My whole situation has been a roller-coaster in every way. At the very beginning, I hardly ever felt the need to eat. I survived off of **Sleepy Time tea. Occasionally, my mother would force feed me something, but I never ate more than a few bites. I was heartbroken, and felt like everything inside of me was crumbling into pieces. I questioned everything I had ever said, and done. Why didn't I try harder? Why her? Why is he doing this? What did I do so wrong? Was I that horrible to look at? Was I that hard to love? How can this all be happening? I spent a lot of my time worrying, and allowing my anxiety as well as depression take complete control over me.
That's when the weight started to come off. I would go for a short run/walk maybe once a week, after my counseling sessions to try and process what all we had discussed. Any other time I laid in bed. I sipped on my tea, and tried really hard for the sake of my daughter to keep moving. Once the New Year came around though, I was hell bent on making better choices health wise. I started to eat again. Over those really difficult months of not eating much my stomach had shrank, and I could definitely notice. So, trying to fit in a full meal was pretty much impossible at that point. And once I realized that I told myself I was basically starting from scratch so this time around I would do better, and be healthier. I started to take after my daughter, and mainly stick with fruits and veggies. I still drank my herbal tea, but I started to incorporate a lot more water. I know that it may not be the best meal plan for a lot of people out there, but I definitely switched things up:
- Breakfast: Small 12oz smoothie
- Mid Morning: Small healthy snack & 48oz of water by 11am
- Lunch: 12oz Protein Shake, Smoothie, or Healthy Choice Meal
- Mid Afternoon: Small healthy snack & second 48oz of water by 5pm
- Dinner: One meat, one veggie, one fruit & 32oz of water by 9pm
Each of my meals, and snacks hardly ever go over 350 calories. Sometimes I interchanged my dinner, and lunch depending on how the day is going or what I have planned. I also like to mix things up in order to avoid getting bored with a specific routine. After trying a few different brands I started to use two of the products from the **FitMiss line regularly as well. Once I made the decision to put my health, and what I put into my body more towards the top of my priority list I started to run more often too. That eventually lead to me getting back to the gym. Recently my dad joined the same gym, and he's been a huge motivational boost for me. He keeps me accountable, and he teaches me a lot when it comes to strength training. Since I started to incorporate more weights into my workouts I also started taking a **Gold Standard pre-workout before heading to the
gym in order to give myself an extra boost. Regardless of whether you're a
parent, or not, everyone knows that sometimes it's hard to power through
when your exhausted at the end of the day. A pre-workout helps me out a lot on those days. So that's about it! I follow that meal plan, and I spend at least 30 minutes at the gym five to six times a week. This has helped a lot with my depression, mental focus, and anxiety as well.
One of the more drastic changes that I've had since starting all of this is in regards to how I talk to myself. Before I would always punish myself with exercise if I over ate. Even though I enjoyed running (short distances) I still viewed it as a punishment. This completely ruined excising for me. I made myself go farther or longer in order to burn the exact amount of calories I had over eaten even if I had met my daily goal. I would tell myself that I was "fat" constantly too, and I even created screensavers for my desktop/cellphone that said things like "Put the food down, fatty." If you ever think about doing any of this: don't. It hurts your self esteem a lot more than it helps. Nowadays, if I feel like eating a cheeseburger I'm going to. If I want some fries I get a small order. If I want a soda I allow myself one. I try to limit the junk food, and drinks I keep in my house in order to not tempt myself. But there are days when you just have a craving, and I'm not about to beat myself up over it. Also on days that I don't make it to the gym, I take the dogs out for a walk around our block (about a mile in distance). Or I start cleaning around the house because anything that helps keep me moving in some way is never a bad thing, right?
The main take away that I finally grasped was that the pounds weren't all going to come back the very minute my lips touched a cheeseburger. Or if I gave into the chocolate bar that I really wanted once that week. Keep in mind I usually only crave them once, and then it will be weeks before I crave something else again. I didn't use this as an excuse to eat junk food every day either. If I kept telling myself that it was okay to eat crap the way I had before then yes the weight would eventually come back. For the most part it all came down to finding a balance that worked for me which still allowed room for a certain amount of weight loss at a steady pace. Everyone is different though so I get that for some it has to be all or nothing. Fortunately for me, the changes I've made and kept in place have helped improve how I see myself. Sure I'm still critical about some things, but I'm not extremely negative about it. Instead I ask my friends or other gym goers for tips. I'll ask my dad to help push me a bit harder during our gym sessions. All of this allows me to find solutions/help for the problem areas that I have, and the tools I need in order to target them. I'm slowly but surely getting the end results that I want.
It all takes time though. And just like the weight won't all come back in an instant, it isn't going to go away over night. And here's a little secret too: the scales lie. Just because the number doesn't drop each week, or you find that it's gone up instead doesn't mean that there isn't progress being made. A lot underneath the surface starts to appreciate all of the good your doing for yourself. Your skin becomes healthier, your mood/energy changes, and you are in fact getting stronger. Even though you may not see it yourself I promise that it happens. Others will more than likely notice it before you do too. I was told by several people that I looked healthier even before I noticed it myself. It took me comparing a before and after picture to finally see just how much I had changed.
The main take away that I finally grasped was that the pounds weren't all going to come back the very minute my lips touched a cheeseburger. Or if I gave into the chocolate bar that I really wanted once that week. Keep in mind I usually only crave them once, and then it will be weeks before I crave something else again. I didn't use this as an excuse to eat junk food every day either. If I kept telling myself that it was okay to eat crap the way I had before then yes the weight would eventually come back. For the most part it all came down to finding a balance that worked for me which still allowed room for a certain amount of weight loss at a steady pace. Everyone is different though so I get that for some it has to be all or nothing. Fortunately for me, the changes I've made and kept in place have helped improve how I see myself. Sure I'm still critical about some things, but I'm not extremely negative about it. Instead I ask my friends or other gym goers for tips. I'll ask my dad to help push me a bit harder during our gym sessions. All of this allows me to find solutions/help for the problem areas that I have, and the tools I need in order to target them. I'm slowly but surely getting the end results that I want.
It all takes time though. And just like the weight won't all come back in an instant, it isn't going to go away over night. And here's a little secret too: the scales lie. Just because the number doesn't drop each week, or you find that it's gone up instead doesn't mean that there isn't progress being made. A lot underneath the surface starts to appreciate all of the good your doing for yourself. Your skin becomes healthier, your mood/energy changes, and you are in fact getting stronger. Even though you may not see it yourself I promise that it happens. Others will more than likely notice it before you do too. I was told by several people that I looked healthier even before I noticed it myself. It took me comparing a before and after picture to finally see just how much I had changed.
And here it is in all it's glory:
The ME on the left is what I looked like at my starting weight, which was 185lbs, back at the end of September 2015. The ME on the right is 150lbs, which was at the end of March 2016. I currently fluctuate between 150-153lbs. I went from a size 15 to a size 10 in jeans. In tops I went from a size XXL to a L. Currently, my goal weight is 135 lbs (which is based on my age and height), and then I'd like to focus on toning up and defining. I'd love to fluctuate between 135-140lbs from that point forward. Recently I've stalled on losing any weight which means I've hit my plateau. So, I've decided to incorporate a few other "tools" to my work outs. Mixing up my routine usually helps break this setback cycle, but I'm also going to add ankle weights as well as a sweat belt. I feel like I need to focus more on cardio right now, and then later integrate more intense strength training to focus on gaining some defined muscle. I could be wrong though so if anyone has any suggestions I'm all ears!
STILL, I AM SOOO CLOSE TO REACHING MY GOAL YOU GUYS! SO. CLOSE. I know that the start of this journey wasn't under ideal circumstances or in a healthy way. I don't condone/recommend living off of herbal tea for months. But I guess you could say that this was my way of making lemonade out of the lemons I had been handed. This lifestyle change was one of the good things that came from a lot of bad.
STILL, I AM SOOO CLOSE TO REACHING MY GOAL YOU GUYS! SO. CLOSE. I know that the start of this journey wasn't under ideal circumstances or in a healthy way. I don't condone/recommend living off of herbal tea for months. But I guess you could say that this was my way of making lemonade out of the lemons I had been handed. This lifestyle change was one of the good things that came from a lot of bad.
**This is not a sponsored post. I am in no way getting paid for mentioning any of these products. I'm only linking to these products and mentioning these brands in case anyone has questions about what I specifically use.
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