The Next Step

I had this whole post typed up about how much of a funk I was in. About how I was so disappointed, and tired nowadays. How emotionally I was feeling so off base. But, I want to skip over the whole disappointed part. I just have to shake it off! Get back into my routine, and just keep on going full steam ahead! But at the same time, I need to slow down.

Lately, I have been so tired and I have no idea why. I’ve been getting these major migraines too, and I think it’s because of me quitting sugar and then jumping back into it with a vengeance. Then stopping again. I almost fell asleep at work yesterday (even with a sugar boost), and when I was running I kept wanting to close my eyes! Then, my legs gave out at 1.5 miles. Which never happens! My legs were in pain yesterday, but a different kind of pain than usual. And my right arm broke out in hives. It was weird. But I showered, went over to our friends for a little while, and then came home to watch an episode of Glee before going to bed. My legs giving out was my first clue that I should slow down. Let my body recover before starting up again.

My diet is just blah. I’m having a hard time finding time to prepare my meals ahead of time. So I end up with salads or wraps at lunch. Not a bad choice, but not a good one either. Still, I need to get back on the wagon. And go at it hardcore. I feel all lazy and fat because I haven’t been keeping it up like I should. I think that might also be why I’m so tired. So here’s to hoping I get my motivation back!

Next Monday, I will be headed to a community college close by to talk to admissions about what my steps need to be to get back into school. I need some direction (instruction) on what to do next. And I feel that someone there can probably help me out with this! I am wanting to do online classes because like I stated before, making that drive back and forth would hurt our pockets so bad. And I’ve been looking at what they have to offer online, and I’m hoping that this will end up being a good fit. So, next Monday after Emery’s doctor appointment, I’ll be making the hour-long drive. I want to aim for a goal of starting school NEXT spring. And that’s just to give me some room to study and either take the tests I need or go through the whole GED route. Also, I got my husband thinking about Full Sail University! They have a lot of distance learning choices and a lot of different music based degrees! He loves music! Loves recording, writing, learning. The man can pick up an instrument and teach himself how to use it. He’s also been using a recording program called Fruity Loops, and so far he’s done really well with learning how to use it. So, I think it would be a great idea for him to try it out. Not saying that he will, but I hope he at least thinks about it.

Anyway, that’s about all the updates so far.I’m dabbling with watermarks on photos to see which one I want to use, so forgive me for all of the randoms. Once I get one that I like, I’ll change all of them. Nothing else is new. Daily life has gotten a bit more quiet, my husband is still licking his wounds, and Emery is sprouting. Seriously that little girl needs to stop! I miss my little baby that wanted to cuddle all of the time. She was replaced by a very demanding, independent, and always on the go toddler. Well, almost toddler. It’s a little saddening. Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well! 

I Can't Wait!!!

This is BEYOND sad, but I am sooooo excited! LOL! I’m getting my hair cut tomorrow!! Do you have any idea how long it’s been?! I used to get my hair cut, once every 4-6 months. I’d dye it or just change the style. Go get my nails done, some waxing, and just splurge on a good day of pampering. Maybe buy a new top or new shoes. Ahhhh! That was the life! Haha! Yea...

YOU CAN’T DO THAT WITH A BABY!!

Or at least I can’t. Too many bills and I can’t seem to let myself spend so much on myself. I debated on whether or not to take the computer back on SEVERAL occasions and once I realized I had lost the receipt, I thought about selling it.  Really? Who does that? It was a gift, I should ENJOY it. And I do enjoy it, but I can’t help but feel guilty about all the money that went into it and not something else.  Something more important; necessities. Because when I see myself spending on something for me, I see $$$ that could be going to stuff for Emery or paying something off. So when I think about how much I miss getting those days of pampering, I start totaling up the amounts.

Wash, Cut, Style: $60

Nails: $40

Waxing: $10

-GASP-  That’s $110 bucks PEOPLE! Not including tipping or buying myself something extra either. Shit batman! How did I do that?! $110 would buy two big packs of diapers, some milk, baby food for two weeks, a container of puffs, and then still have some left over to buy her a cute little outfit or something! Or it could buy a week and a half's worth of groceries!! And that’s just how my mind sees it! No matter how hard I try to tell myself that it’s ok to spend on myself every now and then, it’s hard to actually do it. I’m not sure how many times I’ve gone in planning on buying myself something and walk out with nothing but stuff for Emery and my husband. Or I do get stuff for myself and before making it to the check-out I’ve put it all back because I’m afraid it’s too much to spend on myself. I check prices on everything, and I’ll debate on whether I need it or just want it. Because whatever I spent on that item, could have gone towards something else, right?! I annoy myself with this, lol! I have no idea if this is ever going to change either?! Is it just a first-time mom thing? Does it wear off? I have no idea!?

But tomorrow, I will be enjoying a nice wash and cut (styling cost extra so I left that out- this will only be $45 with a tip! haha)!! It will be with my old hairdresser again too! I’m so excited! She is literally a miracle worker, and she knows how I like to do things. My hair is weird because it’s not really coarse, but at the same time, it is? It’s thick (the cause of my recent headaches), curly, and it tangles so easily! She has been the only person that I know of, that can actually help me with this. I always left the place with silky hair, cut exactly the way I wanted! So, I am very very excited about this!

And here’s the kicker, I won’t actually be doing anything drastic! LOL! It’s just been so long since I’ve gotten to do this (before Em was born), that I can’t help but get all giddy at the idea of finally being able to have a somewhat “pamper” session! I want my hair to be long again, so I’m just getting her to cut a few inches off, redo my side bangs, and thin it out some because I am so over these headaches! Can you believe it, that’s it!? Told you it was sad!!

But you know what? I’m so excited!! Hahahaha!!!   

p/s Wednesday morning my daughter was up at 4 AM. The sitter said she hadn't slept all day and sure enough she crashed out once she was home. 5-10 PM. We tried waking her up a few times and she would just fall back to sleep, sitting! That was a bit amusing but I felt bad, so I just let her sleep. BAD idea, she was up from 10-12pm before crashing out again! And today, I am feeling it. I am so exhausted, and all I want to do is SLEEP!!! 

Tired, Ok Way More Than Just Tired

First, I have decided to not transfer my blog. This will be my new one, along with my "mommy" blog, and it'll be like a fresh start.

Second, I need to find a new job. Once Emery hits 6 months, she won't have to see a doctor (god willing) for a good while. So I can put her on Medicaid until I can get insurance again. My current job is not getting me anywhere. I'm the lowest paid bc of my lack of education and they will not let me grow within the company, even when I've been there longer than some. So why should I stay?

Third, I need to get back to school. I've been trying to study but everyone's been so busy and it's hard to get someone to look after Emery while we study. And have you tried studying while taking care of a baby at the same time? It's not that easy. And to be honest, my motivation is lagging a bit this week.

Fourth, Emery is teething and wanting to stay up later than usual. She's so fussy and cries constantly. It's usually worse in the late afternoon/night. And I know it's not her fault, but because of her teething, she'll wake up a minimum of 6 times throughout the night! I find myself crying sometimes because I don't know what to do. So I am usually pretty tired by 8am and my days just starting.

This past week is finally catching up to me. I am so tired I could fall asleep for a few days. But I have a little munchkin who will make sure that I only get 4 hours of sleep, max. Thank god tomorrows Friday.