Pregnancy // Why We Wanted Privacy

📷: Credit

“Why are you hiding your pregnancy?” “Why are you not announcing it?” “Aren’t you happy about this baby? Why won't you tell anyone?” These are just a few questions that have been asked. As I wrote in my last post, we requested privacy but it didn’t go as planned. Today, I wanted to shed some light on our reasons for this request. But first, let me say that we are NOT ashamed of this pregnancy. Nor are we disappointed. If you’ve been here for a while you know that a baby is something we have wanted for a few years now. We’ve prayed and begged for this blessing. So, we are beyond thrilled and excited for this new addition. And behind closed doors, we celebrate this little gift that God has sent us. Our desire for privacy and the decision to not disclose the news of my pregnancy for as long as possible came from a different place entirely.

Positivity

Yesterday, I was a bit angry. The previous post reflects that. Since this whole ordeal began back in October, I have spent countless hours with a counselor. We've worked a lot on boundaries, keeping myself positive, and no matter what looking out for my own well being. Because self care should be a big priority if I want to be a good mom, spouse, and all around human. If that means taking a few minutes out of my day to do guided mediation, watch a movie that I love, or even allow my parents to keep my daughter for a sleepover every once in awhile then I should do it. And for the most part (recently) I had been pretty positive about my whole situation. Whatever the outcome. 

Unfortunately, there has been a lot of drama being brought into my life. There was a point where I was at peace, my life was simple, and the days had started to feel better. I felt stronger, and I wasn't holding onto the anger anymore. Lately though, it just seems like this huge pile of negative keeps crashing into me. There's always something that seems to be going on, that brings on the dramatics of those around me. Someone who wants to cut me down. Someone who wants to create anything out of nothing at all. And, as previously stated, there are those who want to always be in my business. Those who think they know me based on what  I share. It's so fucking draining. Since March 1st it just seems like I keep going backwards, and all of the progress I made before is slowly fading. And that's not the direction I want to be headed in.

Before all of this I had actually been ready to start writing again. I had been looking at new blog designs, and jotting down topics/events that I'd like to share. I have so much to catch up on too! My current school situation, my daughter's impending surgery, a playlist that saved me during some of the worst days, and many birthday parties.  I have plenty of pictures that I'd love to share, and to just be writing stuff down again would be nice. This blog was always something I enjoyed keeping up with, and I've always prided myself in being an open book. However, recent events make me question whether that's even a good thing anymore? This isn't just about the person who made some nasty remarks, either. My skin is tougher than that. This is something that goes for all of my social media platforms. How much should I share? Where do I draw the line these days? Can I even find that balance again?

Before I was concerned with my daughter's privacy. I found a pretty good solution for that, watermarks and limited facial visibility. Now I'm concerned with myself. Not in a "fearing for my safety" kind of way. But more in a "I'm over the bullshit" kind of way. I don't want anything in my life that is only going to bring me down. I don't really use Facebook much anymore for that reason. My Instagram posts are usually days if not weeks apart because I often spend my time in the moment rather than posting about it. And all other social accounts I hardly ever use. So, I'm wondering if I should start deactivating accounts? Should I retire this blog? Switch it over to private? Maybe head over to WordPress and only allow the viewers I want? Would I be better off switching up the dialogue? I want to bring back all of the positive changes that I was experiencing, and share those. I want to bring back my happy place, and somehow pass that along. No scheduled posts; no bullshit. Just a lot of living life, and GOOD VIBES. I have no idea how to really go about that at this moment, but I'll definitely need to think about all of this before I make a decision.

Until then, I'm just going to restart those practices that I had been doing before. I'm going to take some time for myself. I'm going to enjoy my days, and the time I spend with my child. I'm going to put as much positive out there as I possibly can. Because that's the energy, and the life I want in return.

A Privacy Issue

I got onto Facebook, originally because my friend Melissa had moved off to go to college and it was an easy way for us to keep in contact. Then, I started using it more. A lot more. I posted a lot of pictures and updates throughout my pregnancy as well. A lot of it was hardly ever kept as private though. I also have two blogs (this one and another), that I have kept up with for awhile. I wanted to be able to share with family about what was currently going on in our lives. From jobs, to milestones. But then I started reading a lot about people who go in and take pictures from other people’s site and pass them off as their own. How child pornography can be made by photo-shopping a photo that was stolen from someone’s blog. And the list of crappy things can go on and on. Needless to say, this did not settle very well with me at all.

After our daughter came along, she became the most important thing in our lives. Protecting her is a number one priority. Now, I really love the blogging world, and I didn’t want to give up keeping in touch with friends over pictures so, I switched up all of my settings. On Facebook I only keep a limited number of Emery’s pictures up, and they are all set to private. Reserved for close friends and family. No one can tag themselves in my pictures without my approval first. On my blogs, I hardly ever post pictures of my daughter’s face. I disabled right click, disabled search engine, do not advertise (now you know why I don’t have many followers), and I’ve also watermarked all of my photographs. I knew it wasn’t a sure thing that someone couldn’t get around all of that, but I was making it that much more difficult for them if they could. And up until Sunday, I hardly ever show video of her on any social networking site despite having them loaded on Vimeo for when I want to share them by email to family.

Emery and my husband where “singing” duets in our bedroom on Sunday, and they were getting down. I uploaded the video, and after talking to my husband I posted one video (of the three that I had taken), onto Facebook. I limited the audience to JUST family and close friends because they are the only ones I feel needed to see it. Now, on all of my albums I always post for people to please not tag any of my pictures that they’re not in themselves. And to please not share the pictures without my consent first. Especially those of our daughter. I don’t know what everyone else’s privacy settings are, and I’m not trying to control their Facebook’s, BUT I am asking they respect our privacy wishes when it comes to our daughter. It’s already happened once where some creepy old man (a friend of a friend) tagged himself in the pictures I had up of Emery. The whole thing was sketchy, and now I’m really trying to avoid this happening again. After making a big deal about it, and announcing on Facebook my wishes I assumed that everyone KNEW how I feel about this certain issue. So, when I posted the video I did not post the heading of it as “DO NOT SHARE” because again, I assumed there was an understanding. Today, I have come to regret that decision.

Someone went and shared the video. Not only that but she went onto my Vimeo page and shared another video without even asking me first. I understand that some of our family and friends get excited, and they love to see the new pictures that I post. And that’s exactly why I share those memories with them. But, I always expect them to respect our decisions. This isn’t the only time this person has done this either. It’s actually one of a few reasons (her tagging and sharing all of my pictures), why I had deleted her off my friends list in the past. Now, I can’t keep everyone from posting pictures of Em. In fact this person has pictures that SHE has taken with her own camera of my daughter that she has posted. So do several other friends and relatives. I don’t say anything to them about the pictures because those are pictures they have taken. I have asked some of them to please make them private from the public if possible but I have never asked any to take them down or not take pictures of her anymore. I understand that I can’t do that. It’s not my place. But when it comes to my things, I have every right. So today I wrote an email asking this person to please take down the video’s. I stated my reasons privately, and I’m hoping she doesn’t turn this into some huge drama filled problem. Which trust me, it is a possibility. :(

I hate that this may seem very extreme to some people. Some might even question why I even still blog if I don’t want to share video or pictures with the world? But the fact is that I do love blogging. I love keeping in touch with our family and friends. I’ve been able to visit with family in Mexico that I haven’t seen in years, thanks to Facebook. And this is the ONLY reason why I keep one. My blog, is my blog. I don’t just write about my daughter I write about me. My feelings. I share only the parts I feel are necessary. There is a whole world behind this screen that many of you will never know about, or even get to see. I will always be open and honest, I just won’t spill every detail of my life on here. And that’s because I feel it’s best that way. I extend that courtesy to every other fellow blogger too. I don’t go around sharing or taking pictures from other blogs without giving credit or asking first. And I never use anyone else’s personal pictures of themselves or their family. That’s just how I roll. And I’m sure many of you are the same. I wish the world weren’t a nasty place. I wish I could post, upload, and write about everything in my life without fear of it being stolen, taken out of context, or used for someone else’s filthy habit. But the world isn’t like that. And I’d rather be safe than sorry.  

Editing

I was finally able to start editing all of the pictures from my past posts! The down side is that I apparently write a lot. So, I only made it to February 2011 on my blog archive before having to quit for the day. Even then, there are a few pictures that I left as “blank” because they were of someone else other than my daughter, and those could wait to be replaced. Once I’m done with the pictures, I’ll be inserting my signatures in all of the posts that left it off. Yes, I’m a bit OCD.

I’ve also decided to switch my video “host” over to Vimeo. They have a way for me to embed my videos, and only people with a password can view them. Plus, no one else can embed them to their sites. This is mainly going to be for our family members. I know it’s such a bummer and a drag, but like I said before I’m aiming to share as much as I feel comfortable with all of y’all while also keeping my daughter as private as possible.

I’m also going to be changing things up around the blog. I’m a creature of change after all. It was bound to happen again. :-P I’m thinking about paying someone to make me a cute banner. I’m taking this out of my lunch money, because I’m still saving for that awesome VACATION we’re going on in a few months. Woot Woot! If I don’t pay someone, I just might change the layout or background and make myself a banner. Who knows?! Still, lots of changes going on. Pretty excited!

So, bare with me as I get my blog together, ok?  

Privacy

Privacy, privacy, privacy. Such a hard thing to really be serious about, especially when you have a blog. Even more so when you have these social networking sites, that make it “oh so easy” to share with friends and family (and the rest of the world).

Last year I found that some old, creepy man, had tagged himself in pictures of my daughter on Facebook. That’s when I started really looking into the privacy setting for EVERYTHING. Blogging, Social Networking sites, and even applications. This is the reason I have right-click disable. Now, I know there are some sick people out there, and some that even just steal things for fun. So, I disabled the links that way no one could click through on any images of my daughter. I’m sure some genius out there can get around the disabled right-click but it makes it that much more of a task for them. Then, I started to watermark all of my pictures. But, I knew that if someone out there really wanted to, they could figure out a way to steal them and to remove the watermark. But I felt as if I had taken all the measure I could with the knowledge that I had to keep them from being taken.

Then after some “identity theft” happened with the Sartin’s my husband and I really started discussing about how much I should be posting and sharing in general. Down came a lot of pictures on Facebook. Then, I stopped posting as many pictures on this blog as well as my other blog (meant for family only). I still wanted to keep this blog up and just post a few pictures here and there. My daughter is my joy, and this blog is a way for me to share that with you, and as a way to document her life. I plan to print out this blog and have it made into a journal. But now blogger has this new “Lightbox” feature that lets you view pictures from someone’s posts. This wouldn't have been so bad if they had left the image URL hidden. But no, that’s not the case. So now anyone that views ANY image of mine can click on the link, and then right-click to save my picture. This is not something I signed up for. There is no way to disable this feature either so I’m in a bit of a pickle.

I really hate being so paranoid and I don’t care if some steals a picture of me because I’m nothing special. Hubba, hubba. But my daughter is my daughter. I don’t need some bored teenager trying to play off that she’s theirs. I don’t want some sick pervert to come across the images and save them. And lastly, I don’t want Emery to be forced into being thrown out into the internet. She doesn’t have her own choices yet and I as her mother really need to do my best to protect her. So I have decided that if I post pictures of her, they will not show her face. I don't know if I'll be taking down any of the previous pictures or just replacing them with others. But, I feel like this is a good thing to do in order to protect my little one. Plus, the risk that comes with doing nothing at all is just not worth it me. I'd rather try to be more private than throw everything out there when it comes to her.