Making An Unlikely Semi-Friend

A while back I was talking to my sister-in-law about how alone I had been feeling lately. And I don’t mean this in the sense of not having a partner anymore either. Well, it’s not just about that. I’m talking more along the lines of having someone you can talk to about the recent book you read or show you've watched. Someone that helps you out when you need it. Someone who’s totally okay with 3 AM text messages when you can’t sleep. Someone who’s willing to sit there and listen to you as you work out your problems out loud. Not so much to give their opinion, but instead just to be there so that you know someone hears you. And maybe, sometimes, when you get a little emotional over your recent divorce they’re there to say, “Fuck them for hurting you.” So basically, a friend in every sense of the word. Because sometimes that’s all you need. It’s not about having a romantic relationship or trying to hook up with someone either. Now even though I have a handful of really great friends, the closest one has always been an hour and a half away. And the way I feel about making new friends is exactly the same as how some people feel when it comes to where they should place their hands while posing for pictures. It’s awkward, and I just don’t know what to do. But imagine the laugh I let out when my sister-in-law suggested that I should think about striking up a friendship with that one dude who’s already in my life part-time (ish).  

First, I’d like to just point out that other than my brother and sister-in-law, Dude and I have very little in common. I’m older, with a lot of responsibilities, and usually preoccupied with my daughter. His only responsibilities are keeping his dog alive and showing up to work on time. I enjoy watching all kinds of movies and shows. He’s not a fan of TV, and proudly states that he lives under a rock when it comes to not knowing about anything current. I decided a while back that I didn’t really want to consume alcohol anymore, and it’s rare for me to have a drink. In his case, it would be rare to see him without an alcoholic drink. And in the times that we’ve all hung out together he and I never really talk to each other. It’s always been us taking part in group conversations. So, in my eyes, he’s their friend; not mine. I laughed off her suggestion and thought she was ridiculous for even bringing it up. But then, fast forward a week later and I’m basically desperate to talk to anyone. I’m feeling really anxious, I’ve been tossing and turning for hours, and it’s a little after 1AM. I started scrolling through my contacts wondering who else could possibly be up at 1AM on a weekday. And that’s when the realization hit that the only person I knew, who would be up that late, was Dude. Before I continue I'd like to take this time to just say that I'm really proud of myself for holding out for a good forty minutes that morning. However, when I saw the clock read 2AM, desperation won out. I quickly typed up a text and closed my eyes as I hit the send button. As soon as I heard the little “ting” signaling his response I immediately regretted my decision. “Oh, fuck. Here we go,” I thought as I let out a sigh before raising the phone up to see his response.

Now, let me just give you a brief history on Dude and I. We’ve never really gotten along. There’s usually name calling, and threats of inflicting bodily harm involved. I’ve even gone as far as to throw physical objects at him. Trust me, with his mouth, you wouldn’t be above that either. He’s probably one of the last people I could have ever seen myself being real friends with if I’m being honest. We’d kill each other. But you know what? Color me fucking surprised. Because now, Dude is my semi-friend (he’s begrudgingly accepting this label). That night, when I picked up my phone, Dude was actually nice and sympathetic towards what I was going through. He even went as far as playing 21 questions with me until I fell asleep. Then one afternoon he came over and watched "Peaky Blinders" with me while I waited for Emery to come back home. I mean, we spent the entire time arguing over the episodes and the character’s actions. There may or may not have been a shoe thrown. But the time flew by and before I knew it Emery was back. That same evening is when he mentioned that he prefers to read books over watching TV. So we agreed to read each other’s favorite books and then later plan on getting together to discuss them. When I handed over “It Ends With Us” by Colleen Hoover he looked at me in confusion as he said, “This is...umm...REALLY pink.” I smiled smugly as he shook his head and walked to his truck. As of this posting, he’s made it through the first chapter safely. Then a few days ago, when he stopped by to drop off his book, it was his turn to smile smugly. Because of course, his favorite book is written entirely in Spanish. Challenge accepted. And finally, when I needed help with my flower beds he came over and accepted Taco Bell as payment for his gardening services. So, it's been nice having these challenges that we dish out to help keep me preoccupied.  

Overall, it’s been interesting getting to know him a bit better. Obviously, we’re really different, with different upbringings, and in completely different seasons in life. And yet, there’s still a lot that we can agree on. Thankfully, our dynamic has remained the same which I'm really happy about. At first, I thought it would be awkward for some reason? But the only real change is that we can actually get along now. You better believe I'm still gonna throw something at him when he says some stupid shit though. So, I guess, I should give credit where credit is due, right? And since I know he’ll never read this I’m gonna go ahead with expressing my thanks.

So, thanks, Ramon. Thanks for taking pity on this “old lady”. Still not 35 though. Thanks for answering my random ass questions at 2 AM. And the second round at 3 AM. Thanks for showing me the correct way to plant my plants. For not laughing too loudly when I jumped at the twig I thought was a snake. Thanks for allowing me to bounce ideas off of you, no matter how crazy they may be. Your facial expressions sometimes say otherwise but at least you don't verbalize those thoughts. Thanks for allowing me to lean on you after a really rough day. I know how much you hate being touched so you were a real trooper that afternoon. But most importantly, thanks for allowing me to call you my “semi-friend”. Though I’m sure by the end of the year we’ll be BFF’s and braiding each other’s hair. Anyway, life has been a little rocky for me lately, and you’ve been kind enough to help me stay busy. To not feel so alone in this tiny little town. So, thank you. Again. It’s really and truly appreciated. 

It's Been A Start

Well, the start to this year has been less than stellar. We've had some family health issues come up. A few emergency room visits. We had some vacation plans for this summer, and then we had to cancel some of them. Now, I know the things I bitch and moan about are pretty small compared to a lot of people’s problems out there. I know that there are thousands of people out there facing harder situations. So, today I’m just going to be thankful. I’m going to breathe in and take stock in what I have.

First, I’m thankful for our health. The flu in our area has been brutal this year. I’m thankful for having a job that allows me to provide for my family. Thanks for keeping me around boss man. I’m thankful for “Fifty Shades Freed” because Jamie Dornan, duh. I started out as a fan of the books, and now watching the last installment I feel like we’ve come full circle. I’m thankful for Northland Cable. Without you I wouldn't have been able to binge watch Altered Carbon, or the first season of Parenthood, or Everwood. I’m thankful for HEB curbside pick up. Because of you I don’t have to interact with other humans as much any more and I get extra time at home. I’m thankful for my parents. They have been really awesome, and I feel like I don’t vocalize it as much as I should. I’m thankful for a daughter who was able to celebrate her 8th birthday. I’ll post about that later because it was a rather interesting one. I’m thankful that I was able to be here on this Earth to see her celebrate it. I'll always be grateful for this. I'm thankful for the help that we've received during some of the low times. We've been lucky enough to have some amazing people in our lives. I'm thankful for Daylight Savings Time finally kicking in. The extra hours of sunlight during my day make a huge difference in my productivity. I'm thankful for all of the expereinces i've had so far this year. They teach us lessons that make us who we are. 

Tomorrow I'm sure I'll go back to feeling all kinds of anxiety about what's going on in our lives. I'll return to the chores, and the lists. The regular routine of my everyday life. I'll complain about not having enough time to get everything done because I'm only human. But today. Today I'm sitting on my bed, listening to my daughter giggle as she watches TV, and I'm looking out the window as the sun sets with all of those beautiful colors. I'm sad, but happy. And I have so much to be thankful for that I don't want to waste a lot of energy on bad vibes. I don't want to allow the negative to overshadow all of the good. So, I'm thankful. Truly. For every day. For all of it. 

To That One Dude

Last weekend when my family was down for a visit, a friend of my brothers came to spend the day with them. I’m sure he thought it was going to be a “him & them” situation, but it quickly turned into a “him & all of us” situation. Now, I only see this guy maybe once a year. And we basically get along by insulting each other until one party is leaving, and then it’s a wave goodbye followed by “See you around asshole.” -- His words. And that’s just how we roll. This time around was no different. And I'm actually pretty proud of how creative we are getting at our insult delivery. However, I’ll give credit where credit is due. And today, since I know he’ll never read this, I just wanted to say thanks.

It’s no secret that family life has not always been smooth sailing for us. This is why I’m happy to have so many strong, positive, people in my daughter’s life for the times that we fall short. It’s also no secret that sometimes our daughter is interested in things that we either hate, don’t always have time for, or have no knowledge of whatsoever. This is why I’m really grateful to have help. When Emery started showing interest in archery I was clueless. If I’m being honest, I still am. When she wanted to try her hand at it I was able to turn to my brother & sister-in-law for help in teaching her. When she wanted to learn, and play soccer my dad was able to spend some time teaching her what he knew. Now, he even plays against her when he gets off from work. When she wants to get all arts, and crafty my mom steps up to the plate with countless projects they can create. She also has a whole section of their house dedicated to that space for her. So, I’m pretty lucky, I know.

Now, what some people don’t know is that the past few weeks have been a little rough for us. And this past weekend we were finally able to take a step back, and just take a break. Enjoy family time. On Sunday however, once the sun started to go down, we were all a bit preoccupied with getting our family members ready for the road trip back home. And this friend, who had already been entertaining my daughter’s demands for thumb wars, and piggy back rides earlier that day at the flea market, stepped up without complaint. Now, it could be that he tolerated it all pretty well since he doesn't have to deal with it on a daily basis. Or maybe that's why my grandmother kept telling my daughter to quit pestering him? For fear that it would scare him away?  But, he went on every bicycle race that he was challenged to. He played catch wearing a kid sized glove, and chased after baseballs that went over the road or across the field. He played soccer, and “you can’t catch me”. Over, and over again. I mean, I won’t lie, there were instances where even I was thinking “Okay, now this is just getting annoying.” But he went along with it. And my daughter thought he was just the coolest kid ever.

So, thanks, jerk face. Thanks for hanging out, and playing games with my seven-year-old. Thanks for not complaining when she got really annoying, and almost choked you out as you let her climb onto your shoulders for the third time in a row. Thanks for teaching her how to throw a baseball, and hold her glove so she wouldn’t get hit in the face. Though if you had let that happen, your torture would have been over much sooner...just saying. Thanks for keeping her entertained so my dad, and brother could work on the truck. And, thanks for playing some weird version of soccer/kickball with her while I was getting my last little bit of snuggle time in with my nephew. But mostly, thanks for just giving her some of your time. I’m sure it wasn’t how you had hoped your day would go, and I’m sure there were other things you would have rather been doing. But to her, it meant a lot that you paid attention. So…thank you.

Now, in the slight chance that you ever come across this post: This…changes nothing, and even though I appreciate your kindness to her you’re still kind of a dick. And the next time you over estimate my age by ten years, make fun of the gray hair coming in, point out a new forehead wrinkle, or critique my “elbow game” while eating pizza I will throat punch you. Comprendes? Okay, good.  

Hello :)

I've made it a rule to not post on weekends because that’s our family time. During the week I have a full-time job, go to college, attempt to keep my house in order, and try to find time to write. So weekends I dedicate myself completely to my family and friends. My “listen” posts are scheduled on Friday’s. Well, this morning I logged onto my dashboard because I realized that I only posted once last week and I believe you guys deserved a lot more than that. Unfortunately, a lot of things have been going on lately so May turned into a pretty busy month for us. But when I logged in my page view counter had skyrocketed! 

Now, I've stated before that this blog is for me. I don’t advertise or promote my blog like many of you. I wish I had the time to do so, but I just don’t. Nor do I feel like I have that kind of energy or dedication. I mean, I went a whole week without posting so what does that tell you? Anyway, those that find me usually do so by accident and I’m truly grateful for their support. So to go from 20 views a day, to 160...well, that grabbed my attention. So, instead of writing down my normal post, I felt like I should say hello!

So...hello!

I just wanted to welcome all of y’all to my little blog. I know many of you are probably coming over from Erica’s blog. A big THANK YOU goes out to her for giving me a shout out on her blog when she didn't have to. I've been following her blog for over a year now and she’s just down right awesome, isn't she? Had I known sooner that she had mentioned my blog I would have posted this yesterday. Instead, y’all got a half assed post put together by yours truly while suffering from a severe case of esophagitis. Sorry, about that! Lets hope that wasn't your forever first impression of me. :)

Anywho, for those of you that are visiting my name is Raquel. I’m a 25 year old mother and wife living in central Texas. We currently live in a small town where the cows outnumber the people. During the summer we get a kick out of the local volunteer fire department as they try to find there way around during drills. It's a lot funnier than it sounds, trust me. As proud as I am to have been born and raised in Texas I fell in love with Murrieta, California after living there for a year. I hope to one day make it back to the west coast. Family means everything to me, and they're also a pretty big reason why I found myself back in Texas. Now if that's not enough information for ya, or if you're just dying to know more about us feel free to click here.

This blog contains everything and nothing at all about us. I use it to write about my every day life which more often than not is pretty boring. That said, I put my heart out there. I’m pretty uncensored, and at times a little random. I write with myself and my daughter in mind so everything you read is 100% me; no sugarcoating. So to all of you that are coming through, thanks for checking us out! And for those that decide to follow along, thank you for your support! I’m really honored that you found my life interesting enough to want to read more.

And again, I just want to say THANK YOU, to the lovely Erica for her support. 

You're one awesome lady and such a great mom! 
You've definitely been an inspiration. 
I'm glad I came across your blog over a year ago!

Words

Last year I came across this blog that really made me happy. Her writing was simply amazing, her photography was beautiful, and her stories were so vivid. It’s as if you could sit back and see these events she talked about come to life as you read them. Truly amazing. She had such a way with words. I found myself wishing that I could be more like her. She was very free spirited, and filled with a lot of love. She was always so honest about her life, how she felt, her family, and what she did. She really made me feel like I needed to be more like that. Take things in stride; spend more time with my family. Enjoy just being. After reading a few of her posts I found myself wanting to go all the way back to the very beginning of her blog just to catch up on everything I had missed out on. And I did.

Six months ago, she quit writing. She had her reasons, which again she was honest about, and even though I understood them I still felt really sad. Here was this person, who through her blog had inspired me to take a step back and enjoy my life, and she was quitting. I’m sure she has no clue just how much she helped me out, but she really did. She talked about image, motherhood, and life in general. Her posts made me feel like I wasn’t completely alone. I wasn’t the only person feeling that way. Sometimes I miss how her words could make me feel a bit lighter after having a bad day.

Now, I’m not saying that I was obsessed (ok, maybe just little bit), or that I can’t live without that blog in my life. Obviously it’s just a blog. But have you ever found those writers who you wished you could just sit down and have a conversation with? How you know that if you ever met in person, you’d probably be friends with them? Well, that’s how I felt about this lovely writer. Last week, she posted an update and said goodbye again. And it made me happy. I was glad to know that this complete stranger was doing well, and that her family was happy and healthy. And I’ll gladly wait another 6 months to see if she’ll update us again. Because her stories are truly worth waiting for.

Aura,

Thank you so much for your words.

And for you guys out there reading this I've placed the link to Aura’s blog below in case you’d like to go check it out for yourselves! Today I have the day off and I'll be spending it in my garden. Hope everyone else is having a wonderful day!

:)

Happy Friday everyone! 

aura joon 

(click picture for source)

Back To Reality

I got my vacation. The only crappy part was having to come back. We weren’t really there to go check out neat places, so you won’t see any pictures of museums or an amusement park. We went to go see our family. To get away from Texas, and visit my husband’s hometown (my home away from home). I’m so thankful that we got the chance to see everyone, and I’m so heartbroken that we couldn’t stay longer forever.

To me, this place holds a special place in my heart. It was a major contributor in my growing up. In becoming independent and responsible (somewhat). And as much as I love Texas, I’ve always felt like one day, I’d go back and make my home there. And visiting only reassured that feeling. It felt so familiar and natural. And while we were there, I did miss my home and my family. But by home, I just mean our things. Our bed, our cars, and our things. I kept trying to imagine what it would be like if when we moved back. How much I’d miss my mom and dad. My brother, and my “sisters”. But, at the same time, I felt like I was at home. Not the place where I grew up, but the place where we were meant to start our lives. Separate from everyone else.

But, we aren’t rushing anything. We aren’t packing up and moving back, even though sometimes I wish we could. My husband and I agreed that I would finish school, we’d pay off our debt here, and build up our savings. In a year or two (maybe three), we’ll see where we’re at, and re-evaluate our situation. We both feel like this is the best way to go about this. So now, I’m just focused on school (which starts tomorrow). 

Our New Little SUV

So, we finally got a CAR! Wahoo!! And the gas gauge barely moves! I’m so freaking excited over this, y’all! You have NO idea. Ok, maybe some of you do. It’s a 2002 Ford Escape *twitch*. I know this is silly, but our family has been strictly Dodge and Chevrolet. When the economy went to crap though, my dad bought this old Honda (currently sidelined due to it needing some repairs), and recently he bought a small Nissan truck to commute to and from work. Both were less than $2,000 and saved a lot on gas. So that’s when our “brand straying” started. LOL! It’s nothing against Ford really, it’s just simply not been our preference. So, after the three weeks of searching for something decent, with low(ish) miles, dependable, and within our budget we came up REALLY short. I’m talking almost NOTHING. And what did come up either had way too many miles, was too small, or completely out of our budget.

This past Saturday, the guy offered to open up his place so I could come look at it. It’s not perfect, but it comes pretty damn close. No body damage, the interior has at most ONE stain that you hardly even notice, one of the small hub caps is missing, but other than that it’s pretty clean. And in all seriousness, I love it! It’s roomy, but still compact. Emery’s car seat fits and when she’s in it her feet don’t touch the back of the seat. It also has plenty of storage space in the back, and it’s so easy to handle. I think it’s perfect for us! The guy offered us a nice extended “warranty” that he didn’t even have to offer and we get free oil changes on him so long as we go through the local Ford-house! How great is that?

I’m so grateful for my parents. Without them, I wouldn’t have had this opportunity. I’d still be spending $200 a week on gas. I truly feel blessed to have the help that I do. And I know this is silly but the best part for me, is knowing that I have my OWN car now. I don’t have to ask anyone if I can use theirs. I can come and go as I please. We can now plan a trip without worrying if we’ll need to rent a car or borrow one. And it’s just a nice feeling. I never knew I’d be so happy and thankful for being able to get my own vehicle. 

A Good Day

Today has been a good day.

My boss man and lady gave me a raise.

It couldn’t have come at a more perfect time.

♥

Thank you, God.