A Post Where I Say A Lot & Yet Nothing At All

I didn't do a favorites, or book review last month because I haven't really done much. Or read much either. I really need to get back to it though. The last two weeks of March my husband was working out of town during the week so I was doing everything solo. He's finally back so here's hoping I get a little extra down time. But for now here are a few little pieces of what's been happening around here. 

My sister, had her baby shower on the 24th. They've chosen to not find out the sex of the baby which has this Aunt slightly annoyed, but in a good way if that makes sense? I get that they have a reason for this, and I'm totally supportive of that, but I WANT TO KNOW!!!! Anywho, the baby is due in May. I'd love to share him/her with you guys, but I've been told there will be NO pictures of the little one allowed on social media. *whoomp whooomp whoomp* So y'all will just have to suffice with a picture of me holding a little bundle, and take my word for it when she/he arrives that she/he is the most precious thing ever. 

Some of my relatives came down for a visit this passed weekend. I was also feeling a bit under the weather on Sunday. Add some storms that rolled through and it made for a very wet, grey, sick, and slow weekend for us. Still, it was wonderful getting to see my aunt's and uncles. This week also starts my month of "4 Day" work weeks. I have to use up my vacation time from last year so I'll be taking Friday's off. Not a bad setup really. Though, I'm also taking this time to look for some part-time work on the weekends. We've fallen behind on some stuff, and I'm in desperate need of extra income. We were hoping to get some cushion from our tax return, but we received a letter this weekend stating that they need more forms to be filled out. This means our return is getting delayed 8-12 weeks (according to the paperwork). Yay, for the IRS. 😒

Lately, I've been feeling really defeated. The other day I saw a friend of mine post about getting to move out to Southern California at the end of April. Now even though I was really excited for her since it was her dream job I was also slightly jealous. This is her second move within a year, and she's able to just drop everything to live somewhere else. Then there's me having to make a five year plan, to just hope that things work out enough for me to START considering being able to move. It's really defeating. I'm just so tired of barely scraping by, and it feels like no matter what I do I can never get ahead. I can't go back to finish by degree until I pay off the school, and catch up on my student loans. I'm pretty sure I've capped out at my current place of employment in regards to pay increase because even though my boss tried to get me a raise he's been met with a lot of resistance. It's frustrating being stuck like this. Even when I budget the shit out of everything, and try to make smart financial decisions, I feel like something else goes wrong. Something else comes up. Something else sets me back. ALWAYS. Something else. 

In other news my boss thinks I should start a blog. He has no idea that I have this one, but even if he did I'm sure this isn't what he's talking about. He says that a lot of people find me hilarious, and very "real". Not sure how I should take that, but I'll take it none-the-less. Apparently, he thinks people my age (like I'm that young) might find what I have to say interesting, though shocking at times, but very straight forward. He thinks people might need to hear it. LOL! When I asked him, and another co-worker to elaborate/suggest some stuff that they think I should do I was given: write a no bullshit blog about your take on current topics/articles/parenting/adulting/etc., and occasionally do vlogs to mix things up. I even had someone tell me that if I really pursued writing they were sure I could make money from it. So there's that. I'm actually surprised that any of them think I'd be good at writing, or that they even find me funny at all. Especially since I'm known for being grouchy until after I've had about four cups of coffee. And even then, I'm barely approachable. So that was some pretty neat feedback to hear. Maybe one day, right? 

Okay, I'm off to do something productive. Maybe. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day, and that their April has started off much better than mine. Until the next post...

📷: Kimberley Jessica

Flickr, you jerk!

So, last Friday I was scrolling through the blog because I knew some of my pictures from when I first started blogging had a broken link. The last time I had checked them there weren't that many so I didn't think much of it. But then, I checked some of my most recent ones and found out that A LOT of them were broken. And by that I mean the majority.

I paid for my subscription to Flickr so I had no idea WHY my pictures came up as unavailable. I had not rearranged anything, and all of the pictures I upload usually stay in the order I upload them in. So what gives? After much searching it turns out that when my SETS (albums, for those that don't know Flickr's lingo) get rearranged, then those pictures get a different URL. Hence the broken ones on my blog.

To me, this is STUPID. I grab the URL from the picture itself, not the picture in the set but whatever. So now, I have to spend the majority of my free time reinserting all of my images back to my blog. I've finished some, but we're talking three years back here, so it's going to take me awhile. And I also have mom brain so I don't even remember what all I had where, sometimes. So yea, again, excuse the mess/lack of pictures on my blog. It's a work in progress.

Now what exactly was the point of this post? Not a damn thing really. I just needed to write about how mad Flickr made me, and in case you find yourself looking around at nothing but words and missing pictures now you know why. :)  

Stressin That Money!

I stated before that we operate with one car, and my parents are allowing me to use their truck for work and school. As grateful as I am for that it’s killing me when it comes to gas. I alone am spending over $140 a week. Factor in my hubby going to and from work, another $90, and that’s about half of my pay check. More so now that I won’t be getting a full 40 hour week. So now money is an issue again. *sigh* Before, we had enough to set aside in our savings for emergencies. But with the recent hit in our paychecks, we haven’t had much of anything left over.

So my conclusion is that I need a gas saving car. Too bad they cost money, huh? DAMN! Not just any gas saving car, either. I need a reliable one. I don’t want to risk a tire popping off, or to be left stranded on the side of the road. Especially if I have Emery with me. And as strict as my teachers are, I can’t afford to miss classes. So I need a car that won’t breakdown or cost me more in repairs than it’s worth (like our current vehicle). Unfortunately, most of these you find in dealerships, and they’re way over $1,000, which is more than I have saved up at the moment. We can’t afford payments and even if we could, my credit sucks! So, I’m pretty much in a shitty situation.

I miss my old car. I miss only using $40 a week in gas. I miss having my OWN transportation. And after already spending over $100 in gas this week, I’m wishing we still had it. I’m still pissed at the repair shop that didn’t actually “repair” the car correctly, causing my car to crash. I’m pissed off at the loan company, for adding “interest” to my total cost. This is one of the reasons why my credit now sucks. And I’m pissed off at my insurance company for not thinking it was “worth the money” to fight the repair shop in court, or pay the full amount to the loan company. Yea...I’m still a bit bitter about the whole thing.

This isn't actually my car, but mine was exactly the same as this one. Down to the window tint and "spoiler".

I was left without a car, no money to buy another car, and in debt. This has not been a very fun experience. It really hurt us in the long run. Now, I know I can’t dwell on the past, and I can’t focus on the “what ifs”. But on days like this, I can’t help but think of how much easier that second car would have made things. How much more convenient it would have made every day life. My parents could have their truck back, and I wouldn’t be skipping meals in order to afford gas for the week. Ugh!!

I know other people have it worse, and truly I am so grateful for all of the blessing I’ve received. I’m just a little on edge, and a bit concerned with our finances. Things are costing more than what we’re making and on top of that, we found out we still owe the court some money. I’m tired, my brain hurts, and I’m trying to adjust to this new schedule of mine. So, I just needed to write this to get it off my chest. Hope you guys have had a better week! One more day before the weekend, YAY! 

Taking A Step Back

It has been pouring today. I love the rain. I love how dark it gets. I love the sound of it on the tin roof. God is definitely good. I know from my previous posts that, that last sentence was probably the last thing you expected to hear come out of me today. But, after letting all of those frustrations out, and after really thinking about things, I’ve decided to give myself a day. Today, I will eat whatever I want (in moderation), and I will give out explanations to the people I think we deserve to give one to. I will let myself be a bit angry and sad. I will allow my husband to sulk. I will go home to rest, relax, and love on my family. But after today, it’s on to the next thing. Moving on with life.

We are only human. We will make mistakes. We will have good times and bad ones. Unexpected things will happen. We will do wrong and we will be wronged. We will do good and we will be treated well. We will have such joyful moments and some hard mournful ones. People will love us and say wonderful things about us. Others will hate us and say awful things about us. But such is life. And no matter what we must live, learn, forgive, forget, and move onward. I am at peace with this.

I must not take things for granted. I must enjoy my family, my true friends, and the time we have together. And so long as we try to better ourselves, I refuse to worry about what others think about me and my family. I must leave things in God’s hands, and only worry about what he thinks of us. So after today, it’s back to positive thinking, back to eating healthy, and back to my old self. Because in all honesty, we (my family), are the only ones that really truly matter to me. If we’re healthy and happy, there is nothing more I should need.

And I’m definitely OK with that. 

p/s Thank you Rach for praying for me.

I really appreciate it, and was definitely in need of it.

Please don't stop either, I feel we are about to go through 

some pretty difficult/stressful times. 

p/s/s Please keep Ronan's family in your prayers as well. 

Fuck! <----Yea. That's Right, I Said It!

Today has been a frustrating day. Everything is hitting me all at once. I feel like I'm about to snap; it won't be pretty.

Here are the key points:

• My boss is awesome, and I’m so happy for their new addition. But my goodness, this place is a mess without him! I’m counting the days till he comes back so I won’t feel so lost.

• FUCK Cancer, FUCK CF, and FUCK anything that causes pain, suffering and takes the lives of innocent babies. They are innocent damn it!

• I want to take that POS explorer and bash the hell out of it! I want to take all the money it’s cost us, is costing us still, and put it towards a down payment on a NEW vehicle. A reliable one. Then, I want to send the damn explorer over a fucking cliff!

• I wish everyone would stop giving me shit! I am trying. I am trying to get everything organized, paid off, and get us back on our feet. So just SHUT UP and leave me ALONE. Just for five freakin' minutes I would love to not be JUDGED, SCOLDED, or TOLD HOW CRAPPY OF A JOB I’M DOING. I’m doing the best that I can do!

• I NEED A DAMN VACATION!

That is all. 

Happy Friday

I'm sorry, but I LOVE this song. And to be honest, I love Chris Brown. Yes, he made a really shitty decision. Yes, he hurt someone. I do not CONDONE any kind of abuse, and I think he paid pretty nicely for what he did. However, people can change, they can get help, and they can be sorry. Whether he's any of these or not, I don't know. But I can't argue that the man has a nice voice, that he can move, and he's just so nice to look at! LOL!

As for me, today has not been a very good one. I’m listening to music (hence the video) in a sad attempt to maybe salvage the rest of my afternoon? All I have to say on the subject is: I hate being the MIDDLE man! Everyone has each other's numbers, so they need to stop calling me to get information about someone else!!! It’s so ANNOYING! I have enough to worry about.

That is all.

Hope you guys have a WONDERFUL weekend!!! 

p/s I need to go for a run!! Bad!! 

Mother-In-Law Rant

I am not one of those women blessed with an awesome, lovely mother-in-law. My mother-in-law is the complete OPPOSITE! So do you know what was absolutely wonderful about living in California?? SHE was NEVER there. That woman has caused me so much grief. She has done me wrong SO many times. She has done US wrong so many times. Yet the fact still remains, she is my mother-in-law. And being the only parental figure my husband ever had, he usually lets everything slide with her. And this sends me off the edge!!

Long story short, she’s a bad person. No one does anything drastic enough to make her change either, and I am not allowed to. Honestly, if I had it my way, she would not see me or Em, until she got her shit straight and PROVED to me that she did. But no, that causes a bunch of other crap and makes me seem like a royal bitch. Which I’m not afraid of the term, in fact, I usually embrace it. BUT, it causes a huge rift with his family. And I would really not like to cause family drama. Because I love them. But sometimes, even that price seems reasonable to live with.

So now, I am stuck. I can’t approach the issue with the hubs because he’d get all butt hurt and go all: “No matter what she does she’s still my mother, Babe! I’m sorry we can’t be all perfect like yours!” on me and then I’d have to deal with his feelings! But in my defense, my family is NOT perfect and we do have some piece of crap relatives that we don’t talk to. But, that’s just how my family deals with a problem. And by problems, I mean drugs (real ones) or abusive habits. You can’t help those that don’t want it.

Anyway, my mother-in-law is a needy person. She wants her children to need her, all of the time. And for a while she had her claws dug in pretty deep with my hubs. Now, just as I’m about to have him completely “weaned” off (all claws removed), she has to come back and start wanting him to help with this, and that. And she wants to “hang out” with him, and she’ll even come to pick him up! Ohh, and she just wants to see her son and her little angel Emery. I hate when she says that: “My baby.” She hardly EVER says grandbaby, unless family is around. It drives me up the wall! But anywho, my husband is falling for it, again. And this can only mean trouble. Problems. Again.

I swear that woman will be the death of me if we don’t ever move away from here. Which sucks, because I love my family and his family that lives here. I would miss everyone so much. But us moving, would be the only way to make sure her visits were yearly ( if that), and on OUR terms. Sad, isn’t it? But I literally have no other option. Causing family drama is a no go. Telling my husband is a no go. He’d never agree to my “proposal” anyway. Instead, he’d just let her stop by when I wasn’t around. Which would just piss me off, causing us to fight 24/7. And that’s no fun.

So, wish me luck in finding a different solution?

And pray I have the strength to not rip her head off one day!

Lord knows I’ll need it.