Getting Help and Feeling Better

For a while now I’ve felt my depression creeping up on me. Especially in the quiet moments. So, I kept myself busy. I turned to my usual coping techniques. And for the most part, I kept a lot of it at bay. I dragged my ass out of bed every morning, shook off the sadness, and kept moving forward. Sometimes with a smile; sometimes not so much. I surrounded myself with family, and I’ve done my best to stay positive. But the last week of October I felt everything intensify a bit. My normal stress & depression management techniques were no longer working. I cried; a lot. I felt really alone, even when I knew that I wasn’t. I had moments when I didn’t even want to leave my room. And even though there was a lot I felt happy about; there was like this feeling of sadness that hung over me. Financially, I was finally getting some breathing room so I felt that particular stressor starting to ease a bit. But then, I got the news about the car. And it just felt like for every step forward I made I was taking three leaps backward. So, that’s when I decided to make an appointment with my medical doctor and keep it regardless of how much it was going to cost.

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while then you know I talk a lot about seeking help when you need it. I’m a huge supporter of counseling and therapy. I also think that medications are a great tool to help you get back to being balanced. To feeling better. Whether it’s short term or long term, I say get the help that YOU need. However, that still didn’t stop me from feeling a bit of shame as I walked into my doctor’s building. I honestly couldn’t believe that I wasn’t able to handle all of my emotions and mental state on my own. “C’mon, Raquel, how many times are we going to go through this?” I kept thinking to myself. But then, my doctor walked in. She sat down with me and we talked for about forty-five minutes. We covered everything, y’all. My personal life, work schedule, how I was feeling, what I normally do to keep things in check, and she had me walk her through what an anxiety attack felt like for me this time around. And as I sat there letting everything spill out I actually started crying. “Do you see this? I have no idea why I’m crying right now, but it happens a lot,” I told her. She gave me a hug and told me everything was going to be okay. And all be damned if I didn’t feel some weight lift off of my shoulders. We talked about my previous medication plan, what goals I was wanting to reach, and based off of that she suggested that we stick with the previous plan. I had some blood work done, and then she sent me on my way.

It’s been a week now and I feel so much better, y’all. SO. MUCH. BETTER. I’m sleeping through the nights. I haven’t had a random crying session since that day at the office. I feel more in control of myself. There isn’t this lingering sadness that stains my days. The little things are not bothering me, and even though I’m a worrier I’ve been able to keep it from stressing me out. I can tell that I’m thinking clearer, and I actually feel mentally lighter if that makes sense? So, now that my medication has kicked in I’ll be working on getting back into a workout routine. And I‘ll start back up with my coping/ self-care techniques. Rereading some books that have helped me out tremendously when I go through times like these. And overall, just focusing on getting back to healthy. Both mentally and physically.

So, now I just want to end this post by saying: If you think you need some help, please go get it. Whether it’s a seasonal thing, or something way more serious and intense. Make the call. Talk to your doctor, or find a counselor. There are so many programs out there that will help you out, and several services that are income based. You don’t have to live life feeling like everything is hopeless. Like you’re drowning. There are short-term plans, and longer ones tailored to your specific needs. But it’s up to you. Be open; be honest. Put in the work. And fuck what anyone else thinks. Getting help, and wanting to feel better should never be something that you’re made to feel ashamed of.