A New Chapter | NBTX

I’ve written and rewritten this post several times since June. I’ve pieced it together from brief little moments that I find to write. 10 minutes here, 20 minutes there. And then so much time goes by that what I wrote before is no longer relevant, so I delete it all and start over. So, I’m going to try to summarize as best as I can, and bear with me as some of this is repeated information. 

If you missed this post, go back and give it a read. I wrote it at the end of 2025, but didn’t post it until January. The idea of moving away had always been there. Whether we thought it would ever actually happen? Well, I don’t think any of us really did. But by the end of February, we were given an offer. A “lifeline,” if you will. Either we stayed in Stephenville and kept struggling, or we took a leap of faith and moved to New Braunfels, TX.

At first, I was very hesitant. Uncomfortable even. I honestly didn’t feel like I was being called to leave. And truthfully, there are still days when I question if we made the right decision. I wanted familiarity. I wanted comfort. I wanted to keep what was known. I kept asking myself, “Would we be making a colossal mistake? How would this impact our kids? What if we failed? What if things got worse?” I was sick to my stomach for weeks just thinking of all the ways this could blow up in our faces. All of the ways that this could end terribly.

But then, one morning as I stood in our kitchen, I received my nudge in one of the weirdest forms. When my husband arrived home after a 4-hour drive, we sat down to discuss what this would mean. And within a few weeks, everything started to fall into place. We found a house and an offer was made. I received a job offer a few weeks later. We had just enough money for our down payment and closing costs. Our son’s ear surgery would take place before we moved. My dad was randomly offered a job in Stephenville, so Emery would be able to stay with him and finish out her school year. The plan was for my husband, son, and me to move at the beginning of May, and then Emery would follow in three weeks. 

Sadly, my husband’s grandfather passed away at the end of April. And as I mentioned in my last post, he was the person who had been behind giving us a helping hand. But in typical Nathan fashion, he had already made arrangements with lawyers and the rest of the family for what would take place once he was gone. That didn’t make it easier, though. We honestly had hoped for more time. More guidance and instruction. But still, we were beyond grateful for what he did give us: a way out of a hopeless situation.

On May 5, I dropped my daughter off at school with a hug and a kiss. Then I dropped off the last of my work items at Tarleton, saying goodbye to my coworkers one last time. We grabbed some food and started the journey to our new city. The following Monday was Nathan's funeral. And the next day I started my new job. Two days later, my son started at his new daycare. And so began the adjustment to our life here. 

We’re Moving (Again)

Two weekends ago we started the process of moving. And when I say “process”, what I really mean is a colossal pain in the ass. When it comes to moving I’m normally a big fan of taking that time to get rid of things that I do not need. I either throw things away or donate them. But, when you have a partner that sees a way to make money in every little thing...it makes that purging of non-essentials so much harder. And it would be totally fine if we had storage space to put all of it, but we DON’T. We definitely downsized and I’m kind of freaking out about it. So, as of right now everything is piled up in boxes strewn all across the house. And if you know me, you know that this is causing me a lot of stress and anxiety. What makes it worse is that this isn’t even our “forever home”. This is a project house. One that needs a lot of work. So, in a few years, guess what? We’re going to have to move ALL. OVER. AGAIN. And y’all...I’m kind of having a mental breakdown over it. But that’ll be a post for another day. 

When we first got together, my partner and I talked about where we wanted to live. I’m partial to being in a small town and his preference is the country. Wide-open spaces. Before he and I started dating he had bought a single wide on some land in a tiny community about six miles outside of the bigger town that we frequent. This was his fixer-upper project. So, this meant that we were both paying for homes and utilities each month. Only, I was renting and he was paying on a loan. Then I went from having one dog to now having four! And y’all, the backyard at my house just wasn’t big enough. So, after some discussion, we agreed to move out to his house. It just didn’t make sense for us to both be paying for homes and especially in my situation where it wasn’t going towards something I would eventually own. But before I would move in there would have to be some repairs done. So, we got to work. Well, he did most of it. And while the house still needs A LOT of work, we finally fixed the more pressing issues. 

Originally, we had planned on moving at the end of the year. Then we bumped it up to a September or October move-in date. This would give Em some time to get used to school and for us to get into a routine. But then we had a few incidents occur that caused us to speed up the process and well, here we are. A week into moving in, still eating take out and trying to figure out what will be staying/going. Plus trying to find a place to put it all. And y’all, it’s been an adjustment for everyone involved. More so for Emery and me, but that was pretty much expected. She and I have both cried a lot over this past week. I’ve threatened to throw everything outside and set it on fire on multiple occasions. I’ve gotten snappy with my partner and dished out some major attitude. I’ve complained a lot about the well water, and the dogs. I’ve complained about the inconvenience of still having to make trips to our old house every day because not everything has been moved yet. About the eyesores in our front yard. This move has really brought out the worst in me and I’m not proud. Now, he’s not innocent either, y’all. But we won’t get into that. However, we were both feeling the tension and strain due to all of this.

Then, there was the issue of where my daughter would go to school. I originally wanted her to stay in the school district that she’s always been in. Her friends all go there, she’s familiar with it, and with all of the changes she’s already going through I didn’t want to switch that up as well. However, I’ve gotten pressure from all sides to just switch her over to a new district. The local school is small which allows the students to get more one-on-one time with each teacher. They have a four day school week. Bullying and cliques are non-existent due to their size too. So after hearing about all of the benefits from those who wanted me to put her into this school I started to ask for opinions outside of my circle. My parents even asked around as well. Because it takes a village. And so far everything is coming back really positive. Someone even told me, “If you can get your kid into this school, jump on that opportunity.” Because there’s a waitlist for kids whose parents want them to go to this school but live outside of the district. Since we live right on the district line she’s able to claim a spot. There are downsides to this school too though. There’s no art program, which my daughter isn’t thrilled about. And since there is a whopping 14 students total (including her) in her entire grade, she’s concerned that she may not make many friends. So, after three days of discussion, she and I both agreed to give this school a shot. She’ll attend for a full six weeks and then we will reassess. If she hates it and isn’t doing well, then I will transfer her back to the district school we were previously in. This trial basis started today. 

And that's where we're at for right now. I'm hoping to finally have everything out of boxes and put away over this week. I've slowly been chipping away at several of them since we moved. My partner finished up the fenced yard so we were finally able to bring the bigger dogs over. And hopefully, we'll be able to bring our last load of things over this upcoming weekend too. If you're of the praying kind please say a little prayer for me, will y'all? For Em too. That if this new school really is everything that they say it is, she thrives at it. She enjoys it. And also for my partner. Ha! Because he's really going to need it. But if you're not into praying then just send us some good vibes, will ya? We could use them. In the meantime, I hope y'all have a wonderful week.    

One Day I'll Get Back To This Space

The last post I actually posted was back in May. Crazy. Time is just slipping by and as I've stated before I don't ever want to have "filler" posts. That is why I haven't really written anything. There are a few drafts that I've been entirely too lazy to upload pictures from my camera for, so they just sit there, patiently. Life around here has been pretty slow and boring. I'm loving it! There hasn't been a lot going on for us, so for the time being things will stay pretty quiet around here.

The one "big thing" underway was mentioned in the last post. I talked a lot about us moving to a new house, and how it would be ready soon. Well, that time has quickly come and this last week of June has been filled with a sense of rushing. Does that make sense? A lot has been done and now we're just waiting for some projects to be finished up. The bathroom remodel will be done today, the gate for the backyard was replaced yesterday, the living room flooring will be installed tomorrow, and we've slowly been painting the inside throughout this whole time. So I guess it has been a busy few weeks, huh? We also discovered that we'll have to buy a "new" stove since the new house runs on gas. We've calculated deposits and fees that will have to be given in order to transfer all of our utilities, and open others for the new house which is also a pretty big reason why we haven't really been doing a lot this month. I've deemed today "packing day" and if all goes as planned we hope to be living in our new house by the 30th.

Other than that, things have been really uneventful. Emery started swimming lessons. My sister-in-law, Christina, has been staying with us during the week as a "live in" babysitter while our lovely Tere is visiting family. Work has finally evened out enough for me to catch my breath and I've started running again. I'm currently on a 5 day cleanse that has turned me into a super saiyan bitch, because don't we all when we're not getting to eat food? It ends tomorrow just in time for the moving out/in weekend which can only mean two things: PIZZA AND BEER WINE! And that's about all I have for now. I really hope I get back into the habit of posting a bit more. Often  I think of something or I capture the perfect picture that I'd like to share, but I never quite make it to my computer. There's always something that comes up, something  that needs finishing, or a toddler that wants to be held just because. And really, why would anyone say no to that? Until then though, I really hope everyone is having a lovely summer.

Moving...again...

Things have been really quiet around here lately, and yet really really loud with change. A month ago, out of nowhere, our landlord told us that the house we were in was up for sale and that they were moving. This was quickly followed by, "Do you mind if I and some potential buyers come in?" Thankfully, we had been cleaning all morning and almost done because thirty minutes later there was a knock on our door. This happened frequently during the weeks that followed so I was in a constant state of cleaning. Do you know how exhausting that is? And I was also feeling really...vulnerable? Here were these strangers roaming freely through out our house, looking at our things, and I had no control over it.

As all of this was going on I was also stressing over finding a new place to live. Our landlord told us if we needed to terminate the lease earlier then we could do so because this was something very unexpected. So when I say that we were lucky to find the house we're in, at the monthly price we did, I am not at all exaggerating. Finding anything this cheap again, and in such great condition would be really hard to do. And yet not entirely impossible because two weeks later my mother called to tell me a friend of hers was in the processes of closing on a house and she was looking for potential renters! My mom had told her about our situation, and so she offered to let us see the house as soon as she was able to. When we were finally able to see it I became a little excited, and a lot relieved. It's in a quieter neighborhood, and we would have two police officers as neighbors. THAT could go either way; pro or con! After talking to her some more she told us that the rent would be the same, and there would be no deposit. It would be ready in a month, and if we wanted it we had first pick. I was completely floored. That afternoon I went home feeling so thankful, and blessed. How could I not? Things were clicking in place for us. We were being shown kindness, and being given opportunities that don't come around very often. I let them know that evening that we were very interested in the house, and they told us they would hold it for us.

That same night our landlord told us that the house had sold. She wasn't sure what they would be doing with it, but she had let them know that our contract ran through the end of July so we had until then to figure something out. So imagine my surprise when I have the previous owner and the new owners knocking on my door wanting to speak with us about our lease last week. My initial thoughts were somewhere along the lines of "Well, shit. I guess we'll be leaving earlier than planned." But instead, they told us that they wanted us to stay in the home. We had a good relationship with the previous owner, and she talked very highly about us. They said we could live there for as long as we wanted under no contract. The cost would be the same because they were not looking to raise our rent. Again, I was floored. There are people out there who have a hard time finding one home and here we were being offered two.

But we had already agreed to the new house. And even though we had not signed a contract I really didn't want to back out. The house, though a bit smaller, still had many pros for us to consider. Both of the places are wonderful and I really hate moving, but I think it'll be a good thing. I think the new house will require less up keep, and we won't have to worry about people driving 60 mph in a 30 mph zone. I like that the backyard is completely fenced in, and there's a back porch. The landlord has also given me permission to paint, strip, and basically do whatever else I'd like to with the new house. So here we go, again. A new house; a change. Something different, and a tiny bit exciting. As awesome as all of this is I'm really hoping that this new house is where we stay for awhile.

Displaced

At the beginning of August we started having electrical issues. Lights would flicker, and dim throughout the house. Our breakers would jump at least once a week. So my dad shut down the power that was being transferred to the second house because we assumed maybe we were just using too much. The double wide is old, and the wiring leading to our house would probably need to be replaced. Well, the issues stopped for about two weeks. One night mid-September we woke up to popping sounds going off through out the house. I checked our breaker box and all of them had jumped. So, I turned them back on and my husband went around checking the power through out the house. Since it was around 2 am he didn't really check thoroughly, but just glanced to see if the clocks were back on and if he could hear the fridge running. 

The next morning I was running late and my husband was leaving to go do some odd jobs so we were in a hurry. I don't remember opening the fridge or even checking the clocks. That evening when we got home though, something was off. Our TV wouldn't turn on, and the lights were super dim. I opened the fridge and everything was warm/melted. When we turned on the lights to our rooms in the back, the entire house "shut off". When I flipped the breakers back on we figured out that we couldn't have too many things on at once. And it turns out that the popping we heard that night wasn't just the breakers going off. Our TV was fried, the fridge no longer worked, and our electric heaters had burnt plug ins. 

We called an electrician, and they took a look around. It took them six days to tell us nothing. Our house was having surges and they didn't know why. When we plugged something in, it was like the house would drain power from the other end and they didn't know why. In the end they charged us over $500 just to tell us that they'd have to send someone else out to "take a look", after they had already sent two gentlemen out to our house every day for the previous six days. We finally told them, no thank you...we'd look else where. Unfortunately, we couldn't afford to do that.  

We turned our "laundry space" into our bedroom. Started using the front bathroom only. And shut off the whole back section of our house. We pretty much lived in our living room. Since our fridge was dunzo, I would buy our meals that same day and we'd cook on the grill. But there was a lot of fast food trips taken as well. We used our computer screen as our TV and only hooked up the DVD player. It wasn't ideal, but it worked. Since everything else in the house runs on propane, I wasn't too worried (or rushed) about having to find a new place. We used as little electricity as possible to get us by and that was fine.  

Well, last Tuesday our house shut down completely. No amount of breaker flipping was turning it back on. We called the electric company and they showed everything was running fine on their end. We checked the outside box to make sure it wasn't damaged. Everything was "fine" but nothing in our house would turn on. We stayed at my parents house that night. The next morning we called someone about giving us an estimate on what needed to be done. They came back with a number around the $5,000 range. My dad said the house wasn't even worth that much, so there really wasn't much point in fixing it. So, you can all guess what that means. Yup. We are now living with my parents. Again.  

Currently, we are in no position to rent an apartment or house. Everything we've seen has been priced at over $600 a month along with an equal amount for deposit. So we're looking at $1200 to just get a place. And it's no secret that we can't afford that. Even with my husbands part time job, we'd still come up short. We were coming up short while our house was still livable and we didn't even have to pay rent. So as you can see, we're in a bit of a pickle. Thankfully, my parents are letting us stay with them. We have a roof over our heads, food, and warmth. What more do we really need, right? Well, it still sucks that we don't have our own place but we're making the best of it. And I'm hoping that something turns up soon. For now, I'm just going to count our blessings. We're really lucky to have family that opens up their arms and home to help us out. 

Moving Ten Feet Away

We are moving into my parents old house. Actually, we've already brought the majority of our stuff over and we've been sleeping there since Sunday night. However, my parents still have a lot of stuff that they’re coming back to get this weekend and we still have plenty that we need to move over from the old house. We’re in “transition” I guess you could say.

Sleeping in my parents old room has been weird. Seeing our things go up and theirs come down has been unsettling. I know that this is “just a house”, and people move all of the time, but I still feel really weird about this. I’m living in the house that I grew up in, again. There are so many memories attached to this place. Some great, some not so great. But it’s always been the place that grounded me because it was my parents’. Because when I entered that house there was always a game on TV, food being cooked, and my mother and grandmother talking in the kitchen. It was so familiar, and secure. Walking into that home I felt like I was a piece of a bigger puzzle. I belonged there because of them.

One great memory I have is how our family time consisted of my brother and I waking up early every Sunday and jumping on my parents bed to talk with them. We’d talk about our week, what we needed to get done, sports, what we had planned for the next few days, and just how we were doing. So it seems strange to me, walking into their room and seeing all of our things in there. I’m not the only one confused either. Emery will walk in and she’ll ask for grandma and grandpa. Or she’ll turn the TV off in the living room and say “Mom, lets go home.” I tell her that this is our home, and she just shakes her head no and says “No. This Grandma’s house.” I think we all wake up a little, off?

So what I've realized is that this is going to take some getting used to. This place is and will always be, my parents house. I don’t consider it mine. Not sure if I ever will. Last night, my husband noticed how unsettled I was and asked if I’d like our pictures to come down for a while. We didn't take them down of course because that would have been a hassle. He had spent all day moving our things and putting up our stuff that I didn't have the heart to have him take it all down. But for a split second I actually considered it. Not that it would have done me any good. It doesn't change the fact that I wake up in their room, and that I cook in their kitchen. Nothing will change that until we can finally afford to have our own place. Until then, I hope this weirdness goes away soon. It’s not like my parents our gone, they've just moved so I don’t know why my head is having such a hard time with this. I've lived in several different places so it’s strange that I feel like this. I think anyways.

On the bright side, we moved over just in time. Fall is officially here in our little part of Texas. Temperatures over night have been in the 30’s and during the day the highest so far has been 65. Not sure if it’s here to stay, because with Texas you never know, but it looks like we’re finally about to get that really cold weather. It’s also nice being able to shower and not have to walk back over to our house all wet. During the winter that used to suck. And I like having a FULL kitchen with a working stove! I’m able to cook more than one thing at a time now! I like having a gas heater that heats the entire house instead of small space heaters in every room. And I love that my mother gave me her full permission to decorate/paint/remodel whatever and however I wanted. So despite the weird feelings, I’m really grateful to be in a fully functioning home. I'm grateful to have parents that continue to help my family and I in whatever they can. I am so grateful to have them in my life. It's the little things after all, right?

They're Moving

Okay, so it’s about time I get down to the nitty gritty, and explain why I've been MIA a lot the past few weeks: My parents are moving. Next week if everything goes as planned. Soon followed by my aunt and uncle, to a property right down the road from us. After that, we will be moving into my parents old double wide. Then, we’ll officially be on our own.

It’s all come down to space. We are all family and love each other very much. But we are all too crowded here. So when someone gave my parents the opportunity to rent out a home closer to town, my dad jumped at the offer. My mother was harder to convince, but in the end, she caved. And once they had made the deal they came to us and asked if we wanted the double wide, free of rent. And we JUMPED.

This is going to be a good thing. A much needed change. But I’d be lying if I said everything was peachy. In all honesty, we’ve become very dependent on my parent’s help. It was very convenient for Emery to just walk right over and sit on the porch with her grandma and grandpa while mom and dad caught some extra sleep. Emergencies, or last minute late night trips to the store, were easier to deal with when my parents were RIGHT THERE. And I know that a 20 minute drive isn’t that far, but it will still be an adjustment. One that hasn’t fully sank in just yet. And probably won’t until the packing begins.

Acceptance hasn’t just been hard on us either. As awesome as this move is for my parents, and again it’s not that far, my mother has already had a few little breakdowns. They’re just as attached to Emery as she is to them. They’ve been picking her up early and taking her out as often as possible. They shower her (and us) with gifts. And they keep assuring us that they’ll be available whenever we need them. They’ve even offered to turn the guest room in their new house into a room for us so we can go stay overnight from time to time. My mother keeps saying that she feels like we’re moving states away even though it’s only a few minutes down the road. As silly as that may seem I kind of get how she feels that way. It’s a change.

Now, this isn’t permanent. My parents bought property right down the road from where we currently live and plan on building a home later in the future. So, they’ll be back. And my dad has already told my mother that if she doesn’t like it after six months they can move back, and we’ll gladly move back into the house we’re currently in. It’s that simple. But, I’m pretty sure once they get settled in their new home, they won’t want to move back for awhile. It’s just way more convenient. The house needs a few cosmetic repairs, and a little bit of paint, but other than that it’s pretty much perfect.

So that’s what’s been going on. It’s not anything secret or huge, I just didn’t want to say anything until my parents finally put the money down on it. Because like I stated before, my mother was pretty hard to convince. All last week I was pretty busy with my already crazy schedule but I was also helping them get things ready for the move. In fact, on Tuesday we went and picked out paint for the rooms, and we also went through our storage buildings to see what all they will be taking and leaving behind. It’s been a bit hectic. And until this move happens, our schedules have been completely thrown for a loop. I know I said I was going to be better about blogging, but sometimes, life happens.

I hope everyone has a wonderful week! Here's to getting back to normal. :)

Pre-K Talk = Too Much to Think About

Recently, my husband and I have been talking about where we want to be in the future. Before, our plan was to get our butts back to California as soon as we possibly could. Then the plan changed, and we said we’d wait till after I graduated. Now, we just aren’t sure. We know that we want to move away from here. This place hasn’t done much for us. Maybe it’s because we know too many people or because we have such a crappy past with it, but we’ve both agreed that we don’t want to stay here permanently. My husband is fond of the Fort Worth/ Benbrook area, but I want no part of that. We both really liked Austin, because of it’s musical vibe. And of course we love the Murrieta/Temecula area. Those have been the only options we’ve both agreed on, for now.

Our main concern however, is Emery. She’ll just be turning 5 when I graduate (if everything goes as planned), and I want us to have a plan by then. I know the future is constantly changing, but I’d hate to have to take her out of schools and away from any friends she's made when she's older just so we could move. We’re also keeping in mind that there are differences in how she’ll grow up depending on where we choose. We’ve seen the difference in kids from smaller towns compared to the ones in bigger cities. I know that I can't stereotype just because of a few encounters, and I’m sure it will all come down to how we (her parents) raise her. Still, it’s nice to have an environment that fully supports the same ideals you have in place. A common goal, if you will. Plus, I think it’s hard to explain to a child that they can’t do something other kids their age are doing because you don’t want them to. That could also be the push over in me speaking. In the end I can only speak of my experiences here. In our tiny town. Because I myself never grew up in a bigger city, and we currently aren’t raising our daughter in one.

That aside, I also worry about her educational opportunities. Currently, public education in America is at an all time low. Electives in smaller towns are limited. I’ve also seen first hand how unprepared some kids are when entering college. I don’t want this for Emery. So, my husband and I have talked about private schools. We have one private school in the town that I work at and it’s tuition is actually very reasonable. So it’s an option we are considering for when she starts Pre-K. But then, I Googled private schools in the other locations we've talked about and I was FLOORED. We’re looking at $5,000 plus per school year. That’s more than my college courses cost for two semesters! Now, a few months ago my parents made an offer to gladly contribute towards her education if we decided to go the private school route. I know that accepting their help would definitely take some of the burden off, but I don’t want to take my parents money. They’ve helped us out enough. So unless we decided to stay here I’m sure she’d end up in public school. For now, I'm kind of on the fence about this. I want Emery to have the best that we can give her. In all aspects of life. I want to make sure that not only I, but also the environment she grows up in, contributes to her growth and education in a good way. Then again who knows? We could have an addition to our family after I graduate, and then private school would definitely be out of the question.

So instead of just picking up and moving once I'm done with school, we now have to consider the option of possibly staying. Ugghh. Right now my head is just spinning at all of the decisions. There’s so much to consider and quite frankly, I have no idea why I’m stressing on this right now. It’s still quite a ways away before we really have to decide anything, right? I guess it’s just the inner control freak rearing it’s ugly head again. Telling me I need to have a plan now otherwise I'm a failure. But maybe this is a good thing. A way of helping us look into all of our options. Giving us adequate time to really make up our minds and decide our future with no pressure.

Then again, who knows?  

Mother-In-Law Rant

I am not one of those women blessed with an awesome, lovely mother-in-law. My mother-in-law is the complete OPPOSITE! So do you know what was absolutely wonderful about living in California?? SHE was NEVER there. That woman has caused me so much grief. She has done me wrong SO many times. She has done US wrong so many times. Yet the fact still remains, she is my mother-in-law. And being the only parental figure my husband ever had, he usually lets everything slide with her. And this sends me off the edge!!

Long story short, she’s a bad person. No one does anything drastic enough to make her change either, and I am not allowed to. Honestly, if I had it my way, she would not see me or Em, until she got her shit straight and PROVED to me that she did. But no, that causes a bunch of other crap and makes me seem like a royal bitch. Which I’m not afraid of the term, in fact, I usually embrace it. BUT, it causes a huge rift with his family. And I would really not like to cause family drama. Because I love them. But sometimes, even that price seems reasonable to live with.

So now, I am stuck. I can’t approach the issue with the hubs because he’d get all butt hurt and go all: “No matter what she does she’s still my mother, Babe! I’m sorry we can’t be all perfect like yours!” on me and then I’d have to deal with his feelings! But in my defense, my family is NOT perfect and we do have some piece of crap relatives that we don’t talk to. But, that’s just how my family deals with a problem. And by problems, I mean drugs (real ones) or abusive habits. You can’t help those that don’t want it.

Anyway, my mother-in-law is a needy person. She wants her children to need her, all of the time. And for a while she had her claws dug in pretty deep with my hubs. Now, just as I’m about to have him completely “weaned” off (all claws removed), she has to come back and start wanting him to help with this, and that. And she wants to “hang out” with him, and she’ll even come to pick him up! Ohh, and she just wants to see her son and her little angel Emery. I hate when she says that: “My baby.” She hardly EVER says grandbaby, unless family is around. It drives me up the wall! But anywho, my husband is falling for it, again. And this can only mean trouble. Problems. Again.

I swear that woman will be the death of me if we don’t ever move away from here. Which sucks, because I love my family and his family that lives here. I would miss everyone so much. But us moving, would be the only way to make sure her visits were yearly ( if that), and on OUR terms. Sad, isn’t it? But I literally have no other option. Causing family drama is a no go. Telling my husband is a no go. He’d never agree to my “proposal” anyway. Instead, he’d just let her stop by when I wasn’t around. Which would just piss me off, causing us to fight 24/7. And that’s no fun.

So, wish me luck in finding a different solution?

And pray I have the strength to not rip her head off one day!

Lord knows I’ll need it. 

Now What?

I’m frustrated. My parents (by that I mean my mother) want us to stay here.

You need to go to school here. 

You need to graduate here. 

Y'all need to find a house here. 

Y'all need to live here.

You won’t find anything in California.

With the plans Beau wanted to make, I knew that we couldn’t move anywhere until I got an education. But all these damn continuing ed classes have so many damn requirements (half of which take at least 3 months to complete). And if I went into a medical or pharmaceutical field, I’d have to retake a course if I ever moved out of state. ????  Doesn’t that completely cancel out the purpose of me taking the classes here? All the money spent, just to have to RETAKE it in another state? My GOD.

Beau’s job offer won’t be there forever. And that’s such a huge move with nothing. No money. Ugh, and now my mom is nagging at me because she thinks we need to stay here. You just shouldn’t move anywhere. No one could take care of Emery like family. You don’t have anyone you trust in California to take care of her and daycares are awful. But I can’t live right next door to her forever. At some point, we’ll have to leave (for my sanities sake). At some point, both Beau and I will be working and daycare or a babysitter will be a must. It’s going to happen at some point.

Right now, I’m just not sure what I want to do with my life. I have no idea which direction to go in, and I am completely frustrated about it. I am confused as to what to do. I’m frustrated at work. I have no desire to be there. But right now there is nothing else for me? No other jobs are coming up, and they keep feeding my dad lines on when they’ll be able to hire me at FMC. They told Beau to go apply at Square One last Friday and he did. We still haven’t heard back from them. The roofing company he was with hasn’t heard back from any of the bids so there’s no work for them right now. And I am negative in our account again. Money management really isn’t the problem either; it’s trying to live off of $400 checks (every two weeks). Sometimes, I have to overdraft in order to afford diapers or formula. Don’t judge me.

So now what? What do I do? Where do I go? And how do I get there? I have no idea. I wish I could get some kind of a sign.

p/s  After we went for a run this afternoon,

I opened the freezer to get some chicken, and

I noticed that MY bottle of jager was pretty much empty.

My husband decided he was going to drink my booze without telling me.

What a jerk!! I'm a pissed off about it.

Back To School, I Think?

Lately, things at work have been pretty awful. And it was confirmed that I am the LOWEST paid employee. Then, a co-worker of mine said he was officially going back to college. He said “Raquel, if I can go back, so can you.” And this got me thinking. I do need to go back to school. I need to have a career, or at least get certified in something so that I can make a better living for my family and myself. So, I started looking at schools in my area because being a full-time worker, and a MOTHER leaves me with some obstacles. I want to be able to do some if not most of my schooling ONLINE. Ranger seemed like the obvious choice but you can’t do your basics online. Then Weatherford College was suggested. They have more classes online, and they have more of a selection in certified programs. So, I’m looking into both. Wish me luck!!

I want to get something as quickly as I can because lately, we’ve been talking about our future. Where we want to live. Where we want to go. How we’d like to raise Emery. And all of these topics involve us moving somewhere. Not sure where yet, but we both want to get out of here. We want to start fresh. Really start our lives in a place that is healthy, and stable for all of us. Yes, we have talked about going back to California as well, but we’ve both agreed that right now would not be a good time to go in that direction (permanently). There are no jobs out there right now, and with neither one of us having anything besides a high school diploma, we really wouldn’t have a lot of job options anyways. I would love to go somewhere new. Somewhere that has all the seasons! Or somewhere close to a beach. I love the smell of the ocean. I miss it.

Other than that, not much has been new. I’ve been busy trying to get into a work out routine, and my husband has even joined me. I want/need to lose some weight. So by the time we’re done I’m tired and ready to fall into bed, and pass out. I’ve also been trying to focus as much on Emery as I can. She’s pulling herself up now, and she has even stood up (balanced) by herself for a few seconds. Plus with the teething kicking in, she’s been a tad bit grumpy and edgy. Demanding our full attention at all times. But, I can’t complain. Seeing her grow has been an amazing thing.