October, in general, has been a pretty decent month. Work has picked up which is good. Emery has done really well in both gymnastics and dance. I had a “proud mom” moment at both lessons last week when I was told that she was advancing really quickly at both! She’s been really excited about her progress lately, and even though I tell her she’s doing a great job it means that much more for her to hear it coming from her teachers. I totally get it. So, she’s been having a blast! I will say that the only downside was an unfortunate incident involving our car and a deer last week. And while the damage seemed relatively small it turns out that the “internal structure” was compromised. This means that the insurance company could consider it a total loss. And with how much is owed versus the worth of the car...we could be looking at some trouble. But, since I can’t do much about the situation other than wait to hear what they say, I’m trying not to worry about it too much. Now, in the weight loss department, October has been total crap. Not even going to lie. I felt really defeated after my last weigh in, and I was pretty angry too. I felt like I had been working really hard, and putting in so much damn effort that was getting me nowhere. So, what did I do? I sabotaged. And you’ll definitely see that in the stats below. I won’t be posting “progress” pictures as there was no “progress”.
Starting Weight (SW): 189 lbs
Current Weight (CW): 186.2 lbs
Goal Weight (GW): 160 lbs
My nails were horrible and I was not about to subject y'all to that view
Since, I was frustrated with the lack of progress I ate like crap the first two weeks of October. I’m talking cake for breakfast, pizzas, cheeseburgers, fried chicken, sodas, chips/cookies, and copious amounts of chocolate whenever the hell I felt like it. I didn’t give a fuck. If I was hungry, I was going to eat, and I didn’t care that I was making bad food choices. However, I could totally feel the difference in my body the entire time. My skin was oily, I broke out, I had a lot of headaches, and I felt bloated 24/7. Then I got sick with a cold and crap did it last forever. Seven days actually. It took a lot out of me, and I have a feeling that it wouldn’t have been so bad if I had been eating better. Instead I felt sluggish, and tired no matter how much rest I got. My water intake also suffered. I went down to 2-4 cups per day, and I started drinking sweet tea again. I threw in some soda for good measure too. My caffeine intake also went back up in both coffee, and energy drinks. So, all around it was just bad.
My activity level tanked as well. Big time. I went to the gym about four times (total) this whole month. Yup, that bad. I had no motivation whatsoever, and my hips were giving me some grief so I easily used that as an excuse. My workouts were half-assed, and I didn’t care either. It wasn’t until last week that I decided it was time to back into the gym. It took a lot of work to get me to walk through those doors though. I only went two days instead of my normal four to five, but once I made myself go I started to feel better. That first mile run after going without for so long felt pretty damn amazing too. I was slow, but my body felt like it was buzzing afterwards. It was tired, and sore in the best way possible. So, here’s hoping that this week I can get back to my normal workout schedule again. I want November to be better.
Mentally, things are have been just, blah. It’s kind of hard to explain what I’ve been feeling lately too. Words are just...not quiet enough? It’s like being anxious, but not too anxious. Being tired, but not too tired. Stressing out, but not so much that my anxiety is taking over. Feeling down, but not really depressed. Waking up sad, and having to push through it. Kind of numb to a lot of things, but not so much that I haven’t been happy too. And it’s this jumbled mess of emotions that seem to all hit at the same damn time too. So, I finally made an appointment for this month to go get some blood work done, and to talk to my doctor about what all has been going on. Symptoms, feelings, my cycle, the whole shebang. I know that I want to work on not having to take medications in order to balance myself out, but until I figure out what all is going on with my body (as well as a solution for it) I know that I need some help right now. So, I plan on getting it.
Overall, October was not my month in the weight loss area. That’s okay though. I’m not going to beat myself up over it. I’m going to try a different work out schedule going into November in order to mix things up. As of today I’m back to healthy eating choices. Well, mostly-- I did get a few pieces of chocolate candy this morning. I grabbed Lean Cuisine meals for lunch this week in order to help me make the shift back to salads and lean meats going forward. I can’t just go all or nothing in this department so I use things to help me transition. I also opted for protein bars for when I get hungry, and want to snack. My water intake today wasn’t bad either, but I want to get back to 10-12 cups per day. Now, the entire time I was sabotaging my diet and exercise plan I knew in my mind that it was just going to be a setback. And I still did it. I think that it was mostly done out of frustration. I had this whole, “Well if nothing seems to be fucking working why the hell am I doing this?!” mentality going on. Looking back on how I went about it I know that there needs to be a change in that area. Even if there’s no movement on the scale I need to focus on how eating better makes me feel better. So, my goals for November are to get back to working out 4-5 times a week, increase water intake to 8 cups per day, and to drop a minimum of four pounds. Here's to a new month, huh? Here's to reaching the goals I've set for myself.
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