Maintaining Lifestyle Changes // Meals, Snacks, and Workouts

Today, I wanted to give you a glimpse into what I eat in a day. Even on the days when I pick fast food. And also, what kind of movement I incorporated. So, without further ado, let’s get right to it.

Photo by Derick McKinney on Unsplash

Wordless Wednesday

Weight Loss - Weigh In // November 2020

Well, look at that! It’s November. We had a pretty great Halloween over in our neck of the woods. Dia de los Muertos was on Sunday and then All Souls Day was on Monday. I prayed for my grandpa and those we’ve lost recently. Spent some time reflecting on this new season and what my hopes were for the last two months of 2020. Now unless you’re living under a rock, today is ELECTION DAY, so this is my gentle reminder for you to go out and vote. I don’t care which side you’re on. And whatever happens, I hope that everyone can remain peaceful. Anywho, before I get sidetracked into a very different kind of post, let's get on with this month’s weigh-in, shall we? 

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs 

Current Weight (CW): 194.0 lbs 

Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

Eating Habits- I switched up my intermittent fasting method to 16:8. And since we usually have later evenings my eating window has shifted as well. I now eat between noon and 8pm. Sunday through Thursday. My day looks something like this: Breakfast - Coffee w/ almond milk creamer, Lunch - Protein shake w/ a small snack, Dinner - A meat w/ two sides. I do my best to eat at least one vegetable with my main dish. I also drink between 40 - 60 oz of water per day. 

Fitness Progress- Yikes! This I have been terrible at. I have no idea where people find the time? Since COVID, my gym is only open from 6am to 9pm. And even though that’s a nice window, it’s not a wide enough one for our daily schedules. So, I have decided to take up outdoor running again. I know, with the weather & time change, this is such impeccable timing. But I need to do something. Like I said previously, I’m wanting to get some movement in daily. That’s my goal. No monthly challenges. No time or distance goals. Just get up and get going. I did my first short run last night. 

Mental Health- I am struggling in this area. It probably doesn’t help that we’ve just entered a seasonal change and daylight savings time ended. And let me clarify, I'm talking about my mindset when it comes to self-image, motivation for working out, changing eating habits, and thinking that I can actually lose weight. So, when there’s no progress in my weight loss journey I end up feeling worse, and unfortunately, it can really bum me out. That's why I’ve decided to increase my Ashwagandha intake from 1 capsule to 2 per day. See if that helps? If I still feel the same after two months or it gets worse and starts affecting other areas of my mental health, I’ll contact my doctor. 

In conclusion, we’re off to a very slow start. I clearly have a lot of areas that I need to work on. I’m also going to start scheduling workout/run days on our family calendar so everyone knows that I have to have that time blocked off. And I’m going to try cleaning up my eating a bit more. Just a smidge. I’ll be switching up my regular lunch shake to a vegan protein shake with a few added supplements to see if it helps overall. Oh! And if you’re in search of a simple, clean, intermittent fasting app I highly recommend ZERO*. Alright, well, wish me luck! And Happy November!🍂

*Not being paid; just really love it! 

Weight Loss - Weigh In // October 2020

Starting all over. Again. You would think that at some point I would get tired of the up and down. The beginning of a journey and then its subsequent failure. Of the constant yo-yo in weight and negative body image that came with it. Of the excuses. And yet, here we are! For a while now, I’ve struggled with hormone issues. Though no one could actually pinpoint what the problems were, there were inconsistencies in my blood work. Every time. I’d have one doctor tell me it was a thyroid issue. Another said that all of my problems would go away if I just stopped eating “wheat”. Auto-Immune disease was brought up at another appointment. Then at my latest visit, with yet another doctor, I was told that I was perfectly healthy but my body was continuously producing a stress hormone. 

Apparently (supposedly), I have a case of “chronic stress”. This is causing my body to stay in “fight or flight” mode which makes me overproduce cortisol - among other things. And because of this, I won’t be able to lose weight until I get it under control. The problem is that there's no straightforward way to do that. My doctor suggested a few supplements and told me to cut back on others. Then I was told to keep exercising and hope that I’d eventually stop being so “stressed out”. I’d need to go back in four to six months to have more blood work done to check on my progress. So, here we are ladies and gents! I’m praying that this is the final and official “diagnosis” for me. That my new supplement regimen paired with a good exercise routine helps me to drop some weight and feel better. So, yes. Here’s to starting over. Again. 

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs 

Current Weight (CW): 193.4 lbs 

Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

Eating Habits- I’m currently doing the 14:10 intermittent fasting. Though I’m not super strict with it on some days because there are times when we eat dinner around 7:30 or right at 8. I eat three meals a day. I’m allowed two small snacks and one 8 oz cup of coffee. Breakfast is usually a smoothie but on days when I feel really hungry, I opt for oatmeal. Lunch is a protein shake. And then I have a regular dinner. 

Fitness Progress- Workout routines are...crap. My schedule is all over the place and it’s hard for me to have set days to work out. So, for now, I try to work out three times a week, in no particular order. But honestly, as long as I’m getting some movement in my day, I call it good for now. 

 

Mental Health- I am so frustrated with myself right now. I’m angry at the fact that more often than not when I look in the mirror I walk away feeling really low. I don’t like what I see and it carries over into how I think/speak to myself. I’m annoyed with my daily lack of motivation. And I’m tired of having to test out supplement after supplement. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t feel like just giving up. And, I’m so frustrated with this whole process. Mentally, I’m struggling with being positive when it comes to weight loss or better eating habits. But I’m trying. And that’s really all I can do. 

In conclusion, this girl has a lot of work to do. But I feel like we’re off to an okay start. I keep telling myself that these changes have to be thought of as lifestyle changes. Because of that, I’m just doing a few things at a time instead of going all out right from the start. Clearly, that’s never worked for me before. So, I hope this all finally leads up to some weight loss. And to some better mental health days. ✌ 

Weight Loss - Weigh In - June 2019

I normally give a little bit of a rundown on how the month is going before I get into this post, but honestly, we haven’t done much. Things have been relatively quiet around here. I did have a little bit of a disagreement with my daughter’s father over a particular incident, but that’s a post for another time. We also had a little issue with our neighbor’s dog. The little shit bit Emery twice. Thankfully, nothing really bad happened because she’s a small dog and Emery’s an older kid. Still, it did break skin and I ended up filing a police report. So yea, another month, y’all! And now, another weigh-in. Here we go! 

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs
Current Weight (CW): 172.4 lbs
Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

Just FYI, this is me completely naked - right after waking up - and it's how I do the majority of my weigh-ins.

On the diet front, things have been good. Like I stated in the last post I’ve been doing my own modified version of a low carb diet. I try to keep my carb intake at 100g or less per day. This is still going strong during the week but I’m definitely more lax on the weekends. My water intake is currently sitting pretty at 96oz per day which is just right for me. I’m even getting to a point where I’m not wanting sweet tea as much anymore. I also had a visit with my doctor this month and based on my esophagus issues as well as my thyroid problems he recommended that I try cutting out gluten products. But this bissh loves her pizza and spaghetti so...yea. I may give it a try here in July, but I just don’t know. He said that cutting out bread would help with all of my health issues and ensure that the weight I’m losing stays off. But y’all…..how do I go without pizza…?? Anyway, I’m really pleased with my eating habits at the moment. I’m trying out a new Keto coffee too since I stopped buying the ItWorks kind. I couldn’t taste a major difference but I’ll keep you posted. Now, it feels like it took forever and a day to find a nice balance between the foods I want to eat and the foods I should be eating. But I’m finally getting there, and that’s been a pretty major accomplishment for me.  

Moving right along over to the fitness department. I’m finally getting back to being active. Summer is always a great time for me in this area. I like being able to run outside and breathe in some fresh air. Being able to feel the sun’s heat on my face. So, I’ve started hitting the track at least three times a week. Then I go lift weights at the gym for the other two days. Of course, there are times when I don’t feel like going in 100% but I still make sure to fit in some form of activity. If that means just walking laps around the track, or walking up and down the bleachers for about an hour then that’s what I do. If the only time I get is when we’re out walking the dogs, then I make sure to be out walking for at least thirty minutes. If you struggle with motivation like I do, just know that you don't have to go balls to the wall, when working out. Even something as simple as walking for 20 minutes per day can go a long way. And this is because any kind of movement is better than nothing at all. 

Mentally, I’m feeling pretty good. My anxiety has been kept pretty much at bay lately. During my doctor’s appointment, we also talked about when I’d start scaling back on my medications. At the moment, the game plan is to keep me on them for another two to three months. Then we’ll start the process of weaning me off, and hopefully, I’ll do well on my own. So, in that area, I feel like I’m right on track. This week has been a bit of a strange one for me though. Between my supplements, creams, increase in medication mg’s, and a few nights of very little sleep I’m feeling a little off balance. It’s hard to put into words but it’s almost a little disorienting; out of body. Also, my hormones have been raging, think peak teenage sex drive status, and I’ll be completely honest - it can be very VERY distracting. So, I’m making another round of adjustments to see if switching things up helps tamper this...eh..side effect? And I’m also trying to get back to a 9:30 (ish) bedtime because this lady definitely needs at least six hours of it to function. 

Overall, I’m feeling pretty great! I’m focusing more on just being healthy rather than being “skinny”. I only weigh myself at the end of each month in order to not focus on the numbers. We did do a mid-month weigh-in for our office competition, but other than that I don’t worry about it. This has also been a really great way for me to learn more about my body. From my menstrual cycle to the foods that cause me to bloat and how much sleep I need in order to feel my best. I’m learning more about when my body needs rest, what causes my headaches, and when I can push a workout a bit further. When I start to feel the edges of my anxiety start to flare out I know that I need a good sweat session in order to put that fucker back in its place. When I start to overthink things or feel overwhelmed I know that I need to go for a run or hit the bleachers. Maybe even both. I’ve found this to be a great way for my mind to work through whatever is troubling me. Now, I only have one goal for July and that’s to increase my weekly running mileage. I currently do about three miles of strictly running each week and I want to bump that up to four. So, that’s about all for this month’s progress post. All catch y’all again at the end of July. 🌞

Weight Loss - Weigh In - May 2019

Summer is officially here, y’all! Last week we had the last days of school for our area, and Emery was more than ready for it to be over. We had a lot of stuff to get done before school was out so I was a little MIA. Sorry! We’ve also had some changes at home, and I spent some much needed time smoothing out the transition. There were also some back-to-back storms that rolled through our area last month and they kind of messed with my Wifi. We finally got it all fixed last Friday. This is why I completely spaced on my “weigh in” post for May. So, lucky you, this means that there will be two this month! You’re welcome. Anywho, let’s get started, shall we? 

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs
Current Weight (CW): 175.8 lbs
Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

On the diet front, I started doing a modified version of low carb. Now, I love pizza and pasta. Tortillas and bread. So, I knew that I didn’t want to give all of it up completely. After consulting my ever knowledgable sister-in-law I decided to try and stick with 100g or less on carbs during the week. On the weekends I would just stick with making healthy choices. So far, I feel like this has made me feel better physically. I’m sticking with it as best as I can, and overall there has been less bloating. I also backed off on my coffee intake. And y’all, that detox was no freakin’ joke. I spent five full days in absolute hell. Another two with some killer headaches. But, I got it done. Last week I did have some days when I consumed coffee, but we are going back off this week. Fingers crossed it won’t be so bad. My water intake has stayed consistent, and overall I’m pleased with that. 

Moving on to fitness. May was not my best month. BUT there was progress. I did spend time walking in the afternoons, and I went to the gym twice a week. I mainly used the treadmill to walk and I’d hop on the elliptical too. I’m trying to get my body used to doing cardio again since I’ve gone so long without. June will be the month that I start building on this progress. I'm hoping to have a nice variety of gym time as well as hitting the track for some good old fashion bleacher sessions. Wish me luck! 

Mentally, May started off rocky. I had a few major changes that I’ll talk about at a later date. There was an adjustment period that I needed to work through. My doctor and I had also increased my medication by a few mg’s and it took a few days to figure out what time frame they needed to be taken at in order for me to not feel complete groggy in the mornings. I’ve still been taking the weight loss pills, but only during the week. They now only keep me really REALLY thirsty. They were not much of an appetite suppressant for very long. About the first three weeks only. And as I spoke about them before, they did not give me any energy. So, at the moment they’re just ensuring that I keep drinking water throughout the day. I go back to speak with my doctor in two weeks about all of the medications I have and when we’ll be starting the process of getting me off of them. We’ll also be doing more blood work and I’m hoping there’s been some improvement with my thyroid as well as my hormones. 

Overall, I’ve been feeling a lot better than I have in a long time. I’ve stayed off of Facebook for the most part since I gave it up for Lent. Updated a few things last night, but that was done on the computer. The APP has been removed from my phone.  The only real social media I use is Instagram. My phone switches over to “Do Not Disturb” earlier than before too. I feel like this has helped me out a lot. I’m focusing more on taking care of myself rather than all of the noise around me. That said, for June I have a few goals I’m hoping to smash. I’m wanting to start running again, and now that Emery is out of school I’m hoping to start a more consistent work out routine. However, I’m more focused on just being active rather than how many calories I’ve burned or the weight that I’m lifting. I’m more focused now on being healthy rather than “skinny”. I feel like my eating habits are pretty solid and established now so I just want to keep going in that area. And then, I'm also planning on finally deleting a few of my social media accounts and possibly deactivating Facebook again soon. So yeah here’s to June y’all! To summer and finally getting some downtime. I hope it's been a great start for everyone so far. 

Weight Loss - Weigh In - April 2019

April has just been one of those months, you know? And as much as I wish I could say there was a ton of progress, there wasn’t. But this month is ALL on me. I’ve been doing my best to get through this huge tidal wave of emotions that made their way into my life recently. But fuck if it hasn’t been hard. I honestly had no motivation to do anything this month. The goals I had set back in March went out the window almost as soon as I had set them. Working out was the last thing on my mind. And now that my body is getting balanced out on the hormone front I’ve been experiencing A LOT of feelings. Then once my cycle comes around, forget about it, I’m a complete mess. I cried over anything and everything. Sometimes over nothing at all! I even cried over Heath Ledger GIF’s. Even with my anti-depressants, during this time, I sometimes still feel really low. But it changes within minutes. So, yea, it’s been intense. I’m just trying my best to learn how to navigate all of the feelings when they get really intense like this. I’m told takes a lot of practice. Anyway, more on that later. For now, I’m just going to cover the stats for this month. 

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs
Current Weight (CW): 180.4 lbs
Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

On the diet front, I personally think I’m doing really good. It’s been about the same for a few months now. The only difference is my caffeine intake. For April, I started drinking It Works! Keto Coffee. Now, I basically got guilted into trying this for three months so that’s honestly the only reason why I’m drinking it.  It is sooo overpriced, and it hasn’t done anything for me, honestly. Psst, you can get it from Amazon at basically the same price as you would through a distributor. Regardless, I’m stuck with it for two more months. So, I’ve replaced two cups of my normal coffee in the morning with 10 oz of this. Anyway, everything else has stayed the same. 

Now, for the exercise part. Ha! Ahahahahaha! Yea, I sucked. There was no progress here whatsoever.  I walked a bit, but other than that. Nothing. So, yea. All on me.  

Mentally, I’ve been doing okay. Like I stated above, I’ve just been on what feels like hormone overload. And so the closer I get to my cycle the more mood swings I tend to have. I've also been getting panic/anxiety attacks. My mood swings are usually frequent and often leave me with some emotional whiplash. I’m not even kidding. A few days after my cycle ends I’ll look back and think, “WTF was that?!?!” I go through really low lows and then really high highs around the time of, and during my cycle. Once it's over I go back to feeling fine. I know that in order to shake a lot of this off I need to start working out again in order to alleviate some of that pent up anxiety, or frustration from the day. But I just don’t. Either I’m short on time, or I just have no motivation. Or I feel completely exhausted and tapped out. So, I’m trying to get a handle on this. It's been two months of going through these mood swings, and it's basically trial and error when it comes to figuring out what works and what doesn't. Until then, I’m basically at the mercy of my emotions. And flying by the seat of my pants for most of it. 

Overall, I need to get my shit together. I know that I won’t get to feeling better until I start working out again. It was always a great way for me to relax and sweat the day out. Running served as therapy in a way too. And ever since I stopped, things just kind of took a nosedive where my emotions are concerned. However, getting back to that mindset of making my physical health a priority is what’s been the most challenging. So, I guess for the month of May I want to keep everything relatively the same. My only goal will be to start making an effort to head to the gym. Or at the very least go out for a run. Minimum of twice a week. So, here's to the end of this month and the start of a fresh one. 

Weight Loss - Weigh In - March 2019

This month went by pretty quickly. I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately too. Or at least I was. I believe it had a lot to do with my medications being adjusted, but I’m not entirely sure. Then I started feeling stabby and needy, but as it turns out that was just me PMSing. Phew. Still, this month was a rough one emotionally. However, I did manage to work on my eating habits and my water intake. And honestly, I think the weight loss pills helped out A LOT in those areas. Even when I took a whole week off, I felt like I still made good food choices, and drank plenty of water. Now, whether this will continue long term, I have yet to find out. What I do know is that I start my second month supply next week. For now, let me just go over my progress for March. 

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs
Current Weight (CW): 183.4 lbs
Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

When it comes to food I’ve stuck with fruits, yogurts, and veggies mainly. Whole wheat bread, white rice, chicken breasts, and fish. There have been times when I’ve had cravings and I went along with them because I wanted to indulge. But only a little. I portioned things out, and I always did my best to not overeat. When I’m full, I’m full. I also increased my daily water intake between 64-76 oz per day. On the weekends it’s slightly less. But not by much. I keep a water bottle in my car, at work, and at home at all times. So, this helped keep me from getting tea or soda when I was out and about. Not that I drink much soda these days anyway. So, I would say that I’m feeling pretty good in the “diet” department. When I was first told about the weight loss pills I was a bit skeptical. I was told that I would have a lot of energy and that I would want to be up and moving around. However, just like with everything else out there, my body didn’t react in that way. Instead, the pills made me really thirsty. And water was the only thing I craved. They did help with curbing my cravings, and I feel that they helped me become more disciplined when it came to not overeating. So, this was definitely a great benefit.

The fitness area is where I've had a lot of trouble lately. I didn’t work out much this month. Like, hardly at all. I really wanted to start heading to the gym and getting workouts in at the beginning of March. I felt really motivated at first, but then I hit a funk. A slump. I didn’t want to leave the house. Beau was picking Emery up and bringing her back at random times so I never had a set schedule or time slot that I could dedicate to going to the gym. But as of last week, I did start building up to running again. I started doing sprints, across from my house in an open field, whenever Emery is busy with her homework. And this week I finally asked Beau to help me come up with a consistent schedule that worked for both of us. The custody agreement we have serves as more of a guide than anything else because of Emery's schedule so we don’t really go by it. However, I think it would be best if we worked on establishing a better routine. I’m currently working on a shared calendar to help iron things out a  bit. I’m hoping that once this is in place I’ll be able to carve out a time slot to workout. Fingers crossed!  

Mentally, things have been a bit rocky but okay. Since my medication was increased last month it’s been interesting trying to pinpoint the best time to take them. If I take them too early then I’m wanting to be in bed by 7pm, and well that’s not possible. If I take them too late then it’s hell waking up in the morning. So far, I’ve narrowed the window down to between 7:30-8:30pm. Still, there are some days when even that time slot fails me. BUT the increase in my medication has allowed me to feel much better during the day. While I was in the midst of this “funk” of mine I honestly don’t think I would have gotten out of bed if I wasn’t taking something. There were days when I didn’t want to see anyone, or leave my house. But I would tell myself that I had to do something. Even if it was something small. I had to get my ass up and move. And I did. I think this is what helped me work through what I needed to in order to feel better. So, I feel like things are good.  

Overall, I think I did pretty well. I know that I didn’t achieve both of my goals for this month, but I think I got a solid handle on the dieting goal I had set for myself. And I’m down ten pounds since my doctor’s visit in February! I’d say that the changes paired with the pills have been working the way that they are meant to. Again, these pills are just tools though. I did take a week off from them to see if I could keep up with the same routine. I wanted to make sure that even without them I still drank plenty of water, went for more walks, and stuck with my diet. So far, so good. Which brings me to my goal for April: working out three to four times a week. On the days that Beau has Emery, I’m wanting to dedicated at least one hour of that time to a gym session or at the very least going for a run. No excuses. This week I started building up to one mile runs again, and I’d like to increase my distance by the end of the month. However, my first priority is to just get back into working out consistently. If I can reach 175 lbs on the scale by the end of this next month I'll be pretty stoked. But honestly, right now I'll be happy with just making it to 179 and breaking through that 180 lb wall that I've been at for so long. So here’s to April, y'all! To longer days, more sunshine, and hopefully some much-needed motivation!

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

Weight Loss - Weigh In - February 2019

Well, this post should have been up last week but I spaced on it. Sorry! On the bright side, this means that you’ll get TWO weight updates this month. Yay! I ended up being a bit busier than I thought I would be for February. And I honestly can’t believe we’re already in March. I wish I could say that February was a month that saw a lot of productivity on my part but it really wasn’t. In fact, there was a lot of wallowing. But we’ll get to that in another post. I did end up having my follow up with the doctor, and found out that there had been no progress in the weight loss department. Now, I told her that I hadn’t really been working out but she still insisted that there should have been a bit of a drop if my thyroid issues were getting better. Instead, I was going up. And as of that day I was technically considered obese. So, we looked over some options and I made up my mind to take some weight loss pills out for a trial run. Now, these are not a miracle pill. They are meant to be used as a tool. And honestly, I feel that they should be used as a last resort. My doctor and I discussed taking them for two months, max, and then seeing if they’d helped me lose any weight. If they had, then I would stop taking them and start trying to keep the progress going on my own. If they didn’t help me at all then I would still stop taking them, and we’d look at possibly changing up my antidepressants. What I currently take is working really well however, one of the side effects of this particular medication is weight gain. Which really sucks. Now, I’ve only been taking this weight loss pill for two weeks. There has been little to no exercise, but I plan on changing that this month. My dad has asked that we start going back to the gym regularly so we actually start back up today (3/4). And just an FYI, the stats below were taken on Monday 2/25. So without taking up too much more of your time, here’s the progress post for February.  

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs
Current Weight (CW): 188 lbs
Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

For the most part, my diet has been consistent. Breakfast usually includes coffee with yogurt or a smoothie with trail mix. I’m eating mostly vegetables & lean meats for lunch. And dinner is usually whatever I decide to cook or grab on the way home. Though I always portion it out. There have been a few days where I’ve not stuck with it 100%, but I’d say that I do pretty damn well the majority of the time. I’ve also taken out sodas and only have sweet tea if we go out to eat somewhere. I’ve upped my water intake to anywhere between 54-64 ounces per day during the work week. On the weekends I’ve made it a point to not keep track.  

On the fitness front, things have not been great. At all. I honestly have no idea where my motivation has gone but it sure as hell isn’t here. I’ve struggled with getting out in the cold in the afternoons too. And by the time I get home, it’s usually dark out, so the last thing I want to do is go out for a gym session. I’m actually really looking forward to Daylight Savings Time kicking in next month. I’m hoping with more daylight in the afternoons it will help give me that extra push to leave the house.

Mentally, I feel good. There have been days since I started taking medication last year that I’ve felt really down or emotional. But for the most part, I feel content. I feel like I think more rationally, and I’m able to talk myself off of the ledge before going into a full blown anxiety attack. Those have become less frequent too. I feel like I’m more in control of myself, and how I react to people and situations. I still get sad and cry. I still have days when I feel like things are really hard. But instead of it lasting for weeks at a time it’s usually just a few days. I feel like the medicine I’m on still allows me to feel all of the things but without letting me go into an emotional overload if that makes sense? 

Overall, I’d say that I’m getting better with my food choices and mentally I’m in a good place. Since starting the weight loss pills there has actually been some movement on the scale. January had me sitting at 191, and when I weighed in at the doctor's office I was at 192. This month I'm down to 188, and that's without working out. Just diet changes. So now, if I can just find the motivation to get back to working out consistently, I think things will start to improve even more. Which brings me to my goals for the month of March. The first goal is to workout at least 3x a week for a minimum of 30 minutes. If I can increase the days or even the time that would be great, but for now I really want to focus on that particular goal. The second goal is to maintain my current diet, if not improve on it some more. Because there's always room for improvement. So, that's about it for now. Here's to March! To more sunshine in our days, and hopefully, the kick in the ass that I need.  

Weight Loss - Weigh In - January 2019

Working out has not been my top priority lately. I always say that my second job starts as soon as I get off from my normal 8-5. Only recently, it's felt more like I have three jobs. So, my main concern was to start eating healthier. Take my supplements, apply my creams, finish my medication plan, and stay on top of my vitamins.  Those have been the goals. So far, I'd say I've done pretty well! I've started eating more veggies and I try not to indulge so much. Though sometimes you just need some fuckin' chocolate, am I right? Unfortunately, even with these changes, I haven't seen any progress in the weight department. And, I'm just taking a wild guess, but I'm going to say it's from lack of consistent exercise. 

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs
Current Weight (CW): 191 lbs
Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

I've switched over to mainly veggies during the week. My main liquids are water, and coffee. Sodas have been cut out completely and sweet tea only comes in if I go out to eat on the weekends. I've enjoyed some pastas, or pizza for dinner at home but I limit how much I eat. I've been doing this all through January so I was definitely surprised when I got on the scale this morning and learned that my weight had gone up. Not sure if this is a sign that my thyroid isn't getting any better or if dieting alone is just not something that will work for me.

Which brings us to my fitness level. I make it to the gym about once or twice a week. Which puts me way behind on where I wanted to be by now. I know that I need to step it up but life has been really busy lately. It's an excuse, I know. Which is why I've sat down with my planner and started jotting down when I need to fit in a gym session or run. Whether it's during my daughter's dance lessons, right after work, or laps around our block while she's doing homework. I need to create a plan and stick with it. I need to make it a priority again. If I don't see any results after all of this then I need to go address this with my doctor again. We've already decided that I'll be going back for blood work at the end of March. And I'd like to have a good two months of these changes under my belt before looking into other options.

Mentally, I've been feeling pretty good. There's no longer this doom and gloom throughout my day. My anxiety has been cut in half, and I've actually been able to go weeks without one of my medications. Don't worry, I didn't go against the doctor's orders, I'm actually supposed to be doing this. And at the beginning of March I'll start the process of being weaned off of all my prescription meds if everything goes as planned. If that doesn't happen though I'm okay with that too. The goal is to switch over to more natural supplements for the long term, but I'm not going to rush the process.

So, based on the recent numbers it's as if I'm starting all over again because I'm actually heavier than when I first started this monthly weigh-in last year. I'm pretty bummed about it, but I'm also hoping that things are slowly getting back into balance internally so that I can shed the weight once I put in the effort. However, mentally I feel like I'm in such a much better place. This brings me to my goals for February. The first is to log five miles per week. I want to have one day designated to 45 minutes of cardio at the gym and then another day dedicated to 30 minutes of weight lifting. Each week. So, here we go, y'all! Let's see if I can kick it into gear, and finally start seeing some progress. 

Weight Loss - Weigh In - November 2018

Well, for November I finally received some answers in regards to my health & weight. And as it turns out there were quite a few things going on. The culprits: Free T3 (thyroid), testosterone (hormones), and vitamin D (self explanatory). The first two were very low, and my vitamin D was depleted. The combination of all three issues were causing me to gain weight, have very little energy, experience constant fatigue, and have a very low sex drive. All of these symptoms were also causing my depression and anxiety to worsen. Which is why I probably couldn’t keep my shit together with my normal coping techniques. And this is just the tip of the iceberg, y’all. I’m actually really glad that I went in and had my blood work done. Finally hearing that there was a reason why all of my hard work wasn’t paying off, and that it wasn’t something that I was doing wrong made me feel a lot better. It had nothing to do with my efforts. Or “not wanting it bad enough”. So now I begin the process of trying to get everything to balance back out.

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs
Current Weight (CW): 189.4 lbs
Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

I haven’t started back up on my diet just yet. I did, however, start to cut back on several things. With the exception of those four days during Thanksgiving break, I’ve actually been doing really well with portion control. My goal for the first week of December is to cut back down on my caffeine intake, and I’m wanting to incorporate more veggies into my daily diet.

As for fitness, well….I ran once this entire month. I went to the gym once too. I’m currently working on a schedule for December, and I’m hoping I can stick with it. However, December is usually a busy one for us so we shall see. I'm confident that I'll be more active than I have been the past few months though. That's the fitness goal I've set for myself. 

Mentally, I am doing so much better. I posted about being put on medication, and how I was feeling a few weeks ago. Since then it’s only gotten better. It’s as if I was in this fog, and it’s finally lifted. Now, I just need to work on my motivation. Because I’ll be honest, since the days have been getting darker earlier, it’s been hard to mentally push myself into doing much of anything.

Overall, I’m feeling really good about getting back on the path to happy & healthy. There are several things I want to work on like: running at least three times a week, cutting out junk food, lowering caffeine intake, and getting all of my issues back on track. I know that December isn’t going to be an easy month, but I do feel strong enough to handle it. I feel strong enough to push through and get back into a consistent routine. So, I’m actually looking forward to it.

Weight Loss - Weigh In - October 2018

October, in general, has been a pretty decent month. Work has picked up which is good. Emery has done really well in both gymnastics and dance. I had a “proud mom” moment at both lessons last week when I was told that she was advancing really quickly at both! She’s been really excited about her progress lately, and even though I tell her she’s doing a great job it means that much more for her to hear it coming from her teachers. I totally get it. So, she’s been having a blast! I will say that the only downside was an unfortunate incident involving our car and a deer last week. And while the damage seemed relatively small it turns out that the “internal structure” was compromised. This means that the insurance company could consider it a total loss. And with how much is owed versus the worth of the car...we could be looking at some trouble. But, since I can’t do much about the situation other than wait to hear what they say, I’m trying not to worry about it too much. Now, in the weight loss department, October has been total crap. Not even going to lie. I felt really defeated after my last weigh in, and I was pretty angry too. I felt like I had been working really hard, and putting in so much damn effort that was getting me nowhere. So, what did I do? I sabotaged. And you’ll definitely see that in the stats below. I won’t be posting “progress” pictures as there was no “progress”.

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs
Current Weight (CW): 186.2 lbs
Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

My nails were horrible and I was not about to subject y'all to that view

Since, I was frustrated with the lack of progress I ate like crap the first two weeks of October. I’m talking cake for breakfast, pizzas, cheeseburgers, fried chicken, sodas, chips/cookies, and copious amounts of chocolate whenever the hell I felt like it. I didn’t give a fuck. If I was hungry, I was going to eat, and I didn’t care that I was making bad food choices. However, I could totally feel the difference in my body the entire time. My skin was oily, I broke out, I had a lot of headaches, and I felt bloated 24/7. Then I got sick with a cold and crap did it last forever. Seven days actually. It took a lot out of me, and I have a feeling that it wouldn’t have been so bad if I had been eating better. Instead I felt sluggish, and tired no matter how much rest I got. My water intake also suffered. I went down to 2-4 cups per day, and I started drinking sweet tea again. I threw in some soda for good measure too. My caffeine intake also went back up in both coffee, and energy drinks. So, all around it was just bad.

My activity level tanked as well. Big time. I went to the gym about four times  (total) this whole month. Yup, that bad. I had no motivation whatsoever, and my hips were giving me some grief so I easily used that as an excuse. My workouts were half-assed, and I didn’t care either. It wasn’t until last week that I decided it was time to back into the gym. It took a lot of work to get me to walk through those doors though. I only went two days instead of my normal four to five, but once I made myself go I started to feel better. That first mile run after going without for so long felt pretty damn amazing too. I was slow, but my body felt like it was buzzing afterwards. It was tired, and sore in the best way possible. So, here’s hoping that this week I can get back to my normal workout schedule again. I want November to be better.

Mentally, things are have been just, blah. It’s kind of hard to explain what I’ve been feeling lately too. Words are just...not quiet enough? It’s like being anxious, but not too anxious. Being tired, but not too tired. Stressing out, but not so much that my anxiety is taking over. Feeling down, but not really depressed. Waking up sad, and having to push through it. Kind of numb to a lot of things, but not so much that I haven’t been happy too. And it’s this jumbled mess of emotions that seem to all hit at the same damn time too. So, I finally made an appointment for this month to go get some blood work done, and to talk to my doctor about what all has been going on. Symptoms, feelings, my cycle, the whole shebang. I know that I want to work on not having to take medications in order to balance myself out, but until I figure out what all is going on with my body (as well as a solution for it) I know that I need some help right now. So, I plan on getting it.

Overall, October was not my month in the weight loss area. That’s okay though. I’m not going to beat myself up over it. I’m going to try a different work out schedule going into November in order to mix things up. As of today I’m back to healthy eating choices. Well, mostly-- I did get a few pieces of chocolate candy this morning. I grabbed Lean Cuisine meals for lunch this week in order to help me make the shift back to salads and lean meats going forward. I can’t just go all or nothing in this department so I use things to help me transition. I also opted for protein bars for when I get hungry, and want to snack. My water intake today wasn’t bad either, but I want to get back to 10-12 cups per day. Now, the entire time I was sabotaging my diet and exercise plan I knew in my mind that it was just going to be a setback. And I still did it. I think that it was mostly done out of frustration. I had this whole, “Well if nothing seems to be fucking working why the hell am I doing this?!” mentality going on. Looking back on how I went about it I know that there needs to be a change in that area. Even if there’s no movement on the scale I need to focus on how eating better makes me feel better. So, my goals for November are to get back to working out 4-5 times a week, increase water intake to 8 cups per day, and to drop a minimum of four pounds. Here's to a new month, huh? Here's to reaching the goals I've set for myself. 

Weight Loss - Weigh In - September 2018

September has been a month of adjustments. The little started having homework in the afternoons, and also having reading assignments which she doesn’t always want to stay on top of. We also had to change her pickup schedule because of new rules that the school has in place. I’m not even mad because it’s for their safety. I’ve been trying to work as many hours as I can this month because October is bringing in some added expenses. Em will be having a palatal expander put in her mouth soon, and since we don’t have insurance (much less a dental plan) everything is going to be out of pocket. Such is life though, right? Thankfully, we’ve had help. Without it I wouldn’t be putting in 40 hours per week at work, or able to get Emery to her afternoon lessons on time. I’ve still managed to stick with a workout schedule, but as you’ll see in this month’s stats below it just hasn’t done much for me.

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs
Current Weight (CW): 184.6 lbs
Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

This was the last month of me doing intermittent fasting. It just hasn’t worked for me anymore. The first few months I felt great, and lost about 5 lbs in two weeks. But it’s been several months now with no progress whatsoever. I had cut back on a lot of foods, and only indulged on one meal per week. Usually it landed on a Saturday or when we had a meal with my family during the week. However, I didn’t go overboard. I always portioned food out, and made sure to drink a minimum of six cups of water per day. I don’t drink sweet tea unless it’s with the cheat meal. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like any of this is working in my favor. So this week I started incorporating a snack in between coffee for breakfast, and lunch at 12. Starting next Monday I’ll be back to a regular eating schedule that will go something like: Breakfast- Coffee & breakfast bar/yogurt, Lunch- Salad & Fruit, Dinner- Small portion meal or protein shake with fruits & veggies. I’m hoping that this will help me stay full throughout the day so that I don’t have an urge to snack. I’m also wanting to increase my water intake to a minimum of eight cups per day.

My activity level has been consistent. I work out for forty five minutes to an hour 4x’s a week. Sometimes five. I mix it up with cardio and weight lifting, and every week the order changes so that my body doesn’t get used to it. My goal is to leave the gym drenched in sweat at the end of each session. For the most part I achieve this unless its on a day when I just focus on weight lifting. I’ve been able to increase how much I press, and squat by ten pounds this month so I was pretty stoked on that. Still, since the last weigh in I haven’t even lost a full pound. This has been super discouraging, and has left me feeling really fucking frustrated. Because of this I’ve been making it a point to immediately change into my workout clothes as soon as I get home in order to make myself go to the gym. I’ve found that this method helps me to stay on track rather than make excuses. Do you know how hard it is to get in and out of a sports bra when you’re my size? There’s no way I’m putting in that much effort and NOT getting in a workout. This routine has been really helpful on days when I just want to throw in the towel. For the month of October I want to focus on deadlifts, increasing my mileage, and to start using the actual flat bench press rather than the assisted one.

Mentally, I’ve been all over the place which I feel is working against me. My stress level is about the same, but for some reason my anxiety feels a lot worse. And it’s not consistent anymore either. Before there were signs, or little tells. My anxiety would come in waves, but I was able to keep myself from having an anxiety attack. Or at the very least keep it to a minimum. Recently it’s all been surfacing pretty randomly, and without warning. It’s as if I feel fine one minute, and the next thing I know I’m freaking out. Some days I don’t want to get out of bed, or interact with others either. I make myself because I know that a lot of this is just a mental thing. But recently it’s been a struggle to calm myself down when I start to feel the anxiety coming on. And sometimes I have a hard time remembering that everything will be okay; that the panic will dissipate. So, it’s because of this that I’ve been thinking about scheduling a doctor’s visit in the next week or so. It’s been a little over two years since the last time I was put on medication. And like I stated in my CBD oil review I’d really like to find an alternative to antidepressants & anxiety medication. But since I live in Texas, where the majority of these alternatives are considered illegal, I feel like I should talk to my doctor about getting back on my “three month” plan to help balance me out again. After the three months, I’m weaned off, and I usually feel about 80% better. Like I'm regaining some mental stability, if you will? And right now I feel like that’s something that I really need.

Overall, September was a very discouraging month in the weight loss department. When I stepped on the scale yesterday morning and saw that there was no movement I sat on my bathroom floor crying. I know I said that I’d be okay with the slow progress, but I’ll be honest with y’all-- this totally sucks. To spend a whole month busting my ass, giving it 100%, and to come up with nothing? It definitely brings on some deep feelings of failure. Of hopelessness. On a positive note though I was able to stop taking sleep aids. And since I’ve started doing cardio consistently I feel like I sleep better too. My bedtime is between 10-11 pm, and I only wake up about twice throughout the night. With the exception of one night when I didn’t go to bed until 3:45 AM due to severe anxiety I feel like I can claim this one as a win. So, that’s about it for September. My goals for October are to drop five pounds, increase mileage, and to start working on different weight lifting techniques. I'm trying my best to stay focused on what I've accomplished so far too. Technically, since April of this year my total weight loss has been 10 lbs which is better than nothing. I'm trying to stay motivated, and train myself to keep pushing through. Even on the hard days. And I'm optimistic for everything that will come in October. So here’s to the next month, y’all!

Charlotte’s Web #HempOil - An Honest “Review”

Before we get started with the review I wanted to give you three bits of information I think are important to be upfront about. One: CBD oil comes from the marijuana plant. There’s no getting around that. Hemp oil comes from the hemp plant. Yes, there is a difference. Two: No. It’s NOT legal in all fifty states. Depending on where you live you could find yourself with a nice fine or even risk jail time if you’re caught with it. Do your research. And three: Depending on the mg amount, your water consumption, activity level, AND just your body in general there is a possibility you could pop positive on a drug test. Though the majority of the lower mg products contain less than .3% THC there have been reports of people failing drug tests, and getting in trouble with their employers. So, depending on the state that you live in, and the employment policies your workplace has I’d definitely proceed with caution.

Now, I’m still a little confused as to the whole “CBD Oil” vs. “Hemp Oil” label thing. Their are several companies that originally had their products labeled as CBD Oil, but within the passed year they've switched over to Hemp Extract Oil. If you didn’t know there was a difference between marijuana and hemp here’s a great article that breaks it down for you. When I threw out some questions to the CBD community over on Twitter I was given several different answers. But the majority of them talked about a loophole for companies to be able to sell their products to all fifty states if it was labeled as “hemp”. So, do with that what you will. And little of my background history for you before we dive into the effects: I was officially diagnosed with depression at a young age, and then anxiety a few years ago. I’ve been on medication off and on for a handful of years because for the most part I can manage it on my own. I’m also a huge fan of therapy, and counselling. However, as I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed that I’m not fond of the whole “trial & error” process that comes with needing to find my right dosage, and strength when the time comes for me to start my medication again. So, that’s when I started looking into alternatives. A way to possibly not need medication again if I could keep things in check consistently. This is when CBD (Cannabidiol) oil was mentioned to me by a friend who lives in a state where marijuana is legal. I started looking into the benefits, and then I came across an article over on POPSUGAR that talked about how CBD oil basically "demolished" the author's anxiety so I was intrigued to say the least. But with everything going on in my life at the time I wasn’t sure if this was an option for me. I ended up putting the idea off on the back burner for awhile.

Then, one afternoon back in June, I was told that our local health food store had started to sell CBD oil. It turned out to actually be hemp oil. After a particularly rough day I found myself pulling into their parking lot and walked back out with a bottle of bluebird hemp complete. It tasted like crap, y’all. I mean really awful. But I stuck with it. After two weeks of taking 1-2 dropper fulls a day I realized that this was NOT helping at all. I was having a lot of anxiety, and I was still unable to sleep through the night. So, I stopped taking it. As luck would have it though, the following week a friend of mine gave me a bottle of Charlotte’s Web Everyday Plus in Mint Chocolate that they were no longer using. I thanked them for it, and decided to give the oil another go. And that's what brings us to today! This is not my first time hearing about this brand, but it's the first time I had heard that they offered CBD products. Charlotte’s Web by the Stanley Brothers has several different products that they offer which vary from oils, to capsules, to creams. They even have some items for pets too! And as I mentioned before they are one of the many companies that have recently changed the product name as well as their labels. So even though mine says “Everyday Plus” it’s now called “Hemp Extract Oil Plus”, and that’s what I’ll be addressing it as. They state that their products help maintain:

Support for normal, everyday stresses* 

Healthy recovery from exercise* 

Support a sense of calm for focus*

The Extract Oil Plus in Mint Chocolate tastes pretty good to me. They also offer it in Olive Oil if chocolate isn’t your thing. The oil is smooth, and it’s not bitter or grainy feeling. You can take it on it’s own, in coffee, a smoothie, or a protein shake if you’d like. It comes in a 30 ml or 100 ml size bottle. Depending on the size and strength you get these can cost anywhere between $40-$275. The one I have is in a 30 ml bottle, contains 28 mg of hemp extract per serving, and costs $75. So yes, these do cost a pretty penny. Also, the servings per container says 30, but the recommended dosage is two 1 ml (dropper full) per day. This means that it technically only comes with enough for 15 servings. That's not even enough for thirty days which is a red flag for me. Now, all of that aside, does this product actually work? Well, for me the answer was kind of. I took half a dropper (.5ml) twice a day. During the first week, I started to sleep for longer periods throughout the night. Where once I had been waking up 4+ times a night I was now only waking up once or twice. I also noticed that it helped with muscle soreness. After one pretty strenuous work out I woke up feeling really stiff the next morning. I mean, I was walking around like I had shit my pants or something. I know you know what I’m talking about. It hurt just getting up out of my chair, and walking a few feet to the printer at work. So, on that day I took an extra half dose and my muscles felt so much better by the time I had to hit the track later that afternoon. I was honestly really surprised by that. By week two I could tell that I wasn't feeling so stressed out when it came to little stuff. However, the downside is that by the end of week three my dosage had to be increased. Sometimes my anxiety felt worse if I missed a day too. And if I took my second dose of the day too early I would still have sleep issues. So, I had to start taking it around 9 or 10 pm. The only thing it was still helping me with consistently, regardless of the dosage, was recovery after workouts. And by the fourth week, that was the only benefit I was getting anymore. I continued taking it until I finished the bottle, but I felt like I would have to buy the next level up to get anymore benefits. And with such a high price tag, it just didn’t seem worth it to me at all.

So, overall I would say that this particular product would be great for people who suffer from stress only. And it’s absolutely wonderful for muscle recovery as well so I think athletes would definitely benefit from it. But for those of us who suffer from depression, anxiety, or both I believe this is entirely too weak to do much of anything. Not to mention that it’s really really expensive. After talking to a few people I was told that the Stanley Brothers do produce some great products, but the price tag could have a lot more to do with the name than anything else. Since then, I've sampled a few other products and have found some that I'd like to try in the future. Thankfully, I have a boss who understands why I'm trying to find an alternative so it's not an issue for me work wise. I'm hoping that one day I'll be able to find a healthy balance between exercise, food consumption, and an oil/capsule supplement that will help me stay off of prescription medication for good. And it's not just about disliking medication because I'm totally grateful to have them. They helped me out tremendously during some of my lowest points. It's more about being aware of what I'm putting into my body, how it's affects me long term, and wanting something that will help me get to a place where I can manage my issues on my own full time. Because I want to be in control of my own mind, and I don't want to let my emotions take the lead. That is what I'm ultimately after. 

What about you? Do you suffer from anxiety or any other mental health issues? Have you found something that works for you? Any other thoughts, or research for me to look at in regards to CBD oil? Ever thought about giving CBD oil a try? I'm all ears, and totally open to recommendations. You know how to reach me.

Weight Loss - Weigh In - August 2018

Hey Everyone! Can you believe tomorrow will be the first of September?! We've had a pretty great start to the school year over here, and we're finally narrowing down a pickup schedule for the little. Next week her after school activities start up, and she's ready to go. Because of this I'm having to rearrange my workout schedule, and shift things around. Still, I'm committed to sticking with this, and if it means having to do a late night workout once or twice a week then so be it. No excuses anymore. Now, let's jump right into my end of the month stats shall we? 

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs
Current Weight (CW): 184.8 lbs
Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

I've modified my approach to intermittent fasting, yet again. At first I was seeing some great results in regards to decrease in sugar cravings, and not getting as hungry during the day as I used to. So, I thought that intermittent fasting was starting to work for me. However, after a month of this I started to notice that I was constantly swelling after my workouts during the five days that I would fast. My hands, my feet, and sometimes my face. And even though at first I felt like my mind was clearer and more focused it soon felt like I was constantly zoning out. I felt a bit sluggish, and always wanted to take a nap. Even after having coffee. So, this week I switched it up to 3 days on/1 day off, and my fasting window has shifted (9 pm-11 am). I'm still eating mainly fruits and veggies during the day. My coffee intake has gone down to one cup every other day. This has been rough. My water intake has increased to 10 cups per day, and I'm slowly cutting back on how much sweet tea I allow myself to have.

My activity level has stayed about the same. I make sure to workout for 45 minutes at least five times a week. I've been alternating between the gym, and track sessions. My upper body strength is in need of a lot of work, and I hope that I can make some progress in that area this month. I've been able to increase my lifting weight so I'm pleased with that. When it comes to running I've been having a harder time though. I get tired really easily, and my shin splints have been really bothering me lately. Taping is a must when I go running or use the elliptical. Which means it's definitely time for new running shoes. I did try to do kickboxing at the beginning of this month, but during the class I almost passed out. I lost all color, my mouth was white, and my heart rate went down. It happened right during the middle of the class, and someone there who works as an EMS for the city checked me out (vitals and all). Now, I haven't gone to the doctor, but all of these symptoms remind me of when I became anemic several years ago. It seems to kick in or get out of balance when I become overweight. So, I've started taking vitamins with iron, and drinking water with nuun tabs. Here's hoping that this helps fix the issue. Otherwise I'll be having to pay a visit to my doctor soon. Next week I'll be attempting the class again because I really do enjoy it so fingers crossed I'm able to make it through with no issues. Overall, there's been a little bit of progress in the fitness area so I'm not too down about that. 

One of the major things I do want to focus on this month is my stress level. As I mentioned last month I started taking CBD oil to see if it would help. We're getting down to the last few servings, and I've got some mixed feelings about it. Recently, my dad said "Raquel, I see how hard you're working. Why does there seem to be no change? Even if you weren't eating that great, you should still be losing something." We talked about what all I was doing, and went over my meal logs. And he's right, there should be more change than what I'm seeing. Once we looked everything over he told me that I seemed really stressed and tense all of the time which might be causing more harm. So, I did a little digging online, and now I'm pretty much convinced that stress/anxiety/depression have all played major factors in not seeing much of a scale change. My sleep has also been all over the place lately. I've been trying to limit my consumption of over the counter sleep-aids during the week, but on the nights that I do get 6+ hours of sleep it's almost always because I've taken one. The plan for now is to take this 3-day Labor Day weekend to try and "detox" off of them. Apparently, it doesn't matter how hard you work if you're constantly stressing and getting very little sleep.

So, those are technically my only two goals for this upcoming month. It's been more than frustrating though. There are days when I just want to give up. "FUCK IT" I think to myself. What's the point of sticking with it when you only lose 2 lbs a month (at most)? What's the point if I yo-yo between those few pounds? But then I take a step back, and no matter how sorry I feel for myself or how much I don't want to keep going I still put on my workout gear. I head out, and push through. Someday's I don't give it my all. Some days I give 110%. The important thing to me is that I at least get out there. Even on days when I'm feeling depressed. So, If I can lose some weight this next month while in the process of getting my anxiety/sleep under control that would be great. If not, I'll still consider improvement in those areas a win. Here's to September, y'all! 

Weight Loss - Weigh In - July 2018

So, back in June I talked a little about my feelings in regards to my weight. And a bit on body positivity. I’ve done a little bit of “research” lately to kind of try, and pinpoint what my “issues” are. Because I wish I could say that things have gotten better, but they haven't. And before we get too into this let me just say that I’m not anorexic or bulimic. I don’t binge eat either. But I do feel like I have a slight combination of body dysmorphia and disordered eating. Not on the extreme spectrum where I feel like I constantly look in the mirror at all of my flaws. But more on the, no matter how hard I work I’m not happy with how I look. So, I avoid going out and I hate my picture being taken. On the disordered eating side of things I’m still having a hard time not associating food with exercise. I often get anxiety over this too. For example: If I eat a whole candy bar, that’s not on my cheat day, as soon as I’m done I start thinking about how much extra time I have to add to my workout in order to burn those extra calories. Now the reason why I don’t think it’s THAT bad is because some days I go through with adding the extra time, and others I just say “fuck it” and don’t even worry about it. That's a win, right? Still, it’s taken some time to get my mind to not go there as often as it did before. And it’s taken some work to counter the negative thoughts with more positive ones.

Now, here’s why it can get frustrating for me. Three weeks ago I started to decrease my coffee/caffeine intake. I also started to drink a minimum of eight cups of water per day. Then the next two weeks I started a workout schedule of 30-60 minutes a day for a minimum of four days a week. I continued with intermittent fasting (5 days on/two days off), and incorporated more fruits/veggies with every meal. On days when I would allow myself to indulge (once a week) I would only choose one item. So for instance, if I wanted to eat at Burger King, I would only allow myself to have a burger. No fries. Or if I wanted a candy bar I would split it in two, and give someone else the other half. This allowed me to feel like I wasn’t depriving myself of anything. And while I felt great about what I was putting into my body, and how I felt after my workouts the scale did not budge. That’s right, after two weeks of putting in some hard work the scale read the exact same. And technically, it went up a pound the first week & then dropped back down a pound by this morning when I weighed myself. Which logged me in at the exact same weight I had been sitting at three weeks ago. Do you see how discouraging that is for me?

I know that this could be me losing inches, and gaining muscle. I know that this could be water weight. I know that this could just be my body’s way of telling me that I need to switch some things up. But it’s hard to keep a positive attitude when you look at all of the hard work that you put into something, and then have no visual progress. It’s down right maddening! And for about an hour after that last weigh-in I almost gave up. I almost told myself to quit because it doesn’t feel worth it to give up a lot of the stuff you like; only to have no weight loss. But I had to talk myself down from that ledge. I had to remind myself that I was working on fueling myself with better foods rather than sugar and caffeine. I told myself I needed to look at non-scale victories before throwing in the towel. That if I just stuck with this, eventually, the changes would come. 

So, I’ve decided to start a monthly log-in here on my blog. Starting with today. At the end of each month I’ll write a bit about how I’m feeling, what my current weight is, a current photograph, some non-scale related progress, and any changes that I’ve noticed. If any at all. I feel like this will be a great way for me to stay focused. To stay accountable. And to help me keep a positive attitude. Now, they won't normally be this long. I'm sorry.  But here goes: 

Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs 

Current Weight (CW): 189 lbs

Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs

I'm down to one cup of coffee per day during the work week. My cutoff time for my caffeine consumption is 2 pm. I've also been aiming to be in bed by 9 pm every night, and asleep by 10 pm. Right now my average fall asleep time is between 10:30-11 pm. Last week I started taking some CBD oil to help with my anxiety, and sleep schedule. I plan on reviewing it later. I feel like both of those are contributing to my lack of weight loss. I hope this oil helps with decreasing my stress, and allowing me to get some consistent sleep. Right now I average 5 - 6 hours off/on. This afternoon will be my first day to incorporate a kickboxing class into my weekly workouts since the last time I attempted it a few years ago. I'm excited, and a little nervous. I have bladder issues, and I'm hoping I don't have to stop too many times during the class in order to not pee my pants. Thank you, childbirth. I've been able to run more laps, and my pace has improved by about 30 seconds. Shin splints are still flaring up, but I now tape as well as take Tylenol when they start to hurt. Overall though, I'm feeling a bit discouraged due to lack of scale movement in the past two weeks. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude though.

You've Got This

This past weekend/majority of the week I spent it sick. After spending a good six hours hugging our porcelain throne you'd think I'd want nothing to do with food, right? Welp, you'd be wrong. I was sick; not dead. I wanted all of the comfort food. The homemade chili with crackers, and all of the fixings. The warm brownies and cookies. Limón flavored potato chips, and Ramen noodles. Hot chocolate, and mashed potatoes. If it was fattening, and I could go over my allotted calorie intake for the day in two bites you can bet your sweet cheeks I wanted it. So I wasn't in the least bit surprised to see the number on my scale go up. I won't lie to you I felt guilty for a few moments. I felt bad, and kind of like all of the progress I had made was for nothing. But then I just shrugged it off. Though I'll admit I wasn't always quick to react that way before.

Weight gain. Scales. Gym time. Falling off the wagon; getting back on. For some of us out here the weight loss journey can be a real struggle. I'm no stranger to it as you just read, and sometimes I feel like I'm letting myself down. Sometimes, I make some bad food choices even when I know that it's not the best decision. I regularly have 10 minute arguments with myself over why I should, or shouldn't buy the kings size Hershey Bar when I go grocery shopping. Spoiler alert: I usually toss it on the checkout counter right before the cashier totals me out. There are also times when I want to drink Pepsi with my breakfast, lunch, and dinner just because I'm tired of everything else. And then there are the really bad days when I'd rather eat a whole container of Little Debbie's while binge watching a TV series than going to the gym, or cooking. It happens y'all. And I'm not going to try feeding you that "once you make the life style change it gets easier" line because that's bullshit. Food was made to taste good. Preservatives and chemicals be damned. What I am going to tell you though is: Bro, it's okay. You've got this. Even with the mix of good, and bad days. You've got this.

I went from being 185 lbs, to 150 lbs in a few months. Then at the end of last year that number went back up to 168 lbs. Today, I weighed in at 164 lbs. It's like a damn hospital heart monitor going up, and down. Now I know maintaining a healthy weight is important. I know it's achievable. I know that I can drop back down to 150 lbs, and I know that it's best for me to make my way even further down from that. But guys, I like carne asada tacos. And sometimes I'm lazy. For the record it's worth repeating that I really really love food. So it's not always easy staying on track, and on occasion it may take me awhile to get back on. I'm not going to beat myself up over it though. And if you're dealing with weight issues, you shouldn't either. Progress varies for everyone. The changes can be easier to achieve for some, and harder for others. They're not always on the outside either. That's definitely something that took me awhile to learn too. I may not be at my goal weight right now, but I have more energy during workouts. I can squat 120 lbs, and I easily run 3.1 miles without keeling over in pain. I'm down from eight cups of coffee a day to two. I drink more water, and eat more salads now than I ever have in my life. For me, these are all good things. Positive changes. So even though the scale says one thing I usually (more often than not) feel differently. 

This filter is called "Taco"; see what I'm working with? 

Since the new year I've been switching things up in order to keep myself motivated, and I'd thought I'd pass some of these ideas along just in case: As soon as I get home from work I immediately change into my workout clothes so that I can't make an excuse not to go. I've committed myself to working out a minimum of five times a week for at least thirty minutes. Some days I go balls to the wall, and others I walk on the treadmill the entire time. Some activity is better than no activity. I always carry a 32 oz water bottle, and I make sure to fill that sucker up at least twice throughout the day. If I get tired of the taste I slice up a lemon, lime, cucumber, or mint leaves and toss them in. This can also help with bloating so that's pretty cool too. If you're the kind of person that can easily talk yourself into NOT doing something I definitely recommend finding yourself a workout buddy. I know it may not be for everyone, but I've found that it helps me. My dad is my gym partner, and on the days when I'm feeling like keeping my ass firmly planted on my couch he usually calls to tell me he's waiting for me at the gym. Now sometimes our work schedules get in the way, but for the most part he's there to hold me accountable. Weight lifting has also taken up a big part of my workout time. It's true when they say that strength training helps you out in other areas, so don't be afraid to incorporate it more often. And last, if I'm feeling bored, I'll take a class. My favorite is kickboxing, and it brings me a lot of joy. If you know me it makes a lot of sense, doesn't it? I've read that switching up your workout routine can also get you out of a slump. It throws your body off in a good way which helps if you've hit a "weight loss plateau". From personal experience I can attest to this being true. 

Now, I'm sure some of these you've probably heard of, or even practice yourselves. Still, I think it's worth mentioning how these little changes have been helping me stay on track. Even on the days when I fail miserably with my poor eating habits. Sticking to these choice every day have helped me to feel stronger. If I'm having a low day I make sure to carve out the time for myself because that's how I know that I'm really in need of it. If you have anxiety or depression then you know what I'm talking about. I definitely treat being active as a form of "self care", and it's working out pretty well for me. So here's to consistency! May it bring us health, happiness, and the ability to consume tacos to our hearts content. 

One of The Good Things - My Weight Progress

My whole situation has been a roller-coaster in every way. At the very beginning, I hardly ever felt the need to eat. I survived off of **Sleepy Time tea. Occasionally, my mother would force feed me something, but I never ate more than a few bites. I was heartbroken, and felt like everything inside of me was crumbling into pieces. I questioned everything I had ever said, and done. Why didn't I try harder? Why her? Why is he doing this? What did I do so wrong? Was I that horrible to look at? Was I that hard to love? How can this all be happening? I spent a lot of my time worrying, and allowing my anxiety as well as depression take complete control over me. 

That's when the weight started to come off. I would go for a short run/walk maybe once a week, after my counseling sessions to try and process what all we had discussed. Any other time I laid in bed. I sipped on my tea, and tried really hard for the sake of my daughter to keep moving. Once the New Year came around though, I was hell bent on making better choices health wise. I started to eat again. Over those really difficult months of not eating much my stomach had shrank, and I could definitely notice. So, trying to fit in a full meal was pretty much impossible at that point.  And once I realized that I told myself I was basically starting from scratch so this time around I would do better, and be healthier. I started to take after my daughter, and mainly stick with fruits and veggies. I still drank my herbal tea, but I started to incorporate a lot more water. I know that it may not be the best meal plan for a lot of people out there, but I definitely switched things up:

• Breakfast: Small 12oz smoothie
• Mid Morning: Small healthy snack & 48oz of water by 11am
• Lunch: 12oz Protein Shake, Smoothie, or Healthy Choice Meal
• Mid Afternoon: Small healthy snack & second 48oz of water by 5pm
• Dinner: One meat, one veggie, one fruit & 32oz of water by 9pm

Each of my meals, and snacks hardly ever go over 350 calories. Sometimes I interchanged my dinner, and lunch depending on how the day is going or what I have planned. I also like to mix things up in order to avoid getting bored with a specific routine. After trying a few different brands I started to use two of the products from the **FitMiss line regularly as well. Once I made the decision to put my health, and what I put into my body more towards the top of my priority list I started to run more often too. That eventually lead to me getting back to the gym. Recently my dad joined the same gym, and he's been a huge motivational boost for me. He keeps me accountable, and he teaches me a lot when it comes to strength training. Since I started to incorporate more weights into my workouts I also started taking a **Gold Standard pre-workout before heading to the gym in order to give myself an extra boost. Regardless of whether you're a parent, or not, everyone knows that sometimes it's hard to power through when your exhausted at the end of the day. A pre-workout helps me out a lot on those days. So that's about it! I follow that meal plan, and I spend at least 30 minutes at the gym five to six times a week. This has helped a lot with my depression, mental focus, and anxiety as well.

One of the more drastic changes that I've had since starting all of this is in regards to how I talk to myself. Before I would always punish myself with exercise if I over ate. Even though I enjoyed running (short distances) I still viewed it as a punishment. This completely ruined excising for me. I made myself go farther or longer in order to burn the exact amount of calories I had over eaten even if I had met my daily goal. I would tell myself that I was "fat" constantly too, and I even created screensavers for my desktop/cellphone that said things like "Put the food down, fatty." If you ever think about doing any of this: don't. It hurts your self esteem a lot more than it helps. Nowadays, if I feel like eating a cheeseburger I'm going to. If I want some fries I get a small order. If I want a soda I allow myself one. I try to limit the junk food, and drinks I keep in my house in order to not tempt myself. But there are days when you just have a craving, and I'm not about to beat myself up over it. Also on days that I don't make it to the gym, I take the dogs out for a walk around our block (about a mile in distance). Or I start cleaning around the house because anything that helps keep me moving in some way is never a bad thing, right?

The main take away that I finally grasped was that the pounds weren't all going to come back the very minute my lips touched a cheeseburger. Or if I gave into the chocolate bar that I really wanted once that week. Keep in mind I usually only crave them once, and then it will be weeks before I crave something else again. I didn't use this as an excuse to eat junk food every day either. If I kept telling myself that it was okay to eat crap the way I had before then yes the weight would eventually come back. For the most part it all came down to finding a balance that worked for me which still allowed room for a certain amount of weight loss at a steady pace. Everyone is different though so I get that for some it has to be all or nothing. Fortunately for me, the changes I've made and kept in place have helped improve how I see myself. Sure I'm still critical about some things, but I'm not extremely negative about it. Instead I ask my friends or other gym goers for tips. I'll ask my dad to help push me a bit harder during our gym sessions. All of this allows me to find solutions/help for the problem areas that I have, and the tools I need in order to target them. I'm slowly but surely getting the end results that I want.

It all takes time though. And just like the weight won't all come back in an instant, it isn't going to go away over night. And here's a little secret too: the scales lie. Just because the number doesn't drop each week, or you find that it's gone up instead doesn't mean that there isn't progress being made. A lot underneath the surface starts to appreciate all of the good your doing for yourself. Your skin becomes healthier, your mood/energy changes, and you are in fact getting stronger. Even though you may not see it yourself I promise that it happens. Others will more than likely notice it before you do too. I was told by several people that I looked healthier even before I noticed it myself.  It took me comparing a before and after picture to finally see just how much I had changed.

And here it is in all it's glory:

The ME on the left is what I looked like at my starting weight, which was 185lbs, back at the end of September 2015. The ME on the right is 150lbs, which was at the end of March 2016. I currently fluctuate between 150-153lbs. I went from a size 15 to a size 10 in jeans. In tops I went from a size XXL to a L. Currently, my goal weight is 135 lbs (which is based on my age and height), and then I'd like to focus on toning up and defining. I'd love to fluctuate between 135-140lbs from that point forward. Recently I've stalled on losing any weight which means I've hit my plateau. So, I've decided to incorporate a few other "tools" to my work outs. Mixing up my routine usually helps break this setback cycle, but I'm also going to add ankle weights as well as a sweat belt. I feel like I need to focus more on cardio right now, and then later integrate more intense strength training to focus on gaining some defined muscle. I could be wrong though so if anyone has any suggestions I'm all ears!

STILL, I AM SOOO CLOSE TO REACHING MY GOAL YOU GUYS! SO. CLOSE. I know that the start of this journey wasn't under ideal circumstances or in a healthy way. I don't condone/recommend living off of herbal tea for months. But I guess you could say that this was my way of making lemonade out of the lemons I had been handed. This lifestyle change was one of the good things that came from a lot of bad.

**This is not a sponsored post. I am in no way getting paid for mentioning any of these products. I'm only linking to these products and mentioning these brands in case anyone has questions about what I specifically use.