Merry Christmas Eve - Eve

It’s been pretty dang cold the past 48 hours. We thought we would be waking up to snow, but as the week progressed, those chances went down. Figures. We still got some snow flurries throughout the day, but nothing that stuck to the ground. I go between feeling bummed about not having snow and really low temps to also thanking God we aren’t in another Snowmaggedon. There are so many people out there without shelter or places to seek warmth. Families who are struggling this holiday season to stay on top of bills and provide a Christmas for their loved ones. Having another brutal winter would just add to their struggle. So, I’ll take the 26-degree high and sunshine.

I finished up all of the Christmas shopping this week, and today I only had to work half the day. I was able to fit in the “Freezing Friday” run challenge that our running club came up with. Talk about a sure way to wake up for the day! Though let's be honest, I’ll probably take a nap soon. Anyway - after some discussion yesterday I've concluded that our Christmas and New Year’s Eve plans are totally up in the air this year. If I had it my way we would watch football on Saturday, visit our families on Christmas day and then go back to being recluses by Monday. I’ve just been feeling so tired these days. However, I don’t think that’s how it will go down. We know for sure that we’ll be heading to Houston the day after Christmas. And my brother and his family are not certain when they’ll be making it down. It's looking more like a New Years get together with them. We do know that Emery’s little brother and his mom will be heading over Christmas morning so we’re excited about that. So, other than that we plan on winging the rest of the time we have off and I’m not necessarily mad about it.

This winter weather that moved in yesterday had temps dropping into the single digits. It's made me want to stay inside where it's all warm and cozy. Thankfully, we had already started prepping for it on Monday. The pipes leading to my dishwasher and washer froze - sadly, but the rest of the house is good. That just means I’ll be washing dishes by hand today. Boo. And the laundry will have to wait. I finished 90% of it on Wednesday anyway, so I’m not stressed, but man, I hate washing dishes by hand. I’m procrastinating on that task if you can't tell. LOL! I’m about to put on a Christmas movie, make some hot chocolate, and cuddle up on the couch. Hopefully, I’ll get a nice little nap in before I have to start picking up the house. Send me some motivational vibes, please! Okay, well this is where I leave you for now. I hope this post finds everyone warm, healthy, and well! Since I probably won’t post again until next week - Merry Christmas!

Wordless Wednesday

 

Some Space for Her

A few years ago Emery asked if she could start a blog. We created one, but she never actually followed through with posting anything. This request came after she asked me what I was typing one day and I let her see a little bit of my blog. I told her I also had a private one that I hope to one-day print out into a book for her. Then last year, while she was using my Instagram account to look for a specific TikTocker - she made her way to my profile. She looked up at me and asked, “Why don’t you post on here very much? And how come you can’t see my face in any of the pictures I’m in? Is this how all of your accounts are?”

Privacy and safety are always at the forefront of my mind when I put things about our lives online. And we’ve covered online safety with her - several times throughout the year. The schools also have a session on it once a year. But I still took that opportunity to dive further into the details of privacy, online safety, and consent to post things online. I told her that I felt it wasn’t really MY place to post things about HER even though I was her mom. This is a big reason why I don’t post a lot of pictures of her and also why I moved away from writing so much about her too. If you’ve been here since the beginning you know that this blog started out as a “mom blog”. If you dig far enough you might even get some secondhand embarrassment from my writing back then, but I digress. My daughter is a BIG part of my life. So, I’ve decided that with her permission, I’ll post a smidge more about her from time to time. And I also want to have a few posts where she gets to unleash a bit of her own voice on.

My idea is to do two “interview” style posts asking her some silly questions and some a little more serious ones. Without getting too personal of course. I’d like to do one at the beginning of the school year and then the other at the end. Kind of like a check-in. And then I’d like to ask her to share her thoughts in a post or two about what’s going on in her life. I’m still on the fence about sharing pictures that show her face on any social media platform, but she’s kind of already out there - so we’ll see. Now that she’s a bit older, and has more of a say, I kind of feel like sharing more of her with you. All of that said, I do realize that I missed the beginning of this school year, so I’ll try to draft and post while we’re both on break in a few weeks.

When I asked her if this would be something that she'd be interested in - she said yes. She asked me what my ideas were and what she'd have to do. I went over what I had in mind and then told her the rest would be mainly up to her. She said, "This will be really cool to look back on." And she's not wrong. It's one of the main reasons why I wanted to start this. To look back on her entries as she's getting older. For her to see what was going on during these years. And also as a way for us to have something that's just ours as a mother & daughter. Again, this could totally change. I could start it and then forget about it. I could decide that it’s not a good idea. I could end up feeling like it's too much too soon. But I'm going to give it a go - as long as she’s on board. 

Random Thoughts // Twelve - Sixteen - Twenty Two

Today, I’m not feeling up to writing about one particular thing. My brain does not want to focus. And it’s been a minute since I’ve done one of these posts so I figured today would be a good day to dust this “series” off and give it a go. I’m just going to write down some random thoughts as they come. See where it takes me…

This break from school has been glorious! I’ve been able to clean and get my house in order. I’ve been able to get to work without rushing. I’ve even been able to go for a run whenever I want. There are no homework assignments, or projects due. I’m not having to work through lunches to make up the time that I miss because of class. I’m home every afternoon and I get to spend it with my family. And this makes me so dang happy!! It’s like a little glimpse into what’s to come. What I’m working really hard to finish my degree for. And we’re technically in the home stretch. God willing, by the end of next summer I’ll be walking across a stage - degree in hand.

Right before classes ended I ordered a few books that I’d been dying to read. I finally finished “Reminders of Him” by Colleen Hoover and now I’m onto “It Starts With Us” by her as well. I should have reread “It Ends With Us”, but I knew if I did that I wouldn’t finish in time to start the sequel. I also have “Midnight Sun” by Stephenie Meyer, which I’ve honestly had for over a year, but never quite had the time to start it. Here’s hoping I can at least get through the first few chapters. Though if I’m being honest I’ve spent more time trying to catch up on TV shows. Corey and I have started a few that he’s been waiting on me to finally catch up with before starting new seasons. We finished Netflix’s Wednesday which I really enjoyed! Sadly, Corey was not a fan. Then we started on the current seasons of both Yellowstone and FBI. And I recently found out that the new season of Jack Ryan will be released next week. I’m so stinkin' excited about this one! Now, I know that I won’t be able to fit ALL of this stuff in during my break but I’m still happy that some of it will get caught up on. You know, on top of the regular chores and everyday obligations. 

Can y'all believe that Christmas is next weekend?! I’m pretty excited about the week-long break from work that we get. Emery gets time off from school too so it’s nice having the same days off. And at some point, we’re hoping to head down to the coast for a few days. Though that plan is tentative. I’m still pretty excited about having so much family time! I think that’s where I fill my cup up the most. Surrounding myself with family and friends that matter the most to me. I still have some more Christmas shopping to do, and I know I’m cutting it really close. But I’ll blame some of that on the 12-year-old who turned in a PowerPoint presentation for a Christmas list (complete with links) just last weekend. So, now I’m scrambling trying to make sure everything gets here on time. SMH - kids.

And this feels like a good stopping point for today. It’s finally Friday! I’m hoping to be at the tail end of an 11-hour LinkedIn Learning course by the end of the day today. Tomorrow morning I have a 5k and then we’re off to see my future brother-in-law perform for the last time as a part of the UNT Green Brigade Marching Band. So, it should be a nonstop weekend. Again, while I love the busy, I’ll be more than ready for an entire week off from work. :) Until the next post! La revedere! ✌

Wordless Wednesday

 

So, What Now?

The more time I spend at my new job the more I feel like I screwed up by taking it. The phrase, “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” comes to mind. Now, that’s not to say that my time at this new job is making me realize that my previous place of employment was all unicorns and rainbows. Because it wasn’t and it’s not. Eventually, they will need to hire a Human Resource employee to help iron out some issues. They will also need to hire people who won’t disclose confidential information. The work environment that is cultivated will also need to be addressed. And that’s just to start. So, it's definitely far from perfect.

But what they offered in a weird way, was this odd form of openness. When people were mad or upset at each other - it was usually brought to light. When someone tried to throw someone else under the bus, the person being accused was given plenty of time to stick up for themselves, retrace their steps if necessary, and prove what the problem was or WHY something was missed. At times when I was subjected to this and found that I was at fault - I was given the opportunity to fix it or make it right. If someone was being rude or spiteful - you knew it. And I could, for the most part, navigate it that type of behavior because I knew it was happening. Here at the university, it’s like a bunch of temporary alliances that easily flip because in the end “it’s every man for himself”. There’s a good amount of micromanaging. And you really have to watch what you say. I’ve also witnessed some gossip and bashing coming directly from someone who is supposed to be a leader. What is allowed to be said about others has been disheartening too. And it’s definitely caused me to question the intention of those around me.

In recent days it’s really hit me just how much I gave up by coming here too. I’ve questioned myself almost every afternoon - “Was it worth it?” And right now, the answer for me is “Yes, but no.” When I said yes to this job it was because I was given a completely different picture of what it would be. I felt that if I sacrificed some of the things I had - it would be okay in the long run because there was room for me to move under the University's umbrella eventually. And I thought that the work environment wouldn’t be so toxic. So, after talking with Corey - we agreed it was worth it to make the leap and have me work my way back up. This meant that I would be giving up a lot of benefits, and basically starting over. Which is kind of a scary thing to do when you're 35, with a family, and really do need certain benefits. And while I do have a small amount of flexibility in my schedule - there’s a procedure for requesting every little thing. And at the time of this posting, the remote option for emergencies - isn't even on the table anymore.

It's true that I walked away from a semi-toxic work environment, but I also walked away from 120 hours of PTO/sick leave. A pretty stellar insurance package. Some flexibility in my schedule. Overtime. And being a smaller company - there was a lot more I had control over in my day-to-day. There were a few things I wanted to have, like an at-home setup for emergencies but that was never negotiable. Because that particular perk was only granted to specific people. And for me, raises were few and far between - which wasn’t great. And of course, the toxic behavior was never really taken care of - in fact, some people were allowed to encourage it. Still, the progress I had made there was 12 years worth. Twelve years of highs and lows - both professionally and personally. Twelve years of growth - both professionally and personally. So much time and effort that I’m proud of. Looking back on it now, I'm questioning my own motives and thought process for accepting a position that took away a good amount of what I had worked so hard for. 

So, now what? Well, that’s a good question. My previous manager had told me that if I didn’t like it here I could go back. But I’m not sure I would want to go back into the role I was in. Some duties were great, but others were pushed onto me. Some were delegated to me so that certain people could do nonwork-related things on company time. And I was slowly being pushed into being an accounting clerk which is not what I wanted. So, I’m not sure if there’s anything else that I could do for them other than the job I left behind. But I did tell him I would check in after 30 days and let him know how I felt.  However, even if that conversation doesn't lead to anything, I've still made up my mind that this is not where I will stay. 

After talking with Corey and really reflecting on how I feel, I've decided that after the holiday break, I'll start looking at open positions in other divisions as well as looking for jobs outside of the university. While I'm here I will learn as much as I can and I'll help alleviate the workload of the person who is training me because I intended to do the job I was hired to do as long as I am here. I also want to make the most of my experience. Having said that, I did make it known to the main two people I work with directly that since the job I was hired to do was transitioning into something else entirely - I would not be staying in this role. Because that is not the role I want long term. And I guess that's another thing this experience has provided for me. The ability to figure out what I want, and what I don’t in a job. While the price I paid to come to this realization feels pretty hefty, I'm still glad that I did it. Because now I know what's important to me. What I consider non-negotiable. And what I personally want out of a job going forward. 

Work Matters // Not What I Signed Up For

Back in October when they came to me about this new role - I brought up the job description that I received and mentioned I had questions. This is when I was told that the job description was a “formality”. The President himself had said that a lot of the duties on the piece of paper were no longer applicable. That was one of the main reasons for me saying yes to taking this on. I was told that there would be flexibility in my schedule, and an option to work remotely if needed, and this job was supposed to be very similar to what I was already doing at my previous place of employment. Just with a “better work/life balance”. And while the nonprofit was a part of the university - it didn’t function under the same rules which gave us more wiggle room for our attire and the mandatory school functions staff are expected to attend. So, I felt like this was an opportunity I should at least give a shot. And when I received my former boss's support - I accepted. 

Now, when I arrived at my new job, I felt pretty excited! This felt like a "big girl" job. Since I was a tad nervous I arrived about 15 minutes early on my first day. I wanted to get a jump start on my day, make a good impression, and I really wanted to meet the team. Only - no one was there. I waited another 15 minutes before I received a text that someone was running behind but one of my new coworkers would be there soon to let me in. So, color me surprised when that coworker, the person who I later found out would be in charge of training me, had no clue I had even been hired. Our greeting was rushed and since they had no idea I would be there, they had no game plan for the day. That's when the Executive Assistant showed up, who was technically off for the week, but wanted to help me get things going. So, what was already going to be a chaotic day was quickly turning into more of a cluster. But these things happen - so I just ran with it. I had already assumed that the first week would be a little rough. 

During my first half week, I had about 6 meetings in total. I received a very disorganized crash course on daily operations. And then as I sat down with different members of each division I would be working closely with - it dawned on me that each one had a different expectation of what my job was going to be. And each one was claiming that their version was the right version. In between all of that, I had to find time to organize my office. Because it was previously used as storage so there were boxes upon boxes stacked in all corners. Office supplies were bursting from the shelves, and there were so many outdated supplies that I had no use for but couldn't be thrown away. The filing system was also hard to make sense of and I found paperwork dating back to the ’60s. By the time the half week was over - I was ready for the break.

Then came my first full week. We were still having issues with my credentials for certain software, and I was having to cram for finals so we pushed off my "formal" training to the next week. In the meantime, I would be helping out here and there. Learning a few nonjob-specific things. Attending more meetings and doing lunch with several different groups. And this is when people started to really tell me what was going on. This is when I started to get a real feel of who people were too. I officially met the “popular” group and the “mean” ones. The employees that kept to themselves, and those that were excluded from everything. I was informed of the motives behind my hiring. Of the people being pushed out. Plans that someone else had for me to move to a different department. And that the job description I was originally given, along with the conversation I had had with several members, was not aligned with what my role would eventually turn into. In fact, it was heading in the completely opposite direction. I wrapped that week up with a few lessons and a lot more insight into how this particular department worked.

As I entered my second full week - I was asking myself, "What did you get yourself into?" I mean, nothing was turning out as it originally seemed. I met with the Vice President and brought up my concerns, and opinions because it’s what was asked. I left that room feeling very dismissed and my questions had been skirted around without any actual answers being given. Then came the “forced early retirement” of a director. Followed by the bombshell that my supervisor had given their notice just hours before our weekly meeting. And that there would be three people stepping up to take his place. Then the EA that had been so helpful when I started, officially announced that they was moving out of that role. This was all interwoven with gossip and rumors that had been circulating in the office all week. And once I was pulled aside by an Assistant Vice President - I was made aware that the majority of the directors had the opinion that the person training me was not a valuable member of the team. When I attempted to broach the subject - the person training me already knew. "They've had this plan for years. As soon as you are trained - I'll be let go." And this is the main reason why they wanted to bring someone in a lot sooner than they had originally planned. So, after everything I've experienced in the three weeks that I've been here, it looks and sounds like the expectation is for me to run this entire nonprofit as soon as they can get this other person out. And there will be no other employees brought on board to help. So, as you might have gathered by now, this is NOT what I signed up for. 

Work Matters // A Different Chapter

Back in August, I applied for a position in the Division of Institutional Advancement at our local university. Someone told me to give it a shot just to see what was out there - so I did. After a month I realized I wouldn’t be getting a call so I pushed it out of my mind. Then September came along and after an incident at work between two coworkers I was asked if I wanted to take on the position of Executive Assistant. While I didn’t feel like I was qualified, I said that I was open to talking more about it because it is my end goal. Well, I started doing some research on what some of the basic requirements were. I looked into training workshops both in person and virtual. Then after a few texts here and there about the job, and some questions about calendars - everything stalled.

October arrived and with it a phone call from the university to come in and speak with members of the division. After a panel interview, I was contacted a week later and they let me know that I didn’t get the job. I was totally fine with it because after the interview I knew that I couldn’t afford to take the position. The starting pay was too low and I didn’t want to take that big of a pay cut. However, that phone call led to an invitation to meet with the President of a different division. I met with other members and we spoke about my thoughts on the school and being a student. They asked me about my work history, and the role I currently had. They explained that a new position was being created but they weren’t in a huge rush to fill it. Just checking out prospects. I thanked them for their consideration, grabbed some TSU swag, and was on my way.

At the end of October, a coworker of mine suddenly passed away. By this point, all thoughts of the interview that happened earlier in the month went away. This loss was unexpected and we focused on helping the family in whatever way we could. On the business side, as we entered into November we started finalizing the details for the company Christmas party and prepping for all of the end-of-year stuff. I had already put in my time off for the holiday so I wanted to make sure I was on track to wrap up what I needed to by the time we closed for the holidays. I had discussed my Spring class schedule with my boss and I felt good about how we were ending the year. Then I received a phone call with a job offer from the non-profit associated with the university. And while I wouldn’t qualify for the certain benefits that regular employees receive, everything else was included. They told me to think it over, and to give them an answer by the end of the next day. So, what did I do? Well, I went to my boss - who has been a great boss and a really good friend. We've been through a lot in the time I've been there. So, after a discussion with him - then a lot of anxiety, I went home that afternoon and accepted the offer. 

My last day was 11.18.22 and with it came a lot of emotions. Sadness, and hope. Excitement for a new adventure. And more sadness. I was in a position where I wouldn't be able to go any further, and I felt like I wanted more. I wanted to give something new a try. This new opportunity would allow me to test out those waters. It would allow me to see if I could handle working in a business professional setting. And to see if it could help me achieve that Executive Assistant dream job. So, on 11.21 I walked through the doors of a new building, wearing some more professional attire than jeans and a t-shirt, and I felt ready to tackle whatever was placed in front of me. Or so I thought...

Wordless Wednesday

Back in October, I turned 35. 

The End of My (Hopefully) LAST Fall Semester

Well, I just wrapped up my last final of the semester and it feels so good! This was probably the most difficult semester and only because of this one FINC class. All of my others were enjoyable and I passed with A's. But I was so worried about not passing this finance class that when I saw I made a C - I almost cried. My shoulders relaxed and I felt this huge weight come off of them. My GPA will definitely take a hit, but I passed one of the hardest classes in the business department and I’m taking that as a win.

Now, it’s time to do a little catching up. I’ve drafted a couple of posts over the last few days. I’m hoping to have them up soon. There have been some changes and life has been a little crazy lately. But we've hit that time of the year when things slow down for us a bit. And I’m just grateful to get a small break so I can get our home in order and relax a bit. Maybe get in a few weeks of solid running days and then get ready for the new year. Anyway, as soon as I get those posts edited - I’ll throw them up on this blog. For now, I’m just going to leave you with a few pictures.