You know, I always told myself I would be the EXTRA careful mom. The one that takes caution with EVERYTHING that I did involving Emery. She’s my precious little angel after all. Well, today I failed miserably. I had Emery sitting on the bed as far from the edge as possible, and with pillows surrounding her. She’s more mobile now and so I figured extra pillows couldn’t hurt. She was barricaded!! Well, I started to clean and I was taking the empty glass to the sink (literally five feet away), and as I barely walk out of the room I hear a:
“THUMP!”
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”
I dropped the glasses and turned around. Sure enough, my little angel is on the floor, screaming. My heart felt like it was in my throat and my stomach contents felt like they were going to come up at any minute! As I picked her up, I started trying to calm her down. She just kept screaming, and I swore I could feel her pain. Not even kidding. I kept trying to bounce her and calm her down. I knew that had to hurt so I wasn’t expecting her to stop crying immediately. And as I was pacing, I noticed in the mirror I was sobbing. So much for trying to calm HER down. Someone needed to calm ME down! I finally called my husband, who was of NO help. He said he understood I was sad but so long as there was no swelling and she had calmed down I should just give her some Tylenol and keep her up for a few hours. How could he be so damn calm and collected?! I was freaking out here!! I felt like I was the world’s crappiest mothers! I should have known better, and all he can tell me is that she’s going to be ok?! It’s a little bump?! As I started to think about how to let my husband have it over the phone, I looked down to find Emery smiling at me with this huge pinkish purple goose egg staring at me. Oh…GOD! Please let that go down! Please for the love of God let her be ok! Please, please let there be no swelling in her brain. I swear I won’t ever leave her on the bed again!! I called my mother right away and she told me to give her Tylenol, get some ice to help the knot go down, and to keep her up for at least 2-3 hours. Before hanging up she said “Mija, I know someone else who had knots on her forehead more than once from falling off the bed. And you lived. Breathe, it’ll be ok.” Leave it to my mother. That made me feel a little better. I did as she (and my husband) instructed.
Three hours later, her knot has almost completely gone down. She’ll have a bruise, I can tell, but the knot is hardly visible. She was laughing and playing. But now she’s taking a nap. I keep checking every fifteen minutes to make sure she’s still breathing. She’s annoyed with me for waking her up, but I feel like I have to pinch her or tickle her nose to get a response that fully satisfies me. That whole finger under the nose to see if she’s breathing is not cutting it this time!
Blah! I feel awful! I feel like such a crappy mom! I spent the rest of the afternoon clearing out a huge space on the floor in her room, our room, and the kitchen so that whenever I have to do something out of the room, I’ll take the blankets and set her in there with me. Unfortunately, this is not getting rid of my guilt. I SHOULD have been more careful. I should have just sat her in her room no matter how hard she cried. Or better yet, her playpen. I should never have left the room with her still on the bed. I won’t ever do that again.
And before I get any lectures, I know I screwed up.
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