Weight Loss - Weigh In - November 2018

Well, for November I finally received some answers in regards to my health & weight. And as it turns out there were quite a few things going on. The culprits: Free T3 (thyroid), testosterone (hormones), and vitamin D (self explanatory). The first two were very low, and my vitamin D was depleted. The combination of all three issues were causing me to gain weight, have very little energy, experience constant fatigue, and have a very low sex drive. All of these symptoms were also causing my depression and anxiety to worsen. Which is why I probably couldn’t keep my shit together with my normal coping techniques. And this is just the tip of the iceberg, y’all. I’m actually really glad that I went in and had my blood work done. Finally hearing that there was a reason why all of my hard work wasn’t paying off, and that it wasn’t something that I was doing wrong made me feel a lot better. It had nothing to do with my efforts. Or “not wanting it bad enough”. So now I begin the process of trying to get everything to balance back out.

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs
Current Weight (CW): 189.4 lbs
Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

I haven’t started back up on my diet just yet. I did, however, start to cut back on several things. With the exception of those four days during Thanksgiving break, I’ve actually been doing really well with portion control. My goal for the first week of December is to cut back down on my caffeine intake, and I’m wanting to incorporate more veggies into my daily diet.

As for fitness, well….I ran once this entire month. I went to the gym once too. I’m currently working on a schedule for December, and I’m hoping I can stick with it. However, December is usually a busy one for us so we shall see. I'm confident that I'll be more active than I have been the past few months though. That's the fitness goal I've set for myself. 

Mentally, I am doing so much better. I posted about being put on medication, and how I was feeling a few weeks ago. Since then it’s only gotten better. It’s as if I was in this fog, and it’s finally lifted. Now, I just need to work on my motivation. Because I’ll be honest, since the days have been getting darker earlier, it’s been hard to mentally push myself into doing much of anything.

Overall, I’m feeling really good about getting back on the path to happy & healthy. There are several things I want to work on like: running at least three times a week, cutting out junk food, lowering caffeine intake, and getting all of my issues back on track. I know that December isn’t going to be an easy month, but I do feel strong enough to handle it. I feel strong enough to push through and get back into a consistent routine. So, I’m actually looking forward to it.

Wordless Wednesday

Thanksgiving

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. We spent it between two homes, and I was able to see family that I hadn’t seen in a few months. There was a lot of baby holding. There was a lot of food, and Espresso Chocolate pie. I’m pretty sure that the TV stayed on The Hallmark Channel the entire four days too. It was a much needed little mini-vacation for me. As Sunday came to an end I sat on my couch just silently taking everything in. December is bringing in some changes for us, and it was a little bittersweet. But I’m truly thankful for the moments we all had over those four days. I’m grateful for my family. 

Wordless Wednesday

Plans for this Week & Blog Changes

It’s finally Thanksgiving week and I’m actually pretty excited about it, y’all. We have family on my side coming down, and we’re going to have it at my parent’s house this year. And the best part is that I don’t even have to cook! Not that I have before, I’m usually in charge of drinks or salads because ya girl doesn’t cook. Emery has the whole week off from school, and my time off starts on Thursday. That’s four days of no workie and I’m ready for it! My brother and his family are coming down too which means I get to see my little man! I intend to take full advantage before those wittle chubby cheeks disappear for good. I’m NOT okay with him growing up so fast, Kim. Make him stop. Anyway, it should be a pretty laid back week. Definitely some running, and possibly some hiking. Now, instead of the usual book review post today we’re going to switch things up a bit. And in all honesty, I didn’t even have the reviews ready sooo…..yea...

First, and the most obvious, I finally changed up the look of this little blog of mine. It’s different, but hopefully in a good way. I’m still working on a few tweaks here and there, but for the most part, I think it’s all functioning correctly. Woohoo for a change! Second, I wanted to address the content on here really quickly. If things have come off a bit like “filler/fluff pieces”, you’re not wrong. And I know that I said I would never do that, but there are some things I can’t share just yet so I avoided those subjects altogether. Sometimes, this caused me to feel like I was coming off as fake. Also, as most of you know I’ve been dealing with depression, anxiety, and some other issues. And to be completely honest with y'all, I didn’t want that to be reflected on here. I didn’t want my depression to take hold of my writing either. It would have made for some pretty downer reads. So instead, I fluffed and glossed over. Trust me, there are plenty of drafts stored away that I wanted to unleash into the world, but I wasn’t able to at the time. In most cases, that was probably a good thing. I re-read some of them over the weekend and thought, “Oooh, girl you would have regretted that so much.” So, it was definitely for the best. However, I promise to dive into the “why” a bit more going into December. And that means that I’ll be back to the normal not-so-fluffy style of posts very soon. You’re welcome.

And finally, I'm considering removing my watermark on certain images and rethinking the posting schedule. But we'll see. After looking back at previous posts I noticed that it felt more organic. I posted when I wanted, and when I had something to say. I still plan on posting book reviews, and the "currently post" for the month like always.  But everything else will be up in the air for now. Then again, I could totally change my mind about all of this tomorrow. Like I said, I'm still tweaking with some things. So yea, that about sums it up. There will be a lot of stuff for me to work on soon, and I just hope I can get it all done before the end of the year. Wish me luck! 

Wordless Wednesday

Getting Help and Feeling Better

For a while now I’ve felt my depression creeping up on me. Especially in the quiet moments. So, I kept myself busy. I turned to my usual coping techniques. And for the most part, I kept a lot of it at bay. I dragged my ass out of bed every morning, shook off the sadness, and kept moving forward. Sometimes with a smile; sometimes not so much. I surrounded myself with family, and I’ve done my best to stay positive. But the last week of October I felt everything intensify a bit. My normal stress & depression management techniques were no longer working. I cried; a lot. I felt really alone, even when I knew that I wasn’t. I had moments when I didn’t even want to leave my room. And even though there was a lot I felt happy about; there was like this feeling of sadness that hung over me. Financially, I was finally getting some breathing room so I felt that particular stressor starting to ease a bit. But then, I got the news about the car. And it just felt like for every step forward I made I was taking three leaps backward. So, that’s when I decided to make an appointment with my medical doctor and keep it regardless of how much it was going to cost.

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while then you know I talk a lot about seeking help when you need it. I’m a huge supporter of counseling and therapy. I also think that medications are a great tool to help you get back to being balanced. To feeling better. Whether it’s short term or long term, I say get the help that YOU need. However, that still didn’t stop me from feeling a bit of shame as I walked into my doctor’s building. I honestly couldn’t believe that I wasn’t able to handle all of my emotions and mental state on my own. “C’mon, Raquel, how many times are we going to go through this?” I kept thinking to myself. But then, my doctor walked in. She sat down with me and we talked for about forty-five minutes. We covered everything, y’all. My personal life, work schedule, how I was feeling, what I normally do to keep things in check, and she had me walk her through what an anxiety attack felt like for me this time around. And as I sat there letting everything spill out I actually started crying. “Do you see this? I have no idea why I’m crying right now, but it happens a lot,” I told her. She gave me a hug and told me everything was going to be okay. And all be damned if I didn’t feel some weight lift off of my shoulders. We talked about my previous medication plan, what goals I was wanting to reach, and based off of that she suggested that we stick with the previous plan. I had some blood work done, and then she sent me on my way.

It’s been a week now and I feel so much better, y’all. SO. MUCH. BETTER. I’m sleeping through the nights. I haven’t had a random crying session since that day at the office. I feel more in control of myself. There isn’t this lingering sadness that stains my days. The little things are not bothering me, and even though I’m a worrier I’ve been able to keep it from stressing me out. I can tell that I’m thinking clearer, and I actually feel mentally lighter if that makes sense? So, now that my medication has kicked in I’ll be working on getting back into a workout routine. And I‘ll start back up with my coping/ self-care techniques. Rereading some books that have helped me out tremendously when I go through times like these. And overall, just focusing on getting back to healthy. Both mentally and physically.

So, now I just want to end this post by saying: If you think you need some help, please go get it. Whether it’s a seasonal thing, or something way more serious and intense. Make the call. Talk to your doctor, or find a counselor. There are so many programs out there that will help you out, and several services that are income based. You don’t have to live life feeling like everything is hopeless. Like you’re drowning. There are short-term plans, and longer ones tailored to your specific needs. But it’s up to you. Be open; be honest. Put in the work. And fuck what anyone else thinks. Getting help, and wanting to feel better should never be something that you’re made to feel ashamed of.

Listen

You Get What You Give

I wish I had a lengthy post for you today about how this quote pertained to my current situation, and how it changed something for me. Or that I had some grand speech that gave you some kind of encouragement for today. But honestly, my reason for selecting this particular quote is because someone recently asked me, “Why the fuck does bad shit always happen to me?!” And as I sat there, listening, my first thought was, “Have you ever thought that maybe it has to do with all of that bad juju you send out into the world?” Now, before you get all “Ooh, Raquel, why you being so bitchy?" let me just say that I've already mentioned this to this exact person before. All it did was make them angry as well as get me scolded. Accused of being a horrible person which I may very well have been for saying what I did. So, there really was no point in me repeating these words out loud again. And, in order to not throw out any of my own bad vibes I just replied with, “I’m really sorry. Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out. Everything will be okay.” I did my best to help out the situation, and we looked into solutions.

Now, I’m a big believer in putting out good energy. Even when I’m depressed, or having a shit day I try my best to be positive. To be kind. So, a few days ago, when I came across this quote in a random ass google search it reminded me of that conversation. And viola! here we are. So, let’s just call this your friendly reminder to not be a dick, okay? I know that we all have our moments, and I know that there are days when we are tested. Sometimes beyond what anyone should have to tolerate. And, I know that we’re humans who make mistakes. Life is hard too, I get it, believe me. But every once in awhile, think about sending out some good energy and positive vibes, ya? Do something for some else just because. Let the person behind you at the checkout line go ahead of you. Donate that extra dollar for charity that the lady in the drive thru speaker at Taco Bell is asking if you’d like added to your total. Think about the person who just cut you off or laid on their horn because you weren't moving fast enough for them, and wish them a good day. Think about the words you’re putting out there too. The intentions. Because it all comes back, y’all. You get what you give.

Happy Friday, Folks! 

Wordless Wednesday

Ready for November

October has come and gone. It feels like it didn’t last very long this year, y’all. As soon as the 31st passed it’s like all remnants of October were wiped away, and Christmas replaced it all. Fall is basically skipped which is sooo weird to me. To top it all off, Halloween this year was a bit of a bust for us. It rained basically all day, and even though we did get a few dry hours in the evening we weren’t able to bring the doggies with us. It was so muddy, and cold enough that Emery had to wear a jacket over her costume. Then there was a delay at the car rental office which caused us to miss getting to the nursing homes on time so we were disappointed about that too. Still, we made the best of it! Lemons into lemonade, and all that. We made our way through several neighborhoods, and by the end of the night Emery had a bucket full of candy and I had Starbucks in my hand. Win, win. 

And now it’s November! Last week, I forgot to schedule this post, which is why you’re getting it today. With a few edits. You see, on Thursday we had to wake up at 2 AM in order to go with my parents into the city for my dad’s surgery. What was supposed to be a two hour (max) procedure turned into almost four and a half. And I spent three days having to drive back and forth (5 hours round trip) before they finally released him. By the time we got back home on Saturday afternoon we were exhausted, and I barely had time to get on here. Sorry, guys! Anyway, my dad is now at home; resting. This passed weekend we had to do a few of his errands, and I was reminded of just how much we depend on him for things. So, I told him he’s not allowed to get sick or have surgery ever again. He’s just gunna have to suck it up. Ha! I'm kidding. Kind of. All of that aside, I’m glad that he’s feeling better, and the issue was fixed. They told him to take it easy for the next two weeks, but with his stubbornness it won’t be too long before he’s back at the gym with me. Even if it's just to boss me around. The man does not know how to stay at home and do nothing. But he wouldn't be the bad ass that he is if he didn't have that trait. 

So, that’s how our month started off. We also learned the fate of our car, which was more bad news. And then I found out that our health insurance “wellness” check-up no longer includes mental health or blood work. Just paps. There's so much wrong with this, but it's what you get when you have less than ideal health insurance. I can't complain though because our boss pays for it. Now, I know I need to get everything checked out, but when I was told the cost would be over $100 up front if I wanted to do the "full wellness" I just couldn't afford it. Can you believe that's how much a doctor's visit cost? So, it looks like I’ll have to hold off on all of this other stuff for now. And since I have no control over any of these things going on right now I'm just trying to roll with the punches. I know that everything happens for a reason so I’m choosing to stay positive about what's going on. Despite all of the setbacks I’m really looking forward to this new month though. I'm ready for the leaves to start turning colors, and for the cold weather that's supposed to start coming in. Hello, 50 degree days! I'm ready for you! I'm also excited for Thanksgiving, and the relatives who plan to come visit this year. Plus, hello, Hallmark Channel Christmas movies have started rolling out! So yea, I'm ready for November. I have a feeling it's going to be a good one.