September has been a month of adjustments. The little started having homework in the afternoons, and also having reading assignments which she doesn’t always want to stay on top of. We also had to change her pickup schedule because of new rules that the school has in place. I’m not even mad because it’s for their safety. I’ve been trying to work as many hours as I can this month because October is bringing in some added expenses. Em will be having a palatal expander put in her mouth soon, and since we don’t have insurance (much less a dental plan) everything is going to be out of pocket. Such is life though, right? Thankfully, we’ve had help. Without it I wouldn’t be putting in 40 hours per week at work, or able to get Emery to her afternoon lessons on time. I’ve still managed to stick with a workout schedule, but as you’ll see in this month’s stats below it just hasn’t done much for me.
Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs
Current Weight (CW): 184.6 lbs
Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs
This was the last month of me doing intermittent fasting. It just hasn’t worked for me anymore. The first few months I felt great, and lost about 5 lbs in two weeks. But it’s been several months now with no progress whatsoever. I had cut back on a lot of foods, and only indulged on one meal per week. Usually it landed on a Saturday or when we had a meal with my family during the week. However, I didn’t go overboard. I always portioned food out, and made sure to drink a minimum of six cups of water per day. I don’t drink sweet tea unless it’s with the cheat meal. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like any of this is working in my favor. So this week I started incorporating a snack in between coffee for breakfast, and lunch at 12. Starting next Monday I’ll be back to a regular eating schedule that will go something like: Breakfast- Coffee & breakfast bar/yogurt, Lunch- Salad & Fruit, Dinner- Small portion meal or protein shake with fruits & veggies. I’m hoping that this will help me stay full throughout the day so that I don’t have an urge to snack. I’m also wanting to increase my water intake to a minimum of eight cups per day.
My activity level has been consistent. I work out for forty five minutes to an hour 4x’s a week. Sometimes five. I mix it up with cardio and weight lifting, and every week the order changes so that my body doesn’t get used to it. My goal is to leave the gym drenched in sweat at the end of each session. For the most part I achieve this unless its on a day when I just focus on weight lifting. I’ve been able to increase how much I press, and squat by ten pounds this month so I was pretty stoked on that. Still, since the last weigh in I haven’t even lost a full pound. This has been super discouraging, and has left me feeling really fucking frustrated. Because of this I’ve been making it a point to immediately change into my workout clothes as soon as I get home in order to make myself go to the gym. I’ve found that this method helps me to stay on track rather than make excuses. Do you know how hard it is to get in and out of a sports bra when you’re my size? There’s no way I’m putting in that much effort and NOT getting in a workout. This routine has been really helpful on days when I just want to throw in the towel. For the month of October I want to focus on deadlifts, increasing my mileage, and to start using the actual flat bench press rather than the assisted one.
Mentally, I’ve been all over the place which I feel is working against me. My stress level is about the same, but for some reason my anxiety feels a lot worse. And it’s not consistent anymore either. Before there were signs, or little tells. My anxiety would come in waves, but I was able to keep myself from having an anxiety attack. Or at the very least keep it to a minimum. Recently it’s all been surfacing pretty randomly, and without warning. It’s as if I feel fine one minute, and the next thing I know I’m freaking out. Some days I don’t want to get out of bed, or interact with others either. I make myself because I know that a lot of this is just a mental thing. But recently it’s been a struggle to calm myself down when I start to feel the anxiety coming on. And sometimes I have a hard time remembering that everything will be okay; that the panic will dissipate. So, it’s because of this that I’ve been thinking about scheduling a doctor’s visit in the next week or so. It’s been a little over two years since the last time I was put on medication. And like I stated in my CBD oil review I’d really like to find an alternative to antidepressants & anxiety medication. But since I live in Texas, where the majority of these alternatives are considered illegal, I feel like I should talk to my doctor about getting back on my “three month” plan to help balance me out again. After the three months, I’m weaned off, and I usually feel about 80% better. Like I'm regaining some mental stability, if you will? And right now I feel like that’s something that I really need.
Overall, September was a very discouraging month in the weight loss department. When I stepped on the scale yesterday morning and saw that there was no movement I sat on my bathroom floor crying. I know I said that I’d be okay with the slow progress, but I’ll be honest with y’all-- this totally sucks. To spend a whole month busting my ass, giving it 100%, and to come up with nothing? It definitely brings on some deep feelings of failure. Of hopelessness. On a positive note though I was able to stop taking sleep aids. And since I’ve started doing cardio consistently I feel like I sleep better too. My bedtime is between 10-11 pm, and I only wake up about twice throughout the night. With the exception of one night when I didn’t go to bed until 3:45 AM due to severe anxiety I feel like I can claim this one as a win. So, that’s about it for September. My goals for October are to drop five pounds, increase mileage, and to start working on different weight lifting techniques. I'm trying my best to stay focused on what I've accomplished so far too. Technically, since April of this year my total weight loss has been 10 lbs which is better than nothing. I'm trying to stay motivated, and train myself to keep pushing through. Even on the hard days. And I'm optimistic for everything that will come in October. So here’s to the next month, y’all!
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