Finishing What I Started

Back in October of 2020, career-wise, things were looking a little bleak for me. I wrote a bit about that in this post. There was this one specific moment when I sat in my office and I just felt so out of place. I wanted to walk right back out the door and head home. It kind of lit a fire under my bum and I knew that something needed to change. So, after writing out my options I sat down to discuss things with my fiance. Like how I threw that in there? Eeks! He gave me his opinion and then told me I had his full support in whatever I decided to do. So, I took it to prayer. For a month, I prayed for guidance on what my next steps should be. And the only answer that kept coming back, over and over was: finish my degree. 

So with a bit of help, I gathered the money and paid off what I owed the local university so I could be removed from their “HOLD” status and reapply for admissions. The following week I submitted my application and applied for financial assistance. Within a few days, I received my acceptance letter and then had a meeting set for December to select my classes for the Spring 2021 semester. And while I had originally been on the path to getting a “Bachelor's of Business Administration” I wasn’t sure that was the right fit for me anymore. So, when my advising meeting came around I asked about my credits and the possibility of changing my degree. I mainly wanted to know how far back choosing a different major would put me. To my surprise, there wasn’t a need for me to change directions completely! My advisor told me that with the credits I already had I could choose between Administration, Accounting, Marketing, Human Resource, or Management. And then I could still minor in any of these other fields if I wanted to while still staying on track. After discussing my interests further I took my advisor’s recommendation to dabble a bit in each of these subjects to see which one I liked best for my first semester back. Then I’ll narrow it down to a focus, and as long as I do well I can graduate by the Summer of 2022. Spring of 2022 at the earliest! And y’all, I. AM. READY. So, ready! A little nervous, but also really ready to hold my degree in my hand and finally finish that chapter. 

The only downside to this is that due to how late I applied, I wasn’t able to get a good schedule to generate for me. Tarleton doesn’t allow you to handpick classes anymore; they're auto-generated. This means that I will have to attend some classes during the day. Now, when I had brought up going back to school to my employer at the beginning of 2020 I was told that the company would work with me so that I could keep my hours. Well, somewhere between then and now things changed and it doesn't look like I'll be able to stay on as a full-time employee. I’d been hoping to have the ability to make up time but I’ve been told that that’s no longer an option. And because of this, I’m also looking at a high possibility of losing out on my insurance benefits because that’s only offered to full-time employees. So, it looks like I'll have to figure out a few side jobs to supplement that income. Otherwise, we won’t make ends meet. And I’m praying that I don’t get sick or that anything major happens. But I’m not going to dwell on all of that too much. God has always provided when I needed it and I don’t think he’s going to let me down anytime soon. 

When I first started thinking about all of the obstacles in our way and the monthly payments we had to come up with I had some major anxiety. I even questioned whether I should have applied to go back to school at all. One night when I was feeling overwhelmed about everything Corey sat down with me and said, “We’ve got this. Even if we have to struggle for a little bit. Even if that means me taking extra jobs while you get this done. We will figure it out and you’re going to finish your degree. We can do this. It’s going to be okay.” And we’ve hit the ground running ever since. We’ve cut back on some of our unnecessary expenses, and I started budgeting for everything again. I used most of our savings to pay off credit cards and small debts so we don’t have extra payments here and there. Any stimulus payments or tax refunds we get will be split between paying off debt and putting way in savings. And our credit cards will only be used for medical emergencies/expenses that we can’t cover. Corey is also looking into selling his motorcycle so we won’t have an extra car payment, but I really hope it doesn’t come down to that. I enjoy that thing just as much as he does if not more. But like he said, “We can always get another one after you graduate.” Then my parents have offered to help us when it comes to Em’s after school activities & practices when we need it. Corey's parents have offered to watch Em on the evenings that she doesn't have after school stuff so I'm not having to drive so far to pick her up. This allows Emery to keep her day-to-day relatively normal. So, I think we’ve got a pretty good plan in place for now. Y’all! How awesome is this?! Obviously, it will be trial & error at first. We’ll have to adjust from time to time accordingly. But I’m so thankful for all of the help everyone is offering us! I’m beyond grateful for Corey’s support and encouragement as soon as this idea came to mind too. 

Now, I have a full course load ahead of me and the classes are pretty intimidating. The semester also starts tomorrow. So, this is why I said that my blog may take a bit of a back seat this year. It’s going to be a little rough for the first half of the year, and I really want to do well in all of my classes. I also know that we’re going to struggle a bit financially, and things will be pretty tight budget-wise. This means that any free time I get I need to put into a side hustle of some kind if possible. BUT, with all of that said, I also know that we can get through it. This schedule is temporary after all. And I know that this is a positive thing that will pay off in the long run. So, here’s to finally finishing what I started! Wish me luck or send prayers our way! Both would be appreciated! ✌

We’re Moving (Again)

Two weekends ago we started the process of moving. And when I say “process”, what I really mean is a colossal pain in the ass. When it comes to moving I’m normally a big fan of taking that time to get rid of things that I do not need. I either throw things away or donate them. But, when you have a partner that sees a way to make money in every little thing...it makes that purging of non-essentials so much harder. And it would be totally fine if we had storage space to put all of it, but we DON’T. We definitely downsized and I’m kind of freaking out about it. So, as of right now everything is piled up in boxes strewn all across the house. And if you know me, you know that this is causing me a lot of stress and anxiety. What makes it worse is that this isn’t even our “forever home”. This is a project house. One that needs a lot of work. So, in a few years, guess what? We’re going to have to move ALL. OVER. AGAIN. And y’all...I’m kind of having a mental breakdown over it. But that’ll be a post for another day. 

When we first got together, my partner and I talked about where we wanted to live. I’m partial to being in a small town and his preference is the country. Wide-open spaces. Before he and I started dating he had bought a single wide on some land in a tiny community about six miles outside of the bigger town that we frequent. This was his fixer-upper project. So, this meant that we were both paying for homes and utilities each month. Only, I was renting and he was paying on a loan. Then I went from having one dog to now having four! And y’all, the backyard at my house just wasn’t big enough. So, after some discussion, we agreed to move out to his house. It just didn’t make sense for us to both be paying for homes and especially in my situation where it wasn’t going towards something I would eventually own. But before I would move in there would have to be some repairs done. So, we got to work. Well, he did most of it. And while the house still needs A LOT of work, we finally fixed the more pressing issues. 

Originally, we had planned on moving at the end of the year. Then we bumped it up to a September or October move-in date. This would give Em some time to get used to school and for us to get into a routine. But then we had a few incidents occur that caused us to speed up the process and well, here we are. A week into moving in, still eating take out and trying to figure out what will be staying/going. Plus trying to find a place to put it all. And y’all, it’s been an adjustment for everyone involved. More so for Emery and me, but that was pretty much expected. She and I have both cried a lot over this past week. I’ve threatened to throw everything outside and set it on fire on multiple occasions. I’ve gotten snappy with my partner and dished out some major attitude. I’ve complained a lot about the well water, and the dogs. I’ve complained about the inconvenience of still having to make trips to our old house every day because not everything has been moved yet. About the eyesores in our front yard. This move has really brought out the worst in me and I’m not proud. Now, he’s not innocent either, y’all. But we won’t get into that. However, we were both feeling the tension and strain due to all of this.

Then, there was the issue of where my daughter would go to school. I originally wanted her to stay in the school district that she’s always been in. Her friends all go there, she’s familiar with it, and with all of the changes she’s already going through I didn’t want to switch that up as well. However, I’ve gotten pressure from all sides to just switch her over to a new district. The local school is small which allows the students to get more one-on-one time with each teacher. They have a four day school week. Bullying and cliques are non-existent due to their size too. So after hearing about all of the benefits from those who wanted me to put her into this school I started to ask for opinions outside of my circle. My parents even asked around as well. Because it takes a village. And so far everything is coming back really positive. Someone even told me, “If you can get your kid into this school, jump on that opportunity.” Because there’s a waitlist for kids whose parents want them to go to this school but live outside of the district. Since we live right on the district line she’s able to claim a spot. There are downsides to this school too though. There’s no art program, which my daughter isn’t thrilled about. And since there is a whopping 14 students total (including her) in her entire grade, she’s concerned that she may not make many friends. So, after three days of discussion, she and I both agreed to give this school a shot. She’ll attend for a full six weeks and then we will reassess. If she hates it and isn’t doing well, then I will transfer her back to the district school we were previously in. This trial basis started today. 

And that's where we're at for right now. I'm hoping to finally have everything out of boxes and put away over this week. I've slowly been chipping away at several of them since we moved. My partner finished up the fenced yard so we were finally able to bring the bigger dogs over. And hopefully, we'll be able to bring our last load of things over this upcoming weekend too. If you're of the praying kind please say a little prayer for me, will y'all? For Em too. That if this new school really is everything that they say it is, she thrives at it. She enjoys it. And also for my partner. Ha! Because he's really going to need it. But if you're not into praying then just send us some good vibes, will ya? We could use them. In the meantime, I hope y'all have a wonderful week.    

Wordless Wednesday

Life Lately

Two weeks from today I'll go into my second to last semester (fingers crossed) of college. Then it'll be off to a University a lot closer to home. Two weeks from today Emery will be getting ready to head off to her first day of Pre-K. I can't believe that this summer is almost over, and yet I can't wait for fall to begin. It's been really hot and dry this summer. We've had one thing after another fail at this new house, which was of no fault to anyone really, just things that needed to be fixed. We've fostered two dogs, and the last one is "this close" to being in his forever home with my parents. I'm so ready to be back to a one dog house. Without even realizing it summer kind of just flew by. Here's a little glimpse into it:

We saw an old friend of ours play at a local bar. Emery decided she wanted her ears pierced. We were asked to be in the 4th of July parade. Draco has gotten bigger since the last time you guys saw him. We've spent every other weekend at the local flea market; enjoying roasted corn and snow cones. For Christina's birthday we all went out to see the Toadies play at a local venue which was pretty awesome! Emery officially finished her swimming lessons two weeks ago. Next year, the teacher will not be doing these classes, but she enjoyed Emery so much that she offered to give her private lessons next year! Since Emery is pretty bonded with her we've decided to go ahead and plan for that. Christina's last week with us ended on Friday. It was awesome of her to stay with us and I'm super grateful for her. Our summer would have been a lot different if she hadn't stepped up to help us. Thank you, Stina!! Now it's back to finding a schedule that works for us again. This is one of the things I absolutely hate about going to school so far away. Our lives get interrupted, and Emery goes through a rough adjustment period. But it has to be done, and I'm glad that I'm almost finished at this school. I just have to hold on a bit longer. So, here we go again! And from my family to yours, we hope everyone's had a wonderful summer! 

Hello? Is This Thing On?

Well, hello there.

It's been awhile yea? Talk about taking a hiatus. Some of you may know that I'm currently back in school. For those that didn't, now you do! To say that this has taken up a lot of my time would be a severe understatement. I'm trying my best to keep my grades up, and for some reason my online teachers like to assign A LOT of homework and essays that always require a boat load of research. Who knew? So yes, school has taken up the majority of my spare time. Today, due to some unfortunate events that I'll discuss later in this post, I've found myself with a bit of spare time. So here's what we've been up to lately.

Emery is sprouting! This little girl of ours is growing so fast I'm almost afraid of it. A co-worker of mine recently had his first baby, and just seeing the comparison of my little one with his made me have some level 10 baby fever. But that's not in the cards for me at the moment so sadly, I had to tamper those down. Anyway, Emery's vocabulary is constantly expanding and we've recently introduced her to ABCmouse Learning which she's been over the moon about. Her energy level has hit an all time high, she's completely over naps, and her bed time has been pushed back to 9:30. How she manages this, I have no idea. She's still co-sleeping with us which has begun to be a bit uncomfortable. We all like our own space, and unfortunately there's just not enough of it when we're all three crammed onto a queen sized mattress. Lately she's been asking for a clock/lamp in her room but I've told her she can only get one when she's ready to sleep in her "big girl bed". Fingers crossed that this is a good enough incentive for her to finally make the transition.

We recently had a new addition to our four-legged family roll into our lives. Literally, she was thrown out of a moving vehicle along with two other puppies. The poor little girl had sores, broken nails, and what looked like (to me) cigarette burns around her bum. That alone convinced me that she had to stay. Now, I'm a big fan of names with meaning, and at first I had hands down thought "Isis" would be the perfect fit for our little red nose. Surprisingly, Emery decided that she liked the name "Terra" better and she asked repeatedly that we name her that. Sooo, Terra it was. However, our lives just got a rather rude reality slap and it's looking like we might have to put her up for adoption.

Which finally brings me to our sad news. Last Thursday evening I got a message from my husband while I was in class. He had let the two dogs out for a "bathroom break" and Sampson took off across the tracks before he could get a leash on him.  My husband went back inside to grab the leash and harness when our neighbor, who was out for a walk, came up to let him know that they had heard a shot come from the direction in which Sampson had taken off in. When my husband went back around the house he saw our Sampson trying his hardest to walk back home. He had been shot on one of his front legs. It was already pretty late and we live in a small town so there are no 24-Hour Animal Clinics. The one vet that would see him told us that he probably wouldn't survive the night. They told us that they could look at him but we'd have to pay an emergency fee, along with any other procedure costs, up front. Well, as much as we love our Sampson, we just couldn't afford that. So instead, we had to wait it out until this morning. To top it off Emery was sick, so I was up all night with both of them. Giving medicine, changing bandages. Rearranging blankets, and trying to keep a fever down. I woke up once every hour all night long for one reason or another. By the time 5 am rolled around I was tired but thankful that Emery hadn't vomited, and that Sampson survived the night.

My husband took him to the vet first thing Friday morning, but we didn't get the good news we were hoping for. Sampson's X-rays showed a lot of damage. The bone was almost completely shattered, and there was too much shrapnel inside. So grimly, they gave us our three options: 1) We could pay almost $2,000 for surgery, but the chance of him regaining the use of his leg was slim to none. 2) They could amputate his leg for about $800. or 3) We could have him put down and cremated for less than $100. Now, a lot of people in our situation would have gone with option three. And I get that. The numbers they were throwing around sounded so unattainable and far fetched that I started crying. We weren't going to have any other option but to put our dog down with those kinds of prices. I was a mess, trying to figure out HOW we were going to pay for this? Wondering if we should let Emery say goodbye or not. I had a million things going on inside my head that I felt really overwhelmed.

Thankfully, after some negotiating, and thanks to a very lovely practice owner, we were told we could do payments if we chose to amputate. So, option two it is. The procedure is scheduled for today, and as thrilled as I am to not be putting our dog down, I'm also sad because this is still a loss. Sampson is going to need extra care, extra attention, and extra help for at least a month. My husband might be relocating for a little while for a job (more on that later) which will leave me as the only one here. So now I'm not so sure if we can keep our little Terra. She deserves to be showered in attention, loved, and trained correctly. As much as I wish we could provide that for her, I have to look at things realistically, and admit that it just might not be possible. I have my hands full enough as it is, and I'm not sure if I'll have the time for a puppy.

Round Three is Underway

Yesterday was my first day of classes. I’m still not in the swing of things yet. In fact, I’m still trying to get some things organized. I had a few little mishaps with my schedule, but finally was able to get everything all sorted. And I’m not going to lie, I’m a bit overwhelmed. Yea, I know, it’s not even day two yet.

This long summer break has completely thrown me off my algebra game. The teacher might as well have been speaking French. And don’t even get me started on my government class. That professor is all over the place which makes note taking pretty freakin difficult. I’m thinking about buying a recorder and just listening to the lecture later to take notes. Just a thought. My online classes are also pretty packed. I already have homework in pretty much every single one. I’m hoping that after tomorrow’s classes and my fitness orientation, that I’ll finally be able to work out a schedule that works for me. I need to get into a routine, and not knowing when things are due, or when I need to log things in, makes it a bit difficult. By the end of this week I should have it down though.

My on-campus classes are all pretty small. Less than 15 people in each. BUT, since my classes are earlier, there are a lot more “kids”. By that I mean, baby-faced, right out of high school. I’m actually missing my night class peeps. They were more mature? There were more adults (age 25+), and the tone of the classes were more serious, I guess. Yesterday, I had a few “clowns” in each class, and at least one smart ass in each class as well. I felt like some of the kids were in for a rude awakening, and some just needed to shut up and listen to the teacher. Then again maybe that was just the mommy in me. I dunno, it was weird. Next semester I’m signing up for evening classes again that's for sure. I definitely feel more comfortable in that settings.

So that’s about all the news on the “school front”. I’ll post about the changes I’ve been talking about recently later this week. I promise. I've finally been given all of the details, and it's a for sure thing. Also, later this week I’ll post about the past weekend activities. I was able to spend a lot of time with family and it was a blast! I really enjoyed getting to see some of my cousins. Welp, that's it for now! Hope everyone is having a wonderful week! 

How Do We Save Money We Don't Have?

So today will be my first day back to school! Woot! Woot!Thankfully, both classes are online and I’ll get to them once I get home this afternoon. But tomorrow will be my first day of school, on an actual campus. This one, I’m nervous about. Not only will I be in a town I’m not all that familiar with but the drive will be a nice hour long one both ways. I’ve been preparing by rereading the map, and double checking my school supplies. I’m trying to be as prepared as I possibly can be, to ease the anxiety.

What I wasn’t prepared for, was how much this will be costing. My husband had a whole day taken out of his work week, which kind of threw us for a loop. I had already applied for school, and had my financial aid when this happened so there was no turning back. Then due to my lateness in registering, I now have to take out what would be equivalent to a whole day out of my schedule. Which means both of our paychecks are taking a nice little hit.

We only have one car at the moment (mine was totaled last year). My husband has to use it because he has to be at work by 6 am. My parents have been nice enough to let me use their truck for getting around and going to work. Still, it’s their truck. Both of these vehicles are gas guzzlers. We normally spend $120 a week, on just going to and from work. Now, add in that I will be making an hour long drive each way to get to class, twice a week, and we’re looking at that price going up to about $200 a week. Add that cost to diapers, groceries, bills, and we’ve got a really huge number at the end of the week. $550-$600.

Only one bill is $10, which I CANCELLED to save that extra ten bucks. Everything else is $60+ I pay at least four things every Monday. And this does not show grocery, or basic utility bills. 

This has been one of the causes for my recent anxiety, because school’s not already enough to worry about, and I’m a little worried. I’m afraid that we won’t have enough left over to keep building our savings as well as Emery’s college fund. Hell, I’m afraid that we won’t have money left over at the end of the week to get us through a weekend! And this is scary, especially when you have a little one. Unexpected things happen all of the time, and I know that the minute things start getting better you’re always hit with something out of nowhere that seems to cost more than what you have. And honestly, I have no idea how we’re going to do this.

This is hard for a planner to admit. I have to have schedules, budgets, and a plan at all times. Because of this there has always been a nice bit of money left over for us to put away. Or we’ve always been able to afford the “unexpected”. But now that I’m actually sitting down and trying to figure in numbers, I’m at a loss as to what to do or where to even begin! How can I save money for our family and for our daughter’s future education if we don’t have anything left over?? Oh...this is so not a good feeling!

Officially College Bound!

The test went pretty well. I totally bombed the math part--big time.
But everything else I passed! Go me!!

I'm officially a college student! 

*Happy Dance*

Unfortunately, since I waited this long, my class pickings were small and limited. I was wanting to take as many online classes as I could, but in the end, I didn’t get that. I will be taking two classes online and two classes on campus until December. Then, I’ll register for spring and be able to take all of my classes online except for math. Or, I can take them all on campus, but later during the day. Right now those two on-campus classes are wreaking havoc on my work schedule BUT thankfully I have some awesome bosses! And since it’s only till December, I figured I could handle it. :-)

My Schedule

Campus Classes- Tuesdays and Thursdays

Online Classes- Monday, Wednesday, and Friday

The downside of this schedule is that on Tuesdays I won’t get home till about 10:30-11 pm. This means less time spent with my baby girl on that day. And, I’ll be having to leave work at 2 pm just to get to class on time. This will cut into my paycheck. Still, I’m hoping to be able to work through my lunches and even come in earlier on the days I have classes to try and make up for some of the absent time.

And now, I’m worried about my baby girl. Having to do classes online, and on that day that I won’t be back home till late are really going to cut into our time. I’m usually at her disposal 24/7, and having me not “there” for at least 2 hours of the afternoon will probably take a nice little toll on her. She’s already a clinger and she’s teething so she usually just wants me. I’m hoping to start having her bedtime be around 8 or 8:30, that way it won’t affect her too much, and so I can study till about 10 and still get some sleep!

That’s a lot of hoping! Still, this is something I have to do. If I want some kind of career and better income for my family then this is what I have to do. Our internet was installed on Tuesday, and this weekend we’ll be moving everything around to get our “office/study” set up. I’ll be doing whatever I can to get us organized, scheduled, and cleaned before I start my first week. Kind of like nesting, but for college, lol!! Then, classes start on Monday!

I’m sure that blogging will take a backseat to everything else for the first couple of weeks. I’m going to need that time to really feel things out. But trust me, I won’t stop writing. This has become a nice outlet for me and I don’t plan to stop!

I am a little nervous about school though. Now that it’s official, I’m starting to get into my own head. I really want this to work out and be as smooth of a transition as possible for us. I want to be able to learn and do good in my classes. But we all know bumps come up, and things don’t always go as planned so I’m kind of bracing myself for that. I still feel that this is a good and positive thing for me and especially for my family. So here’s to a new chapter in our lives!! Wish us luck!! 

Procrastination Gets You Nowhere

I put a lot of personal things off. A lot. This is a really bad habit of mine, one of many, that I can't seem to kick. I can schedule, set aside savings, and remember when things need to be paid, for other people. But when it comes to anything for me, I'm a really really big mess.

Remember all of that good stuff I said about starting school again? Well, this is all dependent on one little test. A little test that I have yet to take, and classes start NEXT week. Eeep! I know, I'm awful. But honestly, with everything going on in my personal life and work life, I've had very little time/motivation to study. But now, the deadline is right at my door, and I have to leap or miss out. And if I miss out, it'll be that much harder to get help to pay for school next time around.

I've taken two practice test this entire time. According to those I'm at OK levels in writing and reading which made me feel pretty good about those two sections. But math makes me want to strangle the person who invented it in the first place. I've bombed both tests pretty freakin' bad. This is probably because I never really paid attention, I skipped around a lot, and I only retained enough information to get me a C. It could also be that I did a few drugs (don't judge) back in my day and they wiped out that part of my noggin. I know, I know, scold me later.

So yea, math sucks. I can't for the life of me remember basic algebra! You can also forget about trigonometry and geometry. I stare at the problems like they're in Arabic. I have no idea what they mean or how to even begin to solve them! I talked to the guidance counselor and she told me not to sweat it because there is no "failing". It's just a way for them to figure out what classes you need to take. I don't care about "remedial" classes. That doesn't bother me at all. But seriously, who wants to walk out of the damn exam with every single math answer wrong?? I guarantee you that's what's going to happen too. Unless one of my guesses is correct. Because most of it will be me guessing. Oh Batman, this is going to suck.

So today, that's what I'll be doing. Taking a test. Not by choice, but because I've run out of time. I've slacked off enough, and I'm paying the price. I thought I was going to be able to have some help and maybe a bit of tutoring, but things didn't work out as planned. So wish me luck, send some good vibes my way, and please pray that I get some of those answers right! It would be greatly appreciated.

X Games 17 and A Test...

I really like action sports. I think those guys deserve some major respect, and sometimes even more respect than “regular” athletes. Some of the stuff they do is completely insane! This past week/weekend was X Games 17, and I had my DVR set for anything that popped up with that title. To my disappointment, someone had started recording a Cartoon Network show that interfered with the first two days so I missed out on all of the moto stuff. Meh. I wasn’t too happy about that but thank goodness for YouTube! “My man” took a spill and I’m a little bummed about it. But not before winning Gold in Best Whip! Take a look:

That was pretty much my "exciting" weekend. I did a little shoe shopping for Emery because she’s officially outgrown her size 5’s. I did laundry, relaxed, and caught up on all of the recent True Blood episodes! At one point I tried to study for the placement test and came up really short. Emery and I were alone and she is really getting into that “needy” phase. She wanted to be in my lap, flipping the pages, and pressing buttons on my computer. When I sat her down, she’d start crying, or she would climb on to things and say “Mom, look at this.” If I tried to ignore her she’d start saying “Mom. Mom. Mom. Look at this. Mom. Mom. Mom.” Then, I would go into "guilty mode" for ignoring my baby, and it just wasn’t getting me anywhere. I found some study help this weekend though. I get to have a day or two of tutoring from my friend this week, and hopefully, I’ll be able to retain some of this information long enough to pass the test. Or at least not get a zero. I’m pretty sure I’ll have to do remedial classes, and I’m perfectly OK with that. I just have to get through this test in order to start taking them.

So, I’ll be taking a few days off from blogging to try to get as many study hours logged in as I can. Wish me luck!   

p/s My brother informed me 

that he will be moving out in about 3-4 weeks.

Kind of sad about it, but he's a big kid now.

Here We Go!

I wish life had a pause button. I could really use a breather. This past weekend was awful! I spent the majority of Saturday and Sunday cleaning. At one point Emery got tired of being inside so we took a break and I aired up her little pool. She absolutely LOVED it! It took her a second to get warmed up to this new “play thing”, but when she finally got comfortable she was splashing around. She did fall backwards, once, but I was in the pool with her (it wasn’t filled up very high) and I got her right back up. I could tell it scared her for a second, but after that she was more cautious about her steps. Now, she keeps pointing at the pool every time we go outside, but the weather has been pretty crappy (we are currently under tornado watch) so we haven’t been able to let her get back in it. Hopefully this week gets better. 

Then, on Saturday night I bought myself a bottle of hypnotic but I didn't even get to finish it. I literally had MAYBE a glass. That was the only down time I was allowed. On Saturday my house looked as nice as it could get. Then Sunday came around and we had to move stuff out which caused it to look like crap again. Right now it’s in between because I did not want to move a single finger yesterday. Well, in the cleaning department anyway. My whole BODY is sore from Saturday and Sunday. This has not been fun. 

Yesterday, I went to Weatherford College to talk to an advisor. Like I had stated in one of my last posts, I want to get back into school but I need some guidance/direction. Well, I got some great feedback! Kim came with me, and I am so thankful for her! I had Emery (we missed her dr. appointment too-oops!), and the drive up there wasn’t too bad. She helped me with Emery, and let me vent out some of my worries, and frustrations (which was VERY much needed). She came in with me, and reminded me of some questions I had. When I was talking to the adviser, she looked after Em. So Kim, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GOING WITH ME!! As for the feedback, this is what I got: 

Yes, my homeschool transcript will be accepted. No I do not have to take a SAT/ACT/GED test, but I will be taking the COMPASS placement test. Once I take that, if I have any areas that I still need to work on, I will take those basic classes first. She told me where to go to take a “career” quiz to kind of give me an idea as to what I want to study. She also told me to go ahead and apply for financial aid, send in my transcript, and enroll to WC. Then, I can call and schedule a date to take the placement test on a Saturday. After that, I’ll go back to talk about the score, see what areas need more study, and go from there! 

I’M SO NERVOUS! And so excited at the same time! I’m worried about not remembering stuff, and being out of school for so long. YIKES! I’m worried about whether or not I’ll be eligible for financial aid or not, because that’s the ONLY way I could attend. But, I feel like this is a step in the right direction. This is the first step in securing my family a BETTER future! This is my first step at getting us OUT of here!! So, I'm going to our local bookstore today to find a compass study guide, and I’m going to take the books Kim’s mother gave me and brush up on a lot of the subjects. Hopefully by the end of next month, if not sooner, I’ll send my stuff in and get ready to register for FALL classes!! 

*does a little happy dance* 

So, that’s what I’m aiming for! I’m hoping that this all goes through and that I am able to get financial aid. I’m hoping that I can really do this and be good at it. I’m hoping that God allows me to succeed. But now, more than ever, do I really really want a vacation. Just one little trip for like a week. To get some DOWN time before I head into this college madness, because I want to finish in TWO years. I doubt we’ll get to, but it would be nice. I know that going back to school will be stressful, and we might end up a little tight on money. I know that it will be hard, and I might get burned out, but I have to do this. So here’s to a new adventure!

The Next Step

I had this whole post typed up about how much of a funk I was in. About how I was so disappointed, and tired nowadays. How emotionally I was feeling so off base. But, I want to skip over the whole disappointed part. I just have to shake it off! Get back into my routine, and just keep on going full steam ahead! But at the same time, I need to slow down.

Lately, I have been so tired and I have no idea why. I’ve been getting these major migraines too, and I think it’s because of me quitting sugar and then jumping back into it with a vengeance. Then stopping again. I almost fell asleep at work yesterday (even with a sugar boost), and when I was running I kept wanting to close my eyes! Then, my legs gave out at 1.5 miles. Which never happens! My legs were in pain yesterday, but a different kind of pain than usual. And my right arm broke out in hives. It was weird. But I showered, went over to our friends for a little while, and then came home to watch an episode of Glee before going to bed. My legs giving out was my first clue that I should slow down. Let my body recover before starting up again.

My diet is just blah. I’m having a hard time finding time to prepare my meals ahead of time. So I end up with salads or wraps at lunch. Not a bad choice, but not a good one either. Still, I need to get back on the wagon. And go at it hardcore. I feel all lazy and fat because I haven’t been keeping it up like I should. I think that might also be why I’m so tired. So here’s to hoping I get my motivation back!

Next Monday, I will be headed to a community college close by to talk to admissions about what my steps need to be to get back into school. I need some direction (instruction) on what to do next. And I feel that someone there can probably help me out with this! I am wanting to do online classes because like I stated before, making that drive back and forth would hurt our pockets so bad. And I’ve been looking at what they have to offer online, and I’m hoping that this will end up being a good fit. So, next Monday after Emery’s doctor appointment, I’ll be making the hour-long drive. I want to aim for a goal of starting school NEXT spring. And that’s just to give me some room to study and either take the tests I need or go through the whole GED route. Also, I got my husband thinking about Full Sail University! They have a lot of distance learning choices and a lot of different music based degrees! He loves music! Loves recording, writing, learning. The man can pick up an instrument and teach himself how to use it. He’s also been using a recording program called Fruity Loops, and so far he’s done really well with learning how to use it. So, I think it would be a great idea for him to try it out. Not saying that he will, but I hope he at least thinks about it.

Anyway, that’s about all the updates so far.I’m dabbling with watermarks on photos to see which one I want to use, so forgive me for all of the randoms. Once I get one that I like, I’ll change all of them. Nothing else is new. Daily life has gotten a bit more quiet, my husband is still licking his wounds, and Emery is sprouting. Seriously that little girl needs to stop! I miss my little baby that wanted to cuddle all of the time. She was replaced by a very demanding, independent, and always on the go toddler. Well, almost toddler. It’s a little saddening. Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well! 

School, Again?

I need to get my stuff together. Today, I woke up and I looked around. Just sat there and took everything in. I couldn’t help but feel like a bit of a failure. Emery was there sleeping peacefully, but so many things flashed through my head. About her future. About our family's future.

I’ve dabbled in trying to get back into school or doing continuing education courses before. But I have no idea what I want to do! I don’t know if I could handle being a nurse, or radiologist. Do I want to be a teacher or a business major? I mean seriously, I have no clue what I would find fulfilling! That’s a lot of money that would be wasted if I didn’t stick with whatever it is that I chose. I don’t want to do that. I want to be certain and to get something out of it. Time is so not on my side either! I’ve tried to make time to study before, but it is sooooo hard! I’m a mom, wife, and work full time. Where the hell do I find time to study, go to school, and get all of my other “normal” stuff done? How do other people do it?? Oh, and anything I chose to do, would have to be mostly online because I don’t have the money to be traveling back and forth. So does that limit me on what I can or can not get a degree in? Uggh!! So many QUESTIONS!!

Then, I have a problem with my diploma. It isn’t really valid because of who we went through. I mean, it is valid, I did graduate, but I was homeschooled. And some college don’t accept it unless it was through a credited program. And most kids that are homeschooled end up taking the SAT, ACT, or TAAKS test so that’s how they are able to get into colleges. I never took any of those. I high tailed it out of Texas to go experience “life”. So there are so many circles you have to jump through, it’s ridiculous. But if you don’t have any of those tests taken, you can try going through getting a GED. Which means my diploma would mean nothing, and I’d have to start all over. And I really don’t want that.

But today, when I woke up and looked around. All I saw was us being confined to two rooms. No money to fix up what we needed. Floors halfway finished. No hot water, or working shower and toilet. And I looked at my daughter and couldn’t help but feel ashamed. This is not the life I want for us. I don’t want to be “barely getting by” all of the time. I want to be able to have a job no matter what state the economy is in, and I don’t want to be held back because all I have is a high school education. I want an actual home. I want to be able to fix things when they get broken, not steadily have to save to fix one thing at a time. I want a good sized income. I want to be able to take a vacation! I love my parents and I am so very grateful to them for helping us and for letting us stay in the house next door. It’s a roof over our heads after all. But I don’t want to rely on them forever. I don’t want to always use them as a fallback plan. They don’t deserve that, and my family doesn’t deserve that.

So now, I need to figure out how to get started. There is a really good community college about an hour away, but I work Mon.-Friday 8-5 and they don’t stay open past 4 pm. They don't hold appointments on the weekends either. Right now, I only take days off if Em is really sick because I have no paid vacation of sick days. And trust me, I take a hit if I miss a day. I wish there was someone I could talk to that could just help me! Point me in the right direction, tell me what my steps need to be. Because I have no clue. I don’t know where to get started, and even though I have friends who are going to college, most of them are not in my situation. They’ve taken the tests and so they don’t have to jump through so many hoops.

I’m completely lost. Anyone out there have any advice? I could really, really use some right about now. I know that going back to school is what I need to do. I know that this is the only way I will get anywhere in life really. Especially since I have no other talents or aspiration to own my own company one day. So, now I just have to get there. But that is so much easier said than done. 

College Bound!!! Well, Maybe...

Oh boy...

Ok, so, I've been looking at my paychecks recently and noticed something. I am probably the lowest paid employee at my work place. Why? Well because I don't have a degree in something of course. See, our owner is ALL about DEGREES. You don't have one, then you're just not smart, not even if you know more than others. See, it's all about presentation. If they can "show you off", so to speak, then you're GOLDEN!

Well, everyone knows my story by now. Troubled teen, ran off to California for a boy at 19, didn't attend college, came back to Texas, got married, and is now a mother. ALL before the age of 23. Yes, I am accomplished, but in a different way. HA! So yea, I didn't go to college. I worked though, and damn hard too. I was always open to learning new things, and I was always fast at it too. I did what I needed to, to get things paid.

So, I'm not like all hi-tech when it comes to computers, but I know enough to fix little problems here and there. I know some neat little tricks, and boy can I make a spreadsheet! LOL! Also, counseling, I'm pretty good about handing out advice (sometimes I should take some of it), and I'm a good listener! Then, there's the nursing field. I've never been afraid to work with sick people. I almost want to comfort everyone in the hospital as soon as I walk into one, same goes for animals. Love them! So, I was thinking that those are four fields that I'd be good in. AND after my last check, I started to seriously think about going back to school, even if it was online. I hate being broke all the time, and I work in a place that focuses more on keeping you down than raising you up. I've come to the conclusion that I really don't want to be stuck here forever. Plus, WHEN we do go back to California, I want to go with something that I know I can get a job with. Not to mention, I'd love to be able to give EMERY a good life. I want HER to be proud of me.

So, I want a career.

Now comes the hard part. Getting it. I have not been to school in over four years. I can't even remember half of what I was taught and I absolutely hated math and science/chemistry. I'd rather watch paint dry for a year than sit through those classes. I never took my SAT or ACT and so I will have to pass one of those before I can even THINK about attending college. And those are some pretty intimidating tests. I took a peak into my sister-in-law's ACT book (that she let me barrow) and I literally shrieked, and slammed it shut. I shoved it as far away from me as I could and have not opened it since (that was three weeks ago). But, if I want this as bad as I think I do, I will have to open it up and start studying. Like yesterday.

I have no idea how I am going to do this. I work full time, I have a newborn (3 months last week) who needs A LOT of attention right now, and A LOT of debt to still pay off so my credit pretty much sucks. I can't even get dish network my credit sucks so bad. How the hell am I going to find time to study, and do school work? How am I going to get a loan, much less pay it off? I also barely get 5 hours of sleep, throw school into the mix and I have a feeling I am going to be EXHAUSTED, and even more BROKE. But, I want this. (scratch that) I need this. So, I've decided that I should do this. I'm just scared shitless of the process.

I'm going to take it one step at a time. I've started to look up sites that have practice tests, and I am going to study that ACT book. I'm going to flip through some of my old math stuff and old tests. Maybe find someone who will tutor me? And then attempt to pass ONE of those two tests. If I can pass one, THEN I'll start thinking about college, about HOW to pay for it, and finally what field I'd like to go into.

Any other young mom's out there going back to school? How are you doing it and what are your reason's?? Anyone else that's going back to school, that hasn't been in a long time, have any advice?