Today was suppose to be a good day.
Recently, I deleted my caringbridge app on my iPhone because, I was so depressed. I still checked on them online. I just couldn't have it right there on my phone 24/7. I got so attached. I cried, and I got angry. I felt as if I was related to all of those kids. In some ways I put myself in their mothers shoes. And I lived my daily life constantly worried. Worried that any day, it could be Emery. I cried.
So, I decided to take a bit of a break. My heart just couldn't handle so
much death. And all of them so young. Babies even. YOUNGER than Emery. All gone
because of some stupid piece of shit disease. For every one survivor there
seemed to be four deaths. So, I stopped. Maybe that’s cowardly, and I can’t
imagine what those moms are going through but I just had to take a breath. I
had to stop, and spend a little time in my oblivious world, enjoying my baby
girl.
But today, on my own damn birthday, I read this.
I’d been following this family for awhile, and only recently had I stopped
checking on her blog because of being so busy with school. But today I saw a
post on Facebook from the Layla Grace Foundation and I felt like I had been
slapped with a ton of bricks. So I immediately went over to her blog and read
her update. The air was knocked right out of me. Then, I saw this:
And I cried. This little baby, was given a few months to
as little as a few weeks left to live. That’s it. That’s IT?? THAT CAN’T BE FUCKING IT!
I feel so hurt. I feel so damn angry. I can’t imagine what Beth is feeling right
now. All I want to do is cry and make it all go away. I want to make him better.
I want for him to be a giggly two year old and have him grow up to be an old man
with a wife, and grandchildren. I want him to have a life.
That’s how I feel about all of them. That’s how it’s suppose to be. But for some
damn reason, it won’t happen. And this really really pisses me off.
FUCK!
This was suppose to be a good day. They were suppose to get good news.
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