You Get What You Give

I wish I had a lengthy post for you today about how this quote pertained to my current situation, and how it changed something for me. Or that I had some grand speech that gave you some kind of encouragement for today. But honestly, my reason for selecting this particular quote is because someone recently asked me, “Why the fuck does bad shit always happen to me?!” And as I sat there, listening, my first thought was, “Have you ever thought that maybe it has to do with all of that bad juju you send out into the world?” Now, before you get all “Ooh, Raquel, why you being so bitchy?" let me just say that I've already mentioned this to this exact person before. All it did was make them angry as well as get me scolded. Accused of being a horrible person which I may very well have been for saying what I did. So, there really was no point in me repeating these words out loud again. And, in order to not throw out any of my own bad vibes I just replied with, “I’m really sorry. Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out. Everything will be okay.” I did my best to help out the situation, and we looked into solutions.

Now, I’m a big believer in putting out good energy. Even when I’m depressed, or having a shit day I try my best to be positive. To be kind. So, a few days ago, when I came across this quote in a random ass google search it reminded me of that conversation. And viola! here we are. So, let’s just call this your friendly reminder to not be a dick, okay? I know that we all have our moments, and I know that there are days when we are tested. Sometimes beyond what anyone should have to tolerate. And, I know that we’re humans who make mistakes. Life is hard too, I get it, believe me. But every once in awhile, think about sending out some good energy and positive vibes, ya? Do something for some else just because. Let the person behind you at the checkout line go ahead of you. Donate that extra dollar for charity that the lady in the drive thru speaker at Taco Bell is asking if you’d like added to your total. Think about the person who just cut you off or laid on their horn because you weren't moving fast enough for them, and wish them a good day. Think about the words you’re putting out there too. The intentions. Because it all comes back, y’all. You get what you give.

Happy Friday, Folks! 

Positivity

Yesterday, I was a bit angry. The previous post reflects that. Since this whole ordeal began back in October, I have spent countless hours with a counselor. We've worked a lot on boundaries, keeping myself positive, and no matter what looking out for my own well being. Because self care should be a big priority if I want to be a good mom, spouse, and all around human. If that means taking a few minutes out of my day to do guided mediation, watch a movie that I love, or even allow my parents to keep my daughter for a sleepover every once in awhile then I should do it. And for the most part (recently) I had been pretty positive about my whole situation. Whatever the outcome. 

Unfortunately, there has been a lot of drama being brought into my life. There was a point where I was at peace, my life was simple, and the days had started to feel better. I felt stronger, and I wasn't holding onto the anger anymore. Lately though, it just seems like this huge pile of negative keeps crashing into me. There's always something that seems to be going on, that brings on the dramatics of those around me. Someone who wants to cut me down. Someone who wants to create anything out of nothing at all. And, as previously stated, there are those who want to always be in my business. Those who think they know me based on what  I share. It's so fucking draining. Since March 1st it just seems like I keep going backwards, and all of the progress I made before is slowly fading. And that's not the direction I want to be headed in.

Before all of this I had actually been ready to start writing again. I had been looking at new blog designs, and jotting down topics/events that I'd like to share. I have so much to catch up on too! My current school situation, my daughter's impending surgery, a playlist that saved me during some of the worst days, and many birthday parties.  I have plenty of pictures that I'd love to share, and to just be writing stuff down again would be nice. This blog was always something I enjoyed keeping up with, and I've always prided myself in being an open book. However, recent events make me question whether that's even a good thing anymore? This isn't just about the person who made some nasty remarks, either. My skin is tougher than that. This is something that goes for all of my social media platforms. How much should I share? Where do I draw the line these days? Can I even find that balance again?

Before I was concerned with my daughter's privacy. I found a pretty good solution for that, watermarks and limited facial visibility. Now I'm concerned with myself. Not in a "fearing for my safety" kind of way. But more in a "I'm over the bullshit" kind of way. I don't want anything in my life that is only going to bring me down. I don't really use Facebook much anymore for that reason. My Instagram posts are usually days if not weeks apart because I often spend my time in the moment rather than posting about it. And all other social accounts I hardly ever use. So, I'm wondering if I should start deactivating accounts? Should I retire this blog? Switch it over to private? Maybe head over to WordPress and only allow the viewers I want? Would I be better off switching up the dialogue? I want to bring back all of the positive changes that I was experiencing, and share those. I want to bring back my happy place, and somehow pass that along. No scheduled posts; no bullshit. Just a lot of living life, and GOOD VIBES. I have no idea how to really go about that at this moment, but I'll definitely need to think about all of this before I make a decision.

Until then, I'm just going to restart those practices that I had been doing before. I'm going to take some time for myself. I'm going to enjoy my days, and the time I spend with my child. I'm going to put as much positive out there as I possibly can. Because that's the energy, and the life I want in return.