31

So, yesterday was my birthday. My feelings about thirty-one aren’t nearly as “doom and gloom” as my feelings for thirty were last year. Do I feel any smarter? Nope. Is there an extra pep in my step? Nah. Have I experienced any major growth in the past year? Negative, ghost rider. And I think that lack of growth is what I found to be the disappointing part about thirty. Because I was really hoping for a not-so-subtle mindshift, you know? People have always told me that thirty is the time that you grow into yourself. Start to find comfort in who you are and ignore the bullshit. And well, I honestly don’t think that I’m there yet. Maybe it’s because I feel stuck sometimes? Maybe it’s because there are things in my life that haven’t turned out the way I had hoped? Or maybe I just still have a lot of growing up to do? But I’m here, y’all! And I’m super grateful for that. Truly. I was able to have another year with my family. I was able to be present for another year of my daughter’s life. I was able to experience some incredible moments with the people I hold most dear in my life. Even with the rough times that I’ve experienced this year I’m so damn happy to be here. So, regardless of my feelings about the actual number itself, and what it represents to me, I’m thankful to have made it to thirty-one.

So, here’s to another orbit around the Sun. God willing. Here’s to reaching as many goals as I can. Here’s to spending more on experiences rather than on things. Here to getting my shit together. Fingers crossed. Here’s to being patient with myself, and others. Here’s to accepting the things that I cannot change.  Like that I'm never getting 8+ hours of sleep ever again. Here’s to learning how to fully love myself, those permanent under eye bags (passed down by my father), and my body. Here’s to getting my anxiety into check. Here’s to less social media, and more face-to-face time with the people I care about. Here’s to truly appreciating how far I’ve come. Even if it’s baby steps. And finally, here’s to growth. To change. And moving forward. 

Here’s to 31.