Now What?

I’m frustrated. My parents (by that I mean my mother) want us to stay here.

You need to go to school here. 

You need to graduate here. 

Y'all need to find a house here. 

Y'all need to live here.

You won’t find anything in California.

With the plans Beau wanted to make, I knew that we couldn’t move anywhere until I got an education. But all these damn continuing ed classes have so many damn requirements (half of which take at least 3 months to complete). And if I went into a medical or pharmaceutical field, I’d have to retake a course if I ever moved out of state. ????  Doesn’t that completely cancel out the purpose of me taking the classes here? All the money spent, just to have to RETAKE it in another state? My GOD.

Beau’s job offer won’t be there forever. And that’s such a huge move with nothing. No money. Ugh, and now my mom is nagging at me because she thinks we need to stay here. You just shouldn’t move anywhere. No one could take care of Emery like family. You don’t have anyone you trust in California to take care of her and daycares are awful. But I can’t live right next door to her forever. At some point, we’ll have to leave (for my sanities sake). At some point, both Beau and I will be working and daycare or a babysitter will be a must. It’s going to happen at some point.

Right now, I’m just not sure what I want to do with my life. I have no idea which direction to go in, and I am completely frustrated about it. I am confused as to what to do. I’m frustrated at work. I have no desire to be there. But right now there is nothing else for me? No other jobs are coming up, and they keep feeding my dad lines on when they’ll be able to hire me at FMC. They told Beau to go apply at Square One last Friday and he did. We still haven’t heard back from them. The roofing company he was with hasn’t heard back from any of the bids so there’s no work for them right now. And I am negative in our account again. Money management really isn’t the problem either; it’s trying to live off of $400 checks (every two weeks). Sometimes, I have to overdraft in order to afford diapers or formula. Don’t judge me.

So now what? What do I do? Where do I go? And how do I get there? I have no idea. I wish I could get some kind of a sign.

p/s  After we went for a run this afternoon,

I opened the freezer to get some chicken, and

I noticed that MY bottle of jager was pretty much empty.

My husband decided he was going to drink my booze without telling me.

What a jerk!! I'm a pissed off about it.