Weighing In, May

So, I've decided to post a picture each month, along with my weight, to track my weight loss "progress". Weight has always been something I struggled with. But if I look back at years 11-19, I was healthy! Then I moved and it went downhill from there.

I did lose over 30lbs at the beginning of my pregnancy. I had all day sickness up till about 5 months. After ducking out of my doctor's appointment 5 times, he decided he had to put me on some medicine to keep me from vomiting.

After having Emery I had lost about 5 lbs. Then came the breastfeeding and I lost another 20. And now I'm down to a total of 29 lbs lost! Yay me!

Now, I want to start working out and eating healthy. Easier said than done (just had a Swiss chocolate roll). I also realized that I have to start slow because it's been a while since I've worked out and since I plan to pump as long as I can, I still have to take in quite a few calories for my milk production to keep coming.

Even with that, I'm hoping to be down to 130 lbs by the end of this year! So wish me luck! And here's to my first "weight" post!

May 2010, 174 lbs

p/s no worries people, the baby is sound asleep and I went back to holding her after the picture was taken.

Bad, Good Day

First, let me start off by saying that I honestly didn't know that you couldn't leave your child in the car (running) while you went inside a store to quickly get something! Shame on me, I know. I felt completely horrible about it and have sworn to NEVER EVER do it EVER again. Being a mom, I should have known...

So this morning my husband sent me into town to get some parts for our explorer. Emery fell asleep on the way so I decided that since it was supposed to be a "get in, get out" trip I wouldn't bother getting her out.

I walk in and there is this old man that's smoking. In the store (I think he owned it). And he looks at me like I just walked into the wrong building. I had the old part in a bag and was going up to the counter, when this man takes it from me, while blowing smoke out in my face, and informs me that he's getting the part. Well, my husband had called in advance so I knew this man wasn't who he had talked to. It was the younger one with another customer at the counter. So already I was annoyed. Then the man goes and starts digging in the back and I said: "My husband called earlier, the man he talked to said he'd have the stuff ready." The old man grumbled. So as I'm sitting there I start to get this nagging feeling. And I start fidgetting. I keep looking out to the truck and this man is taking FOREVER. Finally, he comes back to the front, only to have the younger guy tell him that, that's not what we needed (the other customer had left). He informs me that he has to take my part and measure the inside to get the right barring. Shouldn't take more than a minute he said. Well, I had a bad feeling come over me so as he walked to the back, I walked outside and ran to the truck.

Sure enough, Emery was up crying and screaming. She absolutely HATES being alone or not being able to see anybody around her (it freaks her out so bad). She's started to get her tears too so her little cheeks were streaking with tears! I felt awful! It broke my heart to see her crying. I almost broke down myself. I literally felt like such a horrible mom. I got into the truck and started talking to her, calming her down. I took the car seat out and faced her towards me and she stopped. Her little eyes lit up and she smiled. Her eyes were still filled with tears but she was smiling. I took her inside. The guy had everything ready and bagged, I paid and we left. It took the old man 15 mins and it took the young guy less than 4. If he would have just listened to me when I had told him that we had called in advance, we could have avoided that whole mess!

I haven't put Emery down since. I can't bear to. That whole incident made me realize just how much my baby girl needs me. I also realized that I'll probably never be able to leave her alone again and just how hard it WILL be to let her go when I have too. All from just that single moment. Weird, huh?

As soon as she stopped crying the minute she saw me, I knew that our bond is completely strong and real. See, I always wonder if Emery really knows that I'm her mother? Will she get me confused with the babysitter because she spends more hours of the day with her than with me?! She's just a baby, how can she possibly know the difference? Well, I am positive now that she does KNOW who her mother is, and there's no confusion about it. I am also positive that WE as moms, CAN tell when something is wrong with our little ones. And I am completely convinced that nothing out there can break or come between that!

So in the end, I guess I learned something valuable from that old man's lack of listening skills. And I now know to never leave my child in a car, no matter how quick the trip inside is. Not only could something bad have happened, but if someone reported me, I'd be in BIG trouble!

Anyone else out there have a freak out moment like I did? Anyone make the same mistake I did? And how did you first realize that your bond is unbreakable?

Dice

The first toy she's showed even a bit of interest in...

College Bound!!! Well, Maybe...

Oh boy...

Ok, so, I've been looking at my paychecks recently and noticed something. I am probably the lowest paid employee at my work place. Why? Well because I don't have a degree in something of course. See, our owner is ALL about DEGREES. You don't have one, then you're just not smart, not even if you know more than others. See, it's all about presentation. If they can "show you off", so to speak, then you're GOLDEN!

Well, everyone knows my story by now. Troubled teen, ran off to California for a boy at 19, didn't attend college, came back to Texas, got married, and is now a mother. ALL before the age of 23. Yes, I am accomplished, but in a different way. HA! So yea, I didn't go to college. I worked though, and damn hard too. I was always open to learning new things, and I was always fast at it too. I did what I needed to, to get things paid.

So, I'm not like all hi-tech when it comes to computers, but I know enough to fix little problems here and there. I know some neat little tricks, and boy can I make a spreadsheet! LOL! Also, counseling, I'm pretty good about handing out advice (sometimes I should take some of it), and I'm a good listener! Then, there's the nursing field. I've never been afraid to work with sick people. I almost want to comfort everyone in the hospital as soon as I walk into one, same goes for animals. Love them! So, I was thinking that those are four fields that I'd be good in. AND after my last check, I started to seriously think about going back to school, even if it was online. I hate being broke all the time, and I work in a place that focuses more on keeping you down than raising you up. I've come to the conclusion that I really don't want to be stuck here forever. Plus, WHEN we do go back to California, I want to go with something that I know I can get a job with. Not to mention, I'd love to be able to give EMERY a good life. I want HER to be proud of me.

So, I want a career.

Now comes the hard part. Getting it. I have not been to school in over four years. I can't even remember half of what I was taught and I absolutely hated math and science/chemistry. I'd rather watch paint dry for a year than sit through those classes. I never took my SAT or ACT and so I will have to pass one of those before I can even THINK about attending college. And those are some pretty intimidating tests. I took a peak into my sister-in-law's ACT book (that she let me barrow) and I literally shrieked, and slammed it shut. I shoved it as far away from me as I could and have not opened it since (that was three weeks ago). But, if I want this as bad as I think I do, I will have to open it up and start studying. Like yesterday.

I have no idea how I am going to do this. I work full time, I have a newborn (3 months last week) who needs A LOT of attention right now, and A LOT of debt to still pay off so my credit pretty much sucks. I can't even get dish network my credit sucks so bad. How the hell am I going to find time to study, and do school work? How am I going to get a loan, much less pay it off? I also barely get 5 hours of sleep, throw school into the mix and I have a feeling I am going to be EXHAUSTED, and even more BROKE. But, I want this. (scratch that) I need this. So, I've decided that I should do this. I'm just scared shitless of the process.

I'm going to take it one step at a time. I've started to look up sites that have practice tests, and I am going to study that ACT book. I'm going to flip through some of my old math stuff and old tests. Maybe find someone who will tutor me? And then attempt to pass ONE of those two tests. If I can pass one, THEN I'll start thinking about college, about HOW to pay for it, and finally what field I'd like to go into.

Any other young mom's out there going back to school? How are you doing it and what are your reason's?? Anyone else that's going back to school, that hasn't been in a long time, have any advice?

I Love You

I'm not sure really when I grew up. What exact moment did I start acting like an adult? Does anyone really know? I wish I did. Because I would take that moment, and hit pause. I would enjoy the childish part as long as I could.

We've had some rough times, my husband and I. And sometimes I find myself hating HIS past. But, there isn't anything I can do about it. So, we've had our ups and downs. We been at the point of separation and divorce. And then Emery came. And no matter what happened between my husband and I, all I had to do was look at my daughter and I knew that I was going to be just fine.

I'm happy to write that my husband and I worked out our differences, and we've decided to stay together and really work on our relationship. We really love each other and above all, we have to remember THAT. No matter how hectic life gets, and no matter how deep in financial crap we get in, we have to realize that we will eventually be ok. And so long as we do this together, we'll come out on top.

So to my husband, I'd just like to say that I love you.

Walking

Today was a beautiful day! Emery was being really fussy though. So we ended up going for a walk. She fell asleep after one lap!

Where Has The Time Gone?

So, yesterday I spent my entire half day cleaning up our room. And then, I looked into the closet and realized that Emery's drawers were overflowing with clothes. It was time for me to do what I had been dreading for so long...

I took everything out, and separated the clothes in sizes. Then, I started to cry. My baby girl is now three months old, and completely grown out of her newborn outfits! How did this happen? How did she get to be three months, when it feels like I just had her yesterday? My husband walked in, and walked right back out. He's learned that it's just better to let me cry it out. And then I realized how my mother felt when I was fifteen, yelling at the top of my lungs "LEAVE ME ALONE MOM! I'M FINE ON MY OWN! I'M FIFTEEN, YOU KNOW! And that is, what my mother always replied "You're not grown up just yet, and no matter what, you're still MY baby." It takes a lot to be a mother! We have our kids, and there is this bond that we have with them FOREVER, whether they see it at the time or not. And no matter how BIG they get, it still feels like we just had them yesterday.

And so with that, I prayed to God that HOPEFULLY Emery will not be as rebellious as I was, and that if she is, that he'd give me the strength to get through it without loosing my mind. I continued to fold her clothes and put the ones I was going to give away in a bag, and the ones that still fit her, back in her drawer. I had a hard time letting go though. At first I wanted to just put everything in a box, label it, and keep it stored forever until she got older. But, someone I know probably needs them more than I do. My husband came in afterwards and told me to just keep one or two outfits and give the rest away to someone who needed it. So I'm keeping what she came home with from the hospital, one of my husband's favorite outfits, and her first pair of shoes. Now, I just have to find the courage to take the clothes.

Anyone else out there having a hard time with letting go?

Baby Girl

First Entry!

My name is Sonia Raquel Rosenbalm, but you can call me Raquel. I am 22 years old, married, and a first time mom. My little girl is my world and my husband is my best friend. I find myself having ups and downs and now that I'm a mother, I feel like those are going to be way more frequent than before! But, I'm am just as terrified as I am excited about the new adventures to come!

I wanted to focus this blog more on my baby girl, and how my life is changing now that she's in my life. My husband and I have had some rough patches, and my other blog is completely filled with entries of just that. So, I'd also like to start writing more on how WE as a couple have grown and changed. How we've become stronger as a family, and how much I really do love him. I'd like to see this as a "fresh start" so to speak.

So here's to new beginnings!

My two favorite people in the world!