with it. Shut up about political parties, go vote, and leave people alone. It’s not hard. I feel like the entire nation needs a refresher course on how to be grown-ups. 

I also spaced on my yearly birthday post. I had that entire week off, but I spent it cleaning for the first half and then just enjoying my time with my people for the rest. I didn’t spend much time on my phone (daily screen time was down 49%) and I didn’t bother turning on the desktop. Not when there were Hallmark movies to be watched. So, I call that a success! Maybe I’ll write something later or just post a few pictures. We'll see. Did I mention that none of us who had birthdays this month were able to celebrate together like we normally do? It was odd and I didn’t like it very much. But it was still a pretty wonderful day & week. For that, I'm thankful. 

And this seems like a good stopping point for now. I want to crawl into bed with some fudge brownies and lasagna for some reason. Watch “The Corpse Bride” and call it a year. Anyway, I hope this didn’t give you too much whiplash. How is everyone else doing? Hopefully not as annoyed as I am. Ha! Well, until the next post! Stay safe & have a wonderful Halloween. Byyyyeee!👻💀🎃

Wordless Wednesday

A Glass Ceiling

In most areas of my life, I’m a people pleaser. Work/Life balance has always been something that I struggled with. So, when asked if I could stay to answer phones while others went to lunch I would say “yes”. Or when asked if I could switch vacation days because someone else needed to take the same day(s), I would say “sure”. When asked if I could help out when someone fell behind on their workload, I would gladly take it on. Because - I’m a team player. And also because - it’s hard for me to say no. I spent a lot of my time trying to be flexible for the sake of others around me. I would always end up feeling sympathetic for them and let myself take a back seat. Sadly, all that ever got me was a toxic environment, getting walked all over, and then one time I was “written up” because I didn’t turn in my work -which really wasn’t my work - into the person by a certain time. Mind you I was also going through a lot in my personal life and I was trying to stay afloat. It’s safe to say that those were rough years but I pushed through.

Then, we had a turnover of employees. Some new blood came in. Changes were in the works and I was being asked for input. “Things are going to get better,” is what I was told. And while that was still in the works my personal life fell apart. But I still showed up. I still did the favors. I still said, “yes” every time. Then I started getting some attention and in all honesty, some favoritism. I benefited a lot from this and it made me feel like I mattered. So, I went as far as changing how I did things to satisfy others. I allowed myself to be talked into doing or saying things because I felt terrible about others' circumstances and didn’t want them to get into trouble. Making excuses for their behavior. I hardly ever spoke up when others took credit for my ideas. And since I had my hands in several different tasks my main job was taking a back seat. I wasn’t performing at the same level as the others in sales. Which at the time, I was told was understandable because of what they had been asking of me. So, with hardly any conflicts arising, I told myself that things were getting better. I lied to myself and kept my mouth shut. 

However, this was also around the same time that I was told that there would be no advancing from where I was at. Even if I dropped the extra tasks and focused solely on my main job there would be no moving up in pay. The glass ceiling put in place was shatterproof. So, if I wasn’t going to be given the same job title as others in my position or the same pay, then I wanted to make a change. That’s when I opted to move into a different position. One with less stress. One that still allowed me to speak to our customers, allowed me to get out of the office, took advantage of my organizational skills, and afforded me some flexibility when it came to days off. And the relief I felt when I finally made the switch? Oh, it was wonderful! I was really enjoying my job again. I was feeling better about myself. Like I was helping, contributing, but also able to leave work at the door when the day came to an end. So, yea, things felt like they were great! And I finally felt like I had a handle on the whole “work/life balance” thing. 

It wasn’t long after this that I started to make some changes in my personal life. Because I honestly want to be a better person. I had already started going to church again in the summer of last year. I also stopped drinking for a long while. Even now it’s a rare occasion. At the beginning of this year, I started reading a daily devotional as a way to adjust my focus. Then I started praying before work. And in previous years I had done my best to remain tight-lipped when people talked about others in our office. Trying to be impartial. Well, I stopped engaging in those conversations entirely. And while we all used to openly discuss our personal lives I started to hold back on that information as well. Because, honestly, it’s not professional to talk about all of our problems. It's not professional to talk about our sex lives, and/or grievances with our spouses/partners. But I had been there, right along with everyone else, speaking openly about all of it. Especially with the women in our office. At the time, I saw myself as an open book so I didn’t see a huge issue with my behavior. Plus, it also gave me this false sense of friendship with my co-workers. Like my work friendships were more than what they really were. Though, I do understand that there are certain things you can share with coworkers. Things that help create good, trusting, work relationships. Be that as it may, looking back I was completely wrong in a lot that I willingly divulged. So, after a lot of thought and prayer, I made the decision to stop. 

And now, everything feels like it’s changing. The attention and favoritism are being placed elsewhere which was expected. Little jabs about religion get made occasionally. I’m not allowed to do things my way or make any changes. Certain tasks have been delegated to others. My duty list has become smaller. Things concerning me get discussed without me. Or while I’m out on vacation. My vacation and PTO alone should tell you just how often I don’t take time off from work. I’ve caught on to when I’m being used or manipulated. And it’s actually been very eye-opening to see. When I originally started -ten years ago this December- things were really different. And I understand that growth has to happen in order for businesses to thrive. In that aspect, the business is doing really well. I’m super grateful for all that the company has done for me too. Even now, in this pandemic when so many people have lost their jobs, I was blessed to continue to have one. And I can’t wait to see what the next few years have in store for the company. My boss has given A LOT of himself to make sure it continuously grows and I hope he reaps the rewards of his hard work. He truly deserves the blessings. I’m just not really sure where I fit in anymore? 

Where once I was told a degree didn’t matter, it now looks like it does. The changes I’m trying to make in my personal life seem to contradict with the work environment that is being created. Loyalty is not taken into consideration anymore because it’s been mentioned that it can only count for so much. Not contributing to what comes across as toxicity has me on the outs. If I don’t participate in certain things then I’m made to feel like I’m easily replaceable. And it feels like I’m slowly being pushed out. So, what is there to do? How do I change things around? How do I create personal distance in order to be professional and positive without being indifferent? What can I do to contribute more? How do I find renewed motivation to do better, despite the issues that arise? Or is this beyond repair? Should I just keep my head down and do as I’m told? I’m just, I’m not exactly sure where to go from here. For now, I’m not going to worry about the glass ceiling or the things that are out of my control. Instead, I’m going to pray. I’m going to do my best at whatever I’m handed. And I’m going to trust that God has a plan in store for me.

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Gratitude Journal // Ten - Sixteen - Twenty

Sometimes, I let the bad in my day get the better of me. Other times, I get so caught up in my own little world that I forget to give thanks for all of the blessings in my life. I find myself taking things for granted over and over again. And that’s just not how I want to be anymore. So, today, I’m choosing to give thanks for all of the things. 

• Morning coffee: Whether it’s hot or cold, I love coffee. I mean, really love coffee. There’s also something comforting about waking up and fixing our morning cups. Handing over his mug with a kiss and a, “Have a good day, babe!” But then, when I get that first sip, that’s when I feel like things are in order. Doesn't matter how chaotic or slow the day has started. It’s like those old Folgers commercials where everyone is smelling the coffee and smiling from ear to ear. Yea, that’s me. My day doesn’t officially start until I’ve had my cup.  

• My seeeester: Kim is a Godsend. We’re so different in pretty much ALL of the ways. But she’s someone I couldn’t imagine ever being without. She doesn’t always get me, but she kind of does at the same time. I really wish there was a better way of describing that. So, I guess, “Thanks for marrying someone so great, little brother!” She’s truly helped me in more ways than I can count. 

• Daily Mass: Whenever I have a day off during the week I usually attend daily mass in the mornings. And this is just a really great way to start my day. There’s something really wonderful about sitting in the pews at church and hearing the readings in person. And, to be honest, I usually feel “off” when I don’t get to go. 

• My bed: I like sleep. And this month we’ve spent a lot of nights out of town for weddings and family visits. Even this weekend, we’ll be out of town. And there are very few other things more satisfying than returning home and climbing into your own bed. The familiar sheets, pillows, and blankets. Oooh man. Yea, that’s the good stuff right there. 

• Ribeye Steak: Since being in a relationship I’ve had more ribeye steak in the past 10 months than I’ve had in my entire life. And I don’t hate it. Since my partner can cook - boy can he cook- I take full advantage of his skills. This means I’m usually spoiled with a ribeye meal once a week. *YUUUUMMMM* I really hope that this perk never goes away! 

And that wraps up my gratitude post for this month. What are you grateful for today? This week? This month? What do you do to help bring some positivity back into your day if it's been a bad one? How do you make sure to stay grounded? Until the next post, I hope everyone has a really lovely week! Adios! 

“You’re growing even when you’re not thinking about it”. - MHN 

❤

Wordless Wednesday

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Skatepark Trip

We recently headed down to the Houston area to visit relatives for a weekend. We had thrown around some ideas for places we’d like to checkout but there were no set plans. Normally, not having some type of schedule kind of freaks me out. But, I’ve learned that when it comes to having a day out with the kids, things constantly change. So, it’s better to just ride it out. That Saturday morning was no different. As we drank our coffee we threw around some ideas of what we wanted to do and get accomplished. It was decided that we’d all go grab some breakfast, and then do a little shopping before anything else. Then once that was wrapped up we’d make a trip to a nearby skatepark. 

Now, I'm not sure if I’ve ever talked about it on here before but I’m a firm believer that alternative sports are just as important as regular sports. I’ve tried to encourage my daughter to try different things, and I’ve never said that it has to be a team sport. Back when she was about seven I actually brought up skateboarding but she totally shut me down. So, imagine my surprise this summer when she asked if she could have a skateboard. Not wanting to spend a huge amount of money for something that I wasn’t sure she'd stick with, we made her deal. We’d get her a beginner board, and if she stuck with it for at least a year then we’d get her a skateboard of her choosing. With her previous lack of interest, I honestly thought that this was just something she’d do occasionally. Or the minute she took a hard fall she’d call it. But as soon as we had her board assembled she was outside under the carport practicing. It's been four months now and she still hasn't lost interest.

Well, it wasn’t long after she started that the other kids decided to take up skateboarding as well. So, I figured this would be a great place for them to get in some practice. Our local skatepark is tiny and really run down so they don’t have a lot of options. As we made our way to breakfast that morning it was mentioned that this park was the largest in Texas. Y’all, they weren’t lying. It’s actually the “largest free skate park in the nation”. If you look at the planning firm's website it states that the park features, "a Texas-shaped bowl with a 20-foot full pipe, a 12’ foot vertical ramp, a 10-foot-deep bowl, and a “snake run” pathway." But you don’t really get the whole picture unless you can see it from above. As we entered through the gates I could hear the kid’s “oohs” and “ahhs”. Their comments were pretty entertaining as they took in all of the other kids, and watched the advanced skaters drop in on the larger bowls. After the awe faded a bit they put on their helmets and off they went! 

I’m happy to report that the kids had a blast! Even the big kids too. We spent just under two hours there and it was actually fun for us non-skaters too. I was able to walk around and watch the more advanced skaters which was pretty cool. The kids were able to learn a few new tricks and even made some friends in the process. There were a few falls but nothing major. And it was so great to see these kids helping each other out. Whether it was switching boards to try a different one, or giving encouragement when they were trying something new. It was a pretty awesome thing to witness. As we finished up the session it still took us a good thirty minutes to get the kids ready to leave. We even resorted to bribes and promises of returning again the next time we came to visit. 

I highly *recommend giving the North Houston Skatepark a visit if you ever find yourself in that area. Even if it’s just to watch the talented skaters. Did I mention that it’s free? Also, if you’re in need of some gear like we were -the kids needed helmets- then stop by Geometrics Skate shop. They’re located right across the street from the park. And the guys there were super helpful and really nice. 

  

*I wasn’t compensated for any of this. We just really had a great time so I thought I’d share. Plus, it’s a way to get the family out for a little while. And I know with all of the financial issues going on right now, free is always nice.

Wordless Wednesday

Weight Loss - Weigh In // October 2020

Starting all over. Again. You would think that at some point I would get tired of the up and down. The beginning of a journey and then its subsequent failure. Of the constant yo-yo in weight and negative body image that came with it. Of the excuses. And yet, here we are! For a while now, I’ve struggled with hormone issues. Though no one could actually pinpoint what the problems were, there were inconsistencies in my blood work. Every time. I’d have one doctor tell me it was a thyroid issue. Another said that all of my problems would go away if I just stopped eating “wheat”. Auto-Immune disease was brought up at another appointment. Then at my latest visit, with yet another doctor, I was told that I was perfectly healthy but my body was continuously producing a stress hormone. 

Apparently (supposedly), I have a case of “chronic stress”. This is causing my body to stay in “fight or flight” mode which makes me overproduce cortisol - among other things. And because of this, I won’t be able to lose weight until I get it under control. The problem is that there's no straightforward way to do that. My doctor suggested a few supplements and told me to cut back on others. Then I was told to keep exercising and hope that I’d eventually stop being so “stressed out”. I’d need to go back in four to six months to have more blood work done to check on my progress. So, here we are ladies and gents! I’m praying that this is the final and official “diagnosis” for me. That my new supplement regimen paired with a good exercise routine helps me to drop some weight and feel better. So, yes. Here’s to starting over. Again. 

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs 

Current Weight (CW): 193.4 lbs 

Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

Eating Habits- I’m currently doing the 14:10 intermittent fasting. Though I’m not super strict with it on some days because there are times when we eat dinner around 7:30 or right at 8. I eat three meals a day. I’m allowed two small snacks and one 8 oz cup of coffee. Breakfast is usually a smoothie but on days when I feel really hungry, I opt for oatmeal. Lunch is a protein shake. And then I have a regular dinner. 

Fitness Progress- Workout routines are...crap. My schedule is all over the place and it’s hard for me to have set days to work out. So, for now, I try to work out three times a week, in no particular order. But honestly, as long as I’m getting some movement in my day, I call it good for now. 

 

Mental Health- I am so frustrated with myself right now. I’m angry at the fact that more often than not when I look in the mirror I walk away feeling really low. I don’t like what I see and it carries over into how I think/speak to myself. I’m annoyed with my daily lack of motivation. And I’m tired of having to test out supplement after supplement. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t feel like just giving up. And, I’m so frustrated with this whole process. Mentally, I’m struggling with being positive when it comes to weight loss or better eating habits. But I’m trying. And that’s really all I can do. 

In conclusion, this girl has a lot of work to do. But I feel like we’re off to an okay start. I keep telling myself that these changes have to be thought of as lifestyle changes. Because of that, I’m just doing a few things at a time instead of going all out right from the start. Clearly, that’s never worked for me before. So, I hope this all finally leads up to some weight loss. And to some better mental health days. ✌ 

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Happy October

Y’all, it’s finally OCTOBER! If you’ve been around here for a while then you’ll know that this is one of my favorite months. It’s my personal “new year” and everything usually starts to feel like it’s being brought back into balance. The cooler weather starts to set in and the leaves start changing colors. Creators start releasing costume and makeup ideas, and Halloween decor goes up in our house. There’s also the “31 Night of Halloween” special that Freeform airs which my daughter and I always enjoy. There’s pretty much something for everyone to watch, and it’s all day - everyday for the whole month! Eeeks! So, I’ve officially deemed it, “Spooky Season” in our household. 

Photo by Colton Sturgeon on Unsplash

If you didn't know already, October is my birthday month! And to be honest, when I entered into my thirties I actually felt really sad at the thought of getting older. Seriously, if someone would have handed me a pause button back then I would have definitely used that sucker. But this year feels really different. I’m not sure if it’s acceptance or gratitude, but I’m actually looking forward to celebrating this year. This may or may not have something to do with getting that whole week off from work too? But mine isn’t the only birthday celebrated this month either. We actually have a lot of family and friends that are October babies as well. So, I’m in pretty good company. And it always seems like one continuous celebration around here. 

In other news, as of this week, Emery has officially made the move from gymnastics to tumbling. After her first practice, she said she felt sore but she was beaming the whole time! “I’m so ready for next week,” she told me as we walked out of the gym. I really think she's going to enjoy this change. This weekend we are actually making our way down to Houston to visit relatives. Then we have two weddings later this month. I can't wait! And something else for me to look forward to is getting a good chunk of time off over the next few months. This will be the only year that this happens but I’m super thankful for it. Clearly, God is answering some prayers. Here’s hoping I get to fit in a good amount of writing during that time too. Anyway, I hope this post finds y’all well. And I hope October brings you a reprieve from all of the crazy going on right now. 👻