Clutter Can Cause Anxiety So This Means I’m Not (THAT) Crazy

Recently, I’ve had this urge to just purge everything in my house. I’m tired of it all. The dishes, tupperware, clothes, bed sheets, shoes, purses, and blankets. I have no idea how we accumulate so much stuff. 

👏Get. 👏It. 👏Out. 👏Of. 👏My. 👏House. 

It’s weird, but it always feels like no matter how much stuff I get rid of, it’s never enough. I also feel like as soon as I get done cleaning I’ll turn around, and there’s a mess again. I’m a mom, so I understand that our house won’t always be pristine. I know that life gets busy, and we won't always have time to clean up. But still, when I see the dishes stacked on the drying rack rather than being put up in the cabinets my palms get a little sweaty. If I take a peek at my closet, and see the that the hangers are lightly dusted with dust from lack of use I get this inner twitch. When I can’t see the floor of my closet because there are too many shoes I sigh, and shut the door while feeling this dread in the pit of my stomach. And then there are the days when I see clothes randomly thrown over the couch, or left on the bathroom floor that make my anxiety kick into high gear. This is usually when I get really annoyed, and I start to rage clean because if I don’t I get into this horrible downer mood. It’s pretty exhausting and happens about twice a week.

current picture of my living room

For the most part, I thought this was just a product of being brought up in a family that cleaned our home from top to bottom twice a week. A household that had to wash dishes, and throw in a load of laundry every other evening. So, basically what I really mean is that I blamed my mom for the neat freak urges. Yup, mami, this is all your fault. But then I came across an article over on ScaryMommy titled “Proof that Clutter Causes Anxiety”, and suddenly I didn’t feel so alone. There are other people out there like me, y’all! I feel like if I don’t start cleaning or tidying up every time I walk through the front door of my house I go into panic mode. I honestly feel like fleeing the house, and never looking back. Or throwing everything in the yard, and setting it on fire. Easy Raquel, that’s borderline pyro status. Some days are worse than others, and to be honest there are days when I just don't give a shit. So, I consider that an improvement. But it doesn't mean that on those days I still don't let out a frustrated groan, or have to tell myself that the world isn't going to end if I don't clean. This post made me feel  like my neat freakness wasn't as uncommon as I thought. And then after finishing that particular article, I came across another one. I mean it’s as if this lady was taking the words right out of my mouth! She really gets me! She understands the struggle, and knee-jerk reaction to start putting things into order.

And just like she states in her original post, “My reaction is physical, something I don’t feel like I can control. When I look out at the mess, I feel a pounding in my head. I feel the nerves under my skin start to bristle.” That is exactly how I've felt for years! When there is a lot of clutter, or things are overflowing I start to feel anxious. Like everything is on the brink of chaos, and if I don’t start cleaning everything will just spin out of control. Now, just like she mentions there are times when we let things slide. For example, when I’ve had a long day and get home around 8pm then I let it go. When I have to do school work or help my daughter with her homework I let it go. When I just feel like I don’t have time to get everything done in one go, or my daughter wants to get messy and make crafts then I let it go. But it wasn't always like this. It took time for me to relax a bit. Before that, I was constantly fixated on cleaning. And what made keeping a clean home even harder for me was that I lived with someone who didn’t have an issue with clutter. Someone who let the dishes stack up, or left a trail of clothes down the hallway as they made their way into the bathroom. Someone who left empty wrappers on couches, or dirty cups on the floor by the couch. That was something he got from his upbringing I believe. His home life growing up wasn't as structured as mine. So, just trying to pick up after my husband was a battle of its own. One that I seemed to lose more often than win. 

So yea, maybe my need for control in a world full of uncertainty is to blame for the anxiety I get when my house is a mess. Maybe some of this can be partially blamed on my upbringing too. Or maybe I’m just a nutjob? All I know is that whatever the cause, I’m glad that I’m learning to let it go more often. Within reason. And I’m really relieved to find out I’m not the only one out there who feels like this. The struggle is real, y’all. So, power to those of you that are fighting through clutter induced anxiety on the daily. I feel you. For you. I get where you're coming from. So no worries, okay? There are a lot of us out here in the world, and it's totally okay! 

The Carnival and Some Much Needed Cleaning

This past weekend flew by. I'm sitting here wondering how it's already over? On Friday we took Emery to the carnival as planned and we were joined by my mother-in-law. I was surprised at how many rides Emery decided she wanted to go on this time around. There were even some that she wasn’t allowed on which left her bummed. She ran into her little friend Camilla there and they rode the carousel together.

Saturday my husband was sick, so we stayed in. I stayed up reading, and finally finished the book I was on. Sunday came and we went into town for some cleaning supplies, and I went to town on our rooms. I rearranged Emery’s furniture, moved her crib back into it (converted it into a toddler bed), and put her toys up in plastic containers. It stays so much more organized! I was also finally able to go through her shoe collection and clothes. Man, I got rid of a lot of things she didn’t need or even fit into anymore. It was so nice. Once I was done with that I started on our room and the living room. A few weeks ago our living room TV went out on us so we replaced it with the one in our room. Which means we had to move all of our players and consoles out of our room and find a place for them in the living room. THERE WERE SO MANY WIRES. It was ridiculous. But I was finally able to get everything hooked back up and out of the way. Then I attacked the closet. I was able to bag up the remainder of our winter clothes and got those put away. I organized all of my shoes in containers, and organized my mini bookshelf. Ooh, it was so nice. I can look into our rooms and see so much space now. For someone who's as OCD as I am, this is AWESOME! Later that night, after putting Emery to bed, Kim and Carlos brought dinner over and watched True Blood with me. We stayed up till 1, talking and watching TV. A perfect ending to a long day.

Monday came around and my husband was sick again. Vomiting his guts out, coughing up phlegm and blood. It was nasty. So I stayed home with him. Emery went to the sitters, just in case whatever my husband had was contagious. We came into town to do some grocery shopping, and to buy some Emetrol for my husband’s nausea. That combined with antibiotics have really helped him kick whatever bug is going around. You’d never think it though. When men are sick they act as if the world is ending and the pain is unbearable. My husband is no exception to this. I had to put up with the moaning and groaning all day. Thankfully, today I was back at work. He also called on my lunch break to tell me that even though he still felt a bit sick he was able to hold food down. So now, all I can do is pray that it isn’t contagious. I can’t afford to have all of us sick. It’s always miserable when that happens. Not even joking.

Today has dragged on forever. I always feel like this when I've been off for more than two days. So here's to hoping that the rest of the week fly’s by. I want a weekend filled with nothing but sleep. Soon. Hope you all had a great weekend, though!

A Boring Weekend Recap

Do you know what’s really really sad? When you’re 2 year old has more of a social life than you do. On Saturday night, after a whole day of being inside, my parents asked if they could take Emery to church and out for the evening. I agreed since we’d all been cooped up inside, and I knew Em was a bit stir crazy. She was all excited, and apparently there are a few kids that go on Saturday nights that are around her age so she gets to socialize. I got her dressed, and when my dad came to get her, she was more than willing to go.

An unexpected kid free evening?! Break out the beer and cue the Barry White tunes, right?! HA! Not a chance! We did nothing. Not even kidding. We thought about going out. But where would we go? He’s not a fan of movies, and I’m not a fan of bar hoping without a DD. Then we thought about maybe hanging out with friends. But what friends? How sad, huh? We literally have no lives. So he went on to record some music, while I laid in bed counting the minutes till our munchkin came back home. Now we’re just hitting pathetic.

I was able to sweep and mop though. Not that it really matters. My house still looks like a tornado ripped through it. It was raining and cold until Sunday. So I really had no motivation to get out and do anything. I was able to catch up on all of my shows that I had on my DVR. So I guess that’s an accomplishment, right?? Maybe?

On Sunday we went to my husband’s grandmother’s house and had breakfast. Em had been asking for her for quite some time, so we made plans to go visit. I finally got to see the movie “The Help”, which I bawled over. After that I went to a baby shower, which I’ll post pictures of on another day. When we got home, I went to bed. We all did actually. And today we’re all paying for it. I’m so freakin tired. This daylight savings thing is really messing with me, and I’m not amused.

So after that boring weekend, I have three hampers full of laundry to put up/wash. A lot of cleaning, and rearranging to do. But since it’s spring break, I’m hoping I’ll get most of that domesticated stuff done by tonight or tomorrow. That way I’ll have the rest of the week to complete the other parts of my “to do” list. Yay me!! If I’m lucky, this will hopefully mean that next week won’t be so bad. I’m so looking forward to it. 

It's the Weekend, Yay?

This weekend I’ve made plans. And tomorrow, they WILL get done. I think. Then, I have 2 quizzes and homework due on Sunday, so I’ll be doing those tonight. AFTER, I’ve watched two of my favorite shows that I missed during the week. This is the plan for my weekend. Unfortunately, things never go as planned. My husband gets his ideas, Emery gets tired of being cooped up inside, then family get ideas, and I find myself packing us up and getting ready to head into town. Happens all of the time.

We found out that one of my husband’s cousin was on his way to Texas from California on Wednesday night. He arrived Thursday morning. So now we’re being invited to go spend Saturday with my husband’s family for a BBQ or dinner. He hasn't made up his mind yet, so we haven’t officially said yes. I know that my husband does want to see his cousin, but he also knows about the work load I have to finish. Plus, there was a lot that we had planned to do around the house. Still, it is his family. And I have a 5 Hour shot waiting for me in the car. I might just take it and do everything we had planned for tomorrow, tonight. Nothing some caffeine and a good playlist can't fix, right? 

This is going to be brutal.