In The Cards...

Monday I read Erica’s post about saying goodbye to Hawaii, and it brought back a lot of memories for me about leaving California. See, lately I’ve been really itching for change. I’m a creature of habit for the most part, but sometimes I find myself feeling a bit unsettled, a bit stuck, and a bit overwhelmed. I’ve finally gotten into the swing of our new schedule for the most part, but now that I have I can feel myself becoming cagey. Itching for a tiny bit of change. But mainly a change in scenery. Even if it’s just for a few days. Because after this past month of classes I’m in need of a vacation.

Now, when I start feeling like this I always think of California. I start to remember the smell of green as we drove down Jefferson at night. I remember the winding road leading up to Anza from Hemet. I remember how it smelled like rain when we drove past all of the vineyards. I remember how cold it got my first winter there, but only up in the mountains. I remember sitting in traffic with the windows rolled down, listening to music, and enjoying the feel of the heat on my skin. I remember how the air tasted salty the closer we got to the beach. I remember everything that I loved about living on the West Coast and in that moment all I want is to pack up our stuff and go back. Because, you know, in "dreamland" that always works out.

Now as much as I would love to be back there right this second someday I’m not exactly sure that life will take us back down that path. I want it to. I want California to be in our future again more than you can imagine, but I’m not sure it’s in the cards for us. So for now I'm forced to enjoy the idea of getting to visit. But even on visits, saying goodbye leaves me a little bit brokenhearted each time. But who knows, maybe we will make it out there again. Maybe our time here is just a way for me to finish up a chapter I skipped when I was younger? Or maybe California will forever be the place that helped me grow and nothing more? Whatever happens in our future, I'm forever grateful for the time spent and the friends made out in So Cal.

=) 

crappy panorama shot